The Conversation
I don't own these characters. I just like to spend time with them. No other profit to be had.
AN: While I am not anywhere near back to writing as I was, and I have a lot of requests to fulfill when I do, I did have this little oneshot bug the life out of me until I wrote it down. Hope it's okay.
I have to thank my little sister for her help on this. Appreciate you little one.
Talktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalk
Matt walked up to the precipice and looked down at the valley below. He was exhausted and every muscle in his body thrummed with pain. But he'd made it to his destination and he was happy in that.
"Wonderin' bout you, boy." An old man, gray thinning hair and droopy mustache waving in the wind stepped up beside him and gently clapped him on the shoulder. "Didn't know if you'd come or not."
Matt turned to look at the old man with a slight smile. Though the elder was shorter than he was by more than half a foot, he'd always stood tall in Matt's mind and he was glad, despite the circumstances, to see him. "Henry! Good to see you."
"You too, boy." He shook the hand Matt offered with a fond smile at the younger man. "But I meant what I said, I didn't think you'd come."
"I wasn't sure I'd come either." Matt answered with a shrug. "To be honest, I didn't really want to."
The old man nodded thoughtfully and scuffed his foot against the loose dirt at his feet. "Naw, I don't guess you did. It ain't a journey too many want to take unless they're sick or crazy. And even most of those folks want to go back when they get here."
Matt turned away, and wearily lowered his aching body to the ground, swinging his feet over the side without answering. He was one of those latter ones.
"How's things in Dodge?" Henry gingerly moved stiffened limbs over next to Matt and carefully found a sitting place beside him. "That old coot called Adams still there? Still got that hillbilly working for you?"
Matt nodded with a slight grin. "Yeah, Doc and Festus are still there. And both are liable to be awfully mad at me when they realize I came here."
"Reckon so." Henry agreed. "How about the red head? She gonna be mad?"
Matt turned and looked at his senior friend with the greatest of sadness in his expression. "I don't know. She… she doesn't know I left."
"Oh." The older gent dropped his eyes and head as he looked down. "Sorry to hear that boy. Truthfully sorry."
"Yeah." Matt sighed. "Me too. I thought of all kinds of endings for us, but…" He shook his head regretfully. "I never saw this one."
"You sure you two are apart for good?" Henry asked.
"I don't know." Matt answered again. "She… she was hurt pretty bad this time. I don't think she wants to … I think this was the final straw."
Henry's dark brown eyes bored into Matt's blue ones. "What do think about that girl, Dillon?"
Matt's forehead creased into a frown. "What do you mean? What do I think?"
"Just that." Henry ticked his head. "What do you think about her? Do you love her or just like her. She bother you some, always wanting to be near ya? Or doesn't it matter to you?'
Matt's frown turned into a scowl. "You know the answers to that."
"Do I?" The old man arched a brow at him. "You seem to forget I ain't been round Dodge or anyplace else for a long time, Boy. Last time I saw you, you was a wanting that girl but you hadn't yet got up the courage to so much as buy her a drink."
Matt took a deep breath and dropped his head. Talking about Kitty was something he was unaccustomed to, even with people like Henry, a man he'd known for a long time. "Well, let's just say, I finally bought her that drink." Matt trained his eyes on the landscape below, not really wanting to talk about this.
But Henry wasn't so easily put off. "I figured that when I saw how you looked when I mentioned her. But that don't answer my question. What do you think of her, Matt?"
"I care about her." He finally admitted without looking at his old friend. "You know that."
"I do. But you still didn't answer the question." Henry insisted. "Matt, tell me what kind of girl she is. Or, at least, what kind of woman she is. Describe her for me."
Matt's confusion returned. "Describe her? You saw her when you were in town."
"Yep, I did but that doesn't tell me anything about what she's like and that's what I want to know. Is she temperamental? Mean-spirited? Sweet? Describe her."
"Why?" Matt demanded, finally looking at the older man in consternation. "What does it matter?"
