Warnings: AU, Angst, Noncon (not Sasunaru), Slash/Yaoi, H/C, Language
Disclaimer: Anything remotely familiar is not owned by me.
Let Me Sleep
Sasuke dreams all his life about someone who has to be important. At first all he sees are impressions, warm sunny days with echoes of laughter. He dreams of gross and disturbing things like ramen flavoured ice cream and the first night he wakes he knows how it feels to hold a toad in his hand. That's ridiculous, because Sasuke hates to get dirty, he'd never touch a toad, because they're gross and it's not very Uchiha like. Soon he begins to hear a voice, it's more than just laughter. It talks about a something named Kurama, and when Sasuke asks his dad about it he just grunts and ignores Sasuke and he grows angry. So he asks his brother, but even the great genius Itachi knows nothing about whatever it is he sees when he closes his eyes at night.
Most nights he dreams in vivid detail only to wake in the morning with pathetic imitations of the wonders he has seen. When he sits up in bed he's often disappointed at his lack of recollection and he sits there until Itachi comes to rouse him while he's trying to remember what that warm feeling in his chest came from.
Sasuke is only six when he dreams of the young blonde boy he keeps hearing. He thinks nothing of it, as he watches the young boy clad in what were once bright clothes, but have been dulled by dust and dirt. The young boy spends his time climbing up rocky inclines and sliding down muddy hills. He has a similar dream two nights later, and even at his young age he wonders if that's normal to be seeing the boy swinging happily between the hands of his parents. His face is soft and round, still like his mother's but you couldn't look at his dad and not see the resemblance. Sasuke wants to talk to them, but they make their way into their house before Sasuke can say anything, and he wakes and he wonders why the boy's face is fuzzy, and why his parents don't treat him the same way.
He asks his mama about the blonde boy and she tells him the story of the sand man and how he helps you depart the land of slumber on the tail of golden dust. Sasuke thinks his mama has to be crazy, because the boy is anything but soothing. He laughs so loud, he's seen the boy in a kitchen banging pots and pans so loud that his mother yells at him, pleading for him to stop. When she makes him, he cries just as loud as the kitchenware's clangs. He decides he doesn't like this boy, and when he's forced into his pyjamas and climbs into bed he waits until the lights have gone off. He takes out a flashlight from the living room and reads instead, because anything is better than dreaming of high pitched squeals of laughter as the boy's dad lifts him high above his head or playfully tickles him until he's hiccupping.
He doesn't know what time that he falls asleep, but when he wakes in his odd dream world. He doesn't see the boy, and he's glad. His joy is short lived when he sees where he is. He's in the middle of the woods, it's large and twisted like some sort of nightmarish rain forest. The tall tree trunks are twisted and black, their leaves are grays, purples and reds and other colours he doesn't know. If he gets out, he wants to ask Itachi to teach him the names. He thinks about staying in one spot, but his dad tells him that if something feels wrong you run, you find any way out. He wonders if it's the same as when you're lost, and he chooses to run. The terrain is impossible, the hills are craggy and the roots of the trees are obstructing. He trips, stumbles and falls and scrapes his knee, but now isn't the time to cry like a baby. He has to be strong, like a big boy, like his brother. Itachi would never cry, he'd find a way out and Sasuke had to be just like him, just like his dad and every Uchiha before him. That's what Uchiha do, they fix things any way they can and they act very serious when they do it. That much Sasuke knows.
He goes for hours before he sees a light and when he pushes through the last of the bushes his eyes are assaulted with bright colours. He's fallen to the ground, and when he looks up he sees a pair of scarred knees. As he continues he sees dark shorts and an orange shirt and a pudgy tanned face staring at him.
The boy seems wary, he steps back and hides behind the trunk of a tree smoothly twisted in greens and aqua, like Sasuke's the scary one. Sasuke's not the one wearing that horrifying orange in an equally horrifying bright world. "Who are you?" He recognizes the voice. He stares into bright blue eyes for the first time and his own eyes widen. He finally knows what the boy looks like. "It's Sas'ke I'nn't?"
"Wh…No, it's Sasuke, and how do you know?" Sasuke is angry now at his lack of privacy because Uchiha like to be by themselves. When the boy shrugs he just grows angrier. "It's rude to talk to people without introducing yourself."
The boy points to his nose and after looking around he decides it's okay. "I'm Naruto!" There's a grin on his face so wide that Sasuke isn't sure if it's healthy. "Why are you here?" This kid was something else, because he was invading Sasuke's dreams and acts like he's the stranger.
"I wasn't going to stay in there!" He points behind him and when he turns it's nothing but dark with a scary purple glow in the back. Maybe it's more like mauve, he thinks he remembers Itachi teaching him that one.
"I heard there's a raven in there that pecks your eyes out," Naruto says and almost immediately changes the subject. "I was just esplor'n and I guess I went too far. But that's okay! I guess I just have to save you," his dirty hand wraps around Sasuke's and he tugs at him, "This way, it's safe over here!" he says with laughter, but as their running the wood of yellows, greens, blues, and oranges begins to fade into blackness and Sasuke wakes up in his bed.
"Why are you dreaming about fishcakes?" his brother is hovering over his bed. Sasuke rubs at his eyes and shakes his head.
"Was not," He mutters.
"You said Naruto, I heard you. Are you trading away your healthy lunch at school for that gross stuff?"
Sasuke blinks, Itachi would tell on him if he believed that. "No!" he protests.
"Mom says get up and brush your teeth. I'm not going to be late because of you," Itachi says and Sasuke obeys because he doesn't want to be trouble to his big brother because then who will teach him all of those colours he saw?
Sasuke wants to know who the other boy is, so when naptime comes at school he doesn't protest. He doesn't somehow convince his teacher to let him read books in the corner silently. He lays his head down and sleeps. It doesn't work, instead his dreams are as unobtainable as they had been prior to last night. Instead he dreams of two strangers standing face to face, their height almost perfectly matched. The look in their eyes is a whirlwind of flame that radiates, scorches, crackles, and eventually consumes everything in an inferno. Nothing is exempt, not the leaves around them or the stone until the blaze becomes deafening. Sasuke doesn't want to be asleep anymore, because he doesn't need to know what burning flesh smells like, or the sounds of people crying out their last breath a plea for life…but as Sasuke continues to watch, too enamored to tear his eyes away he realizes he can still see the two standing, unmoving, unrelenting and he hears no more because he's awake. He doesn't want to dream like that anymore, but he thinks about his brother and what he might do. That night he decides to be brave, and instead of fruitlessly asking to sleep nestled between his parents, he closes his eyes and rests.
He dreams of sunshine and strange weapons he's only ever seen in those strange movies advertised on TV. Then he's walking on water but his feet are too large and the wind that envelops him is too turbulent to be as calming as it is…He doesn't see Naruto again until his seventh birthday.
"I thought you were gone for good…" Naruto says from the spot he occupies in the small turquoise tree. Itachi taught him that colour too, but the leaves are a specific shade of green, like jade. Sasuke taught himself that one. "I tried to save you then you ran away!" He pouts as he twists around the tree, climbing until his feet thud against the dirt. "You're not the raven are you?"
"What are you talking about?" Sasuke asks, annoyed because obviously he's a person, he's a boy. His dad's name is Fugaku, his mama's name is Mikoto and his big brother Itachi is the smartest person he knows. How could a Raven have a family?
"I hear this…weird noise whenever you show up," He says and ducks behind a tree. Sasuke hears his feet moving and he doesn't want to lose the boy, so he follows after. He realizes that the background of this world is the same colour as Naruto's hair, and as they walk the colour of the trees move with them like a kaleidoscope. This is much prettier though, much better than that forest that has all those burgundies, maroons and dusty colours. "Like…this," And the boy puckers his lips and whistles. Knocking, clicking, and strange bell noises sound…Sasuke thought they could only caw.
"How did you do that?" Sasuke asks, his hands close around Naruto's wrist and the blonde vanishes in a prism of tropical colours.
Sasuke asks Itachi to teach him about ravens next, but he's too busy studying about those college places that smart people go to even though he's only 12. He tries to ask his dad, but he's told that he can look it up himself, because that's what Itachi would do. His dad is right, Sasuke should have thought of that. He finds a book on Ravens at the school library, but it's just about how the dumb raven swallowed something. It's not very helpful.
