Somehow, Lydia ended up as Derek Hale's babysitter. Kira had only met him once, maybe twice, Malia sure as hell didn't know him, Stiles was driving the car, and Scott was sort of sitting in the front seat freaking out about whatever the hell had been down in that tomb. Whatever it was that was going on, Lydia was stuck sitting in the back seat of the jeep with Derek Hale, who was sitting beside the window, sleeping with his head on her shoulder. She looked to Kira for support, but all her back seat companion did was offer an awkward smile.
At least he wasn't drooling.
The drive was supposed to take seventeen hours - because seriously Beacon Hills was in Northern California and of course the Calaveras couldn't just be right over the border - but seventeen hours was not the worst amount of traveling they could do. Still, it was a full twenty-four hours before they actually made it back to Beacon Hills, thanks to Stiles' jeep breaking down twice, and issues with border control… not because it was a group of teenagers with no real identification, but because the Jeep only sat five, and there was six within. Of all the stupid issues...
Kira had been dropped off first, and they could all, even without two of them having supernatural senses, hear Kira's mom yelling at her for disappearing for a few days. Malia was next, but her dad didn't say much.
And then it was the four of them. Derek had woken up twice, asking for water, and used the bathroom a few times, but then he was drowsy and back to sleeping on her shoulder. After Kira had climbed out of the back, Derek had shifted to resting his head on her lap, and Lydia wasn't going to stop him. The drive to Deaton's was a silent one, and then Scott was helping to carry Derek in as Lydia let out a sigh. She already knew what was coming… they walked into the vet's office, and there was the Sheriff, furious.
Lydia ducked around back, not really wanting to get caught, even if her mother hadn't noticed she had just up and disappeared for a few days. Stiles was dragged out with one hand and Scott with the other while Deaton promised to watch over Derek, now resting on the metal table. Lydia connected eyes with Scott for a moment where she stood, giving him a nod as promise to take care of their pack mate.
He was sedated by the time that Lydia walked into the vet's office, with medicine and fluids pumping into his body. Deaton didn't say a word as she let herself into the back area, the mountain ash something she was immune to. Grabbing a seat, she sat behind the sleeping werewolf, waiting for him to wake up.
It wasn't until the next afternoon that Derek finally opened his eyes. Scott and Stiles had stopped by the office twice, and now, Deaton was seeing actual patients while Lydia sat with Derek in the back. She had left for all of an hour to run home and shower, then change her clothes. Even if she wasn't the one responsible for him, and certainly wasn't his Alpha, Lydia knew what it was like to wake up and not understand what was going on. She had been alone back then, and she refused to let Derek go through that now.
The first words out of his mouth, however, took her by surprise. Words of compliments, praise… how she was his angel, that he remembered seeing her, holding him and keeping him safe while whispering soothing words of encouragement. Lydia didn't even have a chance to respond before Deaton was in there, poking around.
And then the questions came… where was his mom? Where was his sister? Lydia smelled like she could be pack, there was something familiar about her, and he recognized Deaton, but where was everyone else?
With shaky hands, Lydia had taken the container of claws from Talia, now in a different box due to the nogitsune occupying the mountain ash one that Deaton had carved seven years earlier, and showed them to Derek. He had called her a liar, shifted, and it had only been because of Deaton that she was safe. They had finally calmed Derek down enough that Lydia could use her powers to talk to Talia, and opened her eyes to tell Derek softly that his mother understood why Kate had a power over him, that he had felt at a loss from losing Paige, that Paige had been part of Derek's pack, and that it was understandable he had reached out for something to fill that void.
Whatever she had said had broken Derek, because then he cried, shattered, not understanding what was going on. He had thought that everyone was alive, everyone was safe, but now it was just him and his uncle, and Kate was the one who had done this to him.
Lydia and Deaton had left him alone, at his request, but when they returned, he was gone.
Derek had been missing for two days when he showed up again, this time at her house. The pack had been unable to find Derek knowing that, with his older memories, he had so many places he could disappear to and hide. No one was willing to go to Peter, so Scott and Stiles were on the hunt. Still, Derek Hale showing up at her house was a surprise. She had let him in, of course, and he had explained that he had followed her scent.
It was a surprise, that he had come to her, not telling her where he had been, but the fact that Derek was willing to trust her… It was a start.
The silence was deafening as she went upstairs, Derek following behind her as she tried to find her purse to drive them over to the vet's office. Even if Derek wasn't ready to go now, they would still have to head there - he looked like he had been shot a few times by a shotgun, and there were only two people who used that weaponry. Given the fact that Braeden only cared about catching Kate… That left one person to have shot at Derek. He was healed now, but she refused to have a teenage reborn werewolf bleed out on the guest bed.
