"This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." Winston Churchill

1.

The past was the past. Jack knew that, even as a former time traveler able to experience it as the present. Having lived for over 150 years, he also knew that what was done was done and could not be changed. He'd learned long ago that there were some things he couldn't regret forever, and taking the name Jack Harkness had been one of them.

Until he had met the man whose name he had taken.

Jack had only known that the Captain had died in battle. He'd died a hero, and when Jack had been in 1941 the first time, working his con with the Chula ship, he'd rather fancied both the name and the idea of it being the name of a war hero. Not that he envisioned himself a hero—far from it, in fact. He'd been running from the Time Agency, pulling cons in a desperate attempt to bury the pain of betrayal and the fear of being captured. If taking a hero's name had helped him play at being brave, what was the harm in it?

He'd found it easy to keep the name, growing into it during his travels with the Doctor. It was similar enough to his own, rolling off his tongue easily and with charm. And for a time, Jack was reminded of the man he'd taken it from, until he slowly began to find that he didn't need to run anymore, didn't need to hide. He wouldn't claim he had become Jack Harkness, the 20th century war hero, but he'd become his own version, a changed man, and he had even liked that version of himself at times.

Now that he had met the man who had died in a fiery plane crash, Jack found himself questioning his entire identity. It had been a hell of a year, with everything going steadily downhill since the destruction of Torchwood One. He'd been carrying on as Cardiff's leader fairly well until London fell, but it was as if the Battle of Canary Wharf had set off the decline of Torchwood Three even as it wiped out Torchwood One. Jack had lost people, had been forced to sacrifice others, had been betrayed and killed and questioned and doubted. To say the last eight months had been difficult was an understatement. More had happened since Ianto Jones had stumbled into Cardiff after Canary Wharf than had happened since Jack had formed his small team after Alex Hopkins committed suicide.

Which made Jack question his reasons for even being there, for staying, for trying to do the right thing as he waited for the Doctor. Maybe the gig was up. Maybe it was time he stopped playing at being a leader, a hero, since he was clearly not half the man the real Jack Harkness was. Maybe it was time he left Torchwood for good, before he really messed up and ruined someone's life—or destroyed the planet.

The thought rolled through his mind over and over: he was a failure, unworthy of the name he had taken so long ago. It would be better for everyone if he packed his bags and left. Given how well his team had handled themselves with the Rift—never mind that one of them had shot another—he was reasonably confident that they could manage without him. Especially if they had Ianto.

Which was the one thing that made him pause. Yes, he felt responsible for Tosh, but the others would look out for her. And yes, he was acutely aware of Owen's internal pain, but there was nothing he could do for the doctor anymore. Gwen…well, Gwen reminded him so much of Rose that he knew she'd be fine, especially with her exceptionally steadfast boyfriend. But Ianto…who would look out for Ianto, if he was busy taking care of the rest of the team, making sure Torchwood stayed standing, ready to save the world?

He would miss Ianto more than any of them. Somehow, they had moved past the hurt and betrayal of the incident with Lisa Hallett, and their unconventional relationship had become important to Jack. He cared about Ianto, more than he let himself care about most people he slept with. They worked together, they slept together, but they also talked and enjoyed being together. They didn't do much, like go out to dinner or a movie; much of their interaction was done without words—a look, a touch, a smile. Yet it had come to mean something to Jack, and he felt closer to Ianto than the others, trusted him more than anyone.

Which made his actions in 1941 even more confusing.

Do you have anyone back home?

No, there's no one.

A lie. Jack felt his heart cringe at the very thought of it. He did have someone, but at that moment, his longing for a time he'd once held dear and his despair at having to relive it all a second time had swept Ianto from his mind. Jack might not have beat himself up for betraying other lovers, but this time he did, because while he had been letting himself fall for both Bilis Manger's manipulation and Jack Harkness's sad charm, Ianto Jones had been steadfast and loyal, fighting for Jack and for Cardiff.

Jack was not a man to let his conscience weight on him, not when it came to matters of the heart. He tried to do right by his friends and lovers, but he could not carry every bad decision on his shoulders; he'd collapse under the weight. Yet for the first time in years Jack was acutely aware of having wronged someone and he desperately wanted to make it right.

He told himself he wasn't clinging to the memory of Jack Harkness by holding tight to the reality of Ianto Jones. What he had with Ianto had been developing for weeks, and Jack didn't want to lose it because of one temporal shift and a lack of hope of his part. Maybe the possibility of never seeing Ianto again had jolted him into realizing how much the other man meant to him.

Besides, if he were going to seriously contemplate leaving Torchwood, he could not do it without telling Ianto. He even entertained the idea of asking the Welshman to join him, but he knew Ianto would stay. Ianto's loyalty to Jack would not let him betray his duty to Torchwood, Cardiff, or Wales. Torchwood needed him…but so did Jack.

Confused and upset, Jack needed to talk to Ianto. Not shag, but actually talk. He needed to tell someone what it had meant to meet the real Jack Harkness, how the guilt was eating at him, how he wasn't sure who he was or what he was doing anymore. He needed to tell Ianto everything, including his past; he only hoped that the man could find it in him to listen.

