In Another Life

I sat in my truck, re-reading the letter in my hand. It broke my heart just thinking about what I was going to do but I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't sit back and let my worst enemy, ex fuck-buddy and the man I am in love with, continue to fuck every girl he meets while I sit back and watch. He knew that I cared a lot about him, that's why I ended our enemies with benefits agreement, I knew he didn't understand.

Flashback

I had just had the best sex I had ever had in my life, with my supposed 'worst enemy'. We lay side by side on his bed, covered in sweat and panting. I rolled on my side to face him and he turned his head to look at me.

'7,' I said with a straight face. Every time after we had sex, I rated it out of 10. Of course that had just been off of the scale but I couldn't tell him that.

His rolled his eyes and smirked. '7 huh, Swan? You said 7 out of 10 the first time we fucked and I've never heard you make as much noise as you just have in the hundred other times we've fucked.'

I felt my face heat and glared at him. 'Don't flatter your ego Cullen, I've had better,' I lied.

He growled and jumped on top of me, tickling my sides. I squealed and kicked, trying to release myself. 'Stop, Cullen, stop please!' I gasped, tears streaming down my face.

'Tell me the truth Swan, what did you really think?' he asked, grabbing my arms and pinning them above my head.

'I told you the truth.' I smirked and gasped as his fingers when back to my sides. 'Ok, ok, 10 Cullen, 10!' I yelled as more tears streamed down my face.

'HA, I knew it Swan, I'm the best you ever had!' he grinned cockily down at me.

I stuck my tongue out at him and realised he was still on top off me. He threw his head back and laughed at me. It was the moments like this that made me care and think about the boy under the mask he wore. The real, joyful, playful, happy boy that had no worries or reputation to worry about.

He looked back and me I realised I was staring at him. Our eyes met and our faces began to get closer. As our lips met, his phone began ringing and he jumped from the bed, not looking at me as he answered his phone and went into the bathroom. I sat up, shocked that we had kissed. We never kissed; it was one of our rules. We had six rules:

No kissing.

No sleeping over.

No falling for each other/caring.

No interfering in the others life.

No-one was to know about the agreement.

When one person wanted to end it, the deal was over.

I didn't know what was going to happen. We had broken one of the main rules. I had already broken a rule without Edward knowing, I cared about him, a lot. I used to hate him, but as the months have gone by since we set up our agreement, I have slowly begun to understand the real Edward Cullen. He was the playboy, the player from our school but it was all just an act. At home he was a loving, happy boy that didn't have to worry about keeping up reputations. And I fell for him, I fell long and hard. I loved him, I loved Edward, and he had no idea. It was how I wanted to keep it, or the deal would be off and I didn't want to risk the opportunity of great sex whenever I wanted. But now we had kissed, and I didn't know how I was going to fix it.

I began to get my clothes on as Edward came out of the bathroom. He didn't look at me as he began to make his bed and get his clothes on.

'Who was that?' I asked quietly.

I saw him look out me from the corner of my eye. 'Tanya,' he replied.

I growled quietly, and looked out the window. 'Oh,' I replied.

'Yeah, she asked me to go over so I'm going to get ready and go. I'll drop you at home on my way if you want?' he asked.

I felt my eyes fill at his words and spun to face him. 'What? You're going to hers after we just slept together? What happened just there Edward? Or have you already forgotten our kiss?' I spat at him, upset at his decision.

'Nothing happened Bella, it was a mistake. Can we just forget it' He whispered, looking away from me.

'Nothing happened? I can't believe you, you're a fucking asshole,' I whispered, closing my eyes and turning away from him.

'Why do you care Bella? You hate me, we're just fuck buddies. We have rules and we use each other for pleasure. You don't care about me and I don't... I don't care about you.' He raised his voice.

'Its over, our deal is over.' I shouted, tears running down my face from his words.

'What?' he yelled, 'because I'm going to fucking Tanya's? Your being ridiculous Bella! You know I always go Tanya's!'

'Don't go Edward, stay here with me.'

'What, why would I do that Bella? I'm supposed to hate you and you're supposed to hate me. Why are you making a big deal about this?'