When he sleeps he sees those colours again and he breathes a sigh of relief, because the last time he lost the yellow haired boy he couldn't find him for a year.
"I knew you were here!" Naruto says and he reaches for Sasuke but he doesn't let him.
"Wait! You can't touch me!" He says and he swings around one of the trees to stay out of the other boy's hands.
"What? You're crazy, you need to come this way. I heard the raven again. He'll get our eyes," he says and reaches for Sasuke again.
"No! Every time you touch me this place goes away!" Naruto stops and thinks hard before he nods.
"Really? Okay…but you have to come with me, it's this way," he said and he took off. Sasuke has to run as fast as he can not to get left behind in a world of yellow. When they stop they're in a dome of trees with leaves of teal and bushes of light pinks and blues. He wonders if Itachi will help him learn those ones too, because they're just colours it wouldn't take too much time. "We're safe now, Kurama will be here soon. He can keep us safe," Naruto smiles and the place grows warmer.
"How did you make that bird noise?" Sasuke asks before he forgets. He sits down with the weird boy as he whistles again and sounds like a budgie. There's one in his school classroom.
"Because this is mine," he said and he lies back, staring up at the leaves that hide that yellow sky.
"I don't get it," Sasuke said, annoyed because he's sure he's smarter than the other boy and this is his dream, not Naruto's. He's the smartest in the class; he can name more colours and can do his own math in his own journal where the other kids still need help.
"This place, it does what I want. Look at this," his voice sounds daring and he points up to the canopy of leaves. Sasuke looks up and when he does the center of their dome swirls out of existence and instead there's a bright blue sky, like when he's not dreaming.
"How did you do that?"
"I dunno…I guess I just think and it has to listen," He shrugs as the clouds slowly creep across the sky.
"And you make Kurama keep you safe?" Sasuke can't take his eyes off the sky. "Make it red," He tells Naruto.
"It's not yours! I like it blue!" Naruto gets angry. "What? No, you can't tell Kurama what to do…well my mommy can, but tha's because Kurama's hers when I'm a baby."
"You didn't say that right…" Sasuke points out.
"Yeah I did! It's my place, its right if I say so!" he sticks his tongue out at Sasuke before he jumps up and begins to climb one of the trees and the sky goes orange.
"You're dumb," He says to himself before he looks around. "What's Kurama?" and there's an odd swooping chatter before something moves behind one of the bushes.
"That's Kurama," Naruto points and he jumps down from an impossible height, but the ground just bounces when he lands. "When I'm out of this place, he's just a doggy, but whenever I'm here he turns into that."
There's a dumb grin on the boy's face as a fox jumps out into their clearing. Sasuke's scared because wild animals are dangerous, but the fox just lies down and watches him and when he scoots closer to Naruto the fox growls and makes a really nasty face.
"No Kurama!" Naruto wags his fingers "Tha's just Sas'k" He says but before Sasuke can correct him he feels the boy slam against his shoulder. "Look out!" and before his eyes open he sees a raven swooping for him while Kurama springs into action and he's awake again.
Seeing Naruto is much easier after that, in fact he sees him as much as twice a month. He doesn't argue with his mama anymore when he has to go to sleep until Itachi starts making fun of how much of a good little boy he is…Sasuke protests the next night.
When they meet the colours are usually the same, but he notices that when Naruto's upset the colours grow hot instead of warm, and when he's sad they turn into muddy colours so he knows when he sees them that he needs to be careful. It's fine though, because Naruto is almost always happy.
So when he is happy, they run around Naruto's yellow forest and Sasuke asks Naruto to make funny animal noises and even begins to teach Naruto about animals that aren't dogs and cats and that gerbil that he says is in his classroom. They jump from the trees and after Naruto starts learning more they even get to see other animals other than that rude nasty Kurama who seems to hate him even though the worst thing he's ever done to Naruto was call him dumb. He thinks he's made up for it by now, because they're friends. It's much more fun than going to school and having Karin bother him, or having Juugo get all in his personal bubble when he just wants to be quiet. Naruto lets him be quiet when he wants to and is fun when he's tired of the quiet and that's the best.
"Sometimes…I think the raven is jealous…" Naruto says as they lay in a soft patch of blue grass.
"Of what?" Sasuke asks.
"Of us, because we've got each other and it's all alone. I also think that it's sad it has red eyes, I wouldn't want that because it's scary. Like those movies big kids like to watch, so he tries to steal ours because we're normal," He rolls onto his stomach and uses a stick to poke at Sasuke's face and Sasuke is too lazy to even get mad at the other boy.
"That's silly, he's probably hungry if he's the only animal on that side of the woods," Sasuke thinks it's silly because he isn't normal, his brother always says so and his dad won't pay attention to him like he does Itachi, he figures it's because he's strange so the raven wouldn't want his eyes.
"But…he still wants our eyes and that's bad," He says before he pokes Sasuke again and then begins to pester Kurama who is lying between them, making sure Sasuke doesn't get too close. Sasuke won't though, because whenever they touch this world disappears and Sasuke has to go back to being ignored or being picked on by his brother because he has an imaginary friend that's a fishcake. That's why he can't tell anyone about Naruto.
He dreams and suddenly he knows just why people complain about the smell of wet dogs, and that if you try and slide all the way down a long and steep banister that you're probably going to fall and have to go to the hospital. When he wakes from that one he's crying, but he lies and tells his mama that it was a nightmare about a raven stealing his eyes.
As they grow older, Sasuke grows more and more afraid that if he tells anyone about Naruto that they'll take him away. He knows he isn't normal, because it's not normal to dream of someone you haven't met and that you dream about them all the time. He doesn't care if Naruto is real or not, at this point it's this insanity that keeps him sane.
When they're eight, Naruto is the closest thing Sasuke has to a best friend, and the closest thing he'll ever have to one. They do everything together as Sasuke dreams. Naruto convinces him to play games he'd never play for real and it's okay because at the end they flop down in the soft grass and just talk about dumb things like the guinea pig in Naruto's new class and how Itachi tells Sasuke all this new stuff. Naruto's really fun when he isn't super loud.
One day Sasuke dreams and their world is dark and he can't find his friend anywhere. He spends his entire sleep searching everywhere but he can't finish because their world is bigger than it's ever been. It isn't just yellow nothingness when Naruto isn't around, now it's muddy colours like crimson, taupe, ultramarine, and all those other colours he's learned since they met. He wakes before he finds anything and he's worried all day. He can't stop worrying until his mama takes him and Itachi to the doctor for a checkup. Even with his lollipop he's too bored to stay awake, so he sleeps and he finds Naruto when he least expects it.
They never meet when he naps, so seeing Naruto curled up under an ugly looking tree with no yellow or orange at all, he's worried. When he walks closer Kurama isn't there to growl at him and he notices that his friend is crying.
"What's wrong?" Sasuke asks after they just sit there super quiet except for Naruto's crying.
"They left me all alone and they didn't even let Kurama stay with me," Sasuke knows who he's talking about and now knows exactly why he can get this close to Naruto.
"Why did they leave?" Sasuke gets as close as he can without touching Naruto and hates this place because it won't let him. All he really wants to do is give him a hug.
"I'm scared…they said they aren't coming back," He hiccups as he cries. "I don't want to wake up Sas'ke. I don't have a family anymore."
"I'll be your family then," Sasuke gives in, because Naruto needs a hug, and if Naruto is real he hates everything…and if he isn't then he hates himself for doing this to his friend. The second his arms wrap around the other boy he's shaken awake by his big brother Itachi. He instantly makes fun of him for crying because he was dreaming about a fishcake. It's the first time that Sasuke ever gets punished for hitting his brother, and pulling his hair, and calling him names. He's never done it before, and even though Itachi is so much bigger than him he made sure he didn't give up until his mama pulled him away.
He's sent to his room when he gets home and his dad tells him he'll deal with him later. So Sasuke climbs onto his bed, because Naruto needs him. When he dreams, he sees a girl that looks like cotton candy and one eyed man who looks at him bored like his dad. He doesn't like either of them once he wakes, because they aren't who he wants to see.
Itachi spends all his spare time, when he's not studying for tests at school to make Sasuke's life a living hell. His big brother doesn't know that it's hard to make what he feels worse, because it's been over a week since he's seen Naruto.
