Penname: heidella
Rating/Warning(s)/Note(s): Mature.
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Prompt: dentist
A typically beatific California sunset accompanies my bus journey home from LAX to Goleta. The sun sinks, burning orange red and gold, over the ocean. We mostly hug the coast on this three-hour trip, so I wile away the time staring at the magic view and dozing against the window.
When the orange glow starts to fade into a blue darkness, I pull out my laptop and face the realities I've been avoiding for the past three months. Emails, Facebook notifications, class schedules... It's September, and I can't mope anymore. It's over.
I text Ro letting her know what time I'll arrive, and send her a picture of the sunset. She replies almost immediately, like she's been waiting by her phone, something very un-Rose. She's all for being super disconnected.
Wow! Magical... I'll be waiting for you when you pull in. See you soon B xoxo
Fast reply! Not like you. Hope you've not been hovering by the phone because of me... xo
Pfft, as if. But maybe a little.
Haha. See you soon crazy xo
Can't wait xoxo
She's worried, I know. Everyone is. I just don't think I can handle any more people walking on eggshells around me... It just makes it worse, it makes me remember that things are wrong. I need to pretend like everything's normal, so that hopefully, one day, they will be. Eventually.
The driver's voice over the speaker startles me, out and away from those thoughts. We're nearly there, so I gather all my stuff together and make sure I've not left anything down the side of the seats. Once, I lost my sunglasses here, and Edward had to make a zillion phone calls trying to get them back.
Stop. Just, stop. I inhale and exhale, deep breaths that sound like the ocean, because even this little memory makes my eyes burn.
When I'm finally off the bus, and in Ro's arms, we just stand there, quietly squeezing each other, for a good few minutes. I take the time to re-familiarise myself with her soft, shiny, and sweet smelling hair; her long piano fingers; her lean, tall, model frame. The way she looks beautiful with zero makeup on. Her gentle laugh.
We decide to grab crepes from Cafe Equilibrium in Isla Vista on our way back to the house.
"Of course, there's no food at home. No one ever buys food unless you're around B, you know this."
I laugh, because it's true. I'm the only cook in the house we share with Alice, Jess, Lauren and Angela. We all bake, but savoury is left to me.
"Let me guess though... There's plenty of cookie, brownie, cupcake and cake mix."
"What do you think?" Ro raises one eyebrow at me, and laughs. "It's what we survived summer quarter on, basically. We've all put on ten pounds."
"As if!" I laugh loudly at that. "I'd love to see the day any of you put on one pound, never mind ten."
"Okay, okay, so obviously I was exaggerating..." She manoeuvres into our driveway, and pulls to a stop behind Ali's bright yellow bug. Instead of getting out immediately, though, she pauses, twirling the car keys in her hand. Hunching over the steering wheel, and avoiding my gaze, she finally says, "You look like you've lost a few pounds though, in all seriousness Bella."
"Uh oh. You called me Bella, which means you mean business..."
"Be serious, B. Do I need to worry? Just... tell me what you need from me. How do I help."
These conversations are inevitable. I know I'll have a variation of the same thing with every one of the girls.
"I need... everyone to be as normal as possible." I squeeze my eyes shut, as if that will make it all go away, or hurt less. "It's the quickest way I'll go back to normal, Ro."
"Okay. For sure." She smiles at me, and thankfully, there's no pity in it, only warmth and love. "C'mon. Crepes."
After crepes and a quick catch up - discussing everything but Edward - Ro and I head to bed, with a promise to talk more tomorrow. For now, it's late. I make myself a tea, shower to clean myself of the inevitable grime after a day's journey, and curl up in bed with my laptop to take care of some emails I'd flagged on the bus. One from the dentist, reminding me to book my biyearly appointment. I make a note on my phone to call them tomorrow. One from Professor Cheney, about our meeting on Thursday. One from my dad, a brief four line email which makes no mention of anything Edward-related, but that contains an album of photos from the two week holiday I spent with him, Sue and Seth. And one from my mom, which is three pages long and littered with Edward's name and the word divorce everywhere. I reply to Professor Cheney and Charlie, and ignore Renee.
At midnight, I switch the lights off, and stare at the ceiling for two hours before finally falling into a dreamless sleep.
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