WARNING: This was done quite a while ago for the opfanforall over on LJ. Prompt asked for a "We have to have sex to keep warm" fic, either Zoro/Usopp or Sanji/Nami. So that means sex. Yaoi sex. Between Zoro and Usopp. Both them. Having sex. Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth…erm, fingers… MY KEYBOARD??
A/N: I sorta didn't want to post this here (first lemon) and I thought it might be better left anonymous. But I own any fans of Longnose who are waiting for chapter three (which is coming. Soon.) Anyway, here's some shiny Zosopp porn to keep you busy. Erm, if you've already read this on LJ, sorry. But I've polished it up a bit, in case you wanna give it another go…:shuts up:
000
Usopp can't figure out why this dumb shit keeps happening to him.
The day started off normally enough. The Strawhats landed on some winter island that had a mysterious past and lost treasure, both of which Robin just had to tell Nami about, who just had blab about it to Luffy, and then the unstoppable force called "Captain-Wanna-Adventure-NOW" was put into motion. And now Usopp was probably going to freeze his balls off. Or die, which ever came first.
Because the (completely fucking insane) natives hadn't liked pirates snooping around their island, so it was only natural that they had (with immense difficulty) captured The Great Captain Usopp and locked him away in some igloo. They also planned to do something like roasting him over a fire. (Of course they wouldn't eat him, they had told the sniper, disgust written all over their faces. No, cannibalism was inhuman.)
Fortunately, his knight in shining armor had wandered onto the scene and, swords-a-gleamin', beaten up all the baddies. It would have been a successful rescue, except for the fact that said knight lacked a (functional) sense of direction, and now they were stuck in a really cold cave with no hope of finding their ship. Ever.
Usopp shivers and pulls his jacket tighter around body. He can't help but wonder how long it's been. Hours probably. Only a bit longer and they'd be sparkly pirate ice sculptures.
Zoro doesn't look the least bit worried from where he sits across the cave. His eyes are closed and Usopp just knows the swordsman is probably trying to figure out a way to slice cold air, or something equally stupid. That's pissing Usopp off, since Zoro should be begging for his forgiveness, seeing as Usopp is going to die a virgin and it's all the first mate's fault.
Wait, no. If Usopp is about to die without ever setting his eyes on One Piece or meeting his father, then he is going to get some. (Some meaning sex, obviously.)
And it's gonna be good.
000
Zoro's swordsman senses must be getting slightly rusty, because there was no tingling sensation to warn him before Usopp dropped into his lap. Well, there was some tingling but that came from Zoro's lap, which is strangely filled with Usopp. It's a nice sort of strange though. Still…
"Why?" Zoro asks, with faint curiosity.
"Three reasons:" Usopp replies while unzipping Zoro's jacket and leaning forward to nip at a tanned collar bone, "we've been in here for hours and I'm cold and pissed and it's all your fault." Usopp bites down on Zoro's neck to emphasize his last word.
"…That's four," Zoro says, just to be to see if he further could irritate the sniper. It works because Usopp's brown skin flushes an interesting shade of pink. "Shut up," he demands before thrusting his tongue into Zoro's mouth. Zoro's mouth is warm, he thinks with approval. He wonders if Zoro has warmer parts and decides that undoing the other man's pants may lead him to the answer.
As Zoro watches Usopp tug down his pants, he briefly wonders if he should inform the sniper that they'd only been in the cave for fifteen minutes, but he forgets everything when Usopp's tongue flickers out to taste his cock. That's all he does for a bit, like he's trying some new food and to figuring out if he likes the flavor and Zoro's getting harder and more impatient with every lick. So he tugs on Usopp's hair as if to say "On with it, long nose." But Usopp just digs his nails into Zoro's thighs and keeps at it because he's totally in control and Zoro will be receiving a proper punishment. Then he gets bored and swallows the swordsman's cock whole.
Zoro is completely hard now, either from the way the sniper keeps humming or from Usopp himself (who is looking rather delicious with his plush lips wrapped around Zoro's cock). The swordsman can feel how close he is. Apparently, so can Usopp because he pulls away so that Zoro's redden cock comes out with a little 'pop!' Usopp then slowly unzips his own coat so that he can unbuckle his overalls. Zoro's already on the edge and Usopp isn't helping because he keeps licking his lips (not bad for a last meal, the sniper decides) and he still hasn't even undone his sash yet.
It gets to be too much when Usopp starts sucking on his own fingers in the same way he'd been sucking Zoro's dick moments before. Zoro reaches forward to relieve himself but freezes when the sniper sends him a look that could sink about a hundred marine ships. "Don't. Or else." Zoro groans and he really wants to find out what "Or else" could be until he notices Usopp's wet fingers disappear underneath his overalls and figures that "Or else" will be coming up soon enough.
Usopp prepares himself, biting his lip in concentration. One finger. Two. But he makes the mistake of looking at Zoro, whose mouth is slightly open and whose cock is huge and weeping and hard and warm, damnit- and Usopp remembers that he might not even live to be sore in the morning, and he honestly doesn't give a shit anymore.
Zoro watches through half-lidded eyes as Usopp positions himself over his cock. Then (after giving Zoro the sexiest smirk he's ever seen) he goes all the way down.
Again.
And again.
Zoro's so warm and the angle's so perfect- "Touch me," the Usopp demands, breathless, and Zoro complies, wrapping a calloused hand Usopp's hard. It only takes a few more strokes before the two of them are shuddering, cuming together.
Usopp rises off of Zoro and then he's back in the swordsman's lap again, resting his head on Zoro's chest and trying to catch his breath. Zoro nestles his nose in Usopp's hair and they both fall into a deep slumber…
…For five minutes. Because then Sanji's bursts into the cave in a "dramatic rescue" sort of way and the sleeping couple wakes with a start.
Zoro gets up, pissed. "Try knocking on the damn door next time, fucktard."
"This is a cave shitty marimo, there is no fucking d-" He notices the position his nakama are in. "What the-did you two just have-?"
Usopp gives a little squeak and jumps up in panic. "We had to have sex! We would have frozen to death otherwise!"
"What? Usopp, it's like thirty-two degrees! Plus you've only been lost for a half hour!"
Usopp is shaking all over. "W-wait. So I just…"
And then Zoro actually slaps Usopp's naked ass and purrs, "Best damn half hour of my life," before strolling out of the cave.
Meanwhile, Usopp dies a little inside.
000
A/N:…If it makes you feel any better, Zoro probably got lost after he left…