His mind goes silent for four years, and though he knows his mom loves him and Itachi has given up fighting with him and goes back to being something like a brother he's never felt so alone. All he has are these imprints and dreams with versions of himself he never wants to see come true, because shoving his arm through Naruto's chest would never cross his mind willingly.
His dad starts talking to him about what he should do after he graduates. It's really the first time that his dad has ever paid any attention to him unless he had to. He works as the chief of police in their community and is a well-respected man. It's safe to assume that 12 year old Sasuke is being pushed and guided toward a career in law or law enforcement. Sasuke starts to think that his dad just doesn't know how to talk to children. Things at school are fine, though his percentages are never quite as high as Itachi's were when he was Sasuke's age, he's almost always ranked first in his class. If it's enough to make his dad pay attention to him, he's okay with that. His mom continues as she always does, she takes care of him even when he doesn't want her to and he knows she loves him. His friends aren't really what he calls friends. Even though he was just a brat when he knew Naruto, they had tons of fun, which is far more than he can say of Karin constantly volunteering the loudest to be his partner for school projects, or trying to convince him to walk home with her. Juugo and Suigetsu aren't much better, but being convinced to get into trouble is much better than Karin pretending to fall into him so he goes with it. All of it combined doesn't compare to what he had, and he knows that it would sound crazy to anyone else, so he continues to keep quiet.
He starts to dream of a hand in his holding tightly and a large golden retriever and like so many dreams he's had he finds himself changed for each one. He knows that he hates the taste of Ramen but can tolerate it as long as it's miso. His parents have never let him eat it. He knows that even though he hates really sweet things that it takes around 1284 licks to get to the center of a tootsie pop, he knows what it's like to hold a toad in his hands and how heavy your clothes are when you walk all the way home in the pouring rain. He knows how it feels to walk completely vertical and how it is to tear through the trees at impossible speeds. He's tested the theory, he's caught a few toads by the time he's 12 and knows that when he dreams it's at least a little bit real. Even though he keeps quiet about Naruto, there's a part of him that knows he's real too, and that he's out there somewhere but with only his first name he doesn't know how to begin finding him.
He wonders if Naruto shared his dreams, or dreamt about the kind of stuff he did. This weird fantastical ninja world he's somehow come up with in his head. It seems like something Naruto would create, not him. He also wonders that if Naruto dreams his dreams if the blonde would remember him?
Karin is especially annoying today and what makes it worse is that the other girls in the class are starting to work up the guts to talk to him too. Suigetsu tries to pick a fight with him over it, but Itachi teaches him more than colours now. With them constantly fighting as they grew up until recently he learned a thing or two, one of them was knowing when to duck because no matter how lightly Itachi hits, it's annoying to be smacked in the back of the head. Another is knowing how to get out of a pin, because he hates being tickled and Itachi used to pin him to do that too. The things his brother teaches him, purposely or not, are all valuable in knocking Suigetsu to the ground and he doesn't try it again. It lands him a brief suspension from school all because that annoying guy would like the attention. As far as Sasuke's concerned, he can have it all. His father screams at him after school, or at least as much as Uchiha Fugaku can scream. They sit down face to face and as his father lectures him his body grows more and more tense and it ends with him telling Sasuke in an even voice to go to his room. Sasuke listens, because he wants to find his way there before Itachi gets back from school. Even though they're almost past their years of animosity, the second Itachi knows about his suspension it will open up another perfect window in Sasuke's life to hear about how much of a failed Uchiha he is.
So Sasuke trudges up to his room, tosses his bag against his desk that's kept so neatly tidy before falling to his bed which is right beside it. He groans to himself and just for a moment he wishes he had given Sugietsu more than just a black eye before Juugo pulled him off of the dumbass. It's not long before his thoughts begin to dissipate and bit by bit his vision is filled with greenery. His eyes widen and he sees a forest, there's no aqua, teal, or gold, this place is completely void of cadmiums…it looks real. There are ferns and huge conifers with lush moss scaling their trunks and there's sunshine that sprinkles through the pines, the maples and the alder trees. The only thing that gives this place away is the telltale bell chirp of a raven and Sasuke's stomach drops. He finally convinces himself to move, he pushes through the ferns and ducks under the branches of huckleberry bushes and realizes that what he had considered beautiful was absolutely rugged and uninviting once you were no longer stationary.
He comes to the edge of a river, the bank is a mixture of soft sandy patches interspersed with areas of round pebbles, across the water is a large cliff with the roots of maples poking through the edges at the top and the trees themselves reach impossibly higher to the blue sky. It's what's on the bank that catches him off guard. There's Naruto with his feet in the water, leaning back and just staring up. Sasuke kicks a rock by accident and the blonde tips his head so far back that he's upside down and when their eyes meet there's recognition, but no unbelievable happiness. "I thought I heard you," he says and Sasuke's confused for a moment. Looking over his shoulder he remembers the chime of the raven and he lets out a breath.
"I'm not a bird," Sasuke says as he dares to get closer.
"You're not a lot of things," Naruto says as he looks back up at the sky, his arms folding under his head. Sasuke can't help but think that 'real' is one of those things that Naruto thinks he's not…which is ridiculous, because Sasuke's really grounded right now and really not wanting to deal with his brother. He wonders if that's how he found this place, because he needed an escape. Maybe not, because he would have found Naruto a lot sooner because Itachi had made his life hell since he turned eight.
"I'll tell you what I am," he sits down beside the other boy and wants to ask why he's been hiding. "Confused."
Naruto lets out a laugh and flicks a pebble at Sasuke. It doesn't hurt when it hits him and when he looks down it's a tuft of cotton instead. "Mr. Sannin just moved us back to this side of the planet," Naruto explains and it's the first hint that he gets that maybe Naruto does breathe the air of the living.
"Is that your last name?"
"Hell no!" Naruto growls and he sits up with a rock in hand and chucks it across the river with ease. "If that freak could reproduce the world would be doomed!"
"Who is he then?" Naruto grows quiet and Sasuke gets the feeling that even though he's been trying to avoid asking what happened to Naruto that he asked it in a different way.
"He adopted me after my parents died," He mutters. "I'd much rather stay with that pervert Kakashi but he doesn't want me," he throws another rock and there's dust from the clay cliff when it hits.
It's been four years and even though they aren't talking about kiddy things he feels just as close to the blonde as he did back then, because sometimes friendship is enduring the hard things too. "I'm sorry," He doesn't want to ask who Kakashi is because the guy's an idiot if he really doesn't want Naruto. Sasuke blinks when the thought crosses his mind, because that was weirdly personal and he pushes it to the back of his head.
"Whatever, I'm waiting until the creep drops dead. I'm going to shit on his grave," Naruto snickers to himself.
"That's gross," Sasuke doesn't know if he's talking about this Sannin or if he's talking about Kakashi.
"Your face is gross!" Naruto says before Sasuke can even finish and he just smirks, because if the girls in his school say anything, it's the exact opposite.
"You're just jealous moron, my face is amazing," Sasuke says on the trail of that thought.
"What did you call me? Say that again to my face, jerk! I'll show you," Naruto says and he's right in Sasuke's face. Naruto's an entirely different kind of loud now, he's not sure how he feels about that.
"Doubt it," Sasuke says, his smirk only grows and before he knows it there's a flash of warmth at his chest as Naruto tackles him before the image of the blonde splits like splatters of paint before he hears his mom's voice calling him for dinner.
His eyes are wide as he stares at the ceiling and he wonders if he just did a stupid thing and chased Naruto away again. He sure as hell hopes not, because he can't handle another four years without seeing him. He realizes how weird that sounds and tries to push it to the back of his head too before he sits up and tries to be glad that at least his dad is letting him eat dinner. Itachi makes snide comments about him all night, even though they're heavily veiled to hide them from their parents, he hears them. It's after dinner that Itachi corners him and actually asks what's going on and if he needs help at school. It's weird, and he wonders if today was just a strange turning point in his life where nothing would ever be the same. The girls became more annoying, Suigetsu found some balls to attack him, Itachi was showing genuine concern, and Naruto had finally come back to him…his dreams…no, Naruto had finally turned up again. He shakes his head and pushes the thought away and simply answers, because Suigetsu isn't anything he can't handle.