"Why come to find me?" she asked, sliding into her shoes and twisting her hair up into a loose bun. It wasn't much, and she wasn't wearing any makeup, but it would just have to do for now. "Scott is out there looking for you. Stiles as well. You know where Deaton's office is. You don't even trust me…"
Derek was standing awkwardly against the wall, arms crossed as he watched her get ready. It seemed to take him a moment before he spoke. "You're the only person I can trust. You smell like pack…"
"So does Scott," she said with a roll of her eyes, knowing that, technically speaking, she and Derek were not pack. In truth, she could die, and she doubted the real Derek Hale would even notice.
"Not like you do."
It shook her, even as they drove across town, in a much enforced silence. She didn't want to question why she smelled like pack… likely due to the fact that Peter had bitten her, and she had connected with Talia's claws more than once. Talia had trusted her with some of the secrets of her pack, and it left Lydia, the Harbinger of Death, as the only connection between the living Hales and the dead. That had to be it. It was the only thing that made sense.
Deaton was, amazingly enough, there when she and Derek got there. In truth, Lydia wanted to go home and sleep for a week, but Derek was clearly in no mindset to be left alone, and he didn't seem to trust anyone else. Deaton gave them the thumbs up, then offered the overnight room that he had in the back. Lydia had insisted that Derek take the bed, and settled herself into a chair beside it. Clearly, the boy was exhausted, given that he stopped putting up a fight about the sleeping arrangements rather quickly.
Lydia was just starting to doze off when she felt herself being lifted up, and she opened her eyes to see Derek Hale, young, hurt, alone, picking her up and setting her onto the cot. No wonder he had given up so easily - he planned on giving her the bed in the end anyways. She let out a sigh and reached to grab his hand as he settled him onto the bed.
"Hey, this isn't fair. You're exhausted, Derek, and still healing."
The boy shook his head and tightened his hold on her hand as he sat down in her chair, watching her. "And I kept you up by coming to you. Sleep, Lydia."
She gave him a smile as he pressed his lips to her knuckles, not even noticing Deaton hovering in the doorway, watching.
Everyone was nervous about bringing Derek to the loft, given the fact that Peter Hale was, well, on the warpath. Kate Argent was back in town, Derek was weaker than ever, and the pack was still struggling to heal from the loss of Allison and Isaac. Still, it was the right move. Even if Derek didn't recognize the loft, he seemed to relax as he stepped inside, familiar scents greeting him.
He was left with enough groceries for a few days, a cell phone with everyone's number programmed in, and Scott taking the first watch of babysitter duty. Lydia had assumed, with Derek settled in while Deaton did a bit more research, that her duties were done, but that night, her phone rang, and it was Derek.
"Why can't it be you?" he asked into the phone. Lydia had let out a sigh and shook her head. No. Just because Derek was calling and asking for her, that didn't mean she was just going to drive across town. He might think they were pack, but the real Derek Hale hated her still. Scott was his brother.
"Because, Derek, Scott is the Alpha. You're safe with him, I promise."
"I know he's the Alpha, but I don't… I don't think I can trust him."
"You can," she promised, letting out a sigh. "Scott is trustworthy. A true Alpha. I trust him."
"If you trust him… good night, Lydia."
"Good night, Derek."
The next night had been Stiles' turn, and that took far more work to get Derek to understand and trust. She was trying to come up with responses to every argument that Derek made against the human standing watch, but it was impossible when he had rather good points.
"He isn't an Alpha."
"I know, Derek."
"He's not even a werewolf."
"Stiles isn't entirely defenseless or weak," she said with a roll of her eyes, trying to forget the fact that Stiles had once been possessed by a Japanese trickster spirit.
"Every other question I have, he looks at me with this dumb look, and refuses to answer anything about you."
"Derek, Stiles is pretty much pure sarcasm, so you- wait, why are you asking questions about me?"
"Why can't you just come over, Lydia?"
"I'm not a werewolf either, Derek," she said softly into the phone, trying to remind him that while he did trust her, she wasn't exactly the best bit of defense for whatever might come to bother him.
"No, but you're safe."
It was pathetic… She was pathetic. She had refused to tell him much about their relationship, knowing there was a lack of anything to it, really. She had mentioned that she had saved his life once, but he had also saved hers. She had threatened his life once, and he had threatened hers. As far as she was concerned, they were on even ground.
Derek had decided that he was an idiot as an adult.
"I'm not safe, Derek. I'm the Harbinger of Death. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, death follows me. You wouldn't be safe if I was there. I'm not even safe."
"I would keep you safe," he promised.
A silence settled over the pair, and she finally decided this needed to end.
"Good night, Derek."
"Lydia, wait-"
She hung up before he could finish.
The next day, it was a phone call from Scott that finally had her heading over to Derek's loft.
"We can't get him to stop shifting, Lydia. He won't accept me as the Alpha and won't stop with the roar. He's angry, but it won't anchor him."
