This is just me having fun. I don't own anything Hope you like it, it's supposed to be set some time between season 3 and season 4, though I just got into the show so some things may be a bit off… please let me know if I did. This is just part one… Please, please, please review!!!
I couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't get away. I had, had this dream dozens of times, from the age of nine until now. But it had changed over the years. The first 5 years had been pretty much a memory of the account, Jack locking me in the closet, the emptiness, the loneliness, the helplessness and the unadulterated terror, that was always there. Then when I met Michael and Debbie, they joined the dream, always too far away to help, always too far away to hear my screams. Then in college Michael and Deb had been replaced with Lindsey, she too hadn't been able to save me. And then Justin appeared, I had the dream for the first time, since the blonde twink came into my life, just after prom. The dream had started the same but then I realized Justin wasn't like Michael, Deb, and Linz; they had all been smiling, too far in the distance to realize what was happening to me. But dream Justin wasn't smiling, he was pissed. He clawed and fought against the darkness, running desperately to get to me, he was almost there, I was almost safe. Until Chris Hobbs would appear, coming out of nowhere to still my savior, pulling Justin back to the darkness, and I would be alone again.
This time was no different, Justin was almost there and then….
"I'm here Brian, I here, please wake up. Then I realized someone was screaming, I was screaming. My eyes snapped open, looking for the one person that had ever tried to get to me. "Brian." There he was, right in front of me, his hands cool on my flush, sweating face, his blue eyes were full of worry and love, but never pity. I wrapped my arms around him, trying to show him how grateful I was to have him, how much I loved him. I expected him to ask if I was ok, as my chest was heaving with sobs and fear, I hated being like this, especially around him. I didn't want him to ask if I was allright, I didn't want to have to tell him I was fine and then roll over in order to keep up the pretense that nothing hurt me and nothing scared me. I wanted to remain buried in his warm arms, and light kisses that he had begun to shower me with. The kisses were like the ones before when he had been "killing me with kindness". I truly had yet to figure out how he could love me like he did, and how I had let myself love him like I did. Maybe it was his spunk, or his unrelenting stubbornness, or his unapologetic kindness, or his strength. Whatever it was, I was glad he'd wormed into my heart; I had never had anyone love me as unconditionally as he did, not even Michael. I had pushed him down and pushed him away and every single time he got up, dusted himself off and ran back into the loft. He was like a puppy that I kicked but he still curled up in my bed every night. Now the kicks have stopped and light scolding is all I have the heart to do anymore. He just gives me a goofy grin, sticks his tongue out and I always smile, even if I rarely let him see me do it. The very thought of losing him again killed me and I burrowed deeper into his hold, my sobs now quiet. "I love you," he whispered and for a moment I wasn't sure whether it was my need to hear those word or if he had actually said them, but when I felt his grip tighten and his kissed my temple, I knew he was just that fucking perfect. I wish I could have kissed him back, but all I could do was lie there in his embrace.
An hour passed and I still had not managed to go back to sleep, but I realized, neither had Justin. We laid in the same position, his arms around my neck, my arms around his waist. Our bodies only separating when he pulled back just enough to kiss my cheek, nose, forehead or lips. He never expected anything back, never tried to get me out of my pathetic mood, never asked how I was or I there was anything I needed. He knew asked, because he already knew, he already knew that I wasn't all right but that all I wanted and needed was this, to be held by him, to be loved by him. As I thought about it, I knew he had to be exhausted. He had gotten up the morning before to fix us breakfast, which I had rolled my eyes at and ignored the hurt in his eyes. Then he'd gone to school, 5 hours of classes without lunch. Then a shift at the diner until 8, followed by helping Mel and Linz with a gay pride rally, then he'd danced for two hours at Babylon before coming home and gave me one hell of an orgasm after which he fell asleep on my chest. I now felt incredibly guilty, he worked all day and was still wonderful enough to stay up with me, I really didn't deserve him.
I don't know when I finally fell back asleep or if Justin ever did, but when I woke up he was nowhere to be seen but before I could panic I heard him in the kitchen. Apparently he had dropped a pan and that had unknowingly woken me up.
"FUCK!" he yelled and I saw him look up to see if he had disturbed me. I groaned and rose from the bed, hiding my smile from him. "Oh shit, I am so sorry," he cried, gathering up the frying pan and setting it on the counter. He looked at me nervously, the puppy was preparing himself to be kicked or at least scolded. I motioned with my index finger for him to come to me. He obeyed, walking slowly, his eyes alternating from looking at the floor to glancing up at me. He was so adorable, I had to fight a smile from appearing. He tentively stood in front of me, just inside arms length. He met my eyes and the look of guilt vanished into one of confusion. I knew my own eyes had to be practically glowing with the love that was radiating out of every valve and vessel of my heart. God when had I become a lesbian. Ah, it didn't matter, Justin deserved my attention now. I grabbed his waist, spun his around and pushed him on the bed, falling carefully on top of him with a soft playful growl. He giggled once he realized I wasn't mad and I couldn't help but begin to devour his neck, relishing his taste, that delicious taste. I held his arms above his head and attacked his lips, telling him "thank you" the only way I knew how. And I'm pretty sure I was about to tell him I loved him silently too. I pulled away so I could see my beautiful angel. His eyes were bright, shining with love, happiness and contentment. I kissed him lightly on his collar bone, travelling down to his chest, then his stomach before going back up to his jaw bone and then his cheek bone. I hoped he knew what I was trying to say, not "you're beautiful, fuck me," but "you're beautiful, I love you." He must have understood as he didn't try to get free, or buck his hips upward, or kiss me back, he just laid there, letting himself get showered in the love and affection that was long overdue.
When I got back to his lips, I released his hands and put my arms around his back and pulled him into me as I sat up. He wrapped his arms around my neck, deepening the kiss and this time I knew what he was saying, "I'm glad you're ok, you scared me."
"I love you, " he breathed into my mouth.
"I know," I replied, wishing I could say it back.
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