He sleeps and is left with a dream of lips pressing to his. All it is, is a feeling. He can't see who it is and he can't tell, all he knows is that at 12 it feels strangely nice. When he wakes he feels warm throughout his chest but it's quickly gone because as soon as his dad hears him moving around he's set to work on cleaning out the garage. He doesn't get why his dad has all these ancient looking scrolls tucked away, especially in some place as damp as the car port.
He flops down onto his bed exhausted and finds himself back in the forest. He's lying on his stomach on the sandy beach. He's about to get up when he hears Naruto.
"You keep saying you aren't a bird but I just heard it again," Naruto is in the water this time, his hair is plastered around his face before he climbs out. His hands are at his sides and he looks so self-important.
"That's fascinating," Sasuke rolls his eyes.
"Just like my face," He grins before he jumps back into the water, the drop off at the bank is a steep one apparently, or Naruto is just willing it that way.
"I told you that when you touch me this place disappears," Sasuke muttered.
"That sounds dirty," Naruto snickers and before Sasuke can come up with any sort of retort he feels water slap into his face. "Guess it doesn't work with other things," He's grinning and Sasuke's glaring at him.
"You're an idiot."
"You're a bastard," The swear sounds strange on Naruto's lips, and his face pulls into an awkward expression, like he's saying it for the first time. That's all it takes though for whatever bond they have to click back into place. They explore the forest which is so much larger than it had ever been. They have strange fights where they call each other names but they're never serious. They hang out a little differently than when they were kids though, they don't jump from the tree tops and Naruto doesn't make animal noises, but he does show Sasuke that he can still make the sky green if he wants. The only thing that's different about this place is that it doesn't look like a children's book anymore…well maybe Naruto still jumps from tree tops…
He sees him on a weekly basis, sometimes even more this time and he doesn't want it to end. Even when he gets back to school and Suigetsu somehow treats him like nothing ever happened, it doesn't really matter.
Naruto tells him more than he ever as before. When they were kids, real life didn't matter until Naruto was left with nothing. Naruto says he couldn't sleep, that he was pushed around through foster homes because his dad's best friend couldn't take care of him. There's resentment in his voice at Kakashi's decision, but he can't blame him for needing to focus on going to university. He talks about the group home he's been to twice, but only ever mentions it. Mr. Sanin found him two years after his parents died, claiming that he and his siblings were old family friends. Jiraiya had died one year prior, and Tsunade was too busy with her practice to pay him any attention, but Orochimaru refused to let him be pushed from home to home. Naruto doesn't say much about him, other than calling him Mr. Sannin which Sasuke finds weird, but he doesn't press the issue and decides maybe he can tell Naruto about himself.
Naruto thinks it's super cool that he has an older brother, and even though he knew about Itachi when they were kids, he seems a little more enthralled with the idea. He tells him that they must be close, truth is that they aren't, but Itachi's trying.
"You're dreaming about homework? That's lame even for you, moron," He says as he sits down beside the moron.
"Uuuugh, shut up I just don't get it. Even now I don't get it! This place is mine so I should think it and it should come true!" He says as he yanks on his hair.
Sasuke watches him and he laughs to himself before he leans over. "Here, I'm pretty good at math," Sasuke says as he begins to take Naruto through all the necessary steps of the algebraic formulas.
The next week Naruto comes back and tells him excitedly that he passed his math test with a B which is the highest grade he's ever gotten. Naruto's a moron, but Sasuke's actually happy for him. Naruto tackles him in a hug and Sasuke's eyes stare up at the ceiling of his bedroom and he huffs because he realizes it's only 1 AM and he's on the verge of pissing his pants. When he finally manages to get back to sleep that he's traveling with his friends, but they're dressed like psychos. Suigetsu has strange teeth and a sword, the only thing that seems normal is how much Suigetsu and Karin fight.
Things start changing after a half a year in he's now 13, and he knows how to sign simple phrases in sign language. The hands are much too large to be Naruto's as he dreams and it leaves him puzzled. He knows that it also takes 1034 licks to get to the center of a tootsie pop when it took 1284 last time. He also dreams about his brother, he's crouched atop a pole and he looks like an assassin…but he's crying. He doesn't understand the anger he feels well up in him because Itachi spent all evening talking to him and telling him what teachers he'll have to watch out for when he gets to high school the next year.
Naruto tells him about how Orochimaru originally took him in. How he makes him call him Mr. Sannin, and just how strict he is. Naruto's allowed almost no time with any friends, he has to do his homework in his room, sit at the dinner table until he's done very morsel with one hour of family time before he's sent back to his room and isn't allowed out unless this guy says so.
"That's just strange," Sasuke says and he's genuinely concerned because this sounds like some sort of thrasher movie, but he says nothing because he doesn't know what to say.
"It's better than being in the home, or you know on the street," Naruto shrugs as he flops onto his back, this time they're on top of the cliff, their legs dangling over the edge, the river is several feet below them.
"I guess…but you should be careful," Sasuke tries.
"Careful for what? I can always find something to do, he lets me out on weekends if I've finished everything," He says. "At least he wants me. Kakashi won't even visit me anymore, he's too busy with his boyfriend," Naruto shrugs.
"Boyfriend?"
"Yeah, I guess," Naruto just shrugs again like he doesn't care.
"Strange," It's just the start of his thoughts on the subject, but he tries really hard not to think about it because it's one less thing he needs to face his father about.
"I guess?" Naruto shrugs again and he sits up. "We should go swimming!" He says as he looks down. Sasuke hesitates and it's absolutely not because he's afraid of heights when he has to face them.
"Ladies first."
"You're such a jerk," Naruto mutters. "My dad always used to toss me into the river by our house," Naruto says and grows quiet. He stares at Sasuke for a long moment.
"No, keep your hands off me," Sasuke growls, he's not going over the cliff no chance in hell.
"Che, You'd just disappear anyway," Naruto 's off the edge of the cliff the next second and when he comes back up for air it's like nothing serious happened. "Come on!"
Sasuke doesn't, and over the next few months Naruto keeps trying to convince him to jump off. It's just a dream but Sasuke refuses every time. He continues to dream and he dreams of a quaint house with a well-kept garden during in between those times. He gets flashes of weird dusty rose wallpapers inside and dated furniture.
Naruto finally dares him to jump, and Sasuke refuses to back down.
"You won't do it, quit kidding yourself Sasuke!" He yells from down in the water.
"Shut up moron! You better move!" He says as he stands on the edge of the cliff and a familiar buildup of anticipation fills his chest before he finally convinces his feet to slip from the clay. Suddenly he's freefalling and he feels the tug at his stomach. His eyes close as he nears the water, but instead of slamming into it the transition is like gliding. The water is as perfect as it ever is and when he breaks the surface Naruto's jumping up and down, whooping and cheering for him.
"I thought you were too chicken shit to do it!" Naruto says before he jumps back in from the bank. There's a huge splash from his cannon ball and when he pops back up for air he lets out a laugh.
"I'm not too scared to do anything," Sasuke rolls his eyes as he floats on his back "And do you always swear like this?"
"Hell no, Mr. Sannin'd probably beat me if he ever heard me cursing," Naruto says as he too floats on his back.
They're quiet for a moment before Sasuke turns his head to look at the blonde who he wishes was as sunny as he used to be. "He doesn't…hit you does he?"
Naruto blinks, "What?" He gives Sasuke a weird stare and waits too long to answer. "Of course not."
"If you say so…" Sasuke watches as Naruto flips and swims to the shore to climb out and lay on the bank. He doesn't believe the blonde for a second…but what does he do? Does he wake and tell his father some kid he knows from some place in his head is in trouble? He follows a few minutes after and he lays on his stomach. "Do you have a cell phone?" Sasuke's had one for a long time now, but it's for emergencies only, he's almost positive his father keeps track of him via its GPS sometimes.
Naruto stares at him and raises an eyebrow. "You really think I have a cell phone? We hardly have a phone connected to the wall," He muttered.
"Right…that was a dumb question," he says quietly. "What about your home phone number?"
"I don't think he'd want anyone calling Sasuke, I'm only allowed to use the phone when I get a perfect test score," Naruto mutters and it's the last they say on the subject, but Sasuke gets the impression that it's been a long time since he could call anyone.
