Fake Love

Chapter 1. Ulquiorra: Fake

My name is Ulquiorra Cifer. I am in love with my best friend.

Sounds cheesy enough? I know it does. It is not like it was my decision, it just happened. And it has been like this for a while too. But there is nothing I can do about it other than try to act naturally when I am around him and never share my real thoughts with anyone. Disaster would ensue if I did.

I am not the kind of person who shares their thoughts or the kind of person who enjoys human contact either. Nobody is surprised to know that I have only one or two friends, nor would they bother me about my love life, since it would be normal that I showed no interest in anyone else. In fact, most people consider it strange that I am capable of getting along with any human being, let alone the man that I am secretly in love with.

His name is Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez and he is the complete opposite to me. He is loud, boisterous and popular. From the tips of his blue hair, to his ragged black sneakers adorned with flames; all of him screams for attention. And did he get my attention.

Our lifestyles are complete opposites too. I'm an orphan, but I am not about to whine on how sad my life has been just because of that. I led a normal life in an orphanage; I was not bullied by foster parents or tiranical nurses. When I was old enough, I left the orphanage and started to live on my own, simple as that. This is not a soap opera.

Grimmjow on the other hand, well he is quite an individual. He is the third child of a famous millionaire. He has one older brother, one sister, and two younger brothers. A curious family, I tell you. And one of the things Grimmjow's father wants the most, is to see his children happily wedded with "perfect" partners. The man has a thing for perfection. He wants to make sure that his family's name will be preserved for eternity, or that is his plan at least.

This is where my problem begins. Though I am not sure if I can really say it is a problem. I will just say it is complicated.

All of Grimmjow's siblings, with the exception of the youngest, have found themselves a perfect match, a perfect partner to love and cherish. All of them, except for Grimmjow. Of course, Grimmjow could have anyone he wanted, that is the kind of person he is. But he has found no one that calls his interest. Not in that way anyway. And I know that for sure. After all, he is my best friend. We hide nothing from each other (well, I do hide my feelings from him. But that is something I could never share.) And even if he were to hide something like that from me, I would know. I have known him for so long that he is transparent to me.

Still, Grimmjow hates to lose, he hates to be left behind. And the fact that his family, particularly his sister's boyfriend, keep pointing out his lack of "partner" and teasing him for it, irritates him to no end. I know this because he is always angry about it 'What does he know?' he says 'I hope Nel would dump that Spoony bitch. I would kick his ass.'

But he never tried to seek for a girlfriend. He never liked the girls in our school. So he just kept complaining about his family's constant teasing and questioning. His parents always wanted to know when he would get a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. They did not really mind.

Everything would have stayed like that if Grimmjow had not come to me one day with one of his odd smiles. Those smiles that told me that whatever he had in mind was a really bad idea.

"Oi, Ulqui!" I hated that nickname. And though I always chastised him for calling me that, deep down, I did not really care if it was him. "I got it! I found the solution!"

"What are you talking about? Solution for what? And I have told you countless times to say my name correctly."

He grabbed my shoulders in excitement. Oh dear, this was really not a good sign.

"Well, duh, for my problem! With my stupid family and their stupid girlfriend obsession!"

I simply quirked my eyebrow and waited for him to continue, bracing myself because I just knew I would have to clean up the mess after his disaster was done. I always did.

"It's so easy, I don't know how I never thought of it before! I just need to get a stupid girlfriend and they'll shut their fucking traps!"

I froze for a second, but composed myself quickly. I knew this day would come, sooner or later. The sooner, the better. I would have less time to cling on to something that would never happen. It still stung a little, though.

"So uhm… this is a little awkward… but… uh… could you… you know… be my girlfriend, well, boyfriend? You get what I mean, right?"

I remember how my heart stopped beating for a split second and every word that I might have been able to say abandoned me, because my mind went completely blank. I had always thought romance novels were ridiculous and exaggerated, until I got to experience that moment. I wanted to say everything and could not say anything. I wanted to do something completely out of character, maybe jump, maybe run, maybe… hug him? but my body would not move. It was so surreal.

"Oi, oi, don't give me that look. I didn't mean like 'boyfriend-boyfriend', that'd be like, weird, you know? I mean like a 'fake boyfriend'?... Dunno. You'd just have to go to the family celebrations and we'd pretend that we're dating… maybe hugging and holding hands, I dunno. My dad loves you already, heck he wishes you were his son instead of me, I'm sure he'd be ecstatic. You already know all of them, so it shouldn't be too awkward. Then we can have a 'fake break-up' after a couple of months and everything goes back to normal, right? Please, Ulqui, you're my best friend, you're the only one I'd ask to do this for me. Please?"

Somehow, I lost what he was saying after the 'fake' part. It was like a movie, when the voice goes off and the image goes blurry. Something like that. And then I wanted to do the great melodramatic scene, dash away with tears in my eyes, in hopes that he would chase after me and everything would just fix itself for no apparent reason.

