Monday, January 3rd
9 st 1, alcohol units 20, calories 1,500, hideous life-altering events 3, Christmas excursions 1, thoughtful gorgeous boyfriends 1
Wake up with light blinding eyes. Note to self, get some blackout curtains. Mark left early for meeting at office. Feel tired but well shagged. Fantastic lover, my Barrister boyfriend.
I have no deadlines today from editor at Hello mag rag. I think I would like to interview Colin Firth again. But is this possible after last fiasco? Will think of this later.
Think again about awesome shag last night. Think to call Mark. No, to desperate if I call so soon after he leaves. Send text message on mobile "miss you, B."
Phone rings. Its Shazzer. "Hello, its me Shazz. Am in big fucking hurry. Simon is asking me to take him to Heathrow. So I need to meet you later at 192." I say "no prob" and suggest we meet at 9. Shazz rings off and says "Bye Bridg".
Now have whole day to self for proper pampering of girlfriend to top barrister. Look at flat. Such a mess wont think about that now either. Must remember to write down and keep all resolutions.
Resolutions:
1. Be proper and super girlfriend to wonderful and loyal Mark
2. Stop Smoking (or let Mark think I have)
3. Cut out carbs
4. Stop thinking about Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy
4. Get engaged to become Mrs Mark Darcy
Hear strange sound. Find that Mark left mobile at home and he didn't get the message I sent. Feel strangely sad. Mark's mobile rings. Don't know what to do? Answer or not? I decide to pick up.
"Hello" I say and I hear "Who is this?" and I reply "well who is this? The answers comes to quickly "this is Rebecca!" Oh God and Fuccck!. Mark is a shagging his ex girlfriend.! No! Remind self not to be stupid once again about Mark. "Is this plump, little Bridget"? "What? Oh God, must be elegant and keep composure. "Tell Mark I rang will you?" then she hung up.
Gees, not Rebecca again. How many times do I have compete with some stick with long legs and gorgeous body?
Need urgent conference with Urban Family. Called Jude. Her mobile rings and rings. Get voice mail. Gawd. Need help now!
Call Tom. "Hello" says a sleepy Tom. "Tom, its Bridg. I have a huge crisis. Mark left his mobile at home and I answered it and come to find out it was Rebecca Gilles! What should I do?" Tom in his ever so dramatic, poof style says "dump him". "What? I cant do that!" "Well, if I were you, I would confront Mark this moment! came the reply." "Mark is working and in meetings" I said breathlessly. Gees! What to do? What to do? "Tom, I need to ring off now and thanks" I said feeling rejected again. "Bridg, remember you are great just the way your are" and I love you! And tell that gorgeous man of yours I said Hello!. Later Darling!"
I cant depend on any man..not even my poof friends! What am I saying? Gawd, not the phone again!.
"Hello?" Its Mum. "Darling, are you still in bed at this time of day? You will never keep Mark if you are lazy and never learn to keep your flat up and become a good cook!" Mum always makes me feel guilty about my pathetic life. GAAH! "Mum what do you want?" "Darling, I want what every mother wants and that is to see her child married to a wonderful catch like Mark Darcy". "Mum, we haven't discussed this yet. I don't want to pressure Mark. Look we just came back from your Turkey Curry buffet where everyone asked us when are we going to name the day and kept hearing "tick tock, tick, tock. I feel like a bloody clock!" "Temper Darling! No need to get so dramatic. I rang to tell you Una and I will be down to lunch at Debenhams and we want you to join us. Say about Noonish? Tra-la Darling see you there!" I had no time to say anything.
It was 10:30. I am not prepared to have lunch with Mum and Una who keeps reminding me of my lack of marital status! Why, can't I just have a normal dysfunctional family like everyone else?
Now have major head pain. Back to thinking about Mark. Even more pain. Decide to take hot shower and pamper self properly. Decide to wear black trousers and black knit sweater with high heel boots. I look slimmer in black. All the pies at New Year.
Leave at 11:30 to meet Mum and Auntie Una for dreaded lunch. Had tedious luncheon conversation with Mum and Auntie Una. Got lectured by smug married women about how I need to catch a man like Mark Darcy and keep him. Was getting married this complicated for Adam and Eve? Left Debenhams and caught taxi home. Just walking up to flat when my mobile rang. Its Mark.
"Hello" I said cooly. "Hi, its Mark. What is the matter?" he sounded odd. "I just had lunch with Mum and Auntie Una and I have a terrible headache" "Aww" he seemed distracted and not at all concerned. Bawstard! "Bridget, I forgot my mobile at your flat and I was wondering if you could drop by and leave it with my Secretary"? Oh so now I am his errand girl. This day just gets better! "Yes I can. I need to ring off now" and said "G'bye" rather abruptly before he could say anything.
There that will show him Bridget Jones is not some simple singleton!
Got Mark's mobile and took Tube down to Ends of Court.. Dropped by office. Secretary was gone. I noticed Mark's door to his inner office was ajar. Decided to peep in. GAAH!...It was the dreaded Rebecca! She was bending over Mark's shoulder and acting like a little tart!
Hmmpph! I cleared my throat and they both looked up.
"I have your mobile Mark". "Oh its little Bridget Jones. Come to pay us a visit?" she said too cheeky for my taste! Rebecca stick insect!. Mark looked irritated. I felt stupid. Mark said "Bridget how is your headache?" I looked at him like a lovesick cow for his thoughtfulness. "Much better, thanks" came my guilty reply for doubting this wonderful man.
I told them I need to get going and I had to meet Shazzer at 192. Mark blew me a kiss and told me he would call round to my flat later this evening. I felt a gush of love for this man and walked away with a full heart! Bloody Rebecca! Stupid friends. Stupid me for doubting loyal Mark!
Tuesday, January 4th
9 st, alcohol units unknown, cigs, 7, calories 1,100, Rebecca encounters 1, Brilliant boyfriends 1, Deceitful specimen of humanity (Daniel) encounter 1
Gawd, shagging was awesome last night. Can't get over how beautiful Mark is when he sleeps. Of course, that was until Mark woke up and told me "You're staring at me again. Go find something to keep you busy". "Sorry" was my reply and left the bedroom.
Decided to write down events of last night while still fresh in mind. Met Shazzer at 192 and Daniel Cleaver. GAAH! The later was most unexpected and most unusual. Shazzer and I were sitting at our usual table while she spills out latest edition of fuckwit boyfriend Simon.
"Fucking arseholes! You can't rely or trust any of them" Shazzer muttered in her normal and vulgar manner. "Simon leaves me alone for 2 weeks while he goes off to America and of all places New York City! The city that doesn't sleep! Speaking of which I wonder who he may be sleeping with! Bugger him! Bugger them all!"
After the emotional overload...I casually look over at the bar. Sitting there like he owned the place was no other than Daniel Cleaver! The tosser! Felt slight panic and face drains and turns white.
Shazzer notices and says "Bridget are you paying attention to me or what?". Unable to think, I shouted. "Gawd its that arsehole Daniel Cleaver!"
For a noisy place, it seemed like everyone for miles around heard me. So to save face, decided to faint dead away. I don't know what all the fuss is about?
As self is so engrossed in diary, Mark emerges from bedroom, I jump when he nuzzles my neck and he turns my head for a wonderful lovely snog. Hmmm...can it be like this forever in lala land with wonderful Mark Darcy?
Mark goes and takes quick shower.. He mentions most important meeting with Trade Commissioner from US at 8:30. Must not fantasize about marrying Mark right now and not think about telling Mark about incident last night resulting in siting of Daniel Cleaver either!
My bottom feels sore from fall from bar stool. Luckily the added padding helps. Too many bar flies assumed it was from too many units of alcohol! How could that be?