"I guess…" Sasuke feels defeated. He props himself up on his elbows and he watches Naruto for a long while before he feels some sort of horror well up in his gut but it doesn't stop him. He leans over and Naruto watches but doesn't pull away and it's almost no time at all before their lips meet. It's just like Sasuke remembered…remembered?
When he opens his eyes he is, of course, in his own bed and the weight of what had happened crashes around him. He can't be gay, because if he is he's almost positive his father will throw him out too…no, he isn't, he absolutely isn't. He stands and he shakes his body to loosen up his muscles and maybe shake this realization out of his body. He gets ready to school and thinks that maybe for once he doesn't have to dream tonight. He probably made Naruto uncomfortable anyway, it'd just be better if they didn't see each other.
When Sasuke goes to school he does what he can to forget about how unusually soft Naruto's lips felt against his, and the gentle build up that was between the two of them. It was just a dream, Naruto was just something in his head that he created when Itachi started ignoring him…obviously. He realizes how psycho he sounds so he tries even harder to forget. He doesn't dream for a while, not of more than that strangely perfect house with their dusty coloured objects, but when he keeps thinking back to the kiss he grows angry. Three weeks later he grabs Karin during lunch hour and he presses his lips against hers. Their teeth click, and she's too surprised then all of a sudden too enthusiastic for it to be enjoyable. He pulls back and his lip twitches…it was pathetic, and nothing like he wanted it to be. He doesn't know if it's just Karin, but he finds it's not an endeavour he wants to attempt again with anyone. Time has stopped for everyone else but Sasuke, Karin has a dazed flush on her face and the girls around them are stunned into silence. He forgets that Suigetsu told him he wants to date Karin so when he turns around he doesn't expect to be caught in the face with a solid right hook, much hardier than when they were 12. He feels the padlock on the locker behind him dig into his back and he growls and before Karin can stop them they're rolling around on the ground, fighting again until they're both forcefully separated and suspended.
He's back in front of his father with a nasty bruise on his jaw and he's tender all over, but it's all okay because he thinks he broke Suigetsu's nose. Not very good behaviour for the son of the chief of police but Sasuke doesn't care. He's grounded again and his mother starts talking about counselling, because their poor little Sasuke has gotten in with the wrong crowd. She doesn't get how messed up he is. He just listens apathetically and when they send him to his room he goes. It doesn't really matter because now he has his cell phone and everything else in there, yet he still manages to just go up and fall asleep.
When he opens his eyes again he sees Naruto's angry blue eyes in front of him. Before he knows it the blonde is picking up whatever he can and throws it at him. Sasuke deflects the rocks but as they hit him they feel more like balled up socks. "The hell was that you bastard! You just go and do that and you run away!? You're such a coward!" Naruto's voice is rasping more than it ever has and above them the skies are black and the rain is falling around them. The worst he's ever seen it has been overcast, and maybe a little foggy.
"The hell? Stop throwing shit at me you moron!" Sasuke growls as he's backed against a tree, they're nowhere near the river now.
"I don't know why the hell you decided to show back up!" Naruto…seems angry at him for that more than the actual kiss.
"Can we just forget it?" Sasuke says and he thinks about grabbing Naruto's wrists just so he can get out of here and out of the line of fire.
"Forget it? I wish I could!" Naruto stumbles over his words after that. "I mean damn it! Why did you have to go and make things weird?"
"It just kind of happened!" Sasuke's angry by this point and he's not sure why.
"Just kind of happened, that's such a lame answer," Naruto throws one last thing before he huffs and he leans against a tree and a raven sounds in the distance. "Fucker," this swear sounds even weirder than when he swore the very first time. "I mean I know I'm irresistible and whatever, but can you just be cool about this?"
"Be…cool? What does that even mean, and get over yourself for that matter dumbass," Sasuke huffs and wishes that he had gone back to his strange dreamless sleeps.
"It means that you're a pretty cool guy, can we just not suck face?" Naruto says with a huff. Sasuke wonders if Naruto really hated it that much…but tries to get away from that thought as much as he wants to get away from the fact that he kissed Naruto in the first place.
"Fine, whatever. Hit me again and I'll knock you out," Sasuke growls.
"Che, like you could," Naruto throws another rock at him and Sasuke takes off after him but before long the only thing around him is the echo of Naruto's laugh before a raven swoops in between them and the dream dissipates again.
"Damn it!"
"Did you say something honey?" It's his mother.
"No," He says back and doesn't care if she doesn't hear him. After breakfast hiis father immediately brings him into the police department and is automatically in charge of getting people coffee in the offices and basically staying quiet but only after taking an oath of secrecy. Sasuke doesn't care about what he sees here, he has enough trouble in his head let alone dealing with other people's problems.
It's another month before he sees Naruto again, but this time he isn't quite as angry. In fact there's fog running through the forest and he knows that something's up with the blonde. Naruto's the one to find him this time though. "I don't know what that bastard's problem is, but I can definitely see the resemblance."
"The hell are you rambling on about?" Sasuke's brow rises.
"That raven, it's a bastard just like you," Naruto says and Sasuke rolls his eyes.
"Yeah but you like spending time with me, admit it."
"Che, never! I'm fine by myself," Naruto sounds loud at first, but he's quiet by the end of it as he shoves his hands in his pocket and heads off into the woods, ducking around the wildlife which is even more rugged than when he first found it three years ago.
"Yeah...but you're not," He says quietly as he walks after him, and for the first time since he stupidly kissed the other boy he's finally forgotten about it.
"Of course I'm fine," Naruto flips him off as he walks and Sasuke reaches forward pausing just before his hands grasp Naruto's wrist.
"Naruto…stop," He murmurs.
The blonde does, he turns to look at him, "Yeah?"
"But you're not alone," he clarifies.
Naruto's quiet and they share that look for what seems like the entire night. "Che…that's a good one," Naruto says with a laugh and he swings around one of the trees, "I bet I could climb to the top before you."
"Are you okay?"
"It's nothing," Naruto starts climbing.
"It doesn't seem like nothing," Sasuke can see it in his face, his father talks about the children he's examined in the past in cases of domestic violence…Naruto's starting to seem like one of those people.
"Look, I can handle it so are you going to climb? Or are you going to be a piss off?" Sasuke watches and with a heavy sigh he starts to climb, because climbing down is much easier than jumping. He spends the rest of the night trying to figure out what Naruto's last name is, where he lives but for everything Naruto shares with him he's equally as secretive.
Things in his head are just as fucked up as they are in real life. He spends the next few weeks trying to convince Karin that they aren't dating and at the same time Suigetsu refuses to have anything to do with him. Juugo has a hard time trying not to favour one side over the other and just wants things to settle down. His father's being more of a dick than usual and his mother won't shut up about counselling to top it all off, Itachi cancelled his trip home from college so he's alone with all these psychopaths. Then there's Naruto, every week their world grows darker, he's sure he's seen bruises and something inside him wonders if he's concocted Naruto out of all those odd cases his father has told him about during his career. He doesn't like the experience either way.
It all comes to a head when he sees Naruto there with a black eye. "You've got to be kidding me," Sasuke mutters.
"Go away Sasuke," Naruto says. They're at the river this time, he's just huddled up on the bank in baggy clothes and it looks like it's going to start raining any minute now.
"No, he's hurting you and I knew it," Sasuke says. He wants to shake sense into the boy but nothing physical is going to ever help, so he tries to be the best voice in the blonde's ear.
"Whatever, I tried to sneak out. That's what I get for not listening to the rules, it's not like I didn't know them before I did it," he shrugs.
"Do you even hear yourself? You sound like a fucking idiot," that's definitely not the way to go about this…but it's out of his mouth before he can take it back. "Naruto, what else has he done?"
"Nothing," Naruto shrugs.
"Don't lie to me!"
"Look, whatever if I don't finish my dinner I get punished, same as if I make a mess in the house, or don't get perfe-…good grades. He wants everything perfect and I'm not perfect, I don't get what the big deal is."
He tries to think of what his father would say…but truth is that they'd bring in a professional or refer a professional to the people his father meets. His father doesn't know how to talk to anyone, let alone abused children. "The big deal? The big deal is that it's against the law! You have to charge him, like a public charge!" He tries to think of all the technical terms but he loses it somewhere in the middle of his brain still trying to comprehend what the hell middle English is for his literature class.
"Yeah? How am I going to do that? It's fine, I can handle it," Naruto mutters.
