Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.
It's a real fine line between love and hate. God knows if there's anything I learned from the divorce it's that. I'm not mad at you, Jim. It's a test. And you're failing.
No, this has nothing to do with Spock anymore. I don't care about him. You're allowed to 'love' anyone you want, I can't stop you. Believe me, I've tried.
I find myself hating every quality you have. Everything that you do and say. Everything that makes you who you are. I'm so sick of hearing about your successes and your drama. But, dammit Jim, I love it all so much.
I love the way you're so sure of yourself and you always think you're right. Hell, most of the time you are right. The way you never give up and don't play by the rules. Those bright blue eyes and that crooked smile….but they're not directed at me anymore.
They go to him.
It makes me wonder if you ever really felt the way I thought you did. If you're really the person I thought you were.
I can't believe I let myself get so attached to you. I always told myself not to get attached to anything because I couldn't bear to have anything else taken from me. But I made an exception for you. You were my best friend. I wish I could say you still are. But lately, I haven't seen much of you. You'd rather be off with you're new friends.
I've tried to tell you how I feel. I just don't think you understand. And that kills me. I thought you felt the same way that I do. Obviously, I was wrong.
So, I give up. I'm not going to pass my life by, chasing after you. I won't let myself be the one you who you think will keep coming back. You're the one who needs me. You'll come back. If you really love me, you'll come back. You're not the center of my universe anymore. But the position is always open if you want it.
Because I'll always love you. You know how I know that? All these years, I've tried everything to bury these feelings. I've tried to distract it with work and frivolous one night stands. I've tried to drown it with endless bottles of whiskey. But no matter what, it's always there. So even if I fight you, and act like I don't want you anymore, believe me when I say this. Damn it Jim, I love you.