Mark and I have quick breakfast of latte and chocolate croissants from Café Espresso. Mark gives me a kiss and leaves flat. I walk around flat and thinking really need to clean this mess. Decide to write in diary instead. My words are immortal upon these hallowed pages!
Tuesday, January 12
8 st, alcohol units 8, calories zillions, cigs, 2, gym workouts 8,
Going into a whole month of bliss with my gorgeous boyfriend. A month of total undisturbed sex and lost 1 stone! Can this be the ultimate in my continued happiness? Slept alone last night as Mark had to work late and also mentioned he made reservations for tonight at La Rouge our favorite cosey bistro around corner to make up for last nights absence.
Mark is romantic! Must call Jude (best friend) and see if she can get away from vile Richard for awhile for quick luncheon and shopping at Debenhams so I can find a sexy little dress for this evening.
Call Jude. Got voice mail. "Jude, its Bridget. Ring me on my mobile. Would like us to meet for a bit of lunch and shopping at Debenhams around 1 ish" Hung up.
Decided to follow through on New Year resolution and pick up my flat. After an hour of trying. I just started another pile! GAAH. Too much junk! Read self help book about organization!
Phone rings. I pick up.
"Hi its Jude". "Everything ok? I asked as Jude sounded tense. "Richard is being a knobhead! He insists I go with him to Paris for a mini-break but I cant break away from work at this very moment! He is insisting I go and he is being impossible! Big Arse! I think to myself. "Look, Richard is vile and self centered prat who must claim all your attention. Use some backbone to tell him to bugger off" recalling from memory an article I read in Vogue about demanding boyfriends. Jude continued "Bridg I know you are right...but I am stuck and I love him" "Then go to Paris with him if it will keep the peace" I tried to sound supportive.
Gawd, men are awful..except of course, my Mark. He is wonderful. We decided to meet at Debenhams at 1 for luncheon and shopping and both rang off.
Rushed and dressed for lunch with Jude. Hurrying out of flat when all of sudden become very dizzy indeed. Think to self need to eat that is all...rush and catch taxi for quick ride to meeting place.
Met Jude at Debenhams café and decided on the grilled salmon salad and a glass of Chardonnay. Our waitress brings our entrees..and one whiff of the salmon sent me running to the loo!
Gaah! This can't be good! After 15 minutes Jude finds me in the loo clinging to a toilet.
"Bridget are you ok? I felt another wave of sickness and couldn't answer. After another humiliating bout of nausea I came out looking like a hag. "Jude, I don't know what the matter is?" I said in a shaky voice. "Bridget when was your last menses?" asked Jude tentatively.
Oh Fuccckkkk! We both ran to Fairways Drugs!
Forgot about tonight's date with Mark at La Rouge and no new sexy outfit to wear. Rummage through cupboard looking for something to wear! Christ this isn't happening right now!
Mark rings. "Bridget I will be round at 8pm to pick you up for dinner" "Ok" I sound breathless and Mark said that sounded "sexy and see you then. Bye Darling"
Its 7:30 wearing smart black sexy dress with low back from last season. Put on heels to make me look regal and Princess Diana'ish. Check appearance in mirror and dread going into the bathroom to see result of pg test. Go to kitchen to get glass of wine...oh shit I can't have wine with unborn child! Must be sensible and drink sparkling water. Mark pops in all of a sudden. He is early! Oh Shit!
Oh Gawd! Don't panic stay calm and be graceful in manner of Grace Kelly to impress my gorgeous barrister and loyal boyfriend who also has striking likeness to Colin Firth"
Mark says "I need to use the loo and be right back." Oh no! More panic. What to do?
All of a sudden I hear large crash in Bathroom. I go to investigate! It appears the notable and illustrious Mr. Mark Darcy has fainted dead away!
Mark is unconscious. Ring ambulance for emergency. Ambulance comes and takes the unconscious Mr. Darcy and I to St Thomas's Hospital.
Waiting in lounge (as I am not a relative at the moment) they wont give me any prognosis on Mark's condition. The sour looking faced woman behind the information counter seems rather put out with my babble about Mark's condition. Nurse Ratchet (from One flew over the Cuckoos Nest) replies in a terse and autocratic manner " Mr. Darcy condition is a private matter for relatives only" Bitch! Gawd, and here I am perhaps the mother of his unborn child!
Panic hits me. I call Shazzer. She answers.
"Bridget" what's the matter" I reply Mark had a bad spill in the loo and blacked out. I called ambulance and brought us to St Thomas." I said in a barely audible voice. Shazz said "I will be right down there, wait for us. I am coming with Tom". "Thanks for being such a wonderful urban family" I said sniffling" and rang off.
Shazz and Tom came within minutes of my ringing them. My urban family was reunited once again and thank God for Shazzer and Tom. Jude was out of town with vile Richard.
Watch out Nurse Ratchet!
Wednesday, January 13
8 st, alcohol units zero, calories non existent, sleep none, unconscious boyfriends 1, unplanned pregnancies unknown, cigs 0
Nurse Ratchet went off duty. Miracles do happen. Mark is in with physician. Me. I am on pins and needles. After Shazz and Tom arrived things began to happen. For one, the new nurse at the information counter was introduced to Mrs Darcy?
Feeling slightly confused I flushed and said "of course I am Mrs Darcy! The pretty nurse very politely said "I am Perpetua Jones and as soon as I get word from Mr. Darcy's doctor I will let you know. Why don't you go into the relatives lounge where this is some coffee and danish?" I was relieved and said "thank you".
We all rambled into the relatives lounge and waited. I fell asleep against Shazz on a comfy sofa and Tom snoozed in the wing back. At some point I thought I was dreaming when I feel someone or something gently shaking me...it was "Doctor Farnsworth". I blinked and slowly awakened realizing I had been asleep for several hours.
"Mrs Darcy" it took me a moment to realize that the Doctor was speaking to me. "Yes?" I blurted out? How is Mark? Will he be ok? Can I see him" came the rapid fire questions.
"Yes" Mrs. Darcy, Mark will be fine. I just examined him and he is conscious now. He experienced some trauma and slight edema to his right temporal lobe.. He is a bit wobbly from the concussion but I expect he can be released from Hospital in a couple of hours after some further observation. I want to make sure he is able to move under his own power. So I will give you a prescription for nausea and pain. I will have my nurse ring the chemist and make the arrangements.
I thanked him and feeling immense gratitude for this Doctor who helped beloved Mark!. But what to say to Mark? I had not a clue and feeling rather sheepish about seeing him. Maybe it's time to faint again and I did just that.
Was thankful in Hospital as was revived quickly. Find self lounging on sofa with Urban Family staring down at me and with show of great concern.
"What happened" I muttered struggling to sit up and feeling woozy. Tom says "Bridg you fainted! Just like in the movies".
How glamorous! I thought, just what I need a dramatic but concerned poof! Had feeling life about to change dramatically. But how? When? GAAH!
Thursday, January 14
8 st, alcohol units zero, boyfriend with concussion 1, fainting episodes 1, cigs 0
Got Mark back to my flat with help of Shazzer and Tom. Put Mark to bed and ordered Tom from room as ogles boyfriend way too much. Poof! No conversation from Mark other than grunts and he soon falls asleep. Typical male! Shazz and Tom both leave and I sigh with relieve and fall on sofa in front of telly from exhaustion. Fall Asleep. Wake up with bright light from window with sun shining in my eyes. GAAH! There should be a law against early morning!
I tip toe in to see how Mark is and no sign of movement. So I go into bathroom. For a moment forgot entire circumstances around the whole bloody situation and why Mark is now passed out in the bedroom. The whole night comes crashing back in vivid color. Pg test!