"Clearly you can't," Sasuke says. "You have to tell someone."
"Why? You're figuring it out all on your own, so can they," Naruto mutters.
"Naruto…tell someone."
"No! Why the hell would I do that? I get fed here! I'm in a good school here! So he slaps me every once in a while, big fucking deal. It's so much better than going back to the home where the beatings are hourly!" He growls and he lifts his hands like he's going to shove Sasuke away, but he thinks against it.
"It's not right, why won't you tell anyone about that either?"
"Shut up Sasuke!"
"Naru—"
"—Please stop! I can't, I can't….I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't go back to the home! Don't make me! It's so much worse than here!" Naruto's covering his ears now and shaking his head. "You don't get it, you have everything!"
Sasuke doesn't think he has everything…at least not until he really reflects on it. He swallows thickly, "Fine…but…be careful," He says softly. There's a tension filled moment between them before Naruto leans forward, resting all his weight on one arm and their lips meet again, it's desperate like Naruto's asking him to save him…but it's gone faded out of existence like a gentle breeze.
Sasuke stares up at the ceiling quietly…and can't believe how selfish he's been and thinks that…maybe he can phone Itachi a little more often. First he needs to figure out how he can help someone who may or may not be real.
Sasuke utilizes a lot of his time on the internet, trying to look up ways to help. He tries to find Naruto and this Mr. Sanin but Naruto isn't even documented on whatever school webpage they have for any sort of achievements…and if he is well Sasuke can't find it anyway. He asks his father, and when his father shows concern in his interest he tells him that he wants some sort of head start for when he starts college. That impresses his father, at least a little but he makes sure to ask other more general questions afterward. All the while he dreams, he dreams of Naruto and himself separated by a monstrous waterfall, he dreams of them standing face to face with whirlwinds of fire around them and every time he tries to get close his body involuntarily walks away from the blonde's pleading voice. He can't leave Naruto alone, never, not like whoever he is in this make believe world that won't leave him alone. He sees Sannin's face, he's unnerving and he doesn't know how Naruto can share a house with him and it only makes him want to get Naruto away from him faster…so when he dreams with Naruto he begs him, he throws his pride away and asks him who he is, how to find him…but instead Naruto tells him about his dad.
"He was the best dad ever," Naruto murmurs as he looks up at the sky, it's splashed with lavender, thistle, gold, and powder blue and there's a gentle lull around them. When Naruto's happy there are birds whistling while butterflies and dragonflies crackle around them. This lull is peaceful though. "He used to take me for ice cream, and to the park and when I asked him to push me higher he would. He's not like those dads at the park who say they're tired. He taught me how to ride a bike, and we played catch and he helped me train Kurama…every summer he'd take me here…to this river and he'd toss me off this bank. He'd always apologize by taking me for ice cream," he says and his voice gets heavier and heavier as it goes on. "He loved my mom like no one else could…that's rich coming from an…eight year old at the time, but they never fought. They always worked together when trouble happened…she used to sing when she cooked, she'd always make my pancakes into a smiley faced sunshine…y'know with strawberry slices as the rays?" There's a smile on his face.
Sasuke watches Naruto's face as he talks and sees just how much he misses his parents and it breaks his heart. He thinks that when he wakes up he's going to make his parents breakfast, because his mother is always so wonderful for him and if Naruto can't take care of his mother then he can take care of his. "What happened to them?" Sasuke asks quietly.
Naruto looks at Sasuke, his eyes are glossy and he shakes his head. "They went out one night for dinner and they left me with Kakashi even though…he had a school project to do. I think it was their anniversary, but it was raining and they were T-Boned on the way home…she died instantly but my dad…I don't…" he lets out a heavy breath and he closes his eyes, trying to fight back his tears.
"I'm sorry," He reaches forward just as Naruto's eyes open. He wants to run his fingers through Naruto's hair, and he wonders if it's soft and it doesn't freak him out to think things like that, because fuck what other people think about him. He doesn't want to disappear either…so his hand gently hovers over Naruto and he ghosts it over Naruto's head. He repeats the motion as close as he can get, imitating what he wants to do and Naruto's eyes close again. He sucks in a deep breath and lets it out so slowly that Sasuke wonders where he holds all that air.
"You're a good person Sasuke…" He whispers and Sasuke lets his hand fall just above Naruto's head.
"Not really," Sasuke isn't because he can't figure out how to help Naruto. He draws closer quietly, maybe okay with this because his doubts are starting to come back…but he wants to be okay with this.
"Sasuke…don't. I can't really afford to be messed up like that," He mutters. It might sound offensive but Sasuke can hear it, somehow he knows exactly what Naruto means…if this Sannin knew that Naruto was attracted to men, let alone someone in his head who knows what he'd do? "I…wish I could," He says and this isn't his Naruto. He isn't bright eyed, he isn't unyielding, and Sasuke can't figure out how to bring him back.
It's too quiet, almost as quiet as it was when Naruto disappeared. "Yeah…I get it," He murmurs, but does he? Would his father do something like that? He doesn't think so. It would be bad, but he'd get through it somehow.
Naruto smiles and he reaches up and his fingers ghost over Sasuke's and he sees the ceiling in his bedroom again. He goes to school, and doesn't want to put up with Suigetsu's shit, or Karin's for that matter, but it's good because today Suigetsu finally talks to him, and thing start going back to normal.
He walks in on his mother making breakfast one morning. He's taller than her now, by a lot so he places his hand on her shoulder. When she turns she wishes him a good morning and he nods before saying a quiet, "I love you mom," it's a little foreign on his tongue but he means it. He nods and simply leaves her to her business, but that night she hugs him until he's sure his ribs are cracked.
He dreams about the taste of coffee that has five too many sugar cubes in it, and the smell of licorice that's dried into the candy dish it's been placed into. Sannin's house is eerily quiet and perfect, and he fears a little more for Naruto's wellbeing if this is actually the house he lives in.
"You never talk about your dad," Naruto says as they toss pebbles across the river. They stop going anywhere else, just like they stop climbing trees and encountering wild animals that want nothing more than to be pet…it's just the river now.
"I don't even know what to tell you," Sasuke says honestly.
"How? I don't get it?" Naruto says. "I want to know."
"Well…he's the chief of police, and he's busy all the time…" he tells Naruto all there is to know about his father. How he's missed every major point in Sasuke's life because work is more important, but has never missed anything of Itachi's. Every award Itachi has ever won was met by a proud father where Sasuke's awards were only ever attended by Itachi and his mother…and eventually just his mother. He tells Naruto of how his father asks him to leave him alone, 'you can leave anytime now, I'd be okay with that' always cold and clipped like Sasuke doesn't matter.
"Wow…now I get why you're such a dick," Naruto says with a heavy breath and he shakes his head.
Sasuke stares at Naruto and he feels a little angry. He kind of wants to punch the blonde, but the second the thought crosses his mind he can feel his arm buried deep into Naruto's chest and his head snaps back in recoil.
"Whoa, no I'm sorry…I shouldn't have said that," Naruto says and he ducks his head. "I'm so stupid…"
Sasuke rolls his eyes, "No you aren't," he doesn't know why he says it. Maybe it's because Naruto sounded so defeated.
"I am...I'm failing more than half my classes. I don't even know what's going to happen when Orochimaru finds out," Naruto doesn't use his name often.
Sasuke watches him and his brow furrows. Biting the inside of his cheek he thinks, even as he gleans everything he can for information on Naruto, he's top in his class. "I can help…I'll help, just tell me what you need to learn and I promise we can get you better grades," he wouldn't do this for anyone else.
"Why? It's pointless," Sasuke knows that Naruto means he's not worth it.
"Whoever is telling you that's a liar,"Naruto looks taken aback. "Just tell me, anything at all and every time we're here, I'll teach you," he needs to assure Naruto as much as possible.
They stare at each other for ages before Naruto nods. "Okay, let's do this," and he smiles, the first genuine one in a long time.
They go at this hard every time they meet, and Naruto has a hard time retaining any of it. Sasuke grows frustrated, but he never gives up. If he can't save Naruto through the law, he can save him from getting hurt through his grades. Each week Naruto knows a little bit more, but he's also obviously sore some days and Sasuke begins to realize just how pale Naruto has gotten since they were 12. It only steels his will even more because he's not that version of him in his other dreams…he won't run away, he won't betray his friends because that isn't who he is here, and three months later they make a breakthrough. Naruto doesn't learn the same way other students do, not nearly as well so he tries to use as many visualizations as he can, step by step processes and shows him whenever he can.