"Could matter a whole lot, boy." Henry said softly. "Come on, indulge me. Just tell me about her."
Matt raised his head and looked at the deep blue sky above him. Describing Kitty Russell was no easy thing. "She's not easy to explain." He sighed. "She's… well, she's…"
"I didn't say to explain her, boy." Henry gently reprimanded. "I want you to describe her."
"Why?" Matt asked again.
"Because it'll help, boy. You may not understand why or how right this second but you will later. So tell me."
Matt let the air out of his lungs, dropped his head and started again. "Well, to start with, she's beautiful. Not just in looks, although that's the first thing you notice when you see her. But she's beautiful inside as well. She's kind and generous. She cares about almost everyone. The girls that work for her adore her. She's part boss and mother and sister and friend and anything else they need when they need it."
"Like that, is it?" Henry grinned over at him.
"Yeah," Matt nodded. "But don't get the idea she's a pushover. She's not. She can be hard as nails when it's called for. I've seen her toss cowboys out of that saloon easier than I could. She can be a brawler when she needs to be." He stopped remembering the farmer she'd grabbed the lapels of once and the buffalo hunter whose foot she'd grounded her heel into. "She... she's pretty good at taking care of herself most of the time."
"Must be hard for her. A woman, running a man's business, must be the hardest thing in the world. Is she bitter?" Henry asked.
"Oh, no." Matt vigorously shook his head. "Not at all. She's... well... well, she's had a hard time all the way around in life. Her father abandoned her as a baby and her mother died when she was a little girl. She grew up in saloons around rough men and coarse women but she's... She's not bitter or haggard or anything like that. She's tough when she needs to be, even stern sometimes but... no. No she's not bitter or angry or mean. She's good and kind and... and she cares more for me than I deserve."
"She left you, though, didn't she? When you was lying in Doc's office, recovering from a bullet wound. That don't seem so kind to me." Henry never took his eyes off Matt, waiting to see his expression at that dig of Kitty's character. "Sounds kind of mean."
"Kitty did what she had to do." Matt looked over at the old man with a glare. "She was afraid for me. She didn't want to see me shot again and possibly die. She was scared of seeing me killed and I don't blame her. I very well could have. And what's more, I have the same fear about her. If she..." He closed his eyes tightly at the thought. "I couldn't stand that." He whispsered.
"That why you won't marry her?" Henry asked sagely. "You scared?"
"That's part of it." Matt acknowledged. "But not just of her dying but of her living and hating me because I'm not the man she thought I was." Matt chuckled despite the painful subject. "I'm not too bad a Marshal, but I'm not sure I'd make too good a husband. Kitty deserves better than that."
"Does she deserve protection? I know you said she was tough and all and maybe don't NEED protection all the time. But does she deserve it?"
"Of course she does." Matt scoffed. "Even if she was only half the person she was, she'd deserve it. But Kitty... well... Kitty deserves every protection and every good thing there is."
"Does she deserve love?" Henry asked.
Matt nodded. "Yes she does. She deserves all the love anyone could give her."
Henry paused for a moment before asking his next question. "Does she deserve YOUR love?" His voice was barely above a whisper but it held the impact of a gunshot.
"She already has my love." Matt retorted. "She always has. It's never been a case of that."
"Then what's it a case of?" Henry's voice rose as he did. Stomping several feet away, Henry finally turned and looked back at Matt, eyes narrowed. "Why are you here, Matt, instead of with her? Huh? You say she's important to you, that you love her. You told me how good she is and how worthy she is of that love. But you're here, not there."
"I CAN"T BE THERE!" Matt all but screamed. "I... I can't." His voice fell with his countenance and he blinked back tears he didn't know he had to shed. "I have to... I..."
