Disclaimer: As much as I wish I did, I do not own any characters, titles or locations in this story.
Also, as easy as it was to make fun of Mario and LOZ games, I still love them to death!
WARNING: This may include some spoilers for a few of the Zelda games, and may make you not want to play some of them. Do not read if you have plans to play Wind Waker or Majora's Mask... =D
Enjoy! =D
Peach's Castle
Mario: -eats his cake, which he finally got after saving Peach-
Peach: -watches disgusted- Mario, holy crap.
Mario: -keeps eating his cake-
Cake:-has pictures of Toad and Peach all over the place-
Bowser's Castle
Bowser: -looks into creepy mirror, showing everything that Peach does- Look at Mario… He's such a fat Italian. Peach deserves better than that.
Koopa Kid: -is curious as to how Bowser believes he's better than Mario- Yes, Bowser, she does.
Bowser: That's Master Bowser to you, skippy. But I know, right?
Koopa Kid: -rolls eyes-
Zelda's Castle
Zelda: Ah, crap.
Link: What?
Zelda: Ganondorf is starting to get on my nerves!
Link: Why?
Zelda: He's plotting to destroy Hyrule again… And this time he's peeping on us through some weirdo vortex of awkwardness.
Ganondorf's Voice: Am not!
Zelda: See?
Link: Hey, pervert, why don't you go peep on someone else?
Ganondorf: -decides to be even creepier, and goes to peep on someone else-
Ganondorf's Castle
Ganondorf: -flips through places he has monitored- Castle Town… Hogwarts… Forks… Wisconsin… Mushroom Kingdom? Wtf is the Mushroom Kingdom? –chooses Mushroom Kingdom- Whoa! My eyes! Bright…colours… It burns! Must…destroy…colours!
Peach's Castle
Mario: -eats cake-
Peach: Holy crap, Mario. Would you chill with the cake?
Mario: -takes a bite of Peach's face on cake- Can't talk. Eating.
Peach: -sighs- I'm so bored with nothing happening!
Mario: Oh my God, Peach. I just saved you from Bowser like…5 minutes ago. You wanna be kidnapped, make me another cake. As we know, Bowser's favourite time to kidnap you is just before you give me a cake… I seriously think he's just against me eating my cake.
Peach: Oh Mario… You're so stupid. I love you.
Mario: Can't talk, eating.
Ganondorf's Voice: Must…destroy…colours!
Peach: Umm…. Alrighty?
Bowser's Castle
Koopa Kid: Master Bowser, did someone just say, 'Must destroy colours'?
Bowser: Probably, but that's not my problem.
Koopa Kid: But, Bowser, sir… It is your problem if that person wants to destroy the colours of the Mushroom Kingdom. Do you really want them destroying Peach?
Bowser: -gasps- No! Not my sweet, beloved Peach!
Koopa Kid: Exactly.
Bowser: Who dares think about destroying the Mushroom Kingdom? Show yourself immediately!
Ganondorf's Voice: Oh, that was me. My bad.
Bowser: Back off, whoever you are!
Ganondorf's Voice: The name's Ganondorf.
Bowser: What the hell is a Ganondorf?
Ganondorf's Voice: Shut the hell up, my mom was troubled.
Bowser: Well, obviously.
Ganondorf's Voice: So, what are you?
Bowser: I am King Bowser! And someday, Princess Peach will be mine!
Ganondorf's Voice: Really? Is she the Princess of this extremely…colourful land called the Mushroom Kingdom?
Bowser: That would be her.
Ganondorf's Voice: Kay, well I'm gonna destroy you all now.
Bowser: What about you? Where the hell are you from?
Ganondorf's Voice: I am from the Gerudo Deserts, and someday, I will rule Hyrule!
Bowser: Kay, you keep thinking that... Koops! Do I monitor this 'Hyrule'?
Koopa Kid: -rummages through paperwork- Hyrule…Hyrule…Hyrule… Yep! –turns monitor to Hyrule-
Bowser: I pity you for living in such a disgusting hell hole.
Ganondorf's Voice: Destroyyyyyy!