I finally lost all sense at his words. 'Yeah Edward, that's how it's supposed to be. But you know what, I don't feel that way. I care about you Edward, I can't help it. That's how I feel and I guess you don't feel the same because you would stay with me instead of moving on hours after you've just fucked me. I'm sick of how you act when you're at school. You turn into this cocky, arrogant, fucking dick head that fucks anything with a pulse. If you really, do not care about me in the slightest then tell me now. Don't go to Tanya's and stay with me. If you go, then we're over. I won't bother you and you can forget about it, about me.' I yelled.

He spun to face me, his face set in stone. 'I don't care about you, Bella, I hate you.' He said his voice monotonous.

I sobbed as his simple words sunk in. The boy I loved, didn't care about me. I turned away from him and grabbed my purse. I began to climb out of his window and turned to look at him. He caught my eyes and turned away, walking into the bathroom. As I clambered down his tree, I heard a smashing sound and Edward cursing. My heart broke even more as began to walk home. The boy I loved more then anyone hated me.

End Flashback

After that day, everything had gone back to normal at school. Edward continued to act the same while I ignored him. It broke my heart every time I saw him but I had to continue with my life. I tried having a boyfriend but it didn't work, I couldn't focus on any other boy but Edward.

So here I was, on the night of my 18th birthday party, sitting in my truck outside of Edwards's house. I had decided that I would write him this letter and tell him how I really felt. I just wanted him to know, I didn't expect him to respond but I couldn't just get over this, I had to move on and the only way I could do it is by telling him how I feel. Thankful his family are on a camping trip so that I had the chance to deliver it and I'm not brave enough to do it in person so the letter will have to do. I read it one last time before I climbed up the tree, into his open window and placing it on his bed.

Dear Edward,

I'm sorry for kind of breaking into your house to leave this letter but I had to tell you how I feel and I'm too chicken to do it in person.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry. For breaking the rules and for ending the best thing that ever happened to me. People say 'things happen for a reason', and I truly believe in this. It has shown me the real you, the boy that is hidden by the mask that worries about his reputation and who can pull the most girls. You're an amazing guy Edward, you really are. I wish you wouldn't hide the true you at home because everyone deserves to see him. I'm truly honoured that I got to meet him, even if I never get to again. I think it was fate that me and you hated each other, I say hated because I don't hate you anymore. I think the deal we set up was fate and I think it was fate that we got to know each other because we really worked. You didn't see it, but I did Edward. We worked together. But I guess it doesn't matter now.

I got used to being able to call you when I needed you, endless nights of pleasure and fun. I got to know you. And it's the best thing ever to happen to me. But I started to care for you Edward, my feelings crept in when I didn't want them too and you didn't return them. You think off yourself as a bad person, but you're not Edward. I told you I cared about you, and it's true. I do, but my feelings are stronger than that Edward, and I can't not tell you before I try and move on.

I love you Edward, I really, truly do. But I can't fight anymore for you; I can't put myself through the pain anymore when I know you don't feel the same. It breaks my heart knowing you don't feel the same and I don't know what I could do to make you understand just how much I love you. I guess I'm sorry you don't love me back.

But Edward, thank you so much. For letting me experience this. I love to love, it sucks not to have it returned but I guess that's life. It sucks that fate put the wrong two people together. I hope you can learn to show everyone the real you and that you find your one true love somewhere.

I miss you Edward.

And I love you, with all my heart.

Love, Bella. X

After making sure the letter was clearly seen, I left his house. I drove home as tears ran down my face. I was happy I had told Edward how I felt. I didn't know how he would react or what his response would be but I hoped he would understand how I felt.

In all truth, I still hoped that by some miracle, he would feel the same but I knew it wouldn't happen. Sometimes, love is hard and I'm just going to have to deal with it. Fate put us together; I don't understand why it didn't work out. But I suppose there must be a reason, and I hope to find out what it is soon.

A/N. Hey, so I'm feeling a bit depressed and felt the need to write something a bit sad. Please review and tell me what you think. I will eventually post a mini sequel to this if I get enough response as I have an idea. This story is inspired by 'The Veronicas – In Another Life. An amazing song! Please review!