Disclaimer: I don't own shit. Except Maria, Natalya, and Serras. All other characters are copyright their rightful owners. You know who you are.
Author's Note: I've done a trillion and one Shoujo-ai fanfictions... er... for lack of better words... "glorifying" lesbian relationships. So now, it's time for a Shoujo-ai bash-fic. Notice that the bashing character has been taken a little out into the realm of extreme, and no one is likely to be this... well... afraid of lesbians.
Opinions that Kill
Maria leaned back in her chair and sighed. Despite her eighteen year old visage, she still had the mental fatigue capacity of a proper forty year old. Long since retired from her Guardian career, Maria now lives on a lavish estate just outside Battleon, with her sister, Natalya, and her sister-in-law Serras, along with Safiria, and eighteen year old Gale Despair.
Speaking of Gale, the Portal-matic on Maria's wrist showed four-fifteen in the afternoon, the same time Gale should be...
Crashing through the door in usual fashion came Gale, a frown marring her face.
"Hey, honey. How was school?" Maria asked in her casual tone. Gale grumbled something under her breath before replying.
"Friggin' retarded." She answered simply, slumping down on the couch and throwing her pack on the ground huffing hard.
"Uh oh. What happened?" Maria noted Gale's flush red cheeks and her diverted eyes. "You embarrassed about something?" Gale simply pulled away and looked farther down from Maria.
"Friggin... no... it's nothing. Here. This will explain." She opened her pack, pulled a sealed envelope out and passed it to her adoptive mother. Maria exhaled. She hated these letters. Sliding her nail under the seal to break it, she drew the letter out and read aloud.
"Dear Mrs. Despair. It has come to the attention of Battleon Community College that your son slash daughter is having trouble concentrating on his slash her studies, and his slash her teacher has requested a parent-teacher conference at your most convenient time. School hours are seven am to ten fifteen pm. Closed Sunday. Signed Jenna Hastel, Lore History Teacher." She looked up from the obviously general letter and sighed again. "Terribly general this, isn't it." She asked aloud. "What 'problems' per sa are you having?" Maria continued.
"I'm... well... to say the least... I... I can't say. You'll have to go find out."
"Can you ball-park it?" Maria continued to pry, but not too forcibly. Maria had always told Gale since she was little, that if anything she said made her uncomfortable, she could get up and leave, and Maria wouldn't ask any more questions. This was one of those instances that she actually used that option. Standing from her chair, Gale held her hands up and walked into her room. "Oh. Well, this can't be good." She folded the letter and put it in her pocket. "I should sort this out right away. I'll be back Gale, watch the house for your Aunt Natalya. She forgot her key. Again." There came a general acceptance from Gale's room. Maria walked out.
-Battleon Community College-
Maria stepped up to the desk and smiled to the receptionist.
"Name and reason for visit." The receptionist droned off like she had done probably thousands of times before.
"Maria Despair. I'm here to see..." She took the letter out and read the name again. "Jenna Hastel about Gale's problems." The receptionist pulled her glasses down and studied Maria. She chose her words carefully before proceeding.
"Is your mother going to be joining you?"
"What?"
"If you're trying to pass as Gale's mother, it's not working. Tell you sister to try harder." The receptionist spoke. Maria looked confounded at her for a moment, before bursting into a fit of uncontrollable laugher.
"Oh... oh I'm sorry..." Maria finally spoke after calming down. "Gale's my adoptive daughter. I've been that since she was three."
"I don't believe you. You'd have to be over thirty for that to be true. You don't look a day over eighteen."
"Ah, yes, well, I'm half-vampire." Maria responded coolly. This seemed to make sense.
"AH! One of the last remaining vampires. Terribly sorry about that, Mrs. Despair. Mrs. Hastel hasn't left yet, so she should be in her office. It's third down on the left." Maria smiled at the courtesy and followed her instructions. After coming to the third door on the left, she knocked.
"Come in." A female voice said from the other side. Maria obeyed and stepped in. "Can I help you?"