Bathroom is a mess. Cant find the bloody pg stick! Look everywhere in bathroom with no luck. Sod it! What the hell happened? More panic. Decide to take shower and freshen up as feel like wizened old spinster.
Emerge from shower more refreshed and calm. Hear Mark stirring in bedroom. Investigate and see Mark sitting upright with a quizzical look on his handsome face.
"Bridget how are you feeling this morning" . Feel like cornered animal and wishing to run from flat in a panic. I licked my lips and think of an answer and squeak out "I'm fine, though worried about you" "Well I am a bit woozy, but fine thanks." So polite and seem confused by beautiful boyfriend's response and funny look on face. I feel relieved he is ok. I finally get the nerve to ask "What happened in the bathroom last night" "Funny you should ask that" Mark says in a deep and throaty voice. "I think its time we had a chat don't you Mrs. Darcy?
How did he know? Fuccck! Another trip to Fairway Drugs!
My brilliant boyfriend calls into office and explains predicament of last night and explains he will not be in today. We spend the rest of the day laying in. Have shag feast. Gawd, this is true love!
Friday, January 15
8 st, alcohol units 0, shagathon 2, cigs 0, fantasies about Mark 3000
Mark dropped the bombshell. After our shag-a- thon yesterday, he said we needed to chat and he told me he was leaving on a important human rights case and going to America for at least 3 months. He is leaving in a fortnight! How could he leave me and no mention about his fall in bathroom? I love him? Oh Gawd? I love him! I love him!
Act like sophisticated singleton and don't panic at least not yet until urgent conference with urban family!
Mark laying next to me gives me lovely long snog then sadly leaves to take shower. Daydreaming as being Mrs Mark Darcy. Stop! Oh Gawd! Must not let on about wishful thinking and marriage to Mark Darcy. Cant think straight. Mark is leaving and going to spend time in America where there are several stick insects like that Lara! Bloody Hell!
Feel abandoned and lonely and Mark hasn't even left the flat! I hear Mark getting ready using razor in bathroom. Mark comes into bedroom and finishes dressing. Lovely, lovely man. Can't stop staring and he catches me at it again! GAAH he is too beautiful!
"Bridget, stop staring" Mark sounds a bit put off. Mark comes over to the bed places a kiss on my forehead and says "Will ring you later for a late supper at my place." I respond distantly "ok" and Mark leaves the flat.
Feels like Mark has left my heart. I sob and feel nothing but self loathing and pity!
First things first. Go to chemist and get new pg test. Go back to flat and wait for the longest 3 minutes in history waiting for a tiny line to appear and turn blue. What shall we call her or him? Noah? Mark Jr.. But if it's a girl? Something fabulous like Angelica or some other fantastic and exotic name? Don't have time to daydream as timer went off and need to look at results.
Oh my god! Its negative. Feel relief and deflated at same time. How could this be? Was I just sick with a touch of flu? Mark must have known or I know loyal Mark would not go off and leave me on my own! Would he? Bawstard! But what happened to the original pg test?
Call Jude, Shazzer and Tom for urgent strategy summit concerning the sudden news at Mark's impending departure to America. Need a pizza night with friends and watch the fabulous Mr. Darcy and his white clinging, wet shirt in Pride & Prejudice! I wish Magda was here, but out of country with Jeremy on holiday.
Friday, January 30
9 st gained more weight, alcohol units too many to count, cigs, 20 as nervous boyfriend leaving, carbs thousands!
Can't focus. Editor threatening to sack me if don't make deadline as promised on article featuring "Fabulous 30 and the Singleton! Will I be considered a singleton again when Mark leaves for California? I can't bear the thought! Lovely boyfriend spends a lot of time at office in preparation for departure. Feel lonely and rejected. Finish article and email to Editor at Hello Mag.
Call from Editor, Simon Pemberton.
"Bridget, article was good. I see you have had much experience as singleton and it shows in the article! Am silent for a moment and think to self, he said the opposite about my article about Colin Firth and injecting my personal experience in same. Dam Editor. Dam men in general! Recall still on phone with Simon as he shouts into receiver "Earth to bloody sodding Jones" "Yes?" I finally came out of my revery. "I have a new assignment for you". "and what would that be? " I said. "Sending you stateside for some articles of Singletons in America" replied my Editor. "Serious?" I was astonished! This is the answer to my prayers and I could be with Mark! "When do I leave" I nearly shouted. "Don't you want to know the details first? I will email your schedule and e-tickets. You leave in a few days and got to dash" and Simon rang off.
Call Mark at once with good news!
"Hello" Mark said. "Mark it's Bridg. I have some fantastic new Darling! I am being assigned to go to America and do some stories about Singletons! Isn't that bloody marvelous?" There was silence. Oh, this is not good. "Mark, did you hear what I said?" "Yes" came his non committal answer. Oh Gawd! Something is wrong. Bugger all! "Mark" I said. "This means we can be together in America!" All I heard at the other end was "Crikey" Uh oh! Trouble in paradise and I had that sinking feeling, again! "Mark? What is the matter? You don't sound at all pleased with my news" I spoke hesitantly. More silence. "Mark?" said again. "Yes Darling. I heard your news and am pleased for you" Mark said in a nonchalant way. Hmm this did not bode well. "But, Mark" I continued. "We can be together in America!" I sounded less than enthused. "Won't that be marvelous"? "Uh, yes of course. But there are some details they I have let on about my trip because I didn't want to distress you" Mark explained. Oh Gawd! "What exact details are you hiding from me?" clearly I felt fear. "Darling, Rebecca has been assigned to this case with me." Mark said in apologetic tone. Not again! "I wasn't sure how you would handle the news." "This isn't news it's a bloody awful nightmare! You are an arse too!" I shouted and hung up on him. Sodding arse!. Will things ever go smoothly with Mark and me?
Reach for bottle of Chardonnay and drink until I am pissed. Fall asleep. Wake up 3 hours later feeling awful and head pounding. Phone rings. Good news! Heard from Magda and Jeremy. They arrived from Costa Rica from their extended holiday. Need to ring Magda later.
Saturday, January 31
9 st 1 weight out control, alcohol, 25 units and counting, cigs, 15, carbs 3,000, boyfriend troubles 1, number hours sleep zero
After yesterdays nightmare, am knackered. After letting Mark know about my assignment we hit a bloody wall in paradise. Head pounding not sure from wine consumed or tense conversation with Mark. Have not heard from Mark. Still mad at him for lying to me about Rebecca. Well maybe not a lie, but he didn't bloody well tell me either! Vile men!
Silence is maddening. Have not heard from Mark since yesterday. That Bitch Rebecca probably gloating and can't wait to get her claws into Mark! Bell rings. A Delivery man with beautiful floral arrangement.
"Flowers for Miss Jones. Please sign here."
I signed and thanked him and closed the door. I opened the card which read "Darling, I am so sorry about causing you any distress and want you to know you are my one and only and let's have dinner tonight at my place and discuss "our" trip to America". Oh wonderful, lovely Mark. I do indeed love him with all my heart!
Dining at Mark's flat. Very romantic. I do believe Mark is really trying for my sake! Presented with black velvet box and attached note containing lovely poem.
Mark said "thought of you immediately, Bridg". Sweet man. Box contains a gold heart pendant. I replied to Mark "you will be amply reward later my liege!" Mark leans closer for a long snog and whispers " I will hold you to that promise Miss Jones". Sigh.
My Suburban Girl
by Samuel Alfred Beadle
I know a sweet suburban girl,
She's witty, bright and brief;
With dimples in her cheeks; and pearl
In rubies set, for teeth.
Beneath her glossy raven hair
There beams the hazel eye,
Bright as the star of evening there
Where the yellow sunbeams die.