Bowser: Ah, crap. Koops! Get me to Hyrule!
Koopa Kid: Sho' nuff.
Bowser: -goes to Hyrule-
Zelda's Castle
Ganondorf's Voice: Hey, guys? You… You still there, guys?
Link: Holy crap, Ganon, I thought I told you to go peep on someone else.
Ganondorf's Voice: Yeah, about that… I sorta provoked a weird looking turtle to want to destroy us all.
Zelda: Damn it, bitch, look what you've done.
Ganondorf's Voice: What, you think this makes me happy? I wanted to destroy you all. But anyway, I'm gonna go lead his kingdom to hell, ok?
Zelda: Screw you.
Mushroom Kingdom
Ganondorf: So…much…colour…
Yoshi: You're green.
Ganondorf: So are you.
Yoshi: -bows head- …I know. So you're new in town?
Ganondorf: Err…yes. I am currently residing in… -discovers a huge castle- …that thing.
Yoshi: I think we'd know you if you lived in Peach's castle. Good try though.
Ganondorf: Damn it, frog, just leave me alone.
Yoshi: But see, now since you're so stupid, I'm suspicious of you.
Ganondorf: Yeah, I have that effect on people.
Kokiri Forest
Bowser: What a piece of crap.
Saria: Yeah, I know.
Bowser: This place is so green. Where're all the colours?
Annoying Triplet #1: Press the C button to use an item.
Bowser: Wtf?
Annoying Triplet #2: Press the Z button to crouch.
Bowser: How am I supposed to press a letter?
Annoying Triplet #3: Press the A button to pick up pots.
Link: -runs into a house, crashes a pot against the wall, runs out-
Everyone: -does nothing-
Bowser: That guy just smashed your pots. Aren't you gonna go burn his face off?
Everyone: -smiles creepily without saying anything-
Peach's Castle
Ganondorf: You have no idea what I had to go through with the frog to get here…
Toad: Welcome to the castle! Can I help you?
Ganondorf: Um, yes. Is the prin…
Mario: -comes into the room, starts flipping around, doing wall kicks, and leaves-
Toad: -does nothing-
Mario: -comes back in, takes coins off of the ground, leaves-
Toad: -does nothing-
Mario: -comes back in-
Coins: -reappear in an instant-
Toad: -does nothing-
Mario: -jumps into a painting-
Toad: -does nothing-
Ganondorf: What the hell is happening? Who's the short Italian?
Toad: That's Mario, the Princess' boyfriend.
Ganondorf: Huh… He's fat.
Toad: Yeah… He likes cake.
Ganondorf: And the paintings…?
Toad: Let's go into one! –pulls Ganondorf into a painting-
Grand Canal
Toadsworth: -is the host-
Mario, Princess Daisy and Toadette: -are the contestants-
I: -decided to mash up Super Mario 64 and Mario arty 7-
Ganondorf: What the hell is happening here?
Toad: Ah, crap. Player 4 saw you. Now he wants you to play. –pushes Ganondorf onto board-
Toadsworth: Holy crap, how late can you be green thing? Go and hit the dice block. Player 4 has been pressing A for the longest time.
Ganondorf: -hits the dice block, only to get a 1- Goddamn it!
Toadsworth: And green thing is last! Mario, go first.
Mario: -gets a 10- BOO-YUH! -moves 10 spaces-
Toadsworth: Daisy, holy crap! Player 3 is pressing A! Pay attention!
Princess Daisy: I've got 12 other games going on right now in other countries, can you chill out?
Zelda's Castle
Midna: You're not the dog!
Bowser: Congratulations. I'm not a dog.
Midna: Press X to hone your senses.
Bowser: Why do people keep telling me to press letters?!
Midna: Press Z if you need me.
Bowser: But I thought Z was to crawl!
Midna: Press L to lock onto things.
Bowser: Ugh! I'm outta here!
South Clock Town
Bowser: This doesn't look like Hyrule.
Guy in Pikachu Mask: It's not. You're in a pathetic excuse of a Zelda game that isn't even set in the main Zelda place.
Bowser: That's pretty lame. So is your Pikachu mask.
