Based on the KittyKit Panda HeadCanon "Lily Evans and Sirius Black founding a 'Hogwarts Society for Witches and Wizards with Hair as Beautiful as Life Itself' club for the singular purpose of not inviting James Potter into it." THIS IS ALL ELLE'S FAULT SHE IS A MONSTER GOD BLESS
Living life without regrets was generally easy for James Potter. Mistakes, he would make and try to fix- but regrets were generally avoided and not something he would allow himself to have.
That was until Sixth Year Potions. James Potter believed he would regret being late to the first day of Advanced Potions for the rest of his life.
When he arrived only two minutes before class started, he was surprised to see Sirius Black sitting with Lily Evans. When he took the seat next to Remus he didn't even have to ask for an explanation, "Sirius has decided that NEW MATE LILY EVANS should not be subjected to partner with 'that foul racist greasy headed git' so he has taken it upon himself to be Lily's potions partner, and don't even ask- I lost rock paper scissors for it as me. And then since you weren't here and he knew you'd be pissed I had to do another round," here Remus did his Sirius impression- which was basically just him yelling, "as James- he always does rock first Remus so I'm Evans' partner"
Before James could protest or approach Sirius and demand a rock paper scissors redo, Professor Slughorn entered the room and started class.
Sixth Year was apparently going to be the worst, they were brewing some complicated ass potion that even Remus didn't understand. They spent the entire class muttering "what the fuck is a dingle berry?" or "wait- we were supposed to stir it how many times?" and "shit- I didn't even see that ingredient back there."
While James and Remus were dying a slow and painful death, Lily and Sirius seemed to be having the time of their lives. They were fucking laughing and leisurely working on the potion as if it were the easiest thing in the world and that brewing this fucking potion was actually enjoyable.
At the end of class when Slughorn was gathering their vials, he remarked "Ahh...Ms. Evans, Mr. Black- you've brewed a perfect potion and earned yourself a break from homework."
When he and Remus were assigned an extra foot of parchment, James found himself cursing the extra piece of bacon he ate at breakfast that made him late.
As they headed back to their common room for a free period, Lily caught up with him.
"Tough luck, Potter," Lily sympathized as she linked arms with him. Despite his scowl, his heart sped up a little bit.
"That's alright Evans, I'll be sure to be on time and then we can be partners," he smiled back to her.
"NOPE," Sirius exclaimed, as he came between them and dropped his arms over their shoulders, "The early Marauder gets the worm and in the case of potions Evans is the best worm there is and I intend to keep her."
"First of all," Lily started, "I am not a worm- but I am stuck with Sirius because Slughorn said we'd be partners with whoever we matched with today for the rest of this term. Secondly, I've told you calling yourself The Marauders is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. It won't ever catch on and you just seem like a bunch of weirdos who named your friend group for no discernible reason."
"IT IS NOT STUPID!" all of the boys responded loudly and angrily.
"Well, it's bloody confusing. My mother thought I was involved in gang activity or something when you lot came round to apologize about the O.W.L. incident and told her 'We are the Marauders and we have important business with your daughter.'"
Lily relented, "I had to explain to her that you were basically 8 year old boys who somehow found your way home from Neverland. But then you all charmed your way into my house and now my mother is planning your Christmas jumpers. "
"Well, we Marauders are incredibly charming and fit, don't you know," Sirius explained.
"Idiots, the lot of you, I don't know why I waste my time," Lily exhaled, but her smile was very telling.
Lily and Sirius becoming potions partners began to cause a multitude of problems for James Potter. He had to watch as his best mate became better mates with the girl of his dreams. He had to watch as Sirius kept that 'that foul racist greasy headed git' from speaking to Lily. And worst of all he had to watch as Lily and Sirius began to have inside jokes- most of which were at his expense.
One night in mid-October, James returned from quidditch practice to find Lily and Sirius inexplicably sitting in the common room wearing matching Christmas pajamas. If this wasn't bizarre enough, Sirius had his head in Lily's lap and he was instructing her on how to "do a proper French braid."
James sat down across from them and was completely ignored until Lily said "ok- now switch."