"I got an A…I can't believe it," Naruto says when he sees Sasuke that night and there is a gloss over his eyes. "Sasuke…I could kiss you right now," Sasuke wishes he would…wait, does he?
"See, all you needed was a little help. We'll get you another A, and another after that," Sasuke says and he allows a smile where usually he'd smirk.
This continues for two more months before he dreams of someone's hands on his body, caressing him until he sings with pleasure. There are lips at his neck and he can feel his own hands sliding along warm flesh and sifting through soft tresses. Honey flesh arches beneath his finger tips and there are sweet noises filling his ears…it's at 16 that Sasuke knows what it's like to be loved completely and he can't let go of it. He refuses to. Everything seems to be going perfectly, Naruto's average has shot up to the top percentages in his classes. He knows that subjects like math are out of his head by the time the test is over, but it's enough for now. The classes he likes never leave, and even now Naruto can tell him the authors to 14 different poems from the 18th century, the days they were born and the days they died.
One day Sasuke finds he doesn't care anymore, he sits his parents down one night and even though he fidgets with the knee of his pant leg the confession comes out easily. "I'm gay," He says, maybe it's a lie because he knows that when he dies he's going to be married to Naruto one way or another. He knows he's real because it's too devastating to think of the alternative. He knows that he's not attracted to any other men anywhere, no women, it's only Naruto.
They're deathly silent for a while and his father clears his throat. "Gay…as in, you're attracted to males?"
"I'm sure as hell not boisterously happy," Sasuke says before he apologizes to his mother for cursing, but she doesn't notice, she's watching his father too. "I don't care if you approve, I'd just like for us to be civil and when I've graduated we can talk as much as you need us to," Sasuke says.
"Okay…" his father says and he nods. "I'm glad we had this talk," He says simply and he stands and leaves the room. He wasn't expecting that, but he doesn't know why he didn't because his dad has treated him with nothing but disinterest as far back as he can remember.
"Just let it sink in honey," his mother says and she offers him a smile. When they stand her arms extend and she gathers him close. His fingers fist so tightly that they crack and he nods.
"Thanks mom…" He murmurs and as they pull back she rubs his back before she sends him on his way.
It's just before he goes to bed that he hears a knock on his door. His father walks in and he sits on Sasuke's bed across from where Sasuke's sitting in his computer chair. "Sasuke," He starts and Sasuke's so shocked he almost doesn't know what to do.
"Yes father?" he's watching him warily.
His father stands and he begins to pace and after a few moments he beckons Sasuke over. He's reluctant but he stands and he feels his father's large hand rest on his shoulder. "I'm proud of you Sasuke," He says firmly even though his voice is quiet.
Sasuke's eyes are wide as he stares at the man in front of him, it's the biggest compliment he's ever been given. "Dad?" his voice is hardly there and his father's hand squeezes his shoulder a little tighter.
"And I want you to know…that I love you no matter what," he nods and it looks like he's about to leave but he isn't given the chance. Sasuke's arms are around his father's torso and he's soon enveloped in an embrace that's so familiar it could have been a stranger's…but hell if it isn't one of the most comforting embraces he's ever experienced. He lets out a sob into his father's shirt and he feels a hand on the back of his head…because he can't contain it. He can't be a perfect Uchiha right now because just one moment from his father was all he'd ever wanted as a kid.
They stay like that for some time, until Sasuke calms down and he feels his dad's hand pat him firmly on the back. "Enough now," He says before he pulls back. He nods, and Sasuke isn't sure but he thinks there's a quirk at the corner of his lip, "You should get to bed, son," he says.
"Night, dad," Sasuke nods and does as suggested, he no longer feels like a stranger in his home and he can't wait to share the news with Naruto. When he dreams Naruto's world is foggy and he breathes out a heavy sigh. He finds him at the bank and he sits down beside him.
"You look really happy Sasuke," Naruto says and tries to smile, but it's hollow and Sasuke can't appreciate the effort anymore.
"My dad and I talked tonight," he says, but he keeps an eye on Naruto.
"Dad? You only ever call him father," Naruto says and Sasuke's taken aback by that.
"Yeah…I came out, and he…he said he loves me no matter what," he admits. Naruto has another smile on his face.
"I'm really happy for you Sasuke," It sounds more believable. "Tell me more," He says as he leans back, so Sasuke does until there's nothing left to say. They lay there together, just looking at one another and Naruto looks like he wants to say something. Every time the blonde opens his mouth, nothing comes out and he shakes his head.
"You know you can tell me anything Naruto," He says and Naruto nods, tries again, and fails.
"It's hard…maybe…maybe next time. I just, I can't think of how to say it," He whispers.
"Take as long as you need," Sasuke assures him. He wishes that he could say this was a surprise, but even as Naruto's grades get higher and Naruto appears with less bruises, he doesn't appear to be any happier. He seems much worse, in fact.
"I just don't want us to change," Naruto says and it breaks his heart for two reasons. Sasuke wants their relationship to change because he knows that beautiful feeling, the one that loved him was coming from Naruto and no other, but also because it was changing anyway. Naruto almost never smiles, he's quieter and somehow even when he's yelling, or saying ridiculous things, it's empty.
"Naruto…I love you," He says softly, he needs Naruto to let him save him but the blonde just smiles sadly.
He feels Naruto's fingers link with his and his eyes widen as he stays in this world. He can feel the soft pads of the blonde's fingers, he can feel the warmth spreading through him and he grips tighter, never wanting to let go. "I wish…you were real Sasuke," He whispers just before their lips touch and Sasuke's awake.
He feels like his world has shattered as he stares at his ceiling, and even though it's 2 AM he can't sleep for the life of him. His friends stop mattering, his father's love and his mother's gentle acceptance with them. He can't dream, he dreams of absolutely nothing anymore and it's torture because he needs to tell Naruto that he is real. It's weeks, or maybe months before he dreams of a university and nothing else. He feels like he's going insane, because all of a sudden he's fucking normal.
Then, just as soon as he stops dreaming, he starts again. It's so fast, there's the flash of so many roads he's never seen before. There are images of a large breasted woman, a man with wild white hair and that bastard that has Naruto. There's more, there are faces of people his age but there are never names, and just as fast as they fade into his mind they fade out. He's left with the vision of Naruto's house, the perfect dusty rose wallpaper, the antique furniture and the smell of licorice. He sees the man overlooking Naruto's grades and as they get higher the more affectionate he grows. First it's just the brushing back of his hair, a small I'm proud of you, then it's a hand on his knee, his thigh and other unquestioningly horrifying places and Sasuke wants to scream, he wants out, he wants to be awake. He couldn't have been serving Naruto on a platter like this, and before he knows it the old grandfather clock strikes 12:15 AM and Naruto's on the hardwood floor, his clothes lay in tatters around him and that vile snake is covering him with his body, thrusting into Naruto as he cries and struggles. Naruto's hand catches on the pale face and pries it back, doing anything and everything to stop him before he's backhanded so harshly that he's too dazed to do anything. The man reaches for a knife, and as he ruthlessly violates the blonde a knife drags across Naruto's face as he sobs, pleading for Orochimaru to stop, for someone to help…Sasuke's name…there's a flash of numbers and letters before his eyes before he screams and he's upright in his bed drenched in sweat.
"No…no, no, no, nonononono, fucking no!" He says as he stands and his foot thuds against the ground and he reaches for his cellphone and calls it in as fast as he can, trying to stay calm because his dad has told him how to report emergencies, but the dispatcher is fucking useless and by the end of it he's yelling at the phone because it's 11:50 PM and he needs someone there before it's too late.
"Sasuke, what the hell is going on in here?" his father storms into his room with a robe on, his mother only two steps behind clearly worried.
"You have to help him dad! You have to help him, he's going to kill him!" he knows he will…because he's leaving too much evidence, it's hard to hide wounds that need to be treated in the hospital.
"Sasuke, calm down, what are you talking about?"
"Naruto! He's going to hurt him…he…he texted me, you need to call you have to do something!" Sasuke says and his father's trying to calm him down.