Her breath is like a flower blown,
In fragrance and perfume;
Her voice seems from the blissful throne
Where their harps the angels tune.
Her waist is just a trifle more
Than a cubit in its girth;
But when there my arms I throw,
I've all there is of earth.
And when she turns her dimpled cheek
Toward me for a kiss,
I lose expression—cannot speak—
And take all there is of bliss.
by Samuel Alfred Beadle
Starting weeping as mascara ran down cheeks. Ran to loo and try to regain composure. Come out feeling rather winsome. Could Mark love me? Oh Gawd! My happiness would be complete.
Mark arranged with his housekeeper to set up romantic lovely dinner near the fire in study. All I need now is Mark to show up in a white clingy shirt and resemble hero in P&P. Oh silly Bridget stop fantasizing about another Mr. Darcy. Remember New Year Resolution concerning Colin Firth! He is so gorgeous! Stop!
Discuss plans with Mark for departure to America in two days hence. Plan farewell dinner with Urban Family at local Pub. I need some new clothes! I need to pack! GAAH I need more than 2 days! Wonderful evening ends with wild love making with A1 sex god, Mark.
Ring Shazz got bloody voice mail..
"Shazzer! Hi its me Bridg! I need your help. Call Jude and Tom. Need to do shopping excursion no delay! Ring me back on my mobile."
I cant panic now. Panic later! Mobile rings. It's Jude!
"Thank God its you Jude," I shrieked! "Bridg calm down. I spoke with Shazzer and we will meet you at Debenhams's at 2 sharp for luncheon and shopping. "Bless you Jude and thanks for being such good friend." "Bridge, we love you too" Jude rang off.
Flat is in turmoil. Can't find passport! Ring Mark. "Hello Mark, it's me. I have an awful dilemma, I can't find my passport! I babbled! "Bridget" I know you and I have it with me for safekeeping, so no worries ok? I'll ring later. Bye, Darling".
Precious Mark. Must marry him for sure! Well, Mum and Auntie Una are sure about one thing and that is Mr. Mark Darcy.
Shopping trip a success. Found many gorgeous items to temp my lovely boyfriend!
Tuesday, February 2
9 st weight down a bit , alcohol, 15 units cigs, 10, carbs 2,000, fantastic shags 3, number hours sleep 8
The day is finally here! At Heathrow going to through customs and international terminal. Get to British Airways Terminal and face drops. Oh Gawd! It's Rebecca! Forgot about that one. She is looking very dishy in Ralph Lauren, But still a tart! Mark and I sit down and say hello to Rebecca.
"Mark you are looking dashing as ever" came her cat like reply. "Thanks Becky." Mark said being polite. But Becky? Bugger it! "Hello Rebecca" I said emphasizing her full name. "Well aren't we the world traveler little Bridget" came the tart's reply. "I am on assignment with my magazine as a serious journalist to explore singletons in America." I said rather stiffly. "Well" Rebecca countered, "I am sure you have loads of experience being a singleton yourself" Ouch.
Board plane. Thank Gawd "Becky" is elsewhere. Feel need to sleep but too wound up from latest encounter with she cat Rebecca!. Mark is reading a legal periodical. No luck there. Decide to sleep. Wake up feeling much better and able to face anything. Mark is gone? But where? To the loo? To Becky? Don't think those thoughts! He couldn't have gone far. Decide to explore cabin. Find Mark sitting next to "Becky" in business class and they are drinking sparkling wine and looking way to cosy! Decide to investigate further.
"Mark" I said. "Bridg you were asleep and decided not to disturb you. So I thought I could catch up on some work I needed to go over with Becky". Another jelly fish sting. But from Mark. Not good in my book. "Oh" was all I said and retreated.
Moments later Mr. Darcy shows up in his seat and me with no welcoming committee that is for sure! Feel betrayed and stupid again. Mark looking rather disappointed at my attitude.
"Darling, we have been over and over this ground before about Becky. Will you never understand it is you I love? "What" I said stunned? "What are you saying Mark, that you love me?" "Yes, that is precisely what I am telling you" Mark said with some emotion. In complete euphoria over last statement I throw my arms around Mark and shout "Yes".
Of course spill drink Mark was holding and woke up many on the plane but, all for love! Mark just smiled. True love always prevails.
Arrive JFK in New York. Switch planes and board Delta flight and heading toward San Francisco. California here we come. I wonder if Colin Firth is in town? These Americans drive on the wrong bloody side of the road!
Saturday, February 14
8 st lost pounds with major shag-a-thon , alcohol, 10 units cigs 2, carbs 2,500, gorgeous man 1
Cant believe it. Been two glorious weeks in California. And bonus am no longer tragic spinster singleton on St Valentines Day! Mark has planned secret getaway for mini break. Robert our driver has strict orders not to divulge location. Love my boyfriend!I smile to self.
We arrive in Pacific Grove at noon. A bit overcast. Weather not cooperating with romantic holiday. GAAH! Not to worry as stopped in front of a quaint bed and breakfast called The Green Gables. Mark has chosen well. This historic b&b built in 1888 and is right on the bay. Spectacular views! Though relatively young compared to places in Britain but lovely nonetheless.
Check into room. Was informed by clerk not to forget wine and hors d'oeuvreswill be served later on. Shown room with lovely view of coastline. It has a fireplace and a huge four poster bed done all in Victorian style. I am famished as had snog feast with Mark all the way down the coast from San Francisco.
"Bridg why don't you refreshen up while I make some calls." Mark said very thoughtfully. "Oh I could use a hot shower. Care you join me?" I asked saucily? Mark quirked his head at my sexy invitation. DING DONG! "Darling, I regret I cant as I have to ring Ambassador from Mexico to confirm our meeting Monday morning. But, save that thought" Mark winked and went out on the balcony to make his calls.
Decide to make self presentable and keep busy so boyfriend doesn't sense my desperation. Decide on hot bath. Shit where is our luggage? Oh well. Room stocked with all necessities for bathing so I decide to indulge myself with a long soak. Hear knock on door. Call to "Mark" answer the door!" I fairly shouted. No response. That is queer. Thought Mark in room still. Apparently not. Dam and Fuck.
Slosh out of tub and reach for towel while yelling "coming, hold on a sec". Present my self at the door and see very handsome young man grinning at me with our luggage. Now why do you suppose he is grinning like a Cheshire cat? Then I realize my faux pax. Oh Gawd, my towel didn't quite cover up all my wobbly bits! I shriek and rush back into the bathroom and slam the door. Realizing door was still ajar and I heard noise in our suite. Sounds like luggage.
"Ma'am my name is Eduardo and I am placing your luggage in you closet." Eduardo yelled from the outer room. I say a weak "thank you" and hear some more settling of our luggage and door close very discreetly.
Gawd, how embarrassing. I wonder if Eduardo will recognize me with my clothes on? Hmmm. I feel wicked.. What would Mark think?
Completed my soak and dried off with big fluffy Egyptian and lay down on soft bed and feel right to sleep. Next thing I know Mark is shaking me awake and doesn't look to pleased!
Blast!
"Bridget!" Mark fairly shouted. "Who was that chap coming out of our suite". I was still groggy and replied "Eduardo". Thinking again how dashing he was. "He just left our luggage" I remarked interested in this new side of Mark.. I know he was embittered about Daniel Cleaver but , ding dong, is he jealous? Gloat to self. "Mark, got all your issues resolved about your meeting" I said trying to divert the conversation. "Blast it Bridget, forget about my bloody meeting and answer the question!" Mark said rather loudly. "Mark, what is the matter? You acting like a school boy shouting that way at me. You weren't in the suite. I wrapped a towel around myself and answered the bloody door!" I retorted right back at him.
