Four Humiliating Things Rukia Never Did…
The First
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Bleach nor the characters within.
WARNING: There be hints of RenRuki in this chapter. (YAY! My favorite Bleach couple!)
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Because Pride was her first confidant…
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Rukia stared up at him, desperation thrumming through her veins. Blood was rushing to her head at an alarming speed and then escaping just as quickly making her see stars. As hot as she should have felt, it was almost as if frigid water was being pumped throughout her body. Her heart was the coldest.
Why was he saying these things?
She tried to keep her facial expression detached, her posture casual (or as casual as Rukia ever became), but she was failing. Her emotions were escaping, taking control of her body. He was able to keep better control than her. He was acting better, playing the part better. If it weren't for the fact she could read him so well, she would have thought he didn't care at all.
Why was he giving things up so easily?
She could feel her hands shake slightly so she clenched them into fists while he hugged her shoulders… his grip was so tight. She could feel her eyes start to prick and tingle so she lowered her head as he began slapping her right shoulder… each one was harder than the last.
Why wasn't he fighting for her? Why?! Didn't he know that she… that she…
And then it came in a moment of clarity. It was about Pride. It was about the game, the competition… always coming out on top. Ever since they were younger, they were always competing. Life was easier to deal with if one just looked at it as a game. And the most important game to play, as both learned after living in Rukongai for so long, was the game of survival.
Survival was control, but because control was in the hands of fate – a most finicky bitch if there ever was one, leaving life up to chance – one had to pretend to be in control… play the part.
"Sou ka."
Pride was the shield to keep others from one's own thoughts. Pride was the wall to hide one's feelings behind. Pride was the façade to keep a person from going insane. Pride maintained some sort of semblance of control, even while everything else was falling to pieces. With Pride, one could pretend.
She took a hold of the arm that just recently slapped her shoulder, ready to move it off of her.
Wait, maybe there was something more to it than that. She paused for a quick second.
Perhaps there was a part of him that thought this would be best for her, that she would be happiest leaving now… No, they both knew the truth about that. It was all about Pride, nothing else.
She continued with her previous motions until his arm was pushed back against his body.
He didn't want her to go, but he'd pretend to because it was a safe choice. Pride was safe. It was all up to her now.
She stilled her motions, keeping her hands on his arm.
She could play along with the charade, go with the motions, keep the distance, stick with the familiarity of Pride. It was the easiest choice at this moment… oh, so simple to stay with routine and fall back on an old friend. And they'd both eventually get over it, become colder and stronger, because both were masters of survival. Pride wouldn't let them be anything else.
Her hands tightened slightly. It was time to act, to play, to leave…
…to leave…
She threw his arm out of the way and leaped into his chest, her arms wrapping around his waist in grip as tight as death. She clung desperately, fear overriding her senses. It was horribly shameful and frightening what she was doing. But the alternative was even worse. And she knew if she let go now then she would run.
His arms wrapped around her immediately, almost as if on instinct. His grip was probably just as tight as hers. They stayed like that for a while, clinging to one another, until Rukia felt her legs give. Good, now she wouldn't be able to run.
They dropped to their knees at the same time, though they never lost their hold. It just shifted slightly until she was facing his chest instead of abdomen.
She buried her face into his chest moving her head side to side in an attempt to use his clothing to destroy any remaining evidence of her weakness. Her decision was pitiful enough; he needn't see more. It was a pathetic attempt, but neither one of them commented on it.
After several minutes of silence, she turned her face up to look at him straight in the eye. He looked just about as scared as to be expected, which wasn't much from anyone else's point of view. But she was Rukia and he was Renji, and she knew him just that well. He was just as lost as her standing in the path of something completely brand new and unknown.
But as long as they were together she could deal with it.
She offered him a hard glare that didn't quite reach her eyes as much as normal.
"You… bastard. You will not get rid of me that easily."
She watched as he struggled to give his usual cocky grin, but it never quite reached further than a soft, awkward smile.
"Aa."
And nothing more needed to be said.
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A/N: My first Bleach fanfic. Hooray.
I'm quite disappointed the scene above never happened. But that's just me.
And just as a warning, this is probably the only one of the four that won't be depressing (well, unless if you hate the RenRuki coupling, which means that you're probably highly depressed after reading this). Oh well, no skin of my bones. It's your own fault for reading it if you do.
Anywho, please R&R! Thank you!