"Yes, actually. My daughter came home today with this letter from you..." She drew the letter from her pocket and handed it to Jenna. She scanned it before smiling.
"Ah, yes. Gale. Bright, creative girl. There are some... issues that we must discuss. Kinks to work out, you understand."
"I will once you fill me in." Maria responded, taking a seat. Jenna finished what she was working on, then pulled a file from her desk.
"I have here, everything Gale has done this school year. As you'll notice..." She handed the file to Maria, who began shuffling through it. "As you'll notice, she begins the year very strong. Almost confident. However, as time progresses, her work begins to degrade steadily, until just recently all her attempt to do ANYTHING all but stopped. Now she does nothing except write in that book of hers, and read from a second. She hides them when I try to see what she's doing. She's come into class a few days running with a black eye..."
"Oh, yea. She got in a fight in the mall a few days ago. Knocked the living crap outta a couple of guys, bless her heart." Mrs. Hastel looked at Maria with a very obvious skeptical stare.
"Mrs. Despair. I realize what you're trying to do, but I've seen it so much, I can't ignore it. Gale is too delicately built to be a fighter, Mrs. Despair. You know as well as I do, the days of combat have all but ceased on Lore. Ever since the Devourer was destroyed, there has been no need for fighting." She stopped, closed her eyes for a second, then continued. "I'll put it as bluntly as possible. Does your husband beat your daughter, Mrs. Despair?" Maria didn't even try to contain her excitement. She just let it all come out.
"You kidding me? There is no father!" Maria spoke though her joyous tears. "I adopted Gale."
"You're a single parent, then?"
"Nope. Safiria and I raise Gale with Natalya and Serras." Maria continued, buffing her nails on her shirt.
"Your... sisters?"
"Yes. And no. Natalya's my sister, Serras is my sister-in-law, and Safiria's my wife." Maria smiled. Almost as if she died right there, Jenna stopped all physical signs of functionality. Her breathing stopped, she stopped blinking, she stopped from even flinching in the slightest bit. Soon, she slowly began to reactivate. Her eyes grew cold, and her stare piercing.
"You're a homosexual, then." She said almost accusatory.
"I prefer the term Lesbian. Much nicer." Maria replied, trying to keep the overtly hostile-looking woman calm.
"Mrs. Despair. I think I'm starting to see why Gale has degraded as such. I have long believed that a child raised in a... hostile environment will never fully function properly, and shall always have inherent flaws in their character. Some become aggressive, others become recluses. Others, follow in the path of their... 'parents'. I believe that Gale's problem... is home-grown." Maria's smile vanished. She stopped buffing her nails.
"I'm not quite sure if I understand what you mean all the way..." Maria muttered, looking coldly at her.
"Children need a very controlled environment to grow to their fullest. This environment, if properly conditioned and monitored, will breed children who are, for all intents and purposes, perfect. Polite, considerate, beautiful..." She began to speak to continue, but Maria cut her off with a cold, sharp, piercing:
"Straight." She stood. "I think I'm beginning to see the problem, Jenna. Gale doesn't HAVE a problem. At least not in your perfect little world. It's not the child. It's the parent. You think SAFIRIA and I are the problems. I see what it is. You're homophobic. You think I'm screwing over my daughter's education just because I like other women?!"
"Please, please. Try to refrain from using the word 'daughter' she's not your daughter, Mrs. Despair. She only thinks she is." The teacher turned away, then turned back sharply. "And I am not homophobic, I simply believe that children need controlled environments to fully shape their potential. That's all."
"If that was all you're concerned with, then why did you have such a reaction when I said I was a lesbian?" Jenna looked shocked.
"W-what reaction?" She was trying to hide her fright from Maria.
"That look of 'what a dirty, stinking tramp dyke' you had not too long ago! I'm a former Guardian of Battleon, Mrs. Hastel. I can read people." Maria continued in her sharp tone. This conversation had quickly turned into a heated argument, with Jenna throwing the gauntlet. Anyone could see Maria was clearly on the offensive, trying to break Jenna's mental defenses.