Gawd! What happened to sweet Mark? Mark flushed, turned about and left the suite slamming the door.
Well I decided to unpack. Pulling out all of my toiletries and placing them in the bathroom, I noticed they empty pregnancy test box. Hmm think to self in chaos of packing I must have grabbed by accident. Go to throw box in waste bin and by chance glance at side of box. See some kind of date? Hmm. What could this be? Oh My God, it says this pregnancy test expired 6 months ago?
Shit! Don't panic. Does this mean I could be pregnant? But, I don't recall any symptoms except fainting episodes before leaving London. Could this be true? Stay calm but decided to cry not sure if I am happy or sad after latest row with Mark.
After Mark came back to our suite later that afternoon, said he was "sorry" and said that he had a grand surprise for me the following day. We had a long lovely snog and passionate shag on floor by fireplace. Very romantic. Fell asleep for an hour and awoke famished and needing food. Got ready and made it in time for wine tasting and appetizers. Settle for non-alcoholic wine stating "I am cutting out carbs". Appetizers were heavenly.. Go back to room. Notice messages on Marks mobile. Mark checks messages and says its "bloody Rebecca!" Gawd, that woman is a menace I mumble to myself! Thank God Mark decides to call "Becky" later.
We decide to dress for dinner as we have reservations at 8pm that evening. Mark calls from the bathroom to "Please get his jacket from the closet". I said "Ok" and get the jacket. Notice something sticking out of pocket. Pulled out object! It was the missing pregnancy stick! Holy Shit! Act like nothing has happened! Bloody hell!
Call round for Robert to pick us up and drive to the Monterey Inn. The restaurant was scenic and secluded. Very romantic indeed. Roaring fire was very cosy for two. Mark ordered for both of us. Very smart thing this Mark of mine! Had the Grilled Salmon with shallots and butter and sauteed vegetables. Mark has a glass of Chardonnay and I enjoy sparkling water. Feel very important at the moment and object of affection.! Enjoyed decadent dessert of raspberry sorbet topped off with a cappuccino. Mark was thoroughly entertaining and engaging the whole night and also very, very attentive. Thank you Eduardo! In denial and dread of precarious life altering state. Proceeded to entice boyfriend for romantic walk along the quay and that is just what we did!
We walked slowly passing many quaint shops and posh restaurants. Remember to check out interesting stores.
"Mark" I stated quietly. "Ever thought about children?" came the my question. Mark looking a bit taken back by that last question remarked "Sorry?". I asked again "Ever thought about children?" "Not as such" came the non-committal reply.
We both continued our walk in silence back to the car where our driver was waiting for us. Oh no. Did I blunder again?
As we lay in bed that night, the silence was deafening. Mark gave me a quick peck on the cheek said a quick "Night" and rolled over and fell asleep.
I lay there thinking. How can I tell him about being a father? He didn't even sound the slightest bit interested in children. Gawd, we weren't even married? Did he even want marriage and children? The questions keep pouring through mind until early morning when sleep finally claimed me.
Sunday, February 15
8 st , alcohol,0 units cigs o, carbs 2,500, pregnancies 1, nerves a ton
Get early morning call. Sod her. Its that bloody Rebecca. Can't she leave us alone for a moment? Mark answers. "Mark got a bit of a sticky wicket" I can barely hear Rebecca say. "What is it" came the sleepy reply from Mark. "Ambassador Gomez" can't meet with us on Monday morning as he needs to leave the country and fly back to Mexico City for some border patrol issue" says Rebecca. I bet she is gloating! "Look , give me a few minutes. I will make some calls and see what can be done as we need to meet with him right away regarding our case deadline"
Mark sounded annoyed with this latest development. Final goodbyes were said and Mark hung up.
"Bridg, sorry Sweeting. I need to attend business today. But the surprise I mentioned last night is a spa date at La Spa at Carmel by the Sea. While I am busy you can relax and enjoy the whole day to yourself. Robert will drive you down to Carmel for the day" came the dreaded explanation.
"I suppose." I meekly said. " I guess I can go alone today. Who knows, it might be an adventure indeed." "Thanks for understanding" and his kiss was worth the sacrifice.
The life of a Barrister! Bollocks! Mark, lovely Mark. Little did he know I had a huge surprise for him that will be here in about 8 months.
I went down to breakfast alone. Gawd, this was suppose a most perfect weekend with the most perfect man. Even though he fold's his underpants. Who does that?
Mark is off phoning ever body in Mexico and I am on my way to the day spa. The drive is very scenic and relaxing. We get there in no time. It's an adobe building with many palm trees and fountains in the main portico. Once I cross the threshold I feel instant peace. Aww, I needed this. I am greeted by a pleasant young woman behind the counter.
"Hello. I am Helene. How may I assist you?" "Oh my name is Bridget Jones and I have a 10 am appointment for a spa day" I said. "Oh, yes Ms. Jones. We were expecting you." came her polite response. "We have you down for a full Swedish body massage for an hour with Karla and after that a facial with Margarite. After that, a light luncheon preceded by a manicure and pedicure. After which you will have your choice of a yoga class, energy body alignment session or relaxing in our whirlpool bath. But you have plenty of time to decide." Wow, she didn't even take a breathe that whole time! I again said "thank you" and she told me to be seated it would be just a moment.
A spa attendant by the name of Greta greeted me and asked me to follow her. Greta was very efficient and silent along the way so I just followed her. As I was walking I heard something fall out of my purse and drop to the floor. In the mean time Greta continued on without looking back to see my fall behind. My lip stick case had fallen out on the floor and rolled underneath a desk. I picked up the case and put it back in my purse to look up and see no sign of Greta! This place was huge building and had 3 separate corridors stemming off from the area I was in. GAAH. So I feel confidant and head down the corridor to the right. Surely Greta had come this way? No one in sight. Gawd. So very carefully decide to open closest door.
The room was bathed in candlelight with soothing music playing. It was a bit dark so I couldn't really see anything. Obviously the occupant of the room heard the door opening and said.
"I am ready now" in a deep and sexy voice.
Hmm. Ready for what I am thinking and feeling very nervous and start to close the door when there is another sharp bark from inside the darkened room.
"Stop, where are you going? Definitely a male voice. It sounded strangely familiar. I was so embarrassed I closed the door too quickly and stumbled and fell hitting the floor hard with a loud thud.
I hear the door open and from behind I heard "What the bloody hell is going on?"
I was face down and turned to look with abject horror on my face. It was non other than Colin Firth"
"Good God, I know you" Colin yelped. Standing in nothing but a towel.
I felt like a cornered animal still laying on the ground total immobile and utterly useless.
"Here now, let me help you up. Give us a hand up now" Colin said with a little more compassion in his voice.
I extended my hand toward Colin and in the melee my purse got caught on his towel and the towel came off. I was so mortified I wanted the earth to swallow me up. My face was flushed when I quickly glanced a very lithe and sexy Colin grabbing for the towel to cover up his manly parts.
"Oh, Gawd" was all I could muster. When from out of nowhere I hear another familiar voice say "What the hell is going on here Bridget?"
It was Mark. Fuuuuuuccck! I know I could explain this, but how?
"Mark!" I said rather shrilly. I lost my way and stumbled upon Colin Firth. I went to look for the spa attendant and lost my way and in the process opened a door and found Colin. In my hasty exit I fell and Mr Firth heard my distress and kindly came to my aid."
See explanation was reasonable. But not the look on Marks face. He wasn't buying it. In the meantime I hear Colin.
"Please excuse me, as I have no clothes on and its rather cold out here in the hall. I can assure this mishap was an accident and it was so coincidental you happen upon us at the time you did. My profuse apologies and kindly excuse me."
