Dear… Journal?
Who knew that the afterlife would be like this, that we'd be able to write things down. I don't know why I'm doing this. I'm dead. Perhaps I'm channeling my inner Stefan:
Dear Diary,
Feelings, feelings, feelings! Dead bunnies. Broody forehead. Ooooh, hero hair! Blah, blah, blah!
Whatever, I guess it's just so I don't forget. Not that I could if I tried, I suppose I just want it down for posterity.
How I ended up with the Bennett witch…
Well, it all started with a necklace. I'd gotten it from Emily Bennett years and years ago, and it ended up in the hands of her great, great, great, great granddaughterwitch. She was young, new to her craft, and didn't know what she had.
I wanted it back.
I asked. I demanded. Even tried to snatch it from her neck, all to no avail. This small slip of a girl told me "no" every time! Even once I cornered her by her car, I could tell she was intimidated, even scared… but she stood up to me. She denied me what I wanted.
It was in that moment I started to fall.
I'm not the kind of guy to admit something like that, and I knew it wouldn't do, not with my plan to rescue Katherine from the tomb, or my plan to make Stefan's life misery. I couldn't acknowledge what I felt, that I felt anything for this nubile witch, this girl with fortitude. So for the next few years I did everything I could to deny it, to hide it, to just make it go away.
I called her "witchy" and "judgy" and all sorts of things… I didn't want to say her name. Just saying it made me feel things I didn't wanna feel. Her name's Bonnie, it means beautiful, and it is very fitting of her. She is beautiful, but more than that she's loyal and kind, she's loving and forgiving, she's entirely too self sacrificing, not nearly as selfish as she should be… but I digress…
I proceeded to tell myself I didn't care about her. I let others know I didn't care about her. I used my attraction to Katherine's look-alike, Elena, to try to drown Bonnie from my mind, to diminish her hold on my heart. I said all kinds of things in hopes that that would somehow make it true. But when push came to shove, I always looked out for her. Tried to find a way to protect her in the long run. I found myself teaming up with her to take on the trouble that came our way, all the while exclaiming to be doing it to protect Elena. Everything was always "for Elena". Even when Bonnie would be absolutely willing to lay it all on the line for Elena, I tried to find a way that she wouldn't have to. I told myself that I didn't care for Bonnie Bennett, that if it protected Elena, I'd be willing to let her die, but at every opportunity I found myself plotting to save the day and protect her.
I've bitten her, threatened her and her friends, I even turned her mother into a vampire, and somehow she finds a way to forgive me, without letting me of the hook. She calls me on my crap, makes me question my choices, tells me I can do better, and every instance endears her to me even more.
I say all that to say, I don't hate Bonnie Bennett.
I can't.
It's just not in me to do it.
So when we got stuck on the other side as it was falling apart, I said my goodbye to Elena and to the struggle to deny my heart…
At the end, I couldn't let her be alone. I didn't want to be alone. She questioned my desire to be there with her when our world ended, I downplayed, but if she only knew…
When she reached for my hand, I knew I'd made the right choice. Our fingers intertwined and we were scared, but we had each other.
Then we were engulfed by white light.
The girl with fortitude and the vampire who denied loving her.
I don't live in denial anymore.
Now we will be, eternally, Bonnie and Damon.