As they switched places and Sirius began to braid Lily's hair, James was greeted with Lily's smile and a "How was Quidditch, Potter?"
James ranted about his team and Lily gave some advice on "people management" and "leadership." They chatted happily for the better part of an hour. Sirius was focused on braiding Lily's hair into a series of complicated overlapping and intertwined knots.
As Sirius finished his masterpiece he cleared his throat and declared "You know Evans, I believe that your hair is as Beautiful as Life Itself, and as a man who also has hair that is as Beautiful as Life Itself- we should start a society."
James knew that this wasn't going to end well when Lily turned around to Sirius, grinning, and responded, "I've been thinking the same thing. Naturally we need to create requirements. Like length, quality of shine and of course-" she turned to James and grinned, "-neatness. Can't have messy hair in our society."
James started, "Oh for fucks sake-"
But Sirius stopped him "She's right, James. I'm calling our first meeting to order and since you do not meet the requirements for membership, you have to leave"
"Right, right. Anyway Lily, back to what I was-" James started again but was once again interrupted, this time by Lily, "Sorry Potter, Sirius is right. We have to work out these details. I'm sure you're tired from Quidditch and you still stink. I'll talk to you at breakfast- yeah?"
Grumbling to himself, James retreated to his dorm.
Lily Evans did not speak to James Potter at breakfast. In fact she and Sirius were missing all morning.
When James arrived at the potions classroom (10 minutes early thankyouverymuch) he discovered where his alleged mates Sirius and Lily had gotten to. He stood out of sight and eavesdropped.
"Thank you so much for sponsoring this society professor," Lily cooed in a disgustingly sweet voice, "we think it will really help boost student confidence and inter-House unity"
"Yes," Sirius added in his lawyer voice, "and shouldn't the beautiful people of this school get the recognition they deserve?"
"Yes, yes of course," Slughorn pontificated loudly, "I am very honored that you invited me to sponsor it. It is a shame you never got to see my hair that was so beautiful when I was younger but I am honored with the honorary membership. Your bylaws and membership all seem to be in order so I am happy to sign and forward to the headmaster. Now I'll just take this paperwork and this pineapple and will be right back to start class."
As soon as Slughorn's retreated into his office, James witnessed Lily and Sirius do the most ridiculous victory dance.
Entering the room James stated, "I can't believe you've made an official club."
"SOCIETY!" was yelled back at him
"Alright alright society," James acknowledged, "and because I know you need five members to make if official- I'll join"
He was met with laughter.
"Sorry to break your heart James, but Lily here already found three other members," Sirius announced proudly, "and mate, we told you last night you don't meet the qualifications."
Scoffing, James asked, "Who?"
"Membership is confidential," Lily explained and patted James sympathetically on the shoulder.
Potions that day was the absofuckinglutelyworst shit James had ever endured.
Again, they had to use dingle berries and he swore the instructions kept changing.
"Seriously Remus, what the fuck are those?" James wailed as their potion turned blue and not 'a pleasing shade of yellow' that they were going for.
But Professor Slughorn was besotted with Lily and Sirius the entire class. Lily and Sirius' potion was one shade of yellow lighter than James and was pronounced "More Beautiful Than Life Itself"
James was seriously considering just how terrible Azkaban might be for a double murder by lunch.
Her wrote to his mum for advice a week later when he discovered that REMUS FUCKING LUPIN was one of the Fabulous Original Five. James had only discovered this piece of information while looking for the fucking map in Sirius' damn nest of a bed that was covered in parchment, scraps of bacon, dirty socks and jumpers James had never seen.
While James was sifting through the garbage to find the map he stumbled upon an folder written in Lily's hand labeled:
Official Hogwarts Society for Witches and Wizards with Hair as Beautiful as Life Itself Official TOP SECRET Business
Naturally, he opened the folder and began to peruse the documents.
He passed by the 23 page long bylaws and found the membership page.
On it was written
We the members of the Hogwarts Society for Witches and Wizards with Hair as Beautiful as Life Itself Hereby Solemnly Swear to never reveal our membership to anyone
(especially James Fleamont Potter)
Sirius Black
Lily Evans
Thomas Gunn
Katie George
Remus Lupin
REMUS LUPIN.