Colin Firth made a quick retreat. Mr. Darcy a coward? This whole thing is madness! Wonder if he would allow me an interview while he is in town? One can only hope.
Mark takes me by the arm and leads me down the hall to the room where I was to have a massage. The door closes and we are alone. Mark is brooding.
"Come now" I chide him. "Could happen to anybody" came my perky and nervous response. "Bridget I know this may come as a shock to you, but proper ladies do not engage men whom they hardly know in less than bathroom attire" he said haughtily. "Mark, who do you think you are to look down at your nose to me like that? I didn't intend on some seduction of Colin Firth and you know that! Unfortunately it is one of those mishaps we can someday tell our children about"
I said with more confidence than I felt. "What the devil are you referring to Bridget?" Mark said.
Well, for one, you can explain to me why I found my pregnancy stick in your coat pocket and you had to realize it was positive and not let on about it? I don't call that very honorable Mark and another thing I do believe we are too have a child around September I believe. Now if you are through yelling at me, I think I want to cry a bit as this has been a most stressful day and you have been a real prat" I sobbed out and left Mark to his thoughts.
Spent rest of day in spa in silence with Mark not uttering a word. What does he have to be so haughty about? I am the one going get fat and bloated and he will still be gorgeous and find me disgusting no doubt. Don't think about things now. Blasted Mark!
Ride back to our bed and breakfast was too quick. Stepped out of car and decide I need to devote more time to my research for article on singletons in America. Mumble unintelligibly to Mark I need to do some work and decide to walk short ways into town. Make quick escape.
Aww. I can breathe easier and try to find a place loaded with singletons? A Pub? Perfect place. Walk a bit down to Bubba Gumps. Seems very active and lots of singletons milling around outside bar enjoying warm sunshine, drinks and appetizers! Excellent! Found perfect spot.
Sit at bar and order a sparkling water and order chips. The waiter says "chips?" I say "potatoes..fried" "Oh, you mean french fries!" understood the waiter. "Yes, that would be lovely" thank you. Waiter took order and left.
I was searching the throngs of people looking for someone to interview. I noticed a table of all younger women perhaps in their early 30's. I decide to have a go at chatting to them about being single.
"Hi" I said feeling rather good at the moment considering impending motherhood. I see 4 pairs of eyes on me.
The pretty blonde says "Hi are you from England?" "Yes, I am" I replied. "Love your accent" she said. I said "what accent?". We all laughed.
I explained my reason for chatting with them and they were more than happy to assist me! Rest of afternoon was very entertaining and informative. Took copious notes and still thinking about on remark one of the singletons indicated I looked like Renee' Zellweger! Wasn't she in a movie about singletons? Must do more research.
Yes, indeed a most productive day!
Went back to B&B at a leisurely pace. Browsed a few shops and select a few souvenirs for urban family and parents. Return to face the music and Mark!
Quietly tipped toed into suite. Find everything too quiet. Where is Mark? There is a knock on the door. Go to answer. Its Rebecca! GAAH! Want to scream but remain calm
"Well if it isn't Becky. Come round to sniff for Mark I thought silently. "Bridget, Mark asked me come down since we have an early flight tomorrow as we are meeting with Ambassador Gomez in Mexico City" Rebecca seemed to gloat. "What?" When was this decided?" I sounded less than pleased." "Mark rang me earlier to come down here and set up all the arrangements. I also am staying here tonight since Mark & I have an early flight out of San Jose. I took the liberty to extend your time down here for a few more days". Rebecca said with a queer look in her eye. "Oh" was the only thing I said and slammed the door!
Why is the only thing I can say to Rebecca is oh? Stupid, stupid me! Wonder where Mark is?
The object of my affection just showed up. I was soaking in the tub.
"Bridget, where are you?" Mark bellowed from the other room. "Mark, I am in the bath. Be out in a moment". I shouted.
I sat there sullenly wondering what to say or do for that matter. I dried off and put on my robe and looked for Mark. He was sitting in front of the fire looking tired and worn out even after a day at the Spa.
"Hello". I said softly. Keeping my distance was my only defense with this man. "Bridget, where have you been? I was worried sick about you" came his surprising answer. "But Mark, I told you I was going down town to do some browsing and some work. You know you aren't the only one who has deadlines and I am serious journalist" I added for good measure. "Well since you are having our child I wanted to make sure you were all right. You do have a way of not telling me things like the incident of not being able to ski and nearly falling off the mountain you silly" Mark expressed.
Was this concern for me or just the baby? Wasn't sure. Tread carefully. Don't want to fall off mountain as he put it.
"Mark, that horrid Rebecca showed up here earlier looking for you. I do believe she gets a perverse sense to needle me any chance she gets. I have had a rough day and I don't really need to bother with her. Sod her!" the hormones really kick in. "Not to mention, since I had lost the pregnancy stick which I later found in your waist coat and it showed positive, I had since taken another test and it was negative. But come to find out the box said the test had expired." I said frantically. "Well Darling the only logical thing to do is call a Doctor" Mark said calmly. "Oh" I hadn't thought about that". I nodded in wonder.
Brilliant man!
Tuesday, February 17
8 st and counting, cigs 0, missing boyfriends 1, alcohol units 0, carbs thousands!
Am adapting healthy life as true California native. Oh Christ, what am I doing? Get massive emails from Simon Pemberton at Hello mag asking for article outline. Work frantically most of morning on article outline and pleased with progress made. Sent draft to Simon to barely make bloody deadline. Oh Shit. Promised Mark to call a Doctor and get test done.
Find phone book and look up physicians. Find one sounds most agreeable and make an appointment with Doctor Howser at Monterey Women's Clinic for 4 pm. Soak in a hot bath and relax prior to appointment. Call round for the car. Knock on door. Open door and its Eduardo. Ding Dong.
"Miss Jones, I have a rose for you" he says with much pleasure. He is grinning like a loon. "Well, this is a surprise. Do you know from who?" I ask tentatively? "I was asked not to divulge that information" He said smoothly. I think it must be from Mark. "Why thank you very much indeed" I said and closed the door. No note. Interesting, very interesting.
Mark must feel bad about leaving me and spending time with that tart Rebecca. Yes that must be it. But one thing is for sure, I love Mark Darcy and nothing can come between true love. Spoken like a true romantic. But is it true?
Get unexpected call from Simon Pemberton. "Simon, this is a surprise" I said.
"Listen Bridget, I just got a call from Colin Firth's agency. His agent is scheduling publicity and photo shoot for his new picture he is in and asked for you to conduct the interview for our mag" Simon said. "Me?" I was stunned. "Oh My Gawd, I saw him naked" I blurted out to Simon? What the bloody hell are you about Bridget?" Simon was obviously annoyed. "What? Oh nothing. I just happened to run into Colin here in Monterey." I said. "Christ, Bridget, don't botch this interview with Colin or you will get sacked for sure. By the by, draft for article was decent. I will forward the particulars to you about the interview with Colin via email." Simon hung up.
Wow such praise from Simon. My luck must be changing! Head to Doctors appointment.
I quickly arrive at doctors office. I speak with Robert, my driver. Such luxury. I shall ring him when I am ready to be picked up. Robert nods and heads off to parts unknown. I step into the office a bit unsteady. The reception nurse takes my information and escorts me to an exam room. Gawd, these examinations are humiliating to women. More like a peep show rather than proper doctor visit. Quite pervy, indeed. I hear a knock at the door. It's the Doctor! My time of reckoning, no doubt.
Wednesday, February 18
8 st 2 and counting, cigs 0, missing boyfriends 1, alcohol units 0, carbs 3,500 as feeling very hungry
Arrive at San Jose Airport to pick up Mark. I am so excited to see him as we have been parted for 3 whole days. Seems like 3 years. Waiting in baggage area for his flight to arrive. See stream of people heading toward luggage carousal.
