Disclaimer: Lucy is mine, nothing else is.
Author's Note: Set during and after the last scene of Everybody Loves A Clown. Basically I added in my little character, Lucy (5 years old again because its just so darn cute). I'm not really sure where this little thing came from and was written mostly for myself to get this little thought out of my head. I know ELAC was a little while ago, but there are so many different things you can do with this episode. This is from Dean's POV. Happy reading!
He beat the trunk of his beloved car with every ounce in him. He had once thought that this machine was what he treasured most.
How wrong he had been.
The dents became more and more numerous, and he wished he could stop himself, but the hits kept coming.
It felt like his life.
It was one bad thing after another. His mother, his father's grief over his lost wife, his brother's desertion, and now…
Sam didn't get it. As much as he loved his baby brother, he knew Sam just didn't understand, and couldn't, as long as he held this secret. He had his own grief to deal with, and his grief was much different than Dean's. This was the first time in his life Dean didn't feel like he could connect with Sam.
And that scared him more than he'd like to admit.
Dean knew he was being selfish. He wasn't considering how his siblings were dealing. The hole was just so deep.
He tried so hard to get rid of the anger and the hurt by hurting something else. But, after he had exhausted himself and dropped the crowbar, he realized that the feeling was still there.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw something pink. He turned to see Lucy, in her cheery, bright pink t-shirt, standing next to a pile of rusted old car pieces, watching Dean. He wondered how long she had been there, although he had a feeling she had been there for a while.
She didn't move and she didn't speak. The bottom of her ponytail fluttered in the breeze, but beyond that there was no movement from either of them.
Her face betrayed no emotion, but Dean could see fear in her eyes. Fear of her big brother's breakdown. The fear that she was losing someone else.
Dean was surprised that the 5 year old didn't cry. But then again, she had grown up in the Winchester household, where those kinds of emotions were frowned upon, even from children.
Dean wished she would cry. It seemed like the correct emotion.
She shouldn't have been afraid of him.
"Lucy," he finally said quietly, almost questioningly. That one word seemed to pull Lucy back to the real world as she suddenly turned and walked away. Dean watched her until he couldn't see her anymore.
He realized that she had every right to be afraid of him.
He was afraid of himself.
A/N (part 2) I'm attempting to write this little part from Sam's POV too. Should I finish it?