-1Desperation

"His fear of an impending future he couldn't change, and my fear of going towards a shorter future…witch is worse I can't tell…"

I had to excuse myself from the deck quickly, telling Geo I needed a nap so I could keep our path to Cephiro open and strong.

It was partly true and partly a lie.

I could feel it coming.

There was a time when I couldn't feel them coming and they were more difficult to hide, my attacks, but as time progressed and they became worse I began to feel them, the drowsiness always comes first and then the pain.

Even now as I sit by my window and wait for the attack to come, I gaze at the tiny dot on the horizon, Cephiro, once so pure and blue, from Autozam it always looks like a beautiful blue glass globe, so the complete opposite of our own county. Now its light is dim and fading, flickering like a flame about to go out in the wind.

I sympathize with it greatly, for I too am beginning to fade away, everyday I feel myself slipping at little more. At first I felt fine and only on occasion did I feel something was wrong. Even after I found out the time I had left was short I still felt alright, but not long after Lantis left to return to Cephiro I began to realize that my time really was running out.

A part of me wondered if Lantis knew, if he knew what I was trying so desperately to hide from everyone around me. Somehow I felt that he would understand better than any one, my feelings on the matter. The fate of his brother and the Princess he couldn't change and my inability to change the fate I've brought onto myself.

'Because in way we're the same, his fear of an impending future he couldn't change…'

My hand clutched at my skull as the throbbing started and my vision began to blur.

'…and my fear of going towards a shorter future…'

I stand, stumbling over to my bed, collapsing onto the mattress, but I'm too far gone to feel its softness.

'…which is worse I can't tell, but please, please someone tell him…'

'Lantis I'm sorry my friend…'

When the attacks come, it's like being lost in a dark place, and no one will save me, because no one knows I'm here. If I could, I think I'd smile at the irony.

Once I get past the pain, there's only this haunting darkness.

'Please don't take me yet, I've yet to have my wish granted…'

I wonder, as I slip into a sleep I have no guarantee of waking up from…if the darkness goes on forever…

…do you call it death?