Cant wait to see Darling Mark and tell him of latest new developments! Mark did ring a few times but decide to keep news to self of impending parenthood. After all we are not even married. Not sure how Mark will take it as not sure he even likes children. Must purchase book on becoming parents and raising children. I am sure there is not much too it. As I recall, I was once a child myself and I turned out, if nothing, but agreeable.
Saw Mark and waved. Oh, Sod it all. That despicable Rebecca. Holding onto Mark a like some clinging vine. She has her nerve and right in front of me to boot!
"Darling! Mark pecked me on my cheek like greeting some old auntie! I flushed and realized Rebecca is limping a bit. Probably a feminine trick! "Rebecca, what has happened?" with mock concern. "Oh Dearest Mark, saved me from falling when I tripped over some clumsy lout's luggage in terminal." was the cat's reply.
Mark said he would retrieve "their" luggage and putting to much emphasis on their for my tastes and left me to entertain this vile creature. Oh Gawd. I wanted this to be a romantic reunion. But 3 is a crowd and apparently I was the third wheel.
"So Rebecca, do you think you need see a doctor about your injury?" "Oh, no I will be fine. Just a bit of hot and cold and will be right as rain"
Mark returned with all the luggage and we went in search of our car. Saw Robert at curb. He came forward quickly retrieving the luggage and placing it in the boot.
"Bridget, why don't you ride in front with Robert, so I can assist Rebecca into the car with her injured ankle."Mark indicated. Nasty bawstard.
What about my "condition".? I got into the front seat and ignored the lot of them. Blast her. Blast Mark. Will our life ever be in sync?
It was a quiet ride back to San Francisco.
Arrive at Rebecca's corporate flat. Mark escorts her inside and makes sure she is settled. Gawd, why doesn't he shown that same concern for me? Proceed to our flat. Mark seems very distracted.
"Mark, did you have a fruitful trip?" asking hopefully to start a conversation. "Oh yes, it went very well indeed. Actually, much better than anticipated. You see there has been a development". "A development" I questioned. "Yes. Its seems that ambassador I met with has other business interests in Mexico which require much attention. Mark stated. "What has that to do with you" I was surprised. "Well, a job offer has been presented to me" came the startling news. "Well, what about your practice in England? What about all your human rights cases? People depend on you in England" thinking mostly of myself and my need for Mark. "Bridget, it is something I wanted to discuss with you and our future together. I have not as yet made any decisions as there are several details yet I need to consider before entering into this endeavor" Mark sighed. "Well, what are you saying about our future?" I sounded apprehensive. "While this may be a golden opportunity for me to expand my legal expertise more globally, I am yet undecided and need your counsel about this matter." "I see."Well that is the whole crux of my dilemma Bridget" Mark said flatly."The position had one caveat" "Which is?" feeling numb. "I am expected to leave England indefinitely."
All my hopes dashed. But our stay in America was for only suppose to be a short time I thought. My work visa only allows me to stay in the country for 3 months! Mark is talking about forever! I don't want to live in some foreign country!
We finally arrive at our flat on Nob Hill. It was a clear and breezy day. The wind was whipping around us. Gawd, I feel like I am in a bloody nightmare. No wonder Mark seemed distracted lately. I trudge up the stairs and into the sitting room and you could see the Bay Bridge and Treasure Island from out vantage point. The view didn't bring me any joy today. Just impending doom. I sit there in my coat and Mark comes in and sits down. I hear Robert leaving the remainder of our baggage in the foyer downstairs and retreats silently.
"Mark. When do they need an answer?" I asked. "By the end of the month". More silence. "I don't know what to say. I had expected a jubilant return and now its disaster" I finally said. "Well I am going to lay in for a bit. I am rather tired. Here I think you should look at this" I handed Mark my tests results and left the room.
I was staring at the ceiling when I heard a knock at the bedroom door. "Its me, Mark Can I come in?" he asked. "Enter". "Are you disappointed by the results?" he sounded concerned. "Well, at first I was until I realized we weren't married and the complications that would entail not to mention our overly solicitous parents and their views about unmarried people . Christ, it's too much pressure" I didn't want to think anymore. Add insult to injury I went to the wrong bloody doctor. I wasn't pregnant. I have an over active thyroid! All those symptoms! Bollocks!
Mark snuggled up with me and gave me a tender kiss and fell asleep. Woke up later and the room is dark. Look at clock and its almost 7 pm. Mark is still asleep. So I tip toe out of the room and go to the kitchen to put kettle on for tea. Walk into the sitting room and watch the fog roll in. The city is beautiful this time of day. I hear the kettle whistle and softly pad back into the kitchen. Pull out a mug and pour the steaming water into tea pot and add the tea. Let the tea steep for a bit and sit down at the table. Thinking what is going to happen? Mobile rings.
I see it's Simon from Hello magazine. "Hello Simon. What can I do for you?" "Bridget, I just emailed details about your interview with Colin Firth. Now, remember not to ask any personal questions about his love life OR playing bloody Darcy in Pride&Prejudice! Simon fairly shouted. "Simon I swear those questions were on the approval list authorized by his agent! I defended myself. "Just don't fuck it up Bridget or its sack time". He hung up.
Good thing he doesn't know about the Carmel incident with Colin and me! Think wicked thoughts and get lost in my reverie. I hear a floor board squeak in the other room and hear Mark coming out the bedroom. Mark finds me sitting in kitchen.
"Hello" I said. "Feeling better after a nap?" "Yes, quite. Thanks." "Like some tea?" I asked. "That would be lovely" came his sleepy reply.
I get up from table and get another mug and pour the hot steaming liquid into both mugs. There was a long pause. Both lost in thought. Mark casually notice's red roses in vase. "Lovely, roses. Did you get those from the market?" he questioned. I quirked my head. "Those aren't from you?" "No". "Bridget? Who are they from?" "I don't have a clue. I thought they were from you." "There was no card?" "None" I said. "Before I left Carmel, Eduardo brought 4 roses to me each without a note and he wouldn't disclose who they came from" I explained. Mark looked peeved.
Feeling like one of Mark's defendants being cross examined. "Look, I honestly thought they were from you and I don't have clue who sent them. Are you suggesting otherwise?"
I said testily. "What I really wonder Bridget, if we are at all suited to one and another? We are always at odds with one another with little civility" Mark raised his voice. I looked abashed. "What do you mean by all that?" I asked haughtily. "Does it occur to you that I have been very good sport about Rebecca, not to mention your early departure from our mini holiday and don't forget about they way you placate Rebecca in front of me acting like I am not even there half the time!" "I do believe you have said enough" Mark grounded out. "Not even" I retorted. "I will make myself scarce Mr. Darcy if I offend you so much! I stomped out of the kitchen.
I ran into the bedroom and slam the door. Damn Mark Doesn't he know how much I love him? I don't think so. Maybe Mark is right. This will not work out. There is too much friction between the two us. How did things get so complicated? I decide I need to escape from the flat. I pack an overnight case with a few things. Ring Robert to bring the car around and left flat.
Friday, February 19
8 st , cigs 10, alcohol units 25, carbs 3,500 as I feel out of control, number of boyfriends 0
Started smoking again. Been two whole days and have ignored Mark's calls. Wanker Mark! I am still fuming about fight. Decide to stay at a hotel nearby the flat. Very posh. Am feeling low. Leaving at 3pm this afternoon to go do the interview with Colin Firth in Los Angeles. Ring Robert to bring the car around to my hotel. Robert is efficient and silent as ever. Even upcoming interview with Colin Firth can ease the ache in my heart. Have bell desk retrieve little luggage I have and head to lobby. Mobile rings. Oh Shit, its Mark.
