Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. *cries* Nor do I own At Seventeen, by Janis Ian.
I Learned The Truth
Shanni_C
Author's Note: First off, this is a fic dedicated to girls. Girls with low self-esteem especially. This is for a very special friend of mine. Mariah I hope you enjoy it. I deleted it because it was sloppily written. (Sorry! ^_^* ) This idea meant so much to me.. It is written in Sora point of view.
I walked down the hallway to my classroom. Clutching my books, praying no one noticed me. I was surrounded by the popular girls, and guys. The jocks, the beauty queens. the nerds, the geeks. Everyone. I couldn't fit in with any of those people. I lacked what was needed, I knew it. I was rueful, of course. What kid wouldn't be? Knowing that you fit into no real group. Knowing that you aren't even special enough to be a nerd. Searching for the personality traits needed for at least one clique, was not simple. I wasn't a genius. I wasn't popular. I was just myself. Sora Takenouchi. I could only be who I was. That was it! Who was I?.
I continued my trek down the hallway, finally reaching my locker. I opened my locker, looking at my mirror. What's the point of having a mirror, to look at myself? I'm not a princess, or a beauty queen. Nor am I exceedingly beautiful. Dammit! It wasn't fair! I wanted to be.. somebody. I bit my lip thinking, as I felt the tears sting my now cloudy eyes. It's no wonder I don't have a boyfriend. My nose was now red, and runny from cryoing. I looked at myself, I thought of all the girls like me. The weak ones, the unpopular ones, all of us. I knew the pain. I felt the hurt that they did. I retrieved my needed textbooks, and slammed the locker shut. Why couldn't I be happy with who I was? Why couldn't I be beautiful?
I walked by the cheerleaders. They sneered at me. "Hey Sora, how's soccer?!" She said sarcastically. "Score any goals, or should I say score at all?" I stood there for a moment. Analyzing her vulgar comment.Not only was I an unpopular outcast, but now a ugly, virgin too. I shook the thoughts away, and headed ot my classroom. The day couldn't get any worse. Or could it? Were the unlucky girls like me always the spur of jokes, and criticism? One day they would learn. I already have.
I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
I reached my classroom, and sat down. I couldn't keep crying every time one of those rude girls picked on me. What didn't the have that I lacked? I was strong, I got good grades, I was kind. It wasn't fair to do that to myself. I wanted to leave. I wanted to hid behind something. I needed something. I knew that there were people who cared about me. My mother did. My freinds, but it wasn;'t enough. I needed closure. I wanted to be them, as much as I despised them, I was still intrigued by their world.
I thought of those girls. They probably went on dates. They were the epitome of beauty, their names synonmous with popularity. They had handsome boyfriends. What did I have? Nothing. No boyfriend. I bet they would be married when they reached 18. They were all prima donnas. Ripe, and ready to marry the thickest wallets.. They could get any guy if they wanted. I know that they were selfish. That they are just mean girls, that like to pick on anyone they can can hurt. Especially if it meant someone like me. A bully's prey.
Who married young and then retired.
The valentines I never knew
How I long to feel one day, of what they experienced all the time. To say to some guy, "Sorry I can't go out with you. My schedule's busy." What would it be like!I wanted the romance, the dreams. Why was it so distant? Instead of spending nights alone, and bored. It hurt. I was fun, smart. What did they have, that I didn't? Maybe that was it. A lack of everything. At least I knew now.
The Friday night charades of youth.
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth.
The bell rung,.and I quickly exited my classroom. I lacked the social graces. I went back to my locker. Even if I were rich, I was never meant to be a woman of society. No I'm not a princess. If not that, then who am I? I could feel my tears reforming. I looked at my face, and saw that it was once more wet with my salted tears. I looked over and saw the popular girl, Jennifer talking to the local jock, John. She was flirting. She handed him a peice of paper, probabaly giving him her phone number. I closed my eyes, and remembering that I had lied to Mimi, about being busy last week because I had a date. I couldn't believe I had made up a date. Even I thought making up dates was sad, even pathetic.
And those of us with ravaged faces
Lacking in the social graces
Desperately remained at home
Inventing lovers on the phone
Maybe the world I longed for wasn't so special. Maybe I was seeing something that was never there. It could be possible all those kids were just as lonely as me.Possibly eeven more so. Could all of it have been a facade. Some charade to keep up appearances? If being popular meant that I was going to still be lonely. Then popularity was not the worth the trouble. Being pleased with who you are is much more important, than being loved, and revered by others.
Who called to say come dance with me
and murmured vague obscenities
It isn't all it seems
At seventeen.
I made it to class, fashionably late. I sat down next to my friend Alicia. She smiled at me. She was so kind. . She never tried to fit into the world of the popular. She just was herself. She could care less. The best thing about her was that she always knew when I needed a laugh. I looked down at my dress, thinking of the woman that gave it to me. I didn't even remember her name, just that she told me something I'll never forget. She said that, a person should never be ashamed of how they look, or how much money they have. Which was greatest? Wealth, or happiness?
A brown eyed girl in hand me downs
Whose name I never could pronounce
said, Pity please the ones who serve
They only get what they deserve
She was right. They do only get what they deserve. Trying so hard to fit in with in with cruel teenagers, can only turn that person into They try so hard to appease others that they miss out on what's important in life. I cracked a smile. It was a small smile, but it shone the hope of one girl that just didn't give a damn. A girl who didn't need popularity to feel good.
The rich relationed hometown queen
Married into what she needs
A guarantee of company
And haven for the elderly.
I thought of Jennifer. If she did marry rich, she would be unhappy. She would be hurt. I could picture it now. She would be the rich man's wife. She would end up in Florida with the groom's parents, bored, and unhappy.
Remember those who win the game
Lose the love they sought to gain
I thought of the girls like me. We didn't need, to be popular, or well known in order to be happy. We were pretty damn cool!! I hated to say it, but it was because of bitches like her, that made women, and girls like me feel less that who we are! It was time to take a stand. To wisen up. Indeed I had learned the truth. I had family, who loved me! I even had friends who loved me!
I Learned The Truth At Seventeen
That Girls Like Me Are Special Indeed!!
Fin
As I stated earlier, this is dedicated to girls who feel as if they are not good enough, or strong enough, or even beautiful enough! It isn't all it seems! ^_^ I hope that by reading this, people realize that there are people who are special, and extraodrinary! Believe in yourself, and you can achieve your highest goals.This was suggested by a friend of mine, that once felt this way. She suggested I write a story dealing with the low self esteem of girls like that out there.
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