"Where is he, did you already call?"
"They couldn't find the right place, you need to know how right dad? Right?" he calms down shortly after, his dad calms him somehow and manages to get the address to the eerie looking house in Oto with all the details that Sasuke could have possibly given without his throat constricting on him.
"They've been dispatched Sasuke, you have to calm down and wait…" He says softly. His dad was able to find the long number to the local department…he knew he could rely on his dad but he shakes his head anyway.
"He has to be okay dad…" he whispers. He has to be okay because it's 12:05 AM and he needs to be wrong…and if he's not then he'll kill that snake bastard himself.
"Talk to me Sasuke," he knows what his dad's asking him…he's asking why he's never heard of Naruto, so Sasuke tells him in a way he might understand. He says that he knew Naruto when they were kids, but when he was moved away they kept in touch through their phones. "You did the right thing Sasuke," but the Sasuke disagrees.
It's hours before they get any news, and it's only because his father is who he is that Sasuke's getting any confirmation of what happened. Orochimaru Sanin has been detained and Naruto was rushed to the ER to treat various traumas…they tell Sasuke that he's a hero, that he's saved a life, and that he should be proud.
Sasuke doesn't feel like much of a hero.
He can't sleep, it's weeks and he can't sleep. He tries to convince his dad to go to Oto, but he can't afford the time off of work. His mother tries to apologize for his father but Sasuke doesn't want to hear it. Money is such a bullshit excuse. He doesn't know what to do, because even when he does sleep there's nothing that meets him, no visions of being loved, no visions of being a traitor in some weird world…there's nothing.
Itachi's home for study days, and he does everything in his power to keep Sasuke stable, but it only helps a little. Sasuke's glad for the small comfort though, because he'd go insane otherwise. He knew Naruto was real, but if this is the price he wished that Naruto had stayed a dream.
He passes out due to exhaustion and when his eyes open he sees a world that's everything like the dark forest he had found himself in when he first met Naruto. It's filled with those same thistles, mauves, crimsons, burgundies, lilacs, blacks and greys. The trees are every bit as threatening as the chill in the air and it's through the trees that he sees Naruto, curled under a tree. His body is glowing so brightly that he can't see anything else, and he needs to go to him. He needs to tell Naruto that he's real, that he's sorry, that he has to see him, he has to know where he is now but as he draws closer he's suddenly intercepted. There's a fox in front of him, fur bristled and fangs bared with a deep rumble in its throat. He's larger than he's ever been when they were children and he shakes his head.
"Kurama…it's me…it's Sasuke. You have to let me see him, I need him!" He tries to reason but the fox has never trusted him and Kurama advances and Sasuke feels like he's being blamed for not being able to save Naruto when the fox trusted the blonde to him. The only thing that saves him from Kurama's waiting fangs is the flash of a dusk feathered wing. When Sasuke opens his eyes Kurama and Naruto are gone. "No!" he sinks to the ground and the raven is perched before him, and it chimes again followed by several caws. "Why?"
The raven stares at him, but makes no move and his eyes are black…so black and so large that Sasuke sees himself in them. His eyes are wide and he looks around…the trees here are rounded and Sasuke suddenly realizes that this is his world. He had been so long invading Naruto's that he had never discovered that this must be his. He had been so alone as a child, and depressed that his brother and father were ignoring him that he created this. His fingers crack as they ball into fists and he knows what he needs to do. He starts willing things to be as he wants…the sky is spread into a vibrant blue and the trees begin to twist into something real, something lush and beautiful. It's so easy to navigate by the time he's done because even though he's torn up inside…he needs to convince Naruto to follow him here. He needs it to be comforting, he needs to do anything he can to find the blonde. When he's done it's a landscape that would explode the heart of any photographer or painter…Sasuke didn't know he had it in him. He turns to the raven who clicks at him, "Who are you?"
There's another click and Sasuke just shakes his head. "You're like Yatagurasu…" He knows a lot of myths and legends revolving around Ravens, good and bad…this feels right, now that he understands the raven's behaviour...he's been calling him back here, to this wood and when things grew too quickly, to harshly with Naruto it would interfere. All he receives is another series of clicks before he wakes again and his fist slams down on his bed. Maybe the legend is too big for his life's story, regardless, he wishes he had understood sooner.
Sasuke's mind is silent again…and this time Sasuke's afraid it's forever. He tries to find Naruto, he tries to reach him any way he can. When his dad refuses to go there he runs away and walks, hitchhikes, and basically does what he can to get to Oto. He doesn't get more than three cities over before he's detained by the police, and escorted back home. His father's furious and tries to tell Sasuke that he can't just take off, that he should have waited until they could all go but Sasuke tunes him out and wonders if this will affect his future career, but he doesn't give two shits he finds.
He tries, he tries as hard as he can but he can't find Naruto. When his dad can eventually find the time to bring him across to Oto, Naruto has moved. sasuke's father apologizes that they couldn't come in time, Sasuke doesn't even hear it. He dreams of another city but he can't find the name in his head, and he gives up…he finds a girlfriend or two but refuses to look at any other men and he figures this will be easier. Their relationships run their course because he's so busy studying for acceptance into the university he wants to attend, because he doesn't love them…he might only tolerate them. It's just…too normal for him. There's nothing more than the city name, there are no impressions, no fate laced dreams of another reality and all Sasuke has is the memory of Naruto's face with a big, dumb, beautiful grin on it. He's too fucking normal.
He graduates with honors, and scholarships to the university he wants. He packs up and moves away from home, enduring a tearful goodbye from his mother and another hardy hand on his shoulder from his dad before he drives away in the car they've gifted him for his graduation. He moves into the dorms and attends classes in criminology, and tries to find what branch of the law he wants to settle into. Part of him wants to obtain evil men like Orochimaru…part of him wants to make sure they're put away for life.
He attends school for a couple of months before he finds himself in the cafeteria and he sees a head of blonde hair that feels so familiar. His heart drops and he pleads in his mind for the man to turn around, to look at him, to show him those cornflower blues…it can't be.
The blonde turns around and Sasuke realizes that the man is surrounded by a bunch of other students who are loud and laughing. He doesn't realize that they seem familiar because they don't matter to him. The blonde turns around and their eyes meet…it's Naruto, it's impossible, but true. The blonde's bag slips from his shoulder and thuds against the ground, heavy with texts and notebooks. He's dark as when they first met, his flesh is honey and his hair is golden like the sun. There are six neatly healed scars distributed evenly on his cheeks, but he's still as beautiful as he was then.
"Naruto you dolt, you dropped your bag," says a brunette who picks it up for him but Naruto doesn't move. Naruto walks forward, his brow is furrowed but he stops and hesitates.
Sasuke wants to cry, even here in the middle of his peers…because he sees for the first time the only person he's ever wanted in his entire life, the one he's wanted since he could barely count to 100. He rushes forward, and instead of weeping he places his hands at Naruto's neck and draws him into a kiss. It's so real, and so much more than he had ever dreamed. His lips are soft and so hot that the warmth spreads through his body, the roar of the cafeteria doesn't waver but Sasuke's world stops anyway, capturing the feeling of Naruto's lips responding to his equally as desperately…rejoicing in the fact that Naruto doesn't disappear from his grasp. He's there, he's Sasuke's and he refuses to let go.
He pulls back once his lips are bruised and the comments from Naruto's friends don't matter to him, no matter how loud or flippant. It's Naruto's words that are deafening, "You're real…"
Sasuke's brow furrows and he nods, "I'm real," he murmurs, his thumb gently caressing the other man's neck and he coaxes Naruto away from his friends with minimal involvement from those other students because Naruto is his…and even though he has the rest of his life to find out every detail he can about the blonde he doesn't want to waste a second.
When they finally dream again, it's in a world at peace.
End.
I've had this idea terrorizing my mind for ages…I've been slowly writing it between chapters of A Place to Call Home. I don't even know how to possibly articulate what was in my head, I can only hope that it was at least partially successful.
This was going to be a oneshot, but I've decided to extend it to cover the aftermath. This works 100% as a oneshot and if you want to stop here I am completely fine with that. The chapters following are a social critique as well as a story building on Sasuke and Naruto's relationship. It is slow moving and there is a definite shift in writing style. You've been informed, and if you do continue to read thank you so much, if not I'm glad you at least read this one!
KoriC