"Please, please, please. Try to not use such harsh language here. This is an institute of learning."
"Feh!" Maria echoed sharply. "The way you sound, I'd say institute of passive judgment is more like it." The last comment had switched Jenna from defense to offense.
"Mrs. Despair. How many straight couples do you know that had off-spring; PROPER off-spring, that turned out so... sour as you?"
"THREE!" Maria barked back. "MY parents! My friend RAYNE's parents! My friend LIZZIE's parents! The parents were 'perfect' in your perverse mind. And look how..." Her voice turned mocking. "'Wrong' the children came out." She glared at Jenna. "You sicken me, woman. You call yourself a teacher, but you can't even teach yourself out of your sheltered, homophobic ways!" Jenna began backing up. "No, don't run. Listen to me!" Maria shouted, snatching hold of her wrist. Jenna let out an ear-splitting screech which broke Maria's grip. Jenna stumbled several steps back and crashed into a bookcase.
"Don't touch me! I don't want your disease! Get out of my office!" She shouted, pointing to the door. "Get out of my office, you sick, disease-ridden flea! Out! OUT! OUT!!" She shouted, eyes closed, arms pulled into her chest. Maria's cheeks flared in anger and hatred. She wanted to strangle the woman now and call it quits, but her judgment held her back.
"I'll leave. But first, I'm going to tell you something a dear friend of my told me before he died. 'Love is something to be proud of. Regardless of race, creed, religion..." She paused and growled the last word. "Gender.'" She spun on one foot and stormed out the door. Jenna began crying and sat herself on the ground. It was actually fairly pathetic to watch.
-Despair Residence-
Natalya, Safiria, Gale, and Serras all sat around the table in the lobby playing a game of Drakel-Dodger, a board game designed for four to eight players, when the door exploded open and the visage of an extremely pissed Maria came storming though.
"Mom?" Gale asked.
"Kitten?" Safiria echoed.
"Son of a mother fucking cock-sucking whore of a cunt-faced cum sucking bitch and a ambidextrous masturbating DOUCHE ON A STICK!" She shouted the last few words after slamming the door shut. Safiria was the first to stand to try to calm Maria down.
"Kitten? Maria? What happened?"
"Mom? You okay?" Gale asked.
"I KNOW I didn't hear THOSE words come outta mom's mouth, sis." Natalya smiled. "What's up?"
"I had a talk with your teacher, Gale." Maria finally spoke after venting off some considerable steam.
"What did she say the problem was."
"I don't know. I couldn't hear her over her blatant homophobic complaints." Maria growled. Reading Safiria and Serras's expressions, she elaborated. "Apparently, in her perverse, perfect little world, children only grow up properly if they have a mother and a father. Children of lesbians couples are, apparently, a sin upon the Creator himself! And heaven FORBID you're a single mother making a living selling yourself on the fucking STREETS! Then you're boned so far up the ass no many how many times you send in a spelunking team, they'll run out of air before FINDING anything!" Maria, almost out of steam, slumped onto the couch, crossed her arms furiously, then huffed. "I am so pissed off right now it's ridiculous! I mean, she cried like a little girl when I touched her arm! I mean! Like a little two year old who you stole their birthday! It was pathetic!"
"So... in short..." Serras began.
"Gale has no problem. SAFIRIA and I are the problems. In her eyes, the only way to... 'fix' Gale is to take us out of the picture, and put Gale with some cum-sucking straight family." She thought for a second. "Then shoot the pair of us and hang our hides out to a warning to all 'blasphemers' who would follow our tracks." Maria was better now, she was off her anger rant, and was now entering her normal rant phase.
"So. I take it you have a plan?" Natalya asked.
"I do." She inhaled. "I most certainly do."
-The Next Day-
Gale came clambering down the stairs muttering some rather colorful words under her breath, punctuated by the occasional complaint noting how horribly late for the bus she was.
