Disclaimer: The characters belong to Callie Khouri and NashvilleCMT. I'm just borrowing them.
A/N: In my AU world, episodes S5E8 – 11 of NashvilleCMT do not exist and Rayna lives on. I am new to fanfic. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!
"Oh, I love it, babe. That's an ear worm if I ever heard one. For me?"
"Thanks, but sorry, Ray. Avery and I wrote this for Juliette. We're going to lay down the track tomorrow. She's going into the studio next week to record the vocals."
"But…"
"But, what, Ray?"
"I thought you were playing with me at the show in Chicago."
"Didn't know about that."
"I told you last week that Bucky booked that as a trial run for my..our… new material. The songs that we wrote and I thought would perform together."
"I don't remember you telling me, or asking me, babe."
"I did tell you and I assumed I didn't have to ask you."
Deacon was now getting a little irritated. He didn't want to let it show, but holding his emotions in wasn't his strong suit. "You didn't tell me. And, in all fairness I have a career, too, Ray. You can't just assume I always know what you want and I'm always available to be there for you."
"What? I don't assume you're at my beck and call," Rayna fired back.
"You do."
"I thought married people were there for each other. Obviously, being here for me isn't important to you. This is big, babe and I need you by my side."
"No, you want me behind you. Being your guitar player."
"Not fair. I didn't say that."
"You didn't need to say it. You want me 'available'."
"Come on, now. Let's not do this."
"Do what, Ray? Talk? I need you to hear me out."
"Ok, so talk. Where is this coming from?"
"It's not coming from anywhere. I'm just trying to explain that I have a commitment. If I had known about the show in Chicago and you had asked me to play, I would have done it. But, fact is, I didn't and I promised Avery and Juliette I'd do this. This isn't about not being there for you or choosing this over that. I feel you're picking a fight, Ray."
Rayna, didn't know why she was so hurt. She was certain she told him. In any case, her emotions got the best of her as they always did when it came to Deacon. "I'm not going to do this with you." And, with that she abruptly ended the conversation and went to their bedroom.
He heard the door slam and figured he wasn't welcome there tonight and bedded down in the music room. He knew they would continue this conversation in the morning and just needed time to cool off.
But, when he woke up the next morning, more like afternoon she was already gone. No note, no text.
"Hey, Deacon, is Mom okay? She looked like she had been crying and was kinda short with me this morning."
"Sorry, Daph. Don't take it personally. I think she's mad at me. Nothing big that we can't fix. You know us. I'm going to give her a call and straighten this out. Can I borrow your phone? Mine's charging."
He rang her, but no answer.
###
Rayna had an early morning and didn't sleep much the night before. She was a little short with Daphne when she left. She felt bad about that and she saw that Daphne tried to call her. But more than that, she felt terrible about the way she treated Deacon. Maybe his words stung because they rang a little true.
The plane ride gave her a chance to cool down and reflect a little on their relationship. She loved him, that she knew without a doubt. And he loved her. But, what was different? They were different together now.
She didn't mean to take him for granted, but she knew she did some time. When they weren't together he sacrificed a lot to be there for her, just to be around her. And, she knew it. But they were married now, equals. He needed his own thing to make his own way. He needed to feel safe that she would be there. And, she needed to support his choices. Her words and actions surely didn't make him feel like she was there for him.
She had things figured out by the time she got off the plane. She needed to talk to him, to explain herself and apologize. She called, but no answer. It just went right to voicemail. She tried before her GMA taping, but the same thing and then again before her radio interview and still no answer.
By this time, Rayna figured Deacon was pissed and ignoring her calls. She was devastated. She hurt him and she felt terrible.
Bucky met up with her after the last attempt to call and could see that something was wrong.
"You, okay, Ray."
"No, Buck. Deacon and I had it out and he's not returning my calls."
"I thought he was going to be here with you."
"Shit. No. Did I tell you he was?"
"Yes. What are we going to do about a lead guitar?"
