Originally written for the Skyrim Kink Meme.
Summary: Fed up with reviving the guild singlehandedly only to have things fall apart, the Dragonborn decides to go out with a bang.
Author's note: A slightly AU fill because I couldn't help myself.
Standard Disclaimers apply.
Mercer was not impressed.
"Do you honestly expect me to believe that you came here, all alone, just to fuck me?"
The Dragonborn nodded in the affirmative. "Yup!"
"And why in Oblivion would you want to do that?"
She started unclasping the stays on her gloves. "A number of reasons. The main one being that I've wanted to for some time. I figure now is as good a time as any."
The former Guildmaster gritted his teeth. "Now is a 'good' time? After I tried to kill you?"
"Not 'try'. You just about did. Ironically, the arrow Karliah meant for you was coated in a paralysis poison." She tugged off her left glove and started removing her right one.
Mercer caught the gist of it. "So it slowed your heart, giving you enough time to get help."
She nodded again. "Karliah got me back on my feet. In retrospect, I should have slit her throat right then."
"A pity you didn't."
"Well," the newest addition to the Thieves Guild sighed and dropped the second glove with the first, "I was busy trying to sort out what had happened."
The master thief sneered, "And what, might I ask, do you think happened?"
She shrugged her shoulders and knelt to release the buckles on her boots. "That they all had this coming."
Mercer stared at her, hard. "Do tell."
The girl paused to look up at her old boss. "Really? I actually need to spell this out for you?"
"That's a hard sell you're trying to make, and I'm not buying. Talk." The man folded his arms over his chest in irritation.
The girl rolled her eyes before standing up to pull off her boots. "Whatever happened then, happened decades ago. If it was about honor and duty, she should have dealt with it then." One boot came off. "The fact that she waited this damn long tells me that she's a crazy, grudge-holding champ. And I don't deal with that kind of crazy." There went the second boot.
He smirked a little at that. "But that still doesn't explain why you're turning on the guild."
"I'm getting to that." The Dragonborn unholstered her crossbow and laid it on the ground. "Considering how quickly they turned on you after one piece of evidence provided by Karliah, I'm not confident in their ability to judge anything." She unbuckled her belt and dropped it, but placed the sword on a boulder within arms reach. "Granted, I'm the one that had it translated, but the fact is, no one knows that thing's origins save for her. We've only got her word for it, and she has a history of using subterfuge to undermine us."
The man was staring intently, but stood rooted to his spot. "Smart girl. But would you turn on Bryjolf, too?"
The Dragonborn smiled sadly. "A shame, but for all his talk about my being his supposed protegé, he taught me next to nothing. And he often talked to me as if I were some silly maiden to be bedded and forgotten."
Mercer's mouth twisted into an unpleasant grin. "So it's jealousy? Typical."
"Not in the slightest." She waved the comment off. "Don't get me wrong, I do like him. But I don't like being underestimated beyond reason."
"And you believe I don't?" He asked sarcastically.
The girl shrugged again. "Back then, it wasn't unjustified. You were the guildmaster, and I had yet to prove my worth." She started tugging on the fasteners to her cuirass.
"And what's to say I don't think that, now?" He challenged.
The junior thief smiled. "Well, I did just propose something relatively crazy, given the circumstances."
His eyes narrowed. "That still doesn't answer the question of why."
The girl surprised him with the intensity of her blush. "Well… You're incredibly good. I've seen just about everyone at work at some point or other, and even if you do cheat, no one does it quite like you. And then there was that trip to Snow Veil Sanctum. I'll agree with Karliah on one thing: you're deadly with a sword. Your form is just impeccable. You're ruthless when you go at it… and I kind of like watching you cut down your opponents." She rushed the last part, and bit her lip while nervously playing with the last of her armour's buckles.
Mercer broke into his trademark smirk. "And you'd fall for the meanest old bastard in Skyrim simply because he's the best at what he does?"
The Dragonborn sighed and shook her head. "I don't know about love, but I can respect your attitude, your skill, and your honesty."
He nearly choked as she rushed to explain. "I mean, sure, you're a lying, cheating bastard, but you've never lied about the important things."
The man was incredulous. "I'm sorry, did you just say that whole business with Karliah and Gallus was unimportant?"
She sighed again, "I'm the Dragonborn, remember? Legends and prophecies and all that crazy stuff. Most of it's garbage, but it's been so long that some things that were false are as good as truth, now. But the big problems they all wag their tongues and quills about are true regardless." She shrugged out of her cuirass at last, leaving her in just her tunic and her smalls. "The way I see it, Karliah's been irresponsible enough about her mostly self-ordained duties that your version of the story may as well be the truth. The big problem remains the same: Nocturnal's pissed off."
Mercer's expression darkened. "And what do you plan to do about that?"
The Dragonborn laughed. "Not a damn thing. I'm not beholden to her, despite Karliah's best efforts."
The former guildmaster fixed her with an appraising look. "She tried to make you one of us?"
"Tried and failed. I don't appreciate being swindled out of my soul." She said dryly.
His response was bitter. "You don't say."
"Yeah... I'm done with rebuilding the guild and sorting out their mess only to see them muck it up all over again."
Mercer eyed her warily as his former subordinate walked towards him.
"So, I don't know about you, but I can't think of a better way to tell them 'fuck you' than to… well… fuck you." She smiled impishly at him.
He sneered at her, "And what makes you think I'd even consider it?"
"Well…" she began slowly, "You've been rather busy for any fun, and even if you've been finding some on the side, I don't know if they could appreciate you as much as I could."
"And a naive little girl like you 'could'?"
"What, you think I don't know anything about sex because I never slept with anyone at the guild?" She giggled.
He studied her carefully. He'd seen her laugh, snicker, snort, and guffaw, but never giggle.
The Dragonborn slowly danced her fingertips up his torso over her old guildmaster's armour before resting her hands lightly on his shoulders.
"I never did tell you about the time I disappeared from the guild for almost a month, did I?"
The question annoyed him, "What does that have to do with anything right now?"
"It might say something about my abilities." She smirked.
"Whoring yourself while neglecting your duties does NOT make you any good at anything." He snapped. It was old news, but the thought of her being so disrespectful while being annoyed at being disrespected herself, was infuriating.
She laughed, which didn't help his mood. "Nothing of the sort."
"So, what were you doing that has any bearing on the current situation?" His voice was dangerously low.
"Let's just say I had a drunken romp with Sanguine that ended in a rather unusual incident in the Temple of Dibella. And that was before I went chasing him all over Skyrim and ended up in his corner of Oblivion. There was… quite the party at the reunion."
Of all the dangerous stunts she pulled, the Dragonborn would always consider this her favorite: the look on Mercer's face was priceless.
"So," she whispered coyly, "what do you say?"
The man blinked once before growling in the lowest tone she'd ever heard. "You're leaving the guild, having no-strings-attached sex with me, and not going after the Key?"
That voice of his did funny things to her insides.
"Yes." She gasped, "To all of it."
He could really move when he wanted to; she found herself breathless underneath him as he tore into her tunic.
"If you want this, you're going to work for it." He snarled.
Her eager hands found the fastenings of his armour but were sharply pinned to the stone beneath her.
"You're going to do everything you promised." He brought his knife to the thin fabric covering her sex. "And if you so much as think of doing otherwise-" he sliced her smalls open, "- I will slit your throat in a heartbeat." He tossed what remained of the soaked fabric.
The Dragonborn smiled, "I wouldn't have it any other way."
Meanwhile in Oblivion, several Daedra laughed...