"Gale." Maria spoke clearly. Gale stopped and continued to put her jacket on.
"What's up, mom? I'm kinda in a hurry." Gale spoke quickly, but still nicely.
"I just thought you'd like to go to the mall today, or go fishing with Wolfblitzer and I. Or... I dunno... Go take those Guardianship Exams like you wanted." Maria looked at herself in the mirror.
"Oh, geez, I'd love to mom, but I've got school today..." Gale paused. "But you knew that already... What do you have up your sleeve?"
"Gale, in the words of a great man: 'Not right now, you don't.'" Maria replied, putting a hand on Gale's shoulder. "School is a place of tolerance. A place where all people are created, and treated, equally. Your Lore History teacher, doesn't seem to understand that. So, I've pulled you out of that class, and all your classes, demanding that the school board either one, institute a rule of tolerance, or two, gimme my friggin' money back. So far they've yet to do either. So, I thought you and I would go hang out today."
"Hang out? With me? Wouldn't you and Safiria rather do something?"
"Ideally, yes, but Zorbak has Safiria distracted with other matters."
"What about Rayne? Wouldn't you and Ray-"
"Rayne and Lizzie are at the zoo. Along with Alex and Sage, Natalya and Serras."
"What about-"
"Felix is busy being Felix. Come on, let's go to the mall! It's been forever since I was eighteen. Actually eighteen, mind you. Not just looking like it." She muttered. Gale didn't think about it.
"I'd love to spend time with you! I'd thought you'd never ask!" Maria smiled. Oh yea, she was good.
-At That Moment. Battleon Community Collage-
"I can't believe I got suckered into this..." Blaze muttered, walking though the halls of Battleon's Community Collage. He held his sword in one hand, and was adorned in his armor. He was supposed to speak to a class about combat, but forgot most of what he wanted to talk about. "Was it... combat tactics and diplomatic means... or combat means and diplomatic tactics... I can't remember!" He stared at the floor. "I'm gonna fail!" He wined. "Oh well. No use crying over spilled milk. Time to use your best asset, Blaze! Time to improvise!" He entered the door. On the front was written "Lore History"
-Back With Maria-
"Wow! The mall is so dead when school's in!" Gale was flabbergasted at the sheer lack of people. "I can get into the Scarce Also store without waiting! Crap, mom, you're awesome." Maria simply smiled and took Gale's compliment with a grain of sand. She was trying to remain cool.
"I wonder how Blaze is doing?"
"What's that, mom?" Gale asked, absorbed at looking into the window of Radio Barn for a new Portal-Matic, which she had broken.
"Nothing... nothing..." Maria continued.
-Back With Blaze-
"Good morning, everyone. My name is Blazier, and I will be informing you all of ancient war tactics used by tactician and mathematician alike. You all know that I am wearing Battleon Guardian Armor, which I should hope. And..." He stared around the class for a moment. "Huh. That's funny. Wonder where Gale is. She'd love to see this demonstration."
"Who cares? Her... guardians are a group of dirty lesbians. No matter where she is." Blaze froze at the teachers words. He tried to think she didn't say that, but she did. Shaking it off, he continued.
"Anyways, does anyone here know of Carnax?" A hand went up in the back. "Yes, you in the back."
"Carnax was a creature standing thirty seven meters tall, with a leg of metal, a leg of energy, a leg of fire and a leg of ice. The creature could focus an energy beam out of it's third eye which could, and most often did, destroy anything in it's path."Blaze froze.
"Good girl. Yes, yes that was Carnax. The Battle of Carnax is considered the most pivotal turning point in Lore's History, defining the end of the rule of the Titans, and ushering a new era in Human and Drakel history." Another hand went up. "Yes, you there."
"Why are you so concerned about Gale?" He asked. Blaze shrugged.
"Her mother's a good friend of mine. I like keeping in touch."
