Enough
By: Lijep
A/N: What should've been the 11th chapter of "Ten Days in October". Casey/Elliot. Set five or so months after "Ten Days". Read & Review please.
---------------------
"You really loved her, didn't you?"
"Casey…"
"No, Elliot, just answer the question."
Elliot looked down and sighed. He held Casey's hand gently and kissed her wrist. The truth was, he didn't want to answer the question. He had loved Olivia, but now, six months after her death, his feelings had faded. He didn't know if he ever would stop loving Olivia. But he was trying to move on, trying to love Casey now.
"I did. And I still do. Not how I used to."
Casey leaned her seemingly heavy head on Elliot's strong and capable shoulder. She was feeling so melancholy lately, so unlike her usual self. It was true that she hadn't been her old self since before Olivia's death, but Elliot had picked up the pieces and put her back together in the best and only way that he knew how. They had blindly fumbled into a relationship, despite Casey's arguments that she was a lesbian. And they had been at this point ever since, a wild four months of insanely passionate sex and heavy emotional baggage. They kept things hidden at work, insisting it was for the best. But Casey felt lost now.
"You okay?" Elliot reached over and brushed a stray hair out of Casey's beautiful green eyes. "You don't seem to be with me lately." He kissed the top of her head gently and felt the giant intake of breath as he rubbed a hand over her smooth and perfect back. He knew this meant the oncoming of tears and kissed each cheek as the tears began to fall.
"Casey?" He didn't want to push her, because he knew it would only make her more distant.
"I'm sorry, El. I love what you've done for me. But I can't be with a man who's still in love with a ghost."
Elliot looked down at her and cupped her cheek in his hand. He wanted to get upset with her and tell her she had it all wrong. He wanted to be angry with her for her somewhat harsh words. But he didn't know how to be angry with Casey. He had been angry with her over cases and other mediocrities at work, but in their relationship, he never wanted to hurt her. He didn't want to tell her that she was wrong.
"That's not true, Casey." He squeezed his eyes shut, fighting down the tears that were coming on fast. Elliot, do not cry, he ordered himself. "I love you. I will always love Olivia, but not in the way that I love you. I want to be with you in a way that I could never be with her." He held the crying Casey against his chest, encasing her in a protective hug. "You're so beautiful and perfect. And I want to be with you. And only you."
Casey allowed Elliot to hold her as she cried. She knew he meant well, but she couldn't help but believe that their romance was a lie. She didn't deny to obvious affection that they had for each other, but she felt that she was brought in under false pretenses. That she was so blinded by grief that she didn't recognize what was happening between her and Elliot. His friendship had sustained her through the weeks after Olivia's death, but she didn't think that she'd end up involved with him. Even after the quick hookup at Elliot's a few days after the death, she never thought her and Elliot could maintain a kind of romantic relationship.
Calming down, her green eyes met Elliot's blue ones with a kind of intensity that would be hard to ever match. "Do you love me more than her?"
Elliot was taken aback by her question. Casey was never one to be shy, and whenever she asked questions like this, it was wise for Elliot to carefully think of an answer.
"I love you in a different way. Olivia and I were best friends for years. She was more like my sister than anything else. But you…you light this fire in me. You make me a different man. I can't say I felt this way about Kathy, or Dani, or any other woman that I've been with. I love you." He put emphasis on that last statement, looking into Casey's eyes as he said it, letting her know he was serious.
And at that moment, it was enough.
-----
END
