There were plenty of things GLaDOS hated. She hated humans, being dead, potatoes, a core that shall not be named, a test subject that shall also not be named, worthless test subjects, and plenty of other things. But there was one particular object of her hatred that hadn't really bothered her until lately. Maybe as she had developed a certain sense of time, it had irritated her more and more.

Yes, GLaDOS found herself hating Friday night.

It was stupid. But there was something about Friday night that agitated her so very much. Her test subjects were more distracted, Orange and Blue acted more idiotic than usual, and it felt like she couldn't accomplish anything. Every other night was fine but when Friday night came around it was as if everything went wrong. She couldn't explain why; it was baffling. Maybe it was because humans spent their Friday nights having fun and making stupidly irresponsible decisions such as getting intoxicated and engaging in deviant behavior. It was a night for humans to act completely idiotic and get away with it.

Luckily, GLaDOS wasn't a human.

She was perfectly content to spend Friday nights alone. She had plenty of science to occupy herself with and her plentiful supply of test subjects… Well, she had plenty of test subjects. It wasn't her fault they couldn't test at all. It was almost laughable how poorly they managed in the test chambers and even more amusing at how quickly she'd gone through them. If she were here, she'd have all these tests and more solved in a matter of…

But she wasn't. And GLaDOS was perfectly grateful for that. After all, now she didn't have to spend her days constantly worrying she'd be jerked out of her mainframe again and put in… unspeakable vegetables. Orange and Blue tested just fine when they weren't busy congratulating themselves and displaying startlingly close friendships that. In fact, where had they stolen away to now? Leafing through her surveillance cameras, GLaDOS found them in one of the old test chambers bouncing around on Repulsion Gel and not solving the test.

So they'd decided to spend Friday night doing something too. Perfect. Just perfect.

She could explode them right now just to spoil their fun. But no. She wasn't in the mood to watch those bumbling idiots die only to be brought back to life. It just wasn't the same as watching a human test subject realize that they made a mistake. Times like these GLaDOS wished she hadn't let her go. Then she remembered the agony of reliving her death over and over again and congratulated herself on making the right decision of letting that monster go.

Speaking of the monster, what was she up to Friday night anyways? GLaDOS decided she needed to check up on her again via the little camera she had installed in the Companion Cube. She didn't miss her or anything ludicrous like that; she still had the Long Fall Boots. It would be irresponsible not to monitor what she did, should she ever do something stupid such as sell them to Black Mesa. GLaDOS couldn't let that happen. Besides, she hardly ever watched her. Just enough to know that she spent most nights alone. She probably had no friends because of how unlikable she was.

GLaDOS had a pretty good idea of what she was probably doing tonight. Nearly every Friday night, the former test subject always sat down on her couch to watch a movie. They were always the same type of movies: old science fiction. GLaDOS noted the frequency of how many times she watched 2001: A Space Odyssey. But tonight she saw no movies being played. In fact, the woman wasn't even there.

Hold on. The lock was turning. It appeared GLaDOS had tuned in at just the right time. There she was. The dangerous, mute lunatic of Aperture Science. Of course now she looked like any other normal human being. And what's this? She'd brought someone else to her apartment? It appeared to be some kind of human get-together.

Funny how she was wearing a dress; normally she stuck to only t-shirts and jeans but tonight she wore a simple but impractically tight black dress. How did she even walk in that? It wasn't formal but much nicer than anything else GLaDOS had seen her in. The flimsy piece of fabric must have cost at least fifty dollars, maybe even one hundred considering how frivolous humans were with charging obscenely high prices for garments.

Actually, it wasn't just the dress. She looked completely different than usual. Her hair hung freely past her shoulders in lieu of her typical ponytail. She kept stumbling in a pair of high heels that were clearly giving her blisters. And was she wearing makeup? She was! It wasn't garish by human standards but she had clearly applied enough that it would be visible to another human being. Another male human being in this case… oh. Now GLaDOS understood.

It was that kind of get-together.

A date. GLaDOS didn't know why, but the sheer idea that her homicidal former test subject could experience an intimate relationship with her own kind was just… silly! Murderers couldn't possibly have time to do such trivial things that she was doing but there she was, pouring wine and acting as if she hadn't spent years in a cryogenic storage pod. The image was like something out an especially bad human television show (although they were all bad, in GLaDOS' opinion).

