WARNING! Major OOC!
Well... sort of... Okay, yeah, because in general, I don't think Kagome would be so outspoken, and I don't think Kikyo would hang around long enough to listen...
I'm really bored, I had fun writing this, and I'm actually looking forward to writing a scene with Kagome playing either LIFE or Clue with Kikyo, I can't decide.
Anyway, I'd love reviews, but seeing as this isn't categorized in ROMANCE and there are about fifty thousand other fics in the Inuyasha category, I doubt anyone's gonna get around to reading this.
Not far from Kaede's village, a young woman was leaning against a tree, her green and white school uniform tussled, and a geometry book laying innocently in her lap - in the midst of feudal Japan. A girl anachronism if there ever was one.
Kagome sighed wearily, glancing back down at the book cradled in her lap with blurred eyes.
"By the Concurrency of Angle Bisectors of a triangle theorem, the three angle bisectors.." She yawned. "...of a triangle intersect... Mou!" Kagome slammed the dreadful book shut.
Yep, that was it - there was just no way Kagome could possibly concentrate on Geometry with her dead incarnation glaring at her from over her shoulder. And sure enough, not more than five feet away from Kagome sat Kikyo, absolutely dazzling in her red and white miko garb, stunning in all her... erm, dead glory.
Never mind that she was hand cuffed to a tree.
--- Flashback ---
"No."
Inuyasha glared at her, crossing his arms. "What do you mean, 'no'?"
"No. No. No, no way in hell, it's so not happening. In fact, why don't you just SIT down for even contemplating that!"
"Now, now, now..." Miroku spoke, watching Inuyasha eat dirt with a small smirk. "It's perfectly reasonable, Kagome..."
"Reasonable? Leaving me here is reasonable?" Her anger flared up even more, if that was even remotely possible.
"Kagome," Sango stepped up, her eyes down to business and serious, as usual. "Our last battle against Naraku could have been the end, but Kikyo had shown up, injuring not one but both parties. And she has shown no sign of leaving. As in, she's following us, Kagome, and we don't need that right now!" Sango's eyes flickered towards the dead miko, who had just been handcuffed to the tree and was gazing at Kagome curiously and occasionally sending Inuyasha death glares. (Mainly because he didn't seem to mind her being handcuffed and all.)
Sango continued. "Since Inuyasha seems incapable of inflicting harm on Kikyo, we'd be walking into yet another stalemate, especially if she's helping both sides."
Silence.
"Okay, so mainly Naraku's side..."
Kagome lowered her eyes. "Well, yeah, but..." she bit her lip. "..Why me?"
Sango was about to respond, but Inuyasha beat her to it.
"'Cause you're a useless, whining, badly made copy of Kikyo," No matter that that statement had nothing to do with the 'Why me?' question because it was mainly directed at Kikyo, his former love. (Suppose those death glares really were getting to him... Hah! Insulting Kagome isn't gonna get you brownie points with Kikyo, buddy!)
"Oh... Oh yeah?" Kagome spouted, trying to ignore the hurt in her heart (no matter how small it happened to be) and concentrating on the fact that Inuyasha was an egotistical, delusional idiot. "Well, uh..."
She glanced around, eyes falling on the lecherous monk of the group. "Well, I'm in love with Miroku!" Hah! Beat that!"
Dead silence.
Miroku edged towards Kagome.
"Don't touch me, Miroku." Insert dead-pan voice here.
Miroku let out a disappointed sigh.
Sango attempted to continue where she left off. "Kagome, you're the only one who has managed to subdue Kikyo," The demon exterminator paused. "By the way, Kagome... How did you manage to subdue her?"
"Errr... ah, um..." Kagome giggled sheepishly.
--- Flashback Within A Flashback ----
"Kiiiikyo... Come here!" A sing-song voice called out in the midst of Inuyasha's forest.
A few soul stealers flew out from behind the trees, followed by Kikyo, her usual emotion-free face replaced with a glare. She stared for a moment at Kagome, who was smiling slightly about ten paces in front of her.
Kagome held out her hand. "Look... A twiiiiinkiiiiee..."
Kikyo sweat dropped. "Do you think I'm stupid, little girl?"
"Mmmm... It's so yummy..." Insert moaning here.
"And what IS that?"
"Mmmmm..." She continued waving the twinkie around.
"And don't worry, it's not like there's a sleeping potion in it, or anything..." Kagome giggled, glancing around suspiciously.
Kikyo gazed around before 'humoring' Kagome. ("Stupid girl...")
She walked up to Kagome.
Grabbed the twinkie.
Threw it.
Started to walk away.
"Gotcha!"
Huh?
Kagome latched onto Kikyo's midsection, jump tackling her and sending them both flying to the forest floor. "Hurray for handcuffs!"
"Hand cuffs?"
Click.
"Miroku! Sango! Quick! Suck up those loser, flying fish... things!"
--- End Flash Back Within A Flashback---
"I see," Sango blinked. "I- hey!"
Everyone else had left to fight Naraku, leaving the somewhat gullible Sango to listen to Kagome's story, because no one else really gave a rat's ass as to how Kikyo was bound.
"Wait for me!" ("Kami, I hate you guys! I mean, really... Men! Psh!")
--- End Flashback ---
Kagome sighed, bored with all the flashbacks going on and the fact that she was in a fan fiction with no plot. And even if there had indeed been a plot at one time or another, it had died a long while ago and the remains of it were being cremated and strewn about Kaede's village.
"I don't see why he's so hung up on you," Kagome finally spoke, choosing a conversation with Kikyo over a painful bout of boredom.
"I mean, no offense or anything... but you're kind of a bi-"
Kikyo glared. ". . ."
Kagome shut up.
After a moment of comfortable silence, she continued, "He's always like... "Noooo! Kikyo!'", she mimicked poorly, in a high-pitched girly squeal, "I'll save you!"
(Ignoring, of course, the fact that Inuyasha does the same thing to her.)
"Which is really weird, 'cause, you know... you're already, like, dead."
Insert Kikyo-inhanced, angry glare here. ". . ."
"You don't even have a soul. You're like... Miss Zombie Girl."
"I mean, come on. You're brain decomposed over 50 years ago. So unless they've figured out how to reanimate brain cells..." Kagome chattered on.
"Aw, who am I kidding? You probably can't even understand what I'm saying."
Kikyo's glare got fiercer. ". . ."
Kagome made an attempt to look dignified while contemplating something. "You probably don't even know what an Angle Congruency Theorem is."
"Do you know what it is?" Kikyo's angry voice cut through the air like a limp, plastic knife. (Albeit, a very scratchy voice from being silent so often... Sort of like Mr. Penguin the singing squeak toy from Toy Story... And, hey! Was that emotion shown just now? I knew you could do it, Kikyo! Here! Have a cookie!)
Kagome was temporarily stunned into silence. "Erm... Hey! Have you ever played LIFE?"
Kikyo sighed.
Stay tuned in for the second part, in which Kikyo and Kagome play LIFE, Kagome gets pissed off and goes home, and Kikyo returns to the battle field.
I'm thinking of writing Sailor Moon done to Julius Caesar by Shakespear.
...What do you mean 'that sounds like a really gay parody'?
Well, screw you too.