REMUS LUPIN.
His mate. His best mate who had laughed about the stupid hair society was a member and a dirty dity liar.
James hated all of his friends. So he did what any only child would do. He wrote to his mother to complain about his fucking traitor mates.
His mum, however was no help.
James,
It sounds like Sirius and Lily are just trying to irritate you. Just ignore them.
You do have fabulous hair, dear.
It's just not as fabulous as Sirius'. I've never seen Lily's but if it is half as fabulous as you've made it sound- I don't blame them for excluding you.
Focus on something else.
Love,
Mum
Ignoring THE SOCIETY was easier said than done. The five members had grown to 25 by January and the anonymity thing apparently had gone out the window. James had bit his tongue about every single member, but when he overheard Nigel Fucking Babbington asking Thomas Gunn about the next SOCIETY MEETING, he lost it.
He ran into the boys dormitory and raged, "NIGEL CLIVE BABBINGTON, SIRIUS?! His hair is decent at best"
"It's the beard, mate," Sirius lazily responded.
Somehow, James made it to April without killing Lily or Sirius or any other members of THE SOCIETY.
The only upside to Lily and Sirius starting THE SOCIETY was that it meant Lily was around a lot more. Whenever she and Sirius weren't whispering on corners and giggling- she was having actual meaningful conversations with James.
Lily had even started accompanying James to quidditch practice and keeping stats for him. James learned she was absolutely mad about sports and he was intrigued by football, which Lily described in great detail and told him "I'll take you to a match over the summer".
The prospect of spending time alone with Lily over the summer kept him in a good mood for a week.
That was until on April 15th, he was awoken by Lily Evans bursting into their dorm and announcing, "SIRIUS GET UP YOU'RE LATE!"
There was much commotion and grumbling as Sirius quickly jumped out of bed and pulled on his shoes "Sorry Lily! I forgot to set my alarm"
"Forgot? This is official and important society business!" Lily was saying and holding up a massive wig
"Fuck Evans, The Sun Isn't Even Up!" James complained
"I KNOW JAMES. That is the point. Sirius. If I get pulled into the fucking Great Lake again trying to induct Goofy-" Lily was raging
"Goofy?" James asked
"THE SQUID," was the chorus reply
"You're inducting the squid?" James asked and sat up
"YES- PAY ATTENTION. We had to name him so we could write his name on the roster. Sirius thought SUNSET was the most docile time for squids but it is SUNRISE and he needs to get his ass out of the door so we can get this done.
"WHAT A FUCKINMINUTE" James yelled, "I have been trying to ignore this fuckery and these shenanigans attached to THE SOCIETY since it began but this is the final straw. THE SQUID?! FIRST OF ALL- IT IS BALD! IT IS NOT A MAMMAL! IT DOESN'T HAVE A BELLYBUTTON OR HAIR?! HOW CAN YOU PUT THE FUCKIN SQUID IN THE CLUB-"
"SOCIETY" Lily and Sirius roared
"FUCK! I don't understand how you can induct a squid but not your best mate?" Jame finished totally exasperated
Offended, Lily explained, "We are giving Goofy a wig. And honestly, he's been looking a little down in the dumps lately so we thought giving him hair and including him would boost his spirits. Now come on Sirius we are late!"
James watched, horrified and totally depressed as Lily and Sirius excited the dorm and Sirius said simply "Later mate."
As James tried to go back to sleep he heard Remus say quietly "I fucking hate you all" and Peter's response "I'm moving out tomorrow."
As was his custom when he was upset, James ignored Sirius and Lily for two weeks. They didn't seem to fucking notice though because they were too busy plotting something else that had to do with THE SOCIETY. He was sure he had seen them hiding invitations from him and all manner of decorations and trinkets.
When their probation period was over, James sat next to Lily at breakfast. "Ah, speaking to me again are we?" she implored as she handed him the bacon.
"Yes," James responded, "your two weeks is up."
