Dedicated to Maraea, though she may not know it.
Disclaimer: i don't own it. if i did, it'd suck.
I remember the first time we saw each other. You were atop an older boy's shoulders, and I later came to know him as your older brother. You glanced down at me and our eyes met for a brief moment. We were nothing more than strangers passing in the street, but I got this warm feeling in the pit of my stomach that I couldn't't quite place at the time.
We met properly a few years later. You were still young, but instead of the happy child I remembered, you had a deep scowl gracing your features, glaring at the girl's who crowded around you in awe. I was automatically jealous of you; you had the attention that I had always craved, and you didn't have to try or even seem to want it. Our eyes met and yours seemed to darken, which confused me as I didn't understand why you hated me. It was in that moment that I decided that I'd beat you out at something, anything. Just so you couldn't't look at me with such disgust. You were my biggest rival.
It was another few years before things started to change between us. We'd been placed on the same squad and our rivalry had only increased. I strived to best you in training, to have people look at me in the same admiration they did to you. You may not have known it, but with each new technique you displayed, you pushed me to try harder, to be the best I could possibly be. Soon enough, you were more than just my rival and teammate, you were my inspiration, my encouragement. You were my closest friend.
As missions grew tougher, and we'd had to rely on each other more and more frequently, our relationship began to change yet again. There was no specific point in time, no exact moment, but I began to regard you as more than a friend. You were the closest thing I had to family. You became my brother.
You were my rival, my comrade, my friend, my brother. That's why I didn't hesitate in chasing you when you left. You were the only one who understood me. I wasn't about to let that run out on me, I didn't want to be alone again. But you'd changed. I hate myself for not realising earlier that your eyes were losing their spark that had returned to them. They were looking like they did back when I'd declared you my rival; cold and hateful, and this time, there was nothing I could do to stop it. You ran away from the people who cared about you, chasing a dream that had grown into an unhealthy obsession. The village sent us after you to bring you back, but really, I was the only one going for personal reasons. The others cared, just not in the same way. That's why I was so determined to find you. And when I did finally catch up, we just ended up fighting again. Not like we used to; this time it was more intense and the stakes were much, much higher. When I woke up, alone, with nothing more than your memory and a scratched headband, our bond became twisted and was mutated into something horrid and ugly. You were my rival, my comrade, my friend, and my brother, but now, above all that, you were a traitor.
Now I stand here, looking into your cold, dead eyes and I realise that if it wasn't for you, I'd still be pulling cheap pranks and be the immature little kid I used to be. It'd been a few years since you'd been marked a traitor, and you haven't changed. And for that, I'm sorry. I am so damn sorry. I blame myself for your blank stare, your distant words, everything. I should've been able to prevent this. To stop you becoming what you did. You saved me when I needed it most, and I hadn't managed to pay you back.
But you're back now. Even if it is only to kill me as you pass through. This time, I'll pay you back. I'll do everything humanly possible for that light to come back into your eyes. I promise, that this time, I'll save you. Because you stuck with me through all the petty fights, through all the insults, all the pain and all the hardship. Because you're the only one who can heal the scars that are so deep I think they'll never go away.
Because you're my rival, my comrade, my friend, my brother, and the only one that gives me reason for opening my eyes each morning.