Storming black waters.
By Rosie.
Disclaimer: Simple really… not mine. Never will be. Please don't sue.
Spoilers: Anything before mid season 6 is game…
A/N Sorry if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes. My lovely Beta Meals (Xanya-forever) has big exams coming up in like a week and I don't want to bother her. So don't blame anyone but me.
Also I'm a review whore (who isn't) so be a nice little monkey and after reading this go press that lovely little button down there and write something constructive though you wouldn't go on my black list if you do flame me…
Ok now off you go (I'm in a patronizing mood, can't you tell)
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Sometimes when the night closes in like a suffocating blanket, and the vamp activity is in a lull, she'll stand here and stare down at the storming, black waves and listen to them call out her name in a endless hiss. In these moments she lets the barrier drop and the memories flow, and like the waves crashing on the rocks below they crash into her and she drowns. She remembers first the freshest pain.
The pain of being ripped out of heaven.
Then slowing like the evening tide, older pain creeps up and then all she sees is the darkest black as she is engulfed in their swirling depths.
The pain of her fingers against the roof of her coffin.
The pain of the dimensional tear.
The pain of living without her mother.
The pain of watching Riley disappear into the night.
The pain of her arm snapping against Sunday's cool fingers.
The pain of watching Him walk away
The pain of finding Him again.
The pain of the moment she realized it was either Him, or the world.
The pain of the moment she decided.
The pain of releasing it was her fault that His demon roamed free.
The pain of The Masters fangs.
And as all this pain washes
over her she can't help it, the world seems bleak and she takes half a step
forward towards the edge and towards what she thinks of as peace.
And then its my time to act. She must in some part of her mind feel me; they
all do. And I relish it. That I'm not forgotten.
I place an invisible hand on her shoulder and unlock the golden memories. The memories that are kept at bay by the dark drowning tide of the bad ones.
And as she remembers for a moment the untainted love that she has for Dawn, the joy of seeing the sun rise after a seemly endless night, the warm tingle of her connection with Angel, Willows tight hugs, Xander's grin, Giles fatherly looks.
She takes a step back and walks away, promising herself that it will be the last time she stands on the edge, but knowing that when the night closes in like a suffocating blanket and the vamp activity is in a lull she'll again stand on the cliff and consider jumping into a water grave.
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