"I Just Saw Filch Snogging Ms. Norris"
Summary: When a bad idea meets a worse sleep schedule, something like this is what will ensue. Flames accepted, they will be used to make toast! Flagrant H/Hr, and if you haven't guessed, AF/MN.
Disclaimer: I just own a concept that shouldn't be!
~~~~~
"I just saw Filch snogging Ms. Norris!!!!!" He screamed.
Ron Weasley stood, panting, in the doorway of Severus Snape's Classroom. As silence descended, Ron began to realize that there could have been better places to yell what he just had. The girl's bathroom, at dinner, in front of Filch, while being attacked by a mountain troll. All situations he would have preferred to have been in at that moment. Snape's eye twitched, the first sign of life he had shown in close to four minuets.
"Excuse me, Mr Weasley," The potion professor's smooth voice rang, "I did not realize that I was interrupting a dissertation of your....*ahem* ... less colorful activities. But do tell me," his lips curled into a cruel smile, "was raising awareness of your liaisons with Mr. Filch worth losing forty points from your DEAR Griffindor?"
Ron had turned a horrible shade of maroon-green on the cheeks, and appeared to be halfway between fainting and screaming. Harry tried to be as casual as possible while fetching him, but any hope of that was defeated as the redhead burst out quite spontaneously.
"I'D RATHER DIE!"
"Oh, Mr. Weasley, would you like several HUNDRED more points deducted from your house?"
All Griffindors turned in their seats to stare tensely at Ron. Several girls fainted at his next comment.
"I don't care about the bloody points, I'd rather die than have anyone in...in....- oh blast it, Hermione?"
"Insinuate?" She chirped.
"INSINUATE that I would ever TRY to CLIMB IN BED with ARGUS FILCH!"
Close to all of the class gawked at Ron. Even the Slytherins, who usually became outraged in an instance like this, had taken interest. Snape was seething, and yet Ron was not finished.
"I would think, Professor Snape, that even you would have pity on a poor bloke like me who saw our caretaker HALF NAKED and making love to a ruddy cat!"
Something snapped in the room. Snape paused, eying him suspiciously, and suddenly slipped into his normal demeanor of cruelty, while several students stifled snickers. The description of Filch with his clothes off was just too disturbingly amusing for most of the students to handle.
"Alright then, MR WEASLEY." A bulging black eye immediately silenced the students who were still tittering. "I will return all one hundred-"
"Fourty!!!!"
"-And FIFTY points," Snape's eyes glared at the students around him as each of them drew blank stares. Nobody knew weather it was more shocking that he was removing one-hundred-fifty points for a class disruption, or that he was offering to return them. "if..."
Ron, Harry, and Hermione all unconsciously leaned forward.
"--if, you, Mr. Weasley, can bring me evidence that your first, and rather... disruptive statement was, in fact, true. Bring me evidence that Argus Filch had sexual relations with Ms. Norris."
Nobody, not even Neville, when he spilled his cauldron full of swelling potion on himself out of shock, made a sound. Ron turned his head to his best friends, and the look on their faces mirrored his. This was, by far, the worst punishment they had ever received.
~~~~~
A/N: Does anyone want me to continue?
~~~~~
Summary: When a bad idea meets a worse sleep schedule, something like this is what will ensue. Flames accepted, they will be used to make toast! Flagrant H/Hr, and if you haven't guessed, AF/MN.
Disclaimer: I just own a concept that shouldn't be!
~~~~~
"I just saw Filch snogging Ms. Norris!!!!!" He screamed.
Ron Weasley stood, panting, in the doorway of Severus Snape's Classroom. As silence descended, Ron began to realize that there could have been better places to yell what he just had. The girl's bathroom, at dinner, in front of Filch, while being attacked by a mountain troll. All situations he would have preferred to have been in at that moment. Snape's eye twitched, the first sign of life he had shown in close to four minuets.
"Excuse me, Mr Weasley," The potion professor's smooth voice rang, "I did not realize that I was interrupting a dissertation of your....*ahem* ... less colorful activities. But do tell me," his lips curled into a cruel smile, "was raising awareness of your liaisons with Mr. Filch worth losing forty points from your DEAR Griffindor?"
Ron had turned a horrible shade of maroon-green on the cheeks, and appeared to be halfway between fainting and screaming. Harry tried to be as casual as possible while fetching him, but any hope of that was defeated as the redhead burst out quite spontaneously.
"I'D RATHER DIE!"
"Oh, Mr. Weasley, would you like several HUNDRED more points deducted from your house?"
All Griffindors turned in their seats to stare tensely at Ron. Several girls fainted at his next comment.
"I don't care about the bloody points, I'd rather die than have anyone in...in....- oh blast it, Hermione?"
"Insinuate?" She chirped.
"INSINUATE that I would ever TRY to CLIMB IN BED with ARGUS FILCH!"
Close to all of the class gawked at Ron. Even the Slytherins, who usually became outraged in an instance like this, had taken interest. Snape was seething, and yet Ron was not finished.
"I would think, Professor Snape, that even you would have pity on a poor bloke like me who saw our caretaker HALF NAKED and making love to a ruddy cat!"
Something snapped in the room. Snape paused, eying him suspiciously, and suddenly slipped into his normal demeanor of cruelty, while several students stifled snickers. The description of Filch with his clothes off was just too disturbingly amusing for most of the students to handle.
"Alright then, MR WEASLEY." A bulging black eye immediately silenced the students who were still tittering. "I will return all one hundred-"
"Fourty!!!!"
"-And FIFTY points," Snape's eyes glared at the students around him as each of them drew blank stares. Nobody knew weather it was more shocking that he was removing one-hundred-fifty points for a class disruption, or that he was offering to return them. "if..."
Ron, Harry, and Hermione all unconsciously leaned forward.
"--if, you, Mr. Weasley, can bring me evidence that your first, and rather... disruptive statement was, in fact, true. Bring me evidence that Argus Filch had sexual relations with Ms. Norris."
Nobody, not even Neville, when he spilled his cauldron full of swelling potion on himself out of shock, made a sound. Ron turned his head to his best friends, and the look on their faces mirrored his. This was, by far, the worst punishment they had ever received.
~~~~~
A/N: Does anyone want me to continue?
~~~~~