"Please, Mr. Blazier, refrain from using that word when talking about those... people." Jenna stopped him.
"I'm sorry, but... what word?"
"'Mother'. Gale has no parents. Only Guardians. And their poor guardians at that." Blaze's cheeks flared.
"That 'poor guardian' you are so callously referring to happens to be one of the greatest women on Lore! If it wasn't for her, none of us would be alive!" he continued.
"Yes, but she is still a lesbian. And nothing good every came from-" Blaze cut her off.
"I'M BISEXUAL!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. "Why don't you start LEARNING about people before you go off willy-fucking-nilly INSULTING them! I came here out of the generosity of my heart, and here you are poking me in the eyes with sticks! Just because you're a teacher doesn't mean you can't LEARN too!" he growled. "You are the most prudish woman I know. I hope you enjoy your lonely life as a bachlorette, because I wouldn't TOUCH you if it would save Lore!" She spun on his heel and walked out of the door. Before the door closed he came back in and shouted: "And if I catch you brainwashing these kids with your Homophobic means, I'll come back and kick your ass from here to Paxia!" He slammed the door shut. Jenna straightened her hair.
"See, children? This is why lesbians and gays should be destroyed. They're so volatile."
"Okay. I've had it, too." A voice pipped up from the back. A young boy stood up and slammed his hand on his desk. "Teach, I've sat here time after time listening to your brainwashing, telling me that all Lesbians and Gays are evil. Well guess what? I've had enough. I happen to quite ENJOY the thought of two girls kissing! And if that's so evil to you, then fine! I'm gone!" He walked to the door and looked back. "And I won't think any less of any of you if you follow." In one fluid motion, he opened the door, stepped out and exited, shutting the door loudly behind him.
"He's right..." A nameless voice muttered in agreement.
"God, I actually took this class willingly?" A second continued.
"Sheese, Jake's right. Mrs. Hastel's quite the prude." A third spoke up.
"Oi! Wait for me, man!" A fourth stood and followed Jake out.
"I'm coming too!" A fifth left. One by one, the entire class got up and left, leaving only one solitary girl sitting in a chair. Jenna straightened her hair and walked to the girl.
"Well, Sage. At least you're still here." Jenna took Sage's hand and smiled.
"By the way, Mrs. Hastel. I have something I want to tell you."
"Hum?" Jenna asked. Sage looked up and smiled. Not a soft, caring smile, but an evil, cold grin.
"I'm a lesbian too. And that girl who started this, was my cousin." Jenna released Sage's hand so fast and stumbled back, she knocked seven or so chairs back and away, the teacher falling to the floor. Sage's smiled turned cheery and she skipped out, singing to herself.
That was it. The room was empty.
-Few Days Later-
Days went by and no one showed up for Jenna's Lore History class. The only students present were ones taking the other classes the school had, but none would even step foot into that room. The school was starting to take notice. They had given Jenna a two week notice to get her students back, all of whom had withdrawn from the school, or she'd find herself out of work.
One morning, Jenna grabbed the handle of her door, expecting to find it locked. However, unlike the previous night, it was quite open. She opened it all the way and entered. All the seats were pushed away to form two lines before Jenna's desk, like an aisle, and Jenna's desk at the head. Seated at her desk was Maria Despair, buffing her nails.
"Alright. I give up." Jenna muttered.
"Whatever do you mean?" Maria continued.
"My class... get me my class back!"
"Ah yes. Quite clever that stunt was, wasn't it? Want to know how it went down? See, Wolfblitzer was originally going to talk to your class. But, after Wolfblitzer suffered a rather... sad fishing accident, he was forced to cancel. But before he did, I told him Blaze could do it. Now, Blaze, being bi-sexual, was very sensitive to the subject. So I sent him expecting your reaction. I provided him false information that Gale was there, so he would bring it up. Now, knowing Blaze, he has the tongue that could sway armies and move mountains. I knew he'd have an avid effect on your class, causing a mass exodus from the school. And I was right. So here's why I'm here, Jenna. I can make this all go away. I can make this entire thing... disappear. For a price, and a condition."
