[Author's Note: Nobody ever seems to like this story. I would heartily appreciate reviews telling me, in a kind-hearted and specifics-loaded way, why.
Although I often complain about spelling out accents, sometimes it's allowed for comic effect, as in this silly spoof.
Thanks to anyone who cares to help!]
The Batmobile swooped around the corner of one of The City's seedier avenues, the screech of its tires joined by a jarring melody pulsing through the grimy air. DA-da-dada-DA-da-dada–
"Fer cryin' out loud!" Batman slammed the steering wheel. "Get that, will you, Robin."
"Caped crusader hotline. ... I understand. We'll hop to it."
Their suspect climbed a fire escape. Batman leaped over the car door and pursued. He yelled over his shoulder, "Well?"
"Alfred," Robin said, sprinting to catch up with his mentor. "Needs a half gallon of two percent milk." As his jab connected with the criminal's jaw, he watched the fellow slide to the metal landing. "Not skim," he added, patting Batman's six-pack abs, "two percent." He hefted the perp over his shoulder and grasped the chilly railing to descend.
The burglar flew from Robin's grasp, arcing up past several sets of boarded-up windows, and was reeled in over the ledge. A red and black mask leaned over the roof.
"Thanks, guys," Spider-man said. "I've been following this loser for three hours now. Great teamwork."
Batman, arms akimbo, snorted. "No problem, wall-crawler. Now let's all keep our eyes peeled for the latest masked menace: Brown Recluse."
"Great. We arachnids can duke it out and have a fine old time. Be seein' ya – oh, just what I need!" The webbed wonder threw up his hands. "Hang on a sec, guys." Muffled strains of conversation floated down. "Couldn't this wait, MJ?"
Peter Parker's part-time persona peered over the parapet. "My wife said to ask if you can bring guacamole to the Superheroes' Bash at Connie's."
Batman tilted his pointy-eared mask toward the rooftop. "Will do. How come my super-sensitive
hearing didn't catch your phone ring?"
"I keep it on vibrate to sneak up on the baddies, duh."
"I told you we didn't need that flashy ringtone," Robin muttered from between clenched teeth.