"You are the most dramatic person in my life James Potter. And I say this as someone who is currently co president of a society with Sirius Black," Lily started
"Please don't bring up your rubbish cl-society with me, alright?" James pleaded
Rolling her eyes Lily changed subjects "Fine. I really want to yell at you about how Palmer needs to get his act together on the Quidditch Pitch anyway"
For the rest of the term, Lily and Sirius carefully avoided bringing up THE SOCIETY around James.
That was until after the final presummer postseason quidditch practice. As Lily was helping James put away the equipment she casually asked him, "So I know I'm not supposed to bring up THE SOCIETY around you but, well Sirius has planned this mad end of year gala with Slughorn's help and it's invitation only. I was wondering if you'd maybe like to go? With me? If not I mean I know you think its stupid but I thought-" she trailed off.
James' mind was reeling. Holy fucking shit this was it. This was finally it. Lily Evans was finally fucking asking him. He'd been waiting so long and had been so patient.
He was finally getting invited into THE SOCIETY and he was going to be inducted at the end of the year gala!
"YES!" James said, a little too excitedly and then amended, "I mean sounds fun, what should I wear?"
Grinning, Lily started to explain the finer points of the semi formal gala and how she was excited because Slughorn had even managed to get permission to serve wine at the event.
They chatted happily on the walk back to the tower and James made a mental note to write to his dad to ask for some of that new potion so he'd look nice for his induction.
The night of THE GALA, James carefully styled his hair into a pompadour and finished I️t off with 4 sprays of THE NEW SLEEKEAZY'S LUCIOUS LOCKS SPRAY. He felt that his hair, did in fact look more fabulous than life itself. Until he entered the dorm room and was accosted by Sirius demanding, "What the fuck have you done to your hair?"
"I wanted to look nice for my induction tonight Sirius fuck off," James explained
"Excuse me your WHAT?" Sirius asked as he narrowed his eyes
"Lily invited me to the gala tonight to join THE SOCIETY" James said, barely containing his excitement
"THE FUCK SHE DID. EXCUSE ME I HAVE TO YELL AT MY CO-PRESIDENT!" Sirius exclaimed as he walked out of the door
20 minutes later, James was finishing getting ready and making sure his robes looked neat and pressed when Sirius entered again looking a little stunned.
"Mate, you need to sit down for this" Sirius said grimly
"Oh shuttup Sirius you can't veto it or some shit like that Evans asked me," James responded irritably.
"Yes," Sirius pronounced, "Lily Evans did ask you to go to the gala tonight. But not to be inducted. NAY-" and this he emphasized by putting his hand on his heart, "LILY EVANS ASKED YOU TO THE GALA AS HER DATE BECAUSE SHE FANCIES YOU."
James sat down.
His heart was racing.
He couldn't breathe
Trying to process James stated, "She….Lily….Lily Evans asked me on a date? And I said yes? And I didn't even know it was a date...I….I….."
"You're really fucking thick sometimes James. I mean she's been after you all spring. Following you around, going to quidditch. She told me she figured you were scared or something so she asked you." Sirius explained to him slowly like a child
James was still panicking "She…..she…...she….I…..a date? But…..and the hair…..and"
"Oh for fucks sake," Sirius said and vanished
Two minutes later James was still trying to process this when Lily Evans herself entered the dorm she stopped short and exclaimed, "What the fuck did you do to your hair James?"
"I ….thought….induction...loook…..nice….not….date" James tried to explain and failed
Pinching the bridge of her nose Lily exhaled "God Bless…"
She suddenly stood up straight,, crossed over to him and kissed him.
Stunend, James didn't react but simply stared at her when she pulled away.
"Look James Potter. I fancy you. You're going to get your hair out of that ridiculous pompadour. Get your shit together and then come down stairs and charm the shit out of me with some idiotic compliment. Then, we will go to the party. If you're lucky, we'll sneak a bottle of wine out and go snog behind some tapestry. You've got 15 minutes so please try to be on time," her final orders given Lily swept from the room.
James had never been as prompt as he was that evening. 14 minutes later, he met Lily in the common and did in fact "charm the shit out of her". They went to THE GALA and Lily acted as if the pep talk in the dormitory hadn't ever happened.
Later, behind the tapestry while she was running a hand through his hair Lily told him "You know, your hair is as beautiful as life itself. We were wrong"