Now in all honesty, I think romance movies are trash. So at first I tried to convince myself that the reasonable advice would be to reject his offer. Who would accept such proposition? And in my position? Who would want to have fake love, instead of the real thing? In a cheap romance movie, the girl accepts the offer and their fake love develops into real love. But as I have said before, this is not a romance movie or a soap opera. And that is not how things work in real life. And I am not a girl, so the cliché is impossible from the start.

Still, I knew that all I would ever have from him was this possibility of fake love. When would I ever get the chance to hold his hand, to be held by him? Even if it was a fake, I would still have him, if only for a short time. The cost? An unnecessary pain when this was over. Was it worth it?

It was.

As I said before, I am always the one left to clean after Grimmjow's mess.

It was as Grimmjow predicted, somehow. His father was delighted to hear the news about us becoming a couple, though I am quite sure he never truly believed the lie. His sister was exhilarated too. She came to us babbling about how she had always known we were 'totally into each other' as she so elloquently put it. His older brother just shrugged, and the younger one winked at Grimmjow and said 'I knew you were on the right team too.' (he has never been shy about his sexuallity, and his hair color speaks for itself). As for Grimmjow's 'mother' (who happens to be a man, but that is too complicated to explain. I did say his family was odd), well the man was so happy he nearly suffocated me with a hug and said something about how they had always wanted to have me in the family. Grimmjow was right about that too.

I remember the first time felt a bit odd. I had always had good relationships with Grimmjow's family, and I visited the house frequently, but now I felt out of place. They kept asking about how we had gotten together, and though we had prepared a story for that, I had never liked lying to people.

After the initial awkwardness passed, though, I almost forgot about how fake everything was. It was so real, I almost believed it. The subtle touches during dinner time, the way our hands 'accidentally' brushed when he passed over the salt, his sweet, seductive smile; I needed no more than that. And then, before I left, he held me in his strong warm arms for a few seconds and said 'Take care', loud enough for everyone to hear.

That made the illusion shatter, of course. After all, it was all about making everyone believe it was real, and so, everyone must see and listen. Such a good actor he was. Even I bought it for a moment. And when I remembered it was a fake it hurt so much I wanted to walk away from this painful deal. But how could I, after knowing how it felt to be in that warm embrace of his?

I became used to it. In school, things were normal. We were just friends, as it was meant to be. Even if someone from his family was around, it was fine to act normally. Couples do not hold hands at all times, and it would be a disaster if anyone at school found out about our 'relationship', or worse, about the fact that said relationship was fake.

Of course, I had to spend a lot of time with his family. And somehow, even when we were with them, we were able to find some sort of ballance between our mellowish fake relationship and what our usual friendship was. Which was basically composed of constant bickering and picking at each other. It was normal and it made it feel like this was less fake than it really was. Then of course, it made it more painful whenever it hit me that it was all a game.

Still, I would never regret taking such a deal. The warmth of his hand when it held mine, the safety of his arms when he embraced me, the casual way in which he would just say things like 'you look pretty today' or 'I adore those eyes of yours' without any particular reason. And of course, the soft way in which he would say 'I love you'. It always hurt, that his love was fake, that he thought I was faking when I said 'I love you too', and sometimes I felt like crying. But I am not one to cry. And it did not really matter, for when this was all over, I would have the memory of his voice saying he loved me.

I still remember the first time we kissed. It was of course, very awkward. His 'mother' insisted that he had never seen us kiss. With the family to back him up, Grimmjow finally agreed, albeit reluctantly. He apologized and stroked my cheek gently. Why would he apologize? Right, he believed I was faking too. And then he finally kissed me. I forgot that everyone was watching, because he was kissing me. And if it was fake or real, at that moment I could not tell, nor did I care.

After that, it became a habit of his to randomly pull me into empty rooms to kiss me. He would always leave the door wide open and have us stand close to the doorstep. Of course, this was so that anyone passing by would see us kissing, be it someone from his family or one of the servants.

How I hated and how I loved this odd habit. Everytime he did it, it made me remember that our love was not real. Rather, that his love was not real. That his touches and kisses were all fake. That this was all for show. But I could still feel him, his warmth, his touch. I could finally know how it felt to be kissed by him.

When I think about it, I know his reasons for making me go through this are selfish and foolish, even if he is ignorant to my pain. This is exactly the kind of absurd thing nobody should ever do for anyone. And yet I do it for him.

Recently, though, something odd happened. I was at his house the other day, just as usual. Everything was normal, I remember I chastised him over his terrible table manners. His father was glad Grimmjow found someone who would finally educate his son correctly. But that is beyond the point.

Later, when everyone was watching an old photoalbum, Grimmjow pulled me into an empty room. It was dark and nobody was around. But before doing anything else, he shut the door and locked it. I did not understand what he was doