A whole new set of first years were making their way up the steps of Hogwart's for the first time. Every year Peeves went out of his way to do _something_ to the 'ickle firsties', whether it be dropping sticks or throwing water balloons. But after watching some of the students interact with each other the year before... well... he had a new plan, a better plan and definitely a _different_ plan for this year. All thr ghosts often commented that Peeves went to far, that he was too noisy, too obnoxous, too... Peeves. Well, suffice to say that this plan set them way beyond their previous dislike for him... for he had reached a new level. He had met.... perversion.
So now he was prepared, he had decided that this year he would do something that could possibly help the students during their year at Hogwarts. But he decided to do it in a different manner. Normally he delivered his 'gifts' before the students set a foot inside the castle, this year however, he decided that his gift should be presented during the opening feast. Surely the Professors' would make use of his gift this year as well, and he knew for certain that a set of fifth years could definitely make use of them.
As Dumbledore called out the magic words and the food appeared on the plates of all the students, Peeves went into action. He popped out of the echanted ceiling with a bang and began to sing, while throwing small packages out over the gathered crowd.
Every year at Hogwarts you always learn a ton,
but every year at Hogwarts you always have such fun,
magic by the mounds,
always out of bounds (he glanced over at a certain set of fifth year Gryffindor's )
You learn a lot at Hogwarts,
much more than just magic and sports,
but let me tell you a secret,
something not often talked about!
The throwing of the small packages had increased, and now it was practically raining them. Dumbledore and his wide known love of music was cheerfully humming along, his wand conducting the lines of the music. Professor Mc Gonagall was turning an unhealthy shade of white. She knew better than anyone how twisted Peeves truly was and she feared the next few minutes.
Last year took me by surprise
I was seeing things disbelief in my eyes
All I did was take a look see
and what did I see, but studen'ts getting nookie.
That could not stand
so I decided to take a hand
In your educations I now stand.
These packets should keep you women safe,
especially from men with no taste,
but for all of you men
who take it in the end,
well cleaner these will keep you,
so cleaning you don't need to do!
Peeves gave a hearty laugh and vanished from the room. The packets were opened and gasping could be heard, except from teh Gryfinndor table where cheers were sounding. Everyone chose to ignore them.
The poor ickle firsties had gotten their first taste of Hogwarts. Peeves had given them condoms.
Bad Peeves.