She had never driven so fast before in her life.
Running up the stairs to Derek's loft, Lydia pulled open the door just in time to see Derek throw a chair at Scott, roaring at him to get out. She was frozen in place as Derek turned to her, and their eyes locked before the boy dropped to his knees, crying out. She didn't know what had happened, but Lydia ignored Scott as she ran forward, wrapping her arms around Derek as he shifted back to human and cried into her shoulder.
"Peter came by. I thought that Derek already knew about Laura…"
Lydia just nodded in response, and glanced towards the door. It looked as though she was the one staying the night.
Derek had openly weeped in her arms for what seemed like hours, words like Paige, Laura, Mom, and other various Hale family members falling from his lips. More often than not, however, he kept saying how it was all his fault. Lydia kept telling him no, that none of this was his fault, that his mom didn't blame him and neither did anyone else. Eventually, the tears stopped, and she convinced him to move to his bed.
Once again, he didn't put up a fight as she told him to lay down, but this time, she climbed on the bed with him, letting him rest his head on her lap. Her fingers quickly found purpose, running through his hair as if he was a child. He seemed to eventually calm down, but the first question took her by surprise.
"Do you think that Kate ever really loved me?"
To be honest, the obvious answer was no. Kate Argent was a sociopathic, manipulative bitch. Lydia didn't have all the answers, but she knew that one for sure. Still, Derek was broken enough, and she didn't have it in her to break him further.
"I think she loved you in her own way," she said softly.
Derek stiffened, then relaxed again. "That's the first time you've lied to me," he mumbled. Lydia silently cursed the werewolf truth detector ability, but said nothing. "Thanks."
She smiled to herself as he fell asleep on her lap, and eventually dozed off herself.
The next morning, Lydia was woken up to the sounds of Scott and Stiles coming into the loft. She opened up her eyes to see that, instead of Derek resting on her, she was fully wrapped up in his arms. Everything about this was wrong. He didn't know their past. He hardly even knew her. She quickly pulled herself from the bed, tried to fix her clothes so that she didn't look so frumpy, and went out to greet them.
They didn't say anything about her spending the night, so she didn't either.
Of course, they came with news, which Lydia wasn't entirely sure she wanted to hear. Derek had been turned a week before, and amazingly enough, it only lasted for eight days. Deaton wanted Derek at the vet's office when the shifting happened, just in case anything went wrong, and because Derek would be weak, meaning a wall of Mountain Ash could be helpful in protecting him. Lydia had nodded, accepting the news, then left to wake the boy, only to be stopped by Scott while Stiles went to call his dad to give him an update.
"Deaton says he probably won't remember any of this. All of what has happened since he woke up in his younger form."
To be honest, Lydia had been expecting that. Preparing herself for that. Still, some part of her died inside. Was she really so lonely, so forgotten with Allison and Aiden dead, that she had already started to bond with the broken Derek Hale? It was impossible to tell him no or avoid him when he looked at her with those kind eyes and reached to touch her hand or her arm, and the way that he trusted her… No one trusted her like that. No one believed in her like that.
She felt ill, knowing that this, whatever this was, was coming to an end.
Derek had seemed happy enough to have her wake him up, and continued to be so when she told him he would be turning back to an adult again. He nodded a little, then asked for a journal, to write things down… Lydia had explained that some things had been taken from him by his mom, like the location of the nemeton, and Derek wanted to write down what he considered was most important. She had left him to that, going to join Scott and Stiles in watching him. She kept trying to ignore the sick feeling, and more than once, she saw Derek looking at her, watching her. She offered him a weak smile every time, telling herself that it meant nothing, and that this would all be okay in the end.
They had traveled as a group to the vet's office, and Derek gave her the journal for safe keeping. Even with him about to turn back, the only person he seemed to trust was her. She was going to just go home and try to sleep all of this off, perhaps cry for all of the loss, when Derek came back out from the back, asking her to say. He looked so scared that she couldn't deny him, and agreed to stay. Deaton left them alone, and Lydia was once again sitting in the chair, watching Derek Hale as he laid down on a cot.
"He says I won't remember any of this," Derek said, almost accusingly. Lydia gave him a nod in response, then glanced down at her hands. "So, I'm going to just wake up, and this past week won't have happened. I won't remember what Kate did to me-" He hadn't really talked about those two days he was missing, but Lydia had suspected it had something to do with Kate. "And I won't remember what happened with you."
She nodded again, looking up at him. Her heart sank when she saw how upset he looked.
"It's okay, Derek. Trust me, it's no hard loss. Adult you just does a lot of glaring at me."
"I don't want to forget any of this, Lydia," he whispered.
She didn't want him to forget either.
In one absurdly smooth move, Derek had her up off the chair and laying on the bed, and then he was laying down beside her on his side, pulling his body to hers. She wanted to protest, tried to get up, but he kept her there, holding her close.