It was a short drive to Ianto's flat, but to Jack it felt as if it were twice as long. He was nervous, almost to the point of turning around. Yet if he did that, he'd turn and run, and he needed to see Ianto first. So he pushed past his fear and anxiety, parked the SUV, and forced himself to walk to the door.

He was surprised when his knock was answered by Toshiko.

"Tosh!" he exclaimed, stepping back on reflex. "What are you doing here?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Having dinner with Ianto. What are you doing here?"

There was a tone to her voice that Jack couldn't place: surprised, skeptical, disappointed? He felt unwelcome, which was odd, considering it had only been a few hours since he and Tosh had toasted Captain Jack Harkness in his office. He thought she had understood.

"Er," he said, then tried to smile. "Just checking up on Ianto. It's not every day he has to shoot a coworker."

"A coworker who hit and kicked him," murmured Tosh, her face dark. Jack hadn't heard about that and frowned; maybe her bad mood wasn't directed at him then.

"What? Look, is Ianto around? I don't want to interrupt, but I would like to talk to him."

"He's about to pick up the take-away," said a voice from behind Tosh, and Ianto was there, pulling on his jacket. His face was distant, and he avoided Jack's eyes. Jack sensed from both Tosh's reaction and Ianto's that something was wrong.

"Isn't that usually delivered?" Jack asked, forcing a lightness to his voice that he didn't feel.

"Not when I need some air." Ianto raised an eyebrow, and Jack stepped aside to let him pass without question. "I'll be back in ten minutes, Tosh. Wine's in the fridge." He glanced at Jack, though the mask didn't crack. "Will you be joining us, sir? I'll pick up some extra food if so."

Jack stared at him, sparing a look at Tosh. "Uh, no, that's all right. Thanks. I'll touch base with Tosh and head back to the Hub. See you in the morning?"

The look on Ianto's face was still undecipherable as he nodded. He smiled at Tosh, then turned and left Jack standing awkwardly in the hallway, Tosh equally uncomfortable when they had been so close only hours earlier. Jack couldn't stand it.

"Tosh?" he asked. "Is everything all right? Did I interrupt something between you and Ianto?"

Her eyes went wide, the implication in Jack's question clear. "What? No! Of course not, Jack. Why would you say that?"

"Because you're both acting like you've been caught in bed by your parents," he laughed nervously. Tosh rolled her eyes, and Jack couldn't help but sigh in relief, that he hadn't in fact walked in on two of his coworkers in a romantic situation, especially when he was sleeping with one of them.

"Are you all right, then?" he asked. "How's your hand?"

She finally graced him with a smile, and his heart relaxed somewhat, that she wasn't so angry at him to refuse to smile. "My hand's fine, thank you," she said. She invited him inside, though she seemed reluctant.

He glanced around Ianto's flat, curious as always. It'd been a few weeks since he'd last been there, and he wanted to stay even though he'd turned down the invitation. It wasn't much, but it was far more welcoming than his bunker ever was. "Do you two have dinner often?"

She shrugged. "We do, yes. Tonight seemed like a good night for it. Lots to talk about."

"Ah," said Jack, nodding. "Checking up on him too?"

"Owen told me what happened while he was working on my hand," she said. "How they argued about using the Rift manipulator. I thought Ianto could use a friend. I imagine Gwen is probably busy holding Owen's—"

"Hand," finished Jack, not wanting to go there. "If they're even together. I think that ended with Diane."

Tosh sighed. "Ianto said that's one reason Owen wanted to open the Rift. For Diane."

Jack had suspected as much, though neither man had said anything. Both had been tight-lipped about their confrontation when Jack had questioned them before dismissing the team for the day.

"I should check up on him too," Jack murmured. He knew he should, given that Owen had been injured and was probably hurting emotionally as well, but he needed to talk to Ianto, if only Tosh wasn't there.

"You should probably talk to Ianto first," said Tosh. She sighed. "I shouldn't be telling you this, but I know they didn't. Owen was horrible to him. They physically fought about using the Rift manipulator, Jack. Owen kicked Ianto hard, called him names—and not their usual kind of bickering."

"You don't have to say anything, Tosh," Jack said softly. "I don't want you to break a confidence."

"Ianto will never tell you, and neither will Owen, but Owen told me. I think he feels bad, and not because he got shot. He knows he crossed the line. When I asked Ianto about it, he said it was all true." She was watching him closely, and Jack was more terrified in that moment than he had been all day.

"What was true?" He couldn't help but ask, though he knew he shouldn't. Tosh looked at him so sadly that he felt his heart break, that he could have possibly disappointed her so much.

"Owen called Ianto your part-time shag, Jack," she said. "Called him pathetic and said a lot of other awful things." She paused. "Is it true?"

"What?" he asked, his mind already racing.

"That you and Ianto are…you know."

In any other situation, Jack would have proudly acknowledged Ianto as his lover with no doubts whatsoever. Yet now he had so many. Tosh was looking at him with something close to disappointment, and Ianto had barely acknowledged him. Then there was his experience with Captain Jack Harkness, which Tosh was well aware of…was that where the disappointment came from? Had she told Ianto about Jack's ill-fated kiss in the past?

