"Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?"
Lily looked up at the quiet sound of Remus' voice. He looked paler than usual, causing Lily to frown before answering. "Sure, what's the matter?"
"Do you mind if we…" he hesitated and looked over her head, "go upstairs? I, uh, don't want people overhearing."
Eyes widening, Lily stared at her fellow seventh-year, but he was still looking in the same spot over her head with his eyebrows furrowed. She glanced down at the half-written essay strewn over textbooks in front of her. The apology and refusal was on her lips as she imagined the disappointment on McGonagall's face the next morning. When she looked back up, Remus' eyes met hers and the pain she saw in them made her shoot to her feet. "Lead the way," she said, gesturing to the entrance to the boys dorms.
Remus nodded slightly, then his eyes wandered again to the same spot behind her; he had to crane his neck slightly to see around her shoulder. His eyebrows rose. His hand twitched. Lily was about to ask him what the hell was going on when he nodded once more, resolutely this time, and turned away.
As he began walking away, Lily spun around. Beyond the gaggles of younger students playing Wizards Chess and Gobstones, three boys – men now really, she supposed – sat huddled on a sofa, all six eyes trained directly on her. When they saw they had Lily's attention, Sirius and Peter simultaneously glanced away and continued to look anywhere but her. James, however, steadily met Lily's look.
Lily held both of her hands out, palms facing upwards to convey she had no idea what was going on. James smiled reassuringly. "Be nice," he mouthed pushing his hands together, begging. She raised her eyebrows, but nodded anyway. When James made a shooing motion, Lily turned her back on her boyfriend and hurried after Remus, who was nearly at the door.
Upon entering the boys' dorm, Remus stood in the middle of the room, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Lily slowly closed the door behind her and, manoeuvring around the dirty clothes strewn on the floor, made her way over to the only place in the room she was fairly familiar with. She perched on the end of James' bed. "Are you okay?" she asked. It didn't seem like the most appropriate thing to ask, but she couldn't think of anything else to break the silence.
"I'm fine. Normal," said Remus. "Normal for me anyway."
"What do you mean?"
Remus started pacing. Lily almost reached out to him, put her hand on his shoulder, but she stayed where she was with her hands pressed into the blanket beneath her.
She tried again. "Remus, if you've got something to say, just say it."
Stopping his feet, Remus faced Lily. He took a deep breath, turning paler by the second. Had he dragged her up here just to tell her he was about to faint?
He opened his mouth, just to close it a second later. Open, close. Open, close. After about a minute of this, Lily began drumming her fingers against the bed, wondering if the words were ever going to come.
"I'm a werewolf."
Lily's fingers stopped, a few hovering in mid-air, their rhythm cut off. She willed her mouth to open, so she could say something – anything – but her body was frozen.
Remus sank down on his own bed, which was across from James' and looked at Lily, waiting. When she didn't say anything, he opened his mouth and all the words he struggled to speak before and more streamed out of his mouth as he stared at the inanimate girl. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you before, I'm sorry that this is what I am, I'm sorry that I'm here and putting everyone in this school in danger every single month.
"I thought… hoped… that you already knew. Snape knows. With you and James together, and us spending quite a lot of time together, I thought maybe, you weren't repulsed by what I am. But – but I had to make sure that you knew, and now I see you didn't, and I completely understand that you're disgusted by me. Avoid me if you want, that's fine, just please don't break up with James because he's friends with a monster."
Lily took in all of his words, but found herself still short of anything to say. She found herself repeating Remus' opening and closing mouth movements until finally, "What's your middle name?"
Startled, Remus blurted it out without a second thought. "John."
Rising to her feet, Lily held Remus' gaze. "Remus John Lupin," she began, her voice quiet and angry, "How dare you assume that I'd want your apologies, or that I'd avoid you. How do you think so low of me that you believe I'd break up with my boyfriend because his best friend happens to be a werewolf? You didn't choose this, Remus, and I can't fathom why you'd think I'd judge you on your condition."
Lily paused to take a breath, during which Remus opened his mouth. "I'm a danger–"
"I've seen you every day for the best part of seven years, and I can tell you honestly that you are in no way a danger to anyone. Maybe once a month you transform, and you may want to hurt people, but, correct me if I'm wrong, I don't think you've actually ever harmed anyone."
"Snape," Remus choked out, lolling his head back.
The name threw her a little bit, but Lily carried on regardless. "I've never seen him with a scratch," she said, her tone turning kind. "Don't apologise for being who you are, even if people are so determined to bring you down for something you can't control."
Lily turned away and walked to the door. She paused with her hand on the doorknob. "Although, if you actually do hurt someone, then you should apologise." With that, she swung the door open and stepped out, letting it slam behind her.
When she stepped into the common room, James was right by the door and pulled her aside. "So…" he prompted.
"He told me not to break up with you!" she whispered, aware of prying ears in the public space.
James' eyebrows rose. "You're not going to break up with me, are you?"
Letting out a frustrated groan, Lily swatted his arm. "You're just as bad as he is!"
"Please just tell me you were nice?"
"If you think tough love is nice, then I was the nicest."
James sighed. "I'd better go check on him then; he's not used to your psychotic outbursts."