"Anything!" Jenna almost begged.
"Hum... so desperate. Okay. The condition is, you never mention gays or lesbians in a poor light again."
"Done!"
"And the price is..." Maria stood and walked around the desk to Jenna. She smiled, put her hands behind her back and smiled. "The price is; you have to kiss me."
"No!" She answered firmly."
"Okay." Maria muttered. She pulled a piece of paper from Jenna's desk and handed it to her. "You have just enough time to put in your two weeks and leave with some shred of dignity." Maria smiled a cold, unfeeling grin as she put the paper in her hands. Jenna looked at it and grimaced.
"Just once?" Jenna asked, eyes closed.
"Just once." Maria responded.
"Just once... and I get my class back?"
"Just once and you get your class back." Maria echoed. Jenna turned around, defeated.
"Done..."
"Excellent!" Maria smiled. She motioned her to move forward. "Don't disappoint. I've got something to compare you to." Jenna motioned forward. Maria stopped her with a finger. "And not a granny kiss, either. I'm not your Grandmama. I want some feeling. Like I'm the love of your life just returned home from a war that had a ninety nine percent casualty rate. I'm one of the only twelve survivors, and you want nothing more then to hold me in your arms and let all the troubles and pains of war melt into an everlasting kiss. You'd love to just tear my clothes off where I stand and-"
"OKAY! OKAY I GET IT!" Jenna shouted. The image was quite... invigorating. Jenna motioned forward and put an uneasy arm around Maria's neck and pulled her closer. She gingerly placed her other hand on Maria's side, closing her eyes, mentally preparing for what she was about to do. She poised her lips inches from Maria's. In a split second, it happened. It wasn't forced. It wasn't rehearsed. It wasn't staged. It wasn't fake in any way. Maria felt a torrent of passion sweep over her. What felt like moments later, Maria finally broke.
"Whoa... whoa... Safiria hasn't kissed me like that since we first met... Damn. I'm feelin' the effects of that one. Feelin' kinda all aflutter." She waved her hands before her, trying to cool off. "Alright, Hastel. You pass. I'll have your class back by tomorrow." Maria smiled and walked to the door. "Oh, and just remember. I have eyes and ears in this class. I know all. I see all. I hear... all!" She vanished out the door. Jenna slumped back into her chair and smiled.
"That Maria is one nice piece of woman..." Jenna muttered, a drunken smile on her face.
-Next Day-
Maria lived up to her promise. The next day, every single person was back in their seats (Except Jake, the kid who left first, partially because he had caught a nasty case of Paxian Jitterbugs.), along with Gale. Her mother had come clean with both her and Safiria to the measures she had to take.
"So." Safiria had said, working her way behind Maria. "Was it... enjoyable?" She asked.
"Well... compared to you, no. But just in general, yes." Maria continued. "Compared to you it was like biting into a cactus soaked in rubbing alcohol. But in general, it was like a nice peach that you just ate. Fluffy and pink." Maria smiled. "Oh, while I remember, here." She gave Gale a small piece of paper.
"What's this?"
"The picture Wolfblitzer took. Use it as blackmail if you teacher steps out of line again."
"What about you?" Gale asked. "Won't you be embarrassed?"
"Look. Blackmailing someone is not about if you can embarrass them or not. It's how much money can you get out of them before the police catch you! Or in this case, how many times does your teacher step out of line, after knowing you've got that." Maria smiled. Safiria returned the smile.
"That's why I love you, kitten. So mean, yet so nice at the same time." Safiria opened her mouth and took a love bite at Maria's neck.
"You're naughty, you know that?"
-End-
Ending Author's Note: I'm quite proud of that. And, while getting this out in the open, I very well may have introduced another character! Never know. Your turn, DA.
By the way: If you didn't get the "Scarce Also" gag, think harder. We have a store called "Limited Too" think.