Guy in Pikachu Mask: -doesn't like it when I call him that-
Kafei: -would prefer it if I called him this- First of all, it's not a 'Pikachu mask', whatever the hell a Pikachu is… It's called a Keaton mask, and it was stolen from the game before this one, where the idea of masks was much cooler. Seconds of all, if you think this is lame, wait until you get into the pirate Zelda games, where Hyrule is actually hidden underwater.
Bowser: Ah, crap, this sounds even stupider than the Mushroom Kingdom.
Kafei: Mushroom Kingdom? That's pretty stupid sounding.
Bowser: I can't wait to destroy Hyrule.
Kafei: Which one?
Bowser: -leaves-
Kafei: …I'm so lonely.
Majora's Mask: -really was a pathetic excuse of a Zelda game-
Grand Canal
Ganondorf: Damn it, it's my turn? -hits dice block- 1 again? What the hell is this crap?!
The Other Contestants: -feel the need to laugh at the green guy-
Ganondorf: -lands on a Koopa Kid space-
Koopa Kid: Kay, let's hurry this up, I gotta get to Daisy in another game. -busts out a calculator- So it's your first turn, so you have to lose 20 coins for that… You got a 1 to land on me, so minus 30 coins. Nobody loves you, minus 100 coins. I think I'll take 150 coins from you.
Ganondorf: -has no coins-
Koopa Kid: I thought they get 10 coins before they start?
Toadsworth: They do, Mario just stole them from him.
Koopa Kid: That's really sad. Here're 10 coins. Use them to buy some skill.
Ganondorf: -knows it's sad that he sucks so bad that he's given coins from the bad guy-
Mini-game: -is a 4 player game-
Ghost in the Hall: -is chosen-
Contestants: -are pushed inside of a haunted house against their will-
Ganondorf: -has no idea what to do-
Red Boos and Doors: -rig it so that no matter what hallways or door he passes, he has to get stopped by them, just because it's so fun to watch him scream like a little girl-
Ganondorf: -doesn't get past the first hall-
Toadette: -owns all-
Other Contestants: -aren't allowed out-
This Game: -doesn't teach children well-
Ganondorf: -escapes from painting- Holyyyyyy crap.
Another Painting
Toad: Don't worry, this one's more fun!
Ganondorf: -is in a go-kart with Baby Mario- What the hell?!
Baby Mario: Use your star! Use your star!
Ganondorf: -uses star-
Their Go-Kart: -gets sparkly and fast-
Forsaken Fortress
Tetra: Sorry, I kinda made you lose your sword, Link.
Bowser: What the hell game is this?
Link: This is Wind Waker.
Bowser: Why is it called 'Wind Waker'?
Link: -busts out the wind waker- Because this is a wind waker.
Bowser: …That's really stupid.
Link: I know, right? You use it like, 5 times in the whole game, so it has to be named after it. All of these games are ripped off of Ocarina of Time… All of them!
Bowser: And who's this bitch? I bet in the end you find out she's Zelda, right?
Link: Way to ruin the game for our readers, asshole.
Bowser: Thank you very much.
Link: Go away. -walks away from Bowser-
Bowser: -enters fortress- Damn it, why does everything look so much more cartoon? This must be the stupid pirate one…
Guard: -catches Bowser and attacks him with lantern-
Bowser: -is put in a jail cell, and is too fat to fit through the hole to escape-
Bowser's Part of the Story: -is over-
Goomba's Greedy Gala
Toad: This is Mario Party 4. Have fun.
Ganondorf: No! I want out! Kill me now! I hate this! These games suck! I want to go back to Hyrule! –is magically sent to Hyrule-
Ganondorf's Castle
Ganondorf: Finally, back to Hyrule… -pulls up a chair-
Ganondorf's Part of the Story: -is over-
Hyrule: -explodes-
Bowser: -goes to see exploded Ganondorf- That's what you get for destroying Princess Peach, you son of a bitch!
Princess Peach's Voice: -comes from vortex of awkwardness- Bowser, was that you? What did you do?
Bowser: -walks away slowly-
THE END