The Scarlet Analyst
She knows that what she is doing is wrong.
She knows that even though it feels so right, she knows that it isn't right.
She knows that she's risking a healthy relationship for one that is doomed outside the 'bedroom.'
She knows that she shouldn't risk breaking his heart, because she does love him, but it breaks her heart to know that a real relationship, a healthy relationship with him would never work.
She knows that she should have a scarlet letter embroidered on her clothes and one tattooed on her forehead for the world to see.
She knows that a stolen moment here and there is something that she doesn't want to settle for, but she does it anyway.
She knows that she should feel guilty, but she doesn't, not really.
She knows that he went ring shopping last weekend and when he finally does ask her the big question, she'll respond with a big yes even though she secretly wishes that it was him that was asking.
She knows that even with his ring on her finger she will continue to betray him for him.
She knows that he would stop their arrangement if he ever found out how much she cares about him, that to her it's not about the sex, it's never been about the sex to her.
She knows that is all their arrangement is to him, all it's ever been to him is sex and control.
She knows that she could never relinquish her tightly held control to anyone, but him, not even the man she knows she'll marry especially not him, because she controls that relationship, controls him.
She knows that even though he holds the control over their arrangement, over her, she has a small amount of control over him, even though he will never admit it.
She knows that he cares about her, possibly even loves her in his way, but not enough to take a chance, or was it that he cared about her too much to change their arrangement.
She knows not to push him, because she's afraid to push the boundaries that were first set by him.
She knows that he knows about her arrangement with him.
She knows that he knows that he knows, but she doesn't care, because he doesn't care.
She knows that she loves them both.
He knows what she's doing behind his back.
He knows who she's been cheating on him with.
He knows how long she's been cheating on him with him.
He knows about her arrangement with him.
He knows why it happened and continues to happen.
He knows when and where it first happened, even the how.
He knows where their arrangement is executed.
He knows where their little stolen moments occur; the incinerator room, and anywhere where else they think a camera can't reach, they should know better, because this is him, he broke the internet, he can clearly see what she is up to when something is 'needed' from an old storage room or an unclassified document needs burned and coincidentally, conveniently, he's not at his desk or in the field when these are 'needed' or 'burned.'
He knows where she really goes when she tells him that she's taking a weekend off, going to visit her parents, her siblings, some other relative that he knows she hasn't seen since last Christmas, and some the one before that.
He knows that she knows that he suspects her for being unfaithful.
He knows that she knows that he'll never call her out on it.
He knows that he knows that he knows.
They know that the woman that they are in love with is a scarlet analyst, a scarlet woman.
They know that eventually everything will come out in the open, as everything has the habit of doing so.
They know that when that happens it will be the end of the team that they've always known.
They know that no matter what happens that she loves them both.
They know that they each love her.
They know that if she had a choice she would choose him.
They know all of this which is why neither man will take control of the situation, acknowledge the situation, fix the situation.
They know that neither really cares about the situation, the elicit arrangement, because she goes home to one, but keeps coming to the other.
They know that as long as the situation, the arrangement continues as it is, all will be well, because it is easy to pretend that they don't know.
Thank you for reading.