"Yes" I answered. "Bridget, I am worried sick. This is madness. Mark sounds really concerned. "Mark, I am leaving for the airport" trying to sound calm but my heart was pounding. "Where are you going?" I replied "I am going on an assignment to Los Angeles" I want going into any detail. Sod him. He stung my pride and practically accused me of cheating with some stranger!
"Bridget, we need to talk" Mark said urgently. "Look Mark, maybe you were right about our uncivility and incompatibility" I said with more conviction than I felt. " Bridget, I was a stupid arse" Mark sounded sorry. My heart melted. "Oh Mark! What shall become of us?" I cried. "Perhaps we should become married people" with a catch in his voice. "What? To each other you mean?" "Yes" he tenderly said. "Mark?" "Yes?" "I love you". "Bridget, do you know that this is the first time you have said that?" "Oh Mark" and the mascara ran and ran that day.
Mark is full of surprises. He was in the car when Robert arrived for me. "Mark!" I ran to him. We had a lovely, long snog in front the hotel. Too bad it wasn't snowing!
Saturday, February 20
8 st , cigs 5, alcohol units 5, carbs 2,000 , number of Fiance's 1
Been in LA just one day and my happiness is complete. I am engaged to the fabulous and gorgeous man, Mark Darcy!
Mark had Robert drive us to San Francisco International for my flight leaving for LA at 3pm. Arrived 3 hours early and decide to go to lounge for a mini celebration. Mark even loosened a bit and seemed quite content. We spoke nothing more of his impending job proposal. That was the only dark cloud in the sky. Whether Mark shall take the solicitor position and we live abroad. Not yet end of month and wont think about that now.
Phone rings. "Hello" "Yes, Bridget Jones?" came the sultry voice on the phone. "Yes. I said. "I am Colin Firth's publicity agent Ms.Woodfruff and need to confirm his appointment for the interview" she practically whispered. Feeling envious of this girl's job. "Mr Firth has an hour available at 2 pm this afternoon. Please come round then. He is staying at the Peninsula Beverly Hills. You will need to see the guest services manager and she will escort you to Mr. Firth's suite. Her name is Melinda Sanders." Ms Woodruff sounded quite proficient. "Yes will do then. Thank you" and we both rang off. I raised my eyebrows. We are staying at the same hotel. Lovely, lovely. Must keep mind focused on interview details and not on fantasy wedding with Mark.
Decided on long soak in bath. Decided to wear newest dress I purchased in Monterey. Lovely. flowing black dress with modest sling back pumps and pearls for an elegant touch. Pull hair back in a classic chignon and peruse self. Wow. I scrubbed up well and ready to face Mr Firth.
Look at clock. Its 1:50. Must go downstairs to meet with what was her name? Melissa? Not sure. Will just ask for manager to save embarrassment. Took bank of elegant lifts playing soothing classical music. Find guest services and ask for manager.
"May I see the manager please?" I asked. "Which Manager Ma'am?" replied the man. "Oh Gawd, I forget her name! Must be in my room" I mentioned. "Well, there is a Melisande, Melody or Melinda?" he said. "You cant be serious? " I felt panicky. "Look, I was to report here so someone could escort me to see Colin Firth. I know her name begins with an "M" but not sure of her first name and it's almost 2pm. I must not be late" I said savagely.
The little man blanched under my scrutiny. "Bridget?" came the voice from behind me" I spun around quickly to see who the voice belonged too. It was Colin. Bollocks! "Hello, Colin. I was just asking someone to escort me to your suite for your interview" I responded. "I figured you may need a bit of assistance given our past association" Colin retorted rather humorously. I gulped. "Of course, Colin" thanking him for his kindness and turning bright pink.. The clerk was ease-dropping on the entire conversation. Gawd knows he must think. He looked at me like I am some common tart for Mr. Firth's pleasure!
Last time I saw Colin was without a towel. Actually, he looks great both ways I think as we whisk up in the lift to his secured floor. He had appeared like Mr Darcy from P&P looking fabulous in a white shirt over jeans. Ding Dong. Nice lean torso and in very good shape. Bridget stop daydreaming. I am a serious journalist and must focus I reproach self.
The lift arrives smoothly at the secured floor and we step out. At the present moment a mother and what appears as her two daughters stared at us. The mother asks "Aren't you Colin Farrell the movie actor" she gasped. Colin politely said "No I am not. Actually I am Heath Ledger" Colin said and winked at me. Oh Gawd. I said "But" and Colin indicated let's go. We did and left some star gaping fans in our wake.
I continue to follow Colin down the corridor and to the end with a double entry door. Colin slipped in his room key and opened the door and allowed me to enter first. The view and the room was spectacular. Nice wood grains with post cream coaches with potted palms. Very California indeed. Colin pointed to a chair and proceeded to the wet bar next to the fire place.
"Care for a drink" he asked. "Yes, sparkling water if you have it" Colin poured the beverages and handed me a glass with the sparkling water. He proceeded to sit opposite me on the couch and stretched his long legs on the coffee table. I stared for a moment then quickly pretended to notice some non existent lint on my dress. I don't think he noticed.
"So. I would like to put a matter to rest and then get on with the interview." He mentioned. "Alright. I said woodenly. Now I feel like a virginal school girl. Gawd, I have interviewed him before. What is the matter with me? Yes, but with clothes on not in the buff in some spa I thought feeling flushed again.
"Bridget, I do hope I can count on your discretion about our last meeting without it hitting the international news" he inquired. "Mr Firth, Colin I am the height of discretion" I assured him. "That is good to know" he responded smiling and completely unnerving me. This was going to be a long interview.
So I set up a tape recorded and began the questioning. Remember no spontaneous P&P Darcy questions and certainly no questions about his love life. Everything was going smoothly until the last question.
Mr Darcy how do you feel about current politics in Britain" I asked confidently. "Sorry" was the response. "I asked how do you feel about politics" I asked again. "Bridget, my name is Colin not Mr. Darcy" Colin reminded me. "Fuck" I said out loud not realizing. Colin let lose a huge laugh. "Bridget, do you know you are the most enlivening journalist I have ever encountered" I brightened a bit and said "Well Colin you are the most handsome actor I have ever seen without a towel." I countered. "Maybe one day I shall have the same pleasure" Colin countered and winked. I was speechless. Did Colin just flirt with me? Hmmm.
I packed up all my interview things and Colin politely said he would escort me to the lift. Colin was very attentive and very sweet I thought. What nice manners he has. His wife is very lucky indeed. Colin pushed the lift button and waited while the lift arrived. Just then the door opened and I turned to thank Colin and I was suddenly jerked into the lift backwards. Colin reacted but none too quickly. As two huge men in masks grabbed him and dragged him in next to me. They placed a gag in my mouth and it was hard to breathe. Gawd. I see Colin struggling next to me and looking at me in disbelief. This cant be happening I reasoned. The doors to the lift quickly close and we are both on the floor gagged. Colin stopped struggling when one of the masked men said "not another word" with menace in his voice. I stayed quiet unsure what to do. Colin and I looked at each other again both of us realizing the nature of our peril. Had no one witnessed our abduction? The lift came to a stop and the doors opened. We had arrived at some car park. Still no sign of anyone. Oh Gawd. Colin can see the panic in my eyes. He gives me a reassuring look. Each man grabs Colin and places a clothe over his mouth and nose rendering him unconsciousness. They carry him to a parked car nearby. I make sudden move and hit the lift button. The men realize the doors are closing as I watch in panic as they make a dash toward the lift. Thankfully the doors closed.