"Can't? Or won't?" Henry moved back over to Matt and laid a fatherly hand on his shoulder. "You care about that woman, Matt. That's plain to anybody looking. But it's more than caring. You love her and you need her. You ain't a whole man without her in your life. This ain't about marrying. I guess she'd probably like it, but I figure she'd like you being beside her even more. She ain't no farm girl with unrealistic dreams. She knows what you are and who you are and she accepted that a long time ago. And she ain't got no illusions about who she is neither. She knows she ain't some soft little girl hanging under her momma's wings waiting for Prince Charming. She's a woman whose lived and loved and done most of it with you and unless I'm wrong, she'd like to do a lot more of it, with you."
Matt looked down at the deep dark valley below him, choking back a sob, unsure of what to say. Finally he looked back at the old man. "I don't know what to do. I... I just don't know what to do."
"Yes, you do." Henry replied with a gentle smile. "You know. Just depends on you as to whether you do it or not."
Matt nodded as he returned his gaze to the gorge beneath his feet. With a deep breath, squared shoulders, and a made up mind he stiffly moved back from the edge and turned away. Henry was right. He knew what he needed to do. He knew what his true responsibility was.
"You going back?" Henry asked, although he knew the answer.
"Yeah." Matt nodded. "I am. I'm needed there and someone I need is there."
Henry stepped forward and warmly shook hands with him. "I gotta be honest boy, although it was good seeing you and I'd dearly love the company, I agree with you. You gotta go back to her and stay with her. There just ain't no choice."
"Matt? Matt?"
Matt opened his eyes and looked around him. The high peak he'd been standing on, only a moment before, was gone. Henry was gone. He was, as he had been merely a couple of hours before, sitting in a chair, in Doc's back room, holding tightly to Kitty's hand.
"How is she?" He asked softly, almost fearful of the answer as he watched Doc, check her pulse then tuck her other hand back under the sheet.
"She's still holding on but it's too soon to know anything yet. To tell you the truth, I don't how she's survived this long. Of course if you were to..."
"I'm not going anywhere." Matt waved him off. "Corey Jakes is probably in Texas by now and if he's not, well..." He looked at Kitty's pale features. "He's not all that important right now."
Doc arched a brow at him. "He seemed mighty important before that little nap of yours. What changed your mind?"
Matt ignored the question, not sure Doc would believe him if he were to tell him. "You put something in that coffee you gave me?" He asked instead. "That why I slept so well? I thought that coffee was a little too bitter."
"Don't change the subject." Doc shook his head. "What changed your mind. Not two hours ago you were hell bent on going after Corey Jakes and making him pay for shooting Kitty instead of you."
Matt continued to look at Kitty as she lay so still and seemingly lifeless. "Can you tell me she'll live?"
Doc frowned at him as he took a swipe of his mustache. "I told you I couldn't." He said sadly, softly. "I surely wish I could but..."
"Then I'm staying until you can." Matt answered evenly.
Doc doubted sleep, no matter how much it had been needed, had worked to change Matt's mind about going after the man who had brazenly walked into the Long Branch, shot Kitty, declared he'd done it for revenge on Matt and then fled before he could be stopped. But something sure had. "Why?" Doc gently yet firmly demanded. "You ain't never stayed before. So, why now?"
Matt never relinquished Kitty's hand as he sat back again in the chair. Henry's words kept playing over again in his mind. "You care about that woman, Matt. That's plain to anybody looking. But it's more than caring. You love her and you need her. You ain't a whole man without her in your life."
Finally, he looked up at Doc. "I need her Doc. I can't explain it any better than that. I need her. I..." He paused, licked his lips and looked down. "When we first got together, I told myself not to get in too deep. I thought we just be friends."
"And you have been." Doc put in. "The best kind of friends."
Matt nodded, a mirthless smile crossed his lips. "Yeah, but it's more than that, Doc. She... she holds the moon for me. If she didn't exist..." He closed his eyes for a moment. "I don't think I could last if she were to leave me." Matt dropped his head. He didn't need to say more. He knew Doc understood how he felt.
Doc was watching Matt so intently that he didn't see his patient moving until a faint weak voice suddenly was heard in the silence.
"I'm not leaving, Cowboy. I'm not leaving."
The End