Chapter 1
Court In The Act
"A 'consulting criminal'," Miss Sorrel, the prosecuting barrister, establishes.
Sherlock Holmes, who has been called to give his evidence, is standing in the witness box of Old Bailey, Court Ten. James Moriarty is in the dock opposite him, nonchalantly chewing on his gum. John Watson is sitting in the public gallery upstairs.
"Yes," Sherlock Holmes confirms.
"Your words," the prosecuting barrister maintains. "Can you expand on that answer?"
"James Moriarty is for hire," Sherlock Holmes explains.
"A tradesman?"
"Yes."
"But not the sort who would fix your heating," the prosecuting barrister assumes.
"No, the sort who would plant a bomb or stage an assassination," Sherlock Holmes answers. "But I'm sure he would make a pretty decent job of your boiler."
There is muffled laughter from some people in the court and the prosecuting barrister tries to hide her smile.
"Would you describe him as …"
"Leading," Sherlock Holmes interrupts.
"What?"
"Can't do that," Sherlock Holmes establishes. "You are leading the witness."
He looks towards the defending barrister.
"He will object and the judge will uphold."
The judge looks exasperated. Clearly this isn't the first time Sherlock Holmes has done this during his evidence.
"Mr Holmes."
"Ask me how," Sherlock Holmes suggests. "How would I describe him? What opinion have I formed of him? Do they not teach you this?"
"Mr Holmes," the judge admonishes. "We are fine without your help."
Kitty Riley comes into the public gallery. John Watson looks round at her as she finds a seat.
"How would you describe this man?" the prosecuting barrister asks. "His character?"
"First mistake."
Sherlock Holmes raises his eyes and locks his gaze onto Jim Moriarty.
"James Moriarty isn't a man at all," he explains. "He is a spider – a spider at the centre of a web – a criminal web with a thousand threads and he knows precisely how each and every single one of them dances."
James Moriarty almost imperceptibly nods his head in approval of the description. The prosecuting barrister clears her throat awkwardly.
"And how long …" she begins, buts Sherlock Holmes closes his eyes in exasperation.
"No, no, don't … don't do that," he interrupts. "That's really not a good question."
"Mr Holmes," the judge says, angrily.
"How long have I known him?" Sherlock Holmes asks. "Not really your best line of enquiry. We met twice, five minutes in total. I pulled a gun. He tried to blow me up. I felt we had a special something."
The last sentence sound a little sarcastically and James Moriarty raises his eyebrows in an "ooh" expression.
"Miss Sorrel," the judge intervenes. "Are you seriously claiming this man is an expert, after knowing the accused for just five minutes?"
"Two minutes would have made me an expert," Sherlock Holmes maintains. "Five was ample."
"Mr Holmes, that is a matter for the jury," the judge decides.
"Oh, really?
Sherlock Holmes eyes turn towards the jury box and John Watson raises his hand to his head in an all-too-recognisable "Oh, shit, NO!" gesture. Sherlock Holmes turns the full force of his gaze onto the twelve people sitting in the jury box and has deduced all of them within a couple of seconds.
"One librarian, two teachers, two high-pressured jobs, probably the City."
Then he focuses on the woman at the far left of the front row. She has a notebook resting on the ledge in front of her and is writing in shorthand.
"The foreman is a medical secretary, trained abroad judging by her shorthand."
"Mr Holmes!" the judge roars, but Sherlock Holmes doesn't care.
He is busy scanning rings on the jury members' fingers.
"Seven are married and two are having an affair – with each other, it would seem," he deducts. "Oh, and they have just had tea and biscuits."
Sherlock Holmes turns to the judge.
"Would you like to know who ate the wafer?"
"Mr Holmes," the judge says, furiously. "You have been called here to answer Miss Sorrel's questions, not to give us a display of your intellectual prowess."
Sherlock Holmes takes a breath but can't help smiling a little at the acknowledgement of his 'intellectual prowess'. John Watson stares at him sternly.
"Keep your answers brief and to the point," the judge demands. "Anything else will be treated as contempt. Do you think you could survive for just a few minutes without showing off?"
Sherlock Holmes pauses as he gives the question some thought, then opens his mouth …