Reasons why NOT to join the Fellowship of the ring

by Elleth of Hidden Lore

Have you ever wanted to join the Fellowship of the Ring? Do you have a thirst for adventure, magic and glorious battles? Well, think again. Do you really think being in the Fellowship is that easy? Would you survive months without a bed, bathrooms, toilet paper, and internet? No, of course not. Join Alexandra as she goes though the adventure she never wanted to have. T for language

1. Reason 1

Hi. This was a story that came to mind when my friend once asked me if I'd join the Fellowship after we were discussing my love for Middle earth.

This was co-written with said friend. She doesn't have an account but goes by Windy.

Warning: If you didn't read the genres, this is a parody, meant to be humorous and make fun of the characters by either exaggerating their traits or by taking them out of character.

Enjoy

Prologue

I never wanted to join the Fellowship of the Ring. I never asked for it, and if I had been asked, I would have yelled a big, fat "'NO!'./span I've seen the movies and frankly, there is nothing about them that makes me want to jump right into a world of danger where walking is what you do for about 70% of your life and the rest is just sleeping in the dirt and not bathing for weeks on end. But it seems a force bigger than I wanted to have some fun with me and throw me into this situation.

My name is Alexandra, but people normally call me Alex. So this all began one day while I was crossing the street to my house. I was distracted while talking on the phone and I did not see this Van taking a fast turn towards me and so I was run over. I opened my eyes to find myself in the strangest of places. As time passed, I learned I was in Rivendell in Middle earth. Apparently, God did not want me in Heaven and decided to throw me somewhere else. I cannot blame him, I know I am the type of person who inspires creative cursing in others as well as a vast list of ways to kill me. To sum things up, Elrond could not stand me any longer and when he learned that I knew everything about the Secret meeting and Quest, he decided to take that excuse and throw me into the Fellowship in hopes that I would not make it out alive from the first battle we came across. He even told Gandalf and Aragorn that they could try to lose me during the night! I knew I had a whole month before we departed so I dedicated myself to training to make sure to have a way to defend myself.

Reson 1

So like I said before, I wanted to train to make sure I could protect myself from the dangers I knew were coming. So, as the responsable woman that I am who doesn't wish to die a second time, I decided to go find which weapon I'd be using from now on. But, things had to be difficult even before I set out on this journey.

For starters, swords are damn heavy, and don't be fooled, wooden war bows are heavier than they look. I can hardly lift the sword and I almost sliced myself in a half. A peanut could shoot a bow better than I! My aim is horrible and while releasing an arrow, the bow bounced off my hand and struck me, letting everyone know my failure by the huge, long, red welt across my face. I know have a scar on my left temple.

One time Boromir came over to watch me train. In the end, he came up to me and said "One does not simply learn to wield a weapon properly, especially if you are a woman." That night Boromir came out from his bath covered in leeches. Hobbits can make for good allies when it comes to pranks. Duly noted.