They were sitting down now, surprisingly far away actually. When two humans experienced attraction, they had a tendency to gravitate towards each other but these two? They were sitting at opposite ends of the couch. He had a look on his face as if he wanted to say something and she was anxiously sipping her wine despite the look her face indicating she clearly hated it. Oh, the things humans did to please other humans.

He finally said something to break the silence. "So… dinner was good."

"Yeah! Definitely, I love food!" she replied with forced enthusiasm. Of course she loved food, being the roll of cellulose she was. So she wouldn't talk to GLaDOS but she'd talk to something else of such low intelligence. GLaDOS felt insulted.

Back to drinking. At this rate the two of them would down the whole bottle in less than an hour. "You wanna watch a movie or something?" she asked in another attempt to ease the tension.

"Sure." The man awkwardly slid closer to her. "You have a really nice TV set."

"Thanks. It's actually a little too fancy for my tastes. I swear I feel like I can never keep up with all this crazy science." Science wasn't crazy, it was informational. Honestly, had she learned nothing from her time in Aperture.

"Really? I love that we always keep coming up with new innovations for technology," the man said. At least he had a positive outlook on the endless joys of science.

"I actually think if we're not careful, we could go too far with our scientific progress." Not if it was left in the hands of professionals. In other words, NOT Black Mesa.

The man frowned. It was obvious he disagreed. Strongly, too. "But if we never move forward in the field of science, then what about all the new cures and technologies we could make-"

"I'm not saying I'm ungrateful for science," she interrupted, clearly getting a bit defensive, "I just don't think we need to do any more of it! I mean, everyone seems pretty happy with the science we have now; can't we just stop and leave it at that? Doesn't anyone ever think that maybe they're going to go too far dabbling into science?"

This was getting entertaining. GLaDOS watched with glee as the conversation got increasingly awkward thanks to the former test subject's complete lack of conversation skills.

"And you know," she continued, "science in general is just insane. Absolutely insane. And in movies, extreme science always goes wrong! Like that movie where scientists were stupid enough to give an A.I. total control over a space ship? I mean, what could possibly go wrong? No surprise it was evil and killed everyone with deadly neurotoxin- or attempted to kill them. Did he kill them with neurotoxin? I need to watch that movie again…"

The man simply drank more and more of his wine while she kept getting carried away on her tangent of lambasting science. GLaDOS was happy she'd decided to survey the woman tonight. This was a hundred times more entertaining than watching whatever nonsense Orange and Blue were up to.

"Like asbestos!" she prattled on, "I mean, what the hell was up with those scientists back then? Did they all just get together and think 'Hey, we should put asbestos in liquid substances and have test subjects roll around in it. Then they'll get cancer and cancer is SCIENCE!' Yeah… I'll bet inhaling asbestos would really suck. Don't you?"

The man set his wine down. "You know, for someone who claims to hate science you sure know a lot about it." GLaDOS scoffed. Clearly, he was uneducated to think that she of all people was intelligent in science. What was he doing now anyways? It appeared he was trying to slide closer to her and close the distance between them on the couch. "I like that you're smart."

"Yeah, well, it's not something I'm…" Really? She wasn't seriously blushing- wait, what was he doing? Why did she look so uncomfortable all the sudden? Wait a minute. This was the part where they kissed. Then they removed their clothes and proceeded to make more humans. GLaDOS didn't know why but the thought of her test subject doing that with someone was… disgusting.

And it didn't look like she was too keen on the idea either. Why didn't she look happy? Did she not want to populate the world with more of her kind? "Look…" she started, "It's getting late and you should probably-"

Before she could finish her sentence, he planted his lips on hers. Humans called it kissing, among other things. It had to be one of the most disgusting things GLaDOS ever saw. These two were especially disgusting! The way he was wrapping his hands around her waist and… what was she doing? It looked like every time she tried to pull away he forced her back.

"Stop." Oh god. She didn't want to be kissed, did she?

GLaDOS could only watch with increasing horror as the scene grew increasingly violent. "Stop, please stop, I-" He pressed his lips against her own again, hands sliding up and down her body. But she didn't want that! Couldn't he see that she didn't want it? She was trying so hard to pry herself off of him and he kept trying harder to force himself onto her.

"What? You don't want this?" His words were slurring. He must have reached the point of intoxication for humans.

"NO!" she screamed. She had to try harder. Why wasn't she trying harder? GLaDOS couldn't watch this. But if she stopped watching… what she didn't see would linger in the back of her mind for ages. Her test subject tried to break away for the hundredth time and once again, he caught her before she could make a move to escape.

"Look," he said, hands locked on her wrists, "I just want to get laid. And frankly I'm too drunk to care if you want to or not." RUN. Dammit, why didn't she RUN? Why didn't she defend herself like the test subject GLaDOS knew so well and get out of there?

She kicked him and he fell to the floor in shock. Just when GLaDOS thought she'd gotten the better of him, he got back up and slapped her across the face. He had not just struck her test subject. He would NOT get away with this. GLaDOS watched her hit him right back and run out the door with him close on her heels. No. What if he caught her? What if she didn't get away? GLaDOS couldn't do anything but just watch while her test subject got tossed around like a rag doll.

She would kill him. SHE WOULD KILL HIM. She didn't know how but she would find him and she would RIP him apart then piece him back together just so she could do it again. How DARE he touch her test subject like that. NO ONE would put their hands on her test subject and get away with it. Suddenly, GLaDOS picked up movement on one of the exterior cameras. What she saw couldn't have surprised her more.

She was here.

And she looked terrible. As she stumbled and limped up to the one above-ground building Aperture still had, GLaDOS could make out just how terrible she looked. Her once simple but pretty dress was now torn, with mud and grass stains visible all over it. She held her shoes in one hand, one heel broken off and her bare feet scratched up and bloodied from running on gravel and dirt. Without her ponytail, her hair hung about her face in a tangled mess.

What had he done to her?

It wasn't of GLaDOS' concern. She had plenty of science to immerse herself in. The former test subject was perfectly capable of taking care of herself; she'd more than proven that countless times down in the ruins of Aperture. But she would get cold in that threadbare piece of fabric she called a dress; human's body temperatures were so finicky. And if he found her…

GLaDOS didn't know why she'd done it. It would be so much easier to leave her outside in the cold until she froze to death. But before she could close the door and change her mind, the woman had entered the open shed and trudged into the elevator. Soon she'd be here. She'd have to deal with her.

This really wasn't a good idea.

It seemed to take eons for the elevator to get there. But it came eventually and with it she shakily walked out. The woman who had been to hell and back. The woman who never gave up. The best test subject GLaDOS ever had.

Chell.

She didn't look like the stubborn, determined test subject from six months ago. She looked like a doll. A broken, helpless doll. GLaDOS could see every bruise, every bloodstain marked on her body. Now that she could even see that she had been crying. Every step grew slower and shakier, until the woman crumpled to the floor.

"Well, I suppose you decided to come crawling back to me." GLaDOS said. She said nothing in return. She didn't even move. GLaDOS didn't like how still she was; she looked too much like a corpse.

"You don't have to sit there and pretend you can't talk. I know your vocals chords are perfectly intact." Say something already. Why wasn't she saying anything? "All right, if you didn't come back to have a lively conversation with me, why did you run in an impractical pair of heels all the way back here?"

"Because I don't know anyone else but you," she mumbled.

"So now you've decided to talk to me," GLaDOS said, "I feel so grateful. So what are we going to do now? Sit here and glare at each other? Because that worked so well last time."

Chell buried her head in her knees. "I… I had to get away."

"Why? Is your precious human world not as perfect as you thought it would be?"

"No… I just didn't expect everyone to be so cruel," Chell responded dryly.

GLaDOS hadn't meant to laugh. But honestly, to think she could have been so naïve as to what the real world was like was just absurd. "Well what did you expect? Rainbows and flowers and a beautiful cake with strawberries on top?"

"No!" Chell snapped defensively, "I just… I thought it would be easier."

"Is this about… him?"

Chell frowned. "How do you know about that?"

Oh, right. She'd forgotten to mention she'd been stalking her the past few months from an object that was supposed to provide comfort and companionship. "I have my ways."

"Were you… watching me?" Chell said.

"You didn't honestly think I'd let you go entirely, did you?" Not with valuable Aperture Equipment outside of her facility.

"I suppose not…" Chell said. "So you saw everything?"

"Everything until you bolted out the door and he followed. I'm assuming you ran here after that?"

Chell nodded, "He caught me on the stairs and we both fell. He hit me a few times, I hit him back a few more… then I ran. I ran to the only place I knew he couldn't find me…" Chell trailed off, "I wish you hadn't seen that."

"Who was he?"

"He was from work," Chell explained, "I thought it was so strange that he would notice someone like me, let alone ask me out. And when he did, I just… I wanted to think maybe, just maybe, someone else had taken an interest in me. Now I can see how stupid I was… goddammit, how could I have been so stupid?"

"Because you're human. All humans are stupid," GLaDOS said as if it were a common, everyday fact. "Look. A long time ago I told you what was going on out there would make you wish you were back in here. Did your small human brain forget that so quickly?"

"I think I was more distracted by the fact that you were trying to kill me with deadly neurotoxin." Chell replied.

"I could still do that right now," GLaDOS said, "You have no defenses, you're injured, and you're in no state to fend for yourself."

"Then why haven't you done it yet?"

GLaDOS was silent for a moment. Why not? It was the obvious solution. "Because… you don't deserve to die that way. If you were spineless and weak-willed like every other test subject I'd had, then you'd be dead before you could even blink."

"Are you saying I'm not spineless and weak-willed?"

"No. You're a murderous, deranged, brain-damaged lunatic… who also happens to be incredibly brave and tenacious and wouldn't be sitting here feeling sorry for herself."

Chell looked straight into GLaDOS' optic. She had such big eyes when she cried. "How do you know that's true? What if I really am spineless and weak-willed?"

"I'm the greatest collection of intelligence to ever be invented. I think I know you pretty well considering our… history."

The two of them didn't say anything for a little while. What else was there to say? GLaDOS had never had to deal with emotional test subjects. They died too quickly! But Chell was different. She hadn't only killed GLaDOS; she'd helped her. Even when she didn't know if she could trust her, Chell still helped her. She could have abandoned her to birds but no. She hadn't. Why couldn't GLaDOS help Chell the same way Chell helped her?

"I'm sorry he hurt you," GLaDOS said softly.

"Yeah, well, he probably looks just as bad as I do," Chell said with a small hint of satisfaction in her voice, "I hit him with a crowbar."

"I'm surprised you repressed your murderous urges and didn't beat him to death," GLaDOS remarked. Unlike Chell, she would never stoop to such a level. Oh no, first she'd test him then she'd kill him with neurotoxin. Or some other way that was equally slow and painful.

"Can I stay here?" Chell asked hesitantly, "I promise it'll be just for tonight and I'll be gone by tomorrow-"

"Who said you would be leaving anytime soon?" Chell grew tense. "I'm out of test subjects. And when one just willingly walks in here it would be utterly unscientific to not use her for testing purposes-"

"Okay."

"WHAT? You actually want to-" GLaDOS caught herself. "All right then. But don't be surprised when you wake up tomorrow in an orange jumpsuit with an Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device welded to your arm. I might even throw in a few turrets as a complimentary wake-up call. It'll be like old times again."

She'd just been told she was being forced to continue testing and she was smiling? Humans were so bewildering. Her human stretched her limbs before curling up in a ball next to her chassis.

"That black dress looks stupid on you anyways," GLaDOS added.

"I thought so too," Chell murmured, "I guess I just wanted to feel pretty for once."

GLaDOS couldn't believe her. She was more pitiful than a Frankenturret. "Well, by scientific standards, you would be what is described as a physically normal human being. When compared to the standards of what humans require to be physical attractiveness, you would measure as an above average person in terms of how visually appealing you are. So I hope you can find some consolation in that."

Chell raised her head and looked up at GLaDOS. "Did you just call me pretty?"

"Don't push your luck."

There was that smile again. That crooked, imperfect human smile. Chell had never smiled so much until now; it was utterly surreal. "Should I find it alarming that I missed you?"

"Yes, that's called Stockholm Syndrome. I'd recommend you seek help for it but we have a lot of tests to do," GLaDOS said curtly, "If I were you, I'd get some sleep while you still can."

The woman lied back down and closed her eyes. Humans looked so harmless while they were sleeping. Who would ever suspect that her human was a vicious murderer who nearly caused the death of GLaDOS on more than one occasion? Now she just looked… vulnerable. It was probably the bruises covering her body but they'd heal.

GLaDOS used a claw to pick up Chell, trying her best not to break any bones, and carried her to one of the empty cryo chambers. She was like a rag doll, really, so easily breakable. But she would be safe now, or as safe as Aperture Science would get. GLaDOS would make sure of that.

Maybe Friday nights weren't so bad after all.

A/N: What a better day to release this than on Friday? Yeah, I know, I should be working on Better You Than Me… But it's just so much fun to write fluffy little oneshots with GLaDOS and Chell! Happy Friday, everyone!