"You hardly even know my name," she confessed, looking at him with sad eyes. "You only ever talk to me when you have no other choice. I used you to bring Peter back from the dead, and you hate me for it."
Derek's fingers brushed over her cheeks to stop the tears, tears that she didn't even realize were there. "I could never hate you, Lydia."
And then he was moving in, moving for a kiss. Lydia gained her senses enough to pull away, and tried to get up from the bed. Derek reached out and grabbed her wrist, keeping her from completely leaving. "Tell me you don't want me to kiss you."
Her mouth opened, ready to tell him that she didn't want him to kiss her, but she knew it was a lie.
"Tell me… not to kiss you…" He was moving now, up off the bed, and getting down onto his knees in front of her. She was tearing up again, and could see that he was as well.
This wasn't supposed to happen. She was the ice queen, sixty percent evil. She ate men and boys alike for breakfast. Her heart wasn't supposed to get involved. What was it about weak and broken Derek Hale that shattered all of her walls?
She shook her head no, trying to tell him that she didn't want this, but then he was moving closer, cradling her face with his hands. "Tell me not to kiss you, Lydia."
Her mouth opened to tell him no, but it was impossible. He was kissing her, softly at first, and then his hands were running into her hair, and he was picking her up and pulling her body into his arms. She didn't bother to try and fight, instead wrapping her arms around his neck. Even after he pulled away, he didn't seem to be done with her, kissing her again, harder this time, until they eventually made it onto the cot.
He could have easily moved it forward, and Lydia doubted she would stop him, but Derek kept his hands to her face, her hips, her arms and hands, and she let him. Their kisses continued until midnight struck, and he let out a sigh. Lydia pulled away herself, knowing that he was going to start changing back over the next few hours. According to Deaton, it was imperative that Derek sleep through this.
"It was nice… getting to know you," she whispered against his lips.
"This isn't the end, Lydia," he promised. She knew that was a lie. Derek was going to forget all about this, and she was going to be left with a broken heart.
"You need to go to sleep. It will be less painful that way."
He walked her to the door, then pulled her in tight. She hugged him back, clinging to him as she tried to ignore her tears and enjoy these last few moments. "Thank you, for keeping me safe." She smiled in response and nodded, hugging onto him before finally stepping away. He pressed one last kiss to her lips, and then Lydia was shutting the door and heading towards the bathroom, where she sunk to the floor and burst into tears.
The next morning, Lydia was still sitting on the cold floor, not really having moved. Her face was streaked with tears… what would life have been like if she had met a Derek Hale before Kate Argent had destroyed him? Would Talia have pulled her into the fold, taught her about her powers? Would she and Derek have talked, connected? Would he have smiled for her as he had been the past week? Would he have called her his angel, tell her how beautiful she was, and kissed her like she was the most precious thing?
Stupidly, Lydia had opened the journal. Inside, she found things about Kate, memories of her, about her manipulations. There were things about a girl, Paige, and how he had to stop blaming himself. Things about various supernatural locations, creatures that he couldn't forget. Smaller memories that he wanted to keep about his family.
And then Lydia. Her name was everywhere, talking about how she smelled like pack, like family. How he could trust her above all else. How she didn't lie to him, told him the truth, had been there for him no matter what. How he had never slept so peacefully as he did with his arms around her. How he never wanted to forget holding her hand. How he hoped that he would remember the late night conversations. How he hoped that she didn't hate the adult him too much to never give him a chance.
It was salt in an open wound.
She heard the door open and Scott and Stiles coming in, asking if it worked, and she quickly washed her face in the sink. Scott said nothing about her red eyes, but Stiles stared at her curiously as they made their way to the room where Derek had slept. Deaton was walking out and gave a nod in response to the question everyone had - apparently, it had worked.
Lydia hung back a few steps as Scott immediately walked in, saw Derek, and gave him a hug. Derek even went so far as to give Stiles a hug, and thanked them both for coming to save him in Mexico.
And then finally, Derek's attention was caught on her.
She found it hard to look up from the journal she was holding tight in her hands, considering whether or not to give it to him. She had thought about tearing out the pages about her, and keeping them, as though she were a masochist. She eventually looked up and saw that he was staring at her.
Not glaring. Staring. And then he was moving closer, standing in front of her. Was he going to hug her like the others, telling her thanks for coming, and then resume his talking with Scott? Was Scott going to tell Derek about the past week? Hopefully omitting the time that she had spent with Derek…
He stopped, and she stared at him. His eyes seemed to be trying to explore her, to figure out what was going on, and she felt her knees start to grow weak. Eventually, his eyes moved down to her lips, her still very swollen lips, well kissed, and by him. It took her a moment, but then she saw his eyes looking at her again, that casual smile, and Lydia finally realized what was going on.
He remembered.