I do not own any of the characters in this story, this story is based off the episode off the Canadian show Degrassi titled Bitter Sweet Symphony part 2. It is my spin on what happened before Campbell Saunders killed himself, what was going through his head and what his last thoughts were. This is my first fanfic so please be nice :) Any suggestions are welcome !
Psycho, that one word is like a knife slashing my wrists. It becomes my mantra; it proves it, that i'm different, i'm not normal, i'm a bad person.
I pace back and forth in the green house completely and utterly unsure of myself; I thought everything would be okay. Being with Maya seemed to be the only truth, the only medicine that could make me feel whole. But even that became tainted with Zigs words.
My phone buzzes somewhere in my jeans, I almost don't answer it, but I realize it won't matter what it says. I grudgingly open my phone and see its another text from Maya, my heart aches and an unnatural, gnarled, desperate noise escapes my mouth at her text. 'Don't do this, please just talk to me.'
Its like she knows , but of course shes talking about the breakup. Its too much, everything is too much. I get a good grip on the phone and pelt it at the wall with all my strength. It shatters into mixed pieces of glass and plastic almost instantly. She deserves better, i'm a psycho.
I lug myself over to where I put my bag, I reach inside and remove hoot, the stuffed owl Maya use to use for security and strength. I squeeze it willing the pain to go away. But its useless, the whole in my chest is deep, to deep for even Maya to fill anymore.
All these months of trying so hard, all for nothing. Dallas is right, I can't give up hockey, they would make my life hell. But I can't live this life of missing my family every second of everyday either.
I kneel down against the wall, so tired, why can't everything just stop? I pull out a notebook from my book bag, I rip a small corner off one page. I scribble down words that need to be said, before I use a piece of a broken pot to make a small incision in the back of hoots head. I slide the paper inside tightly, hopefully Maya gets him back.
I reach inside my back for the thick rope I found in the janitors closet, a noose is actually pretty easy to make, but I was so terrified my hands shook the whole time, it caused me to have to start over more than once. I tied the end of one side securely to a metal beam triple knotting it just incase. I get onto the table and stand on shaking legs, I put the loop around my neck. This is it. I pray that who ever will find me will know that i'm in a better place now, hopefully.
I stand on the edge, deaths door so close I can practically feel the reapers scythe against my back, willing me to fall. I close my eyes and picture my mom, dad, and the rest of my family. I save Maya for last, I envision holding her, like I did last night when we slept on her couch, I envision her smile when shes playing her cello, or her laugh, and her lips on mine. Suddenly i'm not so scared, I welcome the darkness that consumes me as I tip forward. My last thought is that I don't blame anyone, this is my fault.
More to come soon i promise, if you think Cam is gone forever think again ;) I hope you enjoyed this little snippet.