"It's complicated," Jack said softly.

"Are you sleeping together?" asked Tosh, and Jack nodded, feeling miserable because he knew what was coming.

"Yeah."

"Jack…" She started, and he stopped her.

"I know," he said, his voice cracking. "I know what you must be thinking, after what happened in the dance hall. And you have every right to question it, to judge me…only it's not what you think, Tosh. And that's why I came to see Ianto, to talk to him."

She was silent for a moment before answering. "I didn't tell him about Captain Harkness, if you're wondering. And I'm glad I didn't. He doesn't need to know about that, not now."

"But he knows something happened," said Jack, guessing at the reason for Ianto's cold reception at the door.

"He knows you met your namesake," said Tosh. "He knows you came back upset about something. And he's upset about shooting Owen. I think he's confused. You've kept your secrets close, Jack, from all of us, but you're sleeping with him. Is he someone you should be keeping secrets from?"

"It's not like that," said Jack. "We're not…" They weren't what? He liked Ianto, and he trusted Ianto, but no one knew all his secrets. Gwen only knew he couldn't die because she'd seen it, and now Tosh knew about his past because she'd been there with him to see it firsthand. Why hadn't he told Ianto?

"Maybe not," said Tosh. "But he shot Owen, Jack, and he did it out of loyalty to you. He did it because he knew how dangerous opening the Rift was, because you told us to never, ever to open the Rift."

"He would have left us there, Tosh," Jack pointed out, even though he knew it was a weak argument. "We would have had to live through the war."

Tosh touched his arm, and the gesture of sympathy warmed his heart. "I know it would have been hard for you. I think that's why you lost yourself so quickly. But he made a hard decision, a decision for Cardiff, not for us. And he feels awful about it."

"He told you that?"

She dropped her head and lowered her voice. "It's like what happened to Lisa all over again. He tried to do the right thing, but he feels like he's failed all over again. The guilt is eating at him, Jack. He doesn't believe he deserves to be here after what he did." She glanced up and met his eyes. "I think he wants to leave."

"No," Jack whispered, shaking his head. Ianto couldn't leave him, couldn't leave Torchwood. And yet…hadn't Jack been thinking the exact same thing? That he didn't deserve to be there, that they'd all be better off without him? God, Torchwood ruined everyone.

Tosh nodded, then turned and began to pull on her shoes and gather her purse. "I think it's important you talk to him. He's confused and he deserves some truths, like you told me. Especially if you're sleeping with him."

"Tosh…"Jack started, and stopped, unsure what to say.

"You don't have to tell him everything," said Tosh, and sighed. "And frankly, I don't think you should. I don't understand what happened with Captain Harkness, and I hope it's not what I thought. I suspect it's just as complicated as whatever it is with Ianto."

"I guess so," said Jack. His shoulders slouched and he ran a hand through his hair. "What a day."

"That's Torchwood for you," she said with a shrug. "But Jack? Can I ask you one more thing?"

He braced himself, knowing exactly what she was going to say.

"Was Owen right about it being nothing more than a part-time shag?"

"No," he answered honestly, surprised at how quickly and easy the answer came. It wasn't true. Ianto was not a part-time shag. It was more than that, even if neither one of them could say what it was exactly. Which meant maybe it was time to figure it out, before one of them left for good. "No, Tosh, it's not like that, and I'm sorry Owen said that."

She studied him again before stepping forward to press a light kiss to his cheek. "Then make sure Ianto knows that. It might convince him to stay."

Jack felt his stomach drop at her last comment. It was that bad, then. He'd come to Ianto's flat hoping to talk about his experience in 1941, knowing that if he left Torchwood he needed to tell Ianto the truth. He'd never stopped to consider that Ianto had been through his own difficult time back at the Hub, that the Welshman might be feeling the same guilt, confusion, and debilitating self-doubt that Jack felt. And he'd never imagined that Ianto would leave Torchwood first.

Which meant he'd have to convince Ianto to stay. And if Ianto stayed, then Jack would as stay as well, and they could be damned together.

Author's Note:

The title is from the quotation by Winston Churchill referenced at the beginning, which is from a speech he gave in 1942. As I was looking for quotations and titles to fit what I was trying to do with this, it jumped out at me as rather fitting for these episodes and this story. Jack and Ianto's beginning was strained over the course of the first season, their relationship most likely nothing more than casual, and here it comes to an end. When Jack returns, they will start something new, both of them changed by the events of 'End of Days,' Jack's disappearance, and the months before his return. I started this story years ago and kept coming back to it without knowing where to take it. At one point I considered the possibility of taking it in a completely AU direction: Ianto does leave Torchwood, and only comes back before KKBB to help the team. But that never settled, and instead I'm playing with the idea of the episode 'Captain Jack Harkness' causing a crisis of faith for both them. In particular, I can't help but wonder how Ianto felt about shooting Owen. I also have some real issues with what happened between Jack and original Jack and have touched on that as well. This story is about six chapters long and almost complete. Thank you for reading!