"Can you get Adria. I don't think she is out on tour right now. I know its real last minute, but she lives in Chicago so that should be easy if she's available. She knows my material, including the new stuff."
Bucky got busy trying to get a hold of Adria. Thank goodness she was available and was thrilled to do this.
Rayna breathed a sigh of relief, but was still feeling melancholy and more than a little heartbroken. In the privacy of the limo, with just Bucky, who's seen her break down a time or two, she could let the tears flow.
"Are you going to okay for tonight?"
"You know me, Buck. The show must go on. Don't worry, I'll pull it together."
But truth, be told, she didn't know if she could put on a brave face and act like all was right with the world.
###
Once his plane landed, Deacon saw that Rayna had tried to call a half dozen times. She didn't leave a voice mail. He knew that she would want to talk, too. He knew, too, that she would want to apologize.
She was confused about the way that she felt and why she felt the way she did. He knew her too well. But she needed to figure it out for herself for them to move on.
He also knew that they needed to clear the air before her show tonight. This was an important stint and she needed to be at her best. So, he didn't think twice. He talked to Avery and was able to move his session to that evening so he could get to Rayna before the show and be back to record as promised.
###
She jumped on the crowded elevator. She was exhausted. The GMA appearance and radio interviews ahead of tonight's sold out concert on top of her stress over the fight with Deacon the night before had her nerves frazzled. She kept her head down not wanting to be recognized. She just wanted to get to her room and collapse on the bed and try to clear her head – maybe try Deacon again.
Deacon watched her get on the elevator. She didn't see him in the back corner. He studied her. He could tell she was struggling to keep it together. He felt somewhat responsible, but he was determined not to take it on himself. They needed to find a middle ground.
The other people on the elevator cleared out as they got closer and closer to the penthouse. When only the two of them were left, Rayna still hadn't noticed him, intent to stay anonymous.
"Hey."
She didn't say anything. She picked her head up and took a gulp of air, fighting to hold back the tears welling up in her eyes.
He knew she was crying and it was killing him. "Ray."
She turned around as a tear slid down her face. She took a step toward him and he met her in the middle. He looked in her eyes and could tell that she was hurting and looking for forgiveness. He raised his right hand and gently wiped the tear from her check with the pad of his calloused thumb then silenced the apology on her lips with a kiss.
She gently caressed his face and leaned her forehead against his as the elevator doors opened. They didn't say a word. Their heated argument the night before was still raw and the emotions intense. He reached down and grabbed her hand, intertwining their fingers. She smiled quietly at him as she opened her door and they walked into her suite.
"I know you're getting ready for the show, but I don't have a lot of time and I didn't want to have this linger between us. We've been through too much. We're married now and we need to find a better way to deal with our disagreements other than knock down drag out fights, Ray."
"I know. And, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten mad when you told me you couldn't come. What you're doing is important, babe. I couldn't be happier that you are finally getting the individual recognition you deserve as a singer, songwriter and musician. You're nobody's guitar player. You're not my guitar player."
"You're wrong, Rayna. I am your guitar player. I'm happy to be your guitar player. I am always here for you. You know as well as I that I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. You kept me strong. You helped me believe in myself. Our record put me on the map again."
"It's just that sometimes I have to step out of your shadow. For us to be one, sometimes I need to be on my own. I made a commitment to Avery to lay down some tracks. He had the studio time booked and if we didn't do it this week, it would have cost Highway 65 a lot of money to rebook and move back the release."
Rayna looked at him and took his hands in hers. "Babe, you're right." She smiled and chuckled softly. "Yeah you can mark this one down. I want you to be your own man. I don't want you to stand on the side of the stage while I'm in the spotlight. I know how that tore Teddy apart, drove him to do terrible things. I don't want to drive you to that same place. And, I appreciate that you are thinking of Highway 65. Sometimes I just get wrapped up in myself."
"To tell you the truth, I'm strong because of you. This, all of this, seems so tenuous. I'm scared that it's going to go away. And when it does, I'll be lost. You've been with me in one way or another every step of the way. I've always been better with you than without you, babe."
"Ray, it may go away. Nothing is forever. Let's focus on the here and now and make the best of whatever life has to offer. If we do it together we'll be able to get through anything."
"I know. And, I've been truly blessed. You and the girls are a gift. And I give thanks every day for the life that we've built up together. It hasn't always been easy, sometimes it's been messy, but it's always been filled with love. I love you. I love you so much, babe."
"Ray, there's nowhere I'd rather be. You are my love, my life."
She reached up and gently kissed his lips and pulled him in to feel his warmth, his strength, against her.
"I have a couple hours before I get ready for the show. "
"My flight back is at 8"
"I'm exhausted. Could you just lay with me for a while?"
Deacon nodded and sprawled out on the couch. Rayna fit herself into his curves until they became one. He wrapped his arms around her and they contentedly laid like that until they both fell into a peaceful slumber.
She stirred a couple hours later when she heard the shower running and realized that Deacon must have woken up and gently extricated himself from her to get ready to head out.
Rayna needed to start getting ready, too. She stripped down and walked into the bathroom undetected. Deacon was washing his hair, his eyes closed, water running down his body. Rayna used the opportunity to take in her husband's manhood. She was a lucky lady. He was lean muscle, cut perfectly from years of playing guitar and he was well endowed.
His eyes still closed, Deacon heard a click then felt a rush of air as Rayna stepped into the shower. She pressed her body against his back until they were one. She laid her cheek on his shoulder blade and then softly kissed it. Deacon didn't move, letting her offer this physical mea culpa. He knew she needed to do this.
She wrapped her arms around him so she could explore every inch of him. Her hands caressed his strong, firm pecks and she grazed his erect nipples, feeling this strength. Deacon smiled and flexed his pecks, tacitly acknowledging her presence and drawing an appreciative moan from Rayna.
Her journey continued as she brought her hands together and apart along his flat, solid abs. She widened her grasp and enveloped his hips as she rose on her tiptoes and ground hers into his backside.
By now, Deacon was at full attention. God she was sexy. He loved that she was also not afraid to use her sex. To the world, Rayna was the consummate professional, always guarded and proper – a product of her early country club days. But for him, and only him, she was uninhibited, real, vulnerable and a little bit slutty. The thought put a little smirk on Deacon's face.
Rayna then reached around and hungrily grabbed his penis. Brushing his tip with her thumb then grasping it and working her hand up and down.
Deacon couldn't take it anymore. He needed to see her, to feel her, to be part of her.
"Ray." He turned in her arms, looked in her hooded eyes, gazing at her slightly open lips longing for his and obliged her every desire. His lips assaulted hers and their tongues did battle. His hands took in the fullness of her breasts as he kneaded and massaged them and tweaked her nipples. Then, overwhelmed with desire, he walked her back, lifted her off the ground. She wrapped her legs behind him and he started to pile drive her into the back of the shower until they were sated and screamed each other's names simultaneously so that it came out as "Deyna". When the aftershocks subsided, they smiled against each other and laughed, both thinking that someone on the floor below might call management for fear that there had been a murder in the penthouse!
###
"Thanks for caring. Thanks for coming, babe. I love you."
"Ray, you're my everything. I want us to be able to not hurt each other. But, I'm happy that we can talk to each other if we do."
He smirked and continued, "I think sometimes you pick fights because the make-up sex is so very,very hot!"
"Yeah it is," she chuckled, and lovingly slapped him on the arm and kissed him goodbye.
"See you in a couple of days. I love you."
"You, too. Have a great concert, Ray."
###
"Time to walk, Ms. Jaymes."
"Everything good, Ray?" Bucky check in. He was worried about her. Earlier in the day he had his doubts she could put on a game face and put on a show tonight.
"Everything's great, Buck."
Rayna went out and had the show of her life. She missed seeing Deacon on lead guitar, but Adria did a fine job and she was so at peace that she allowed herself to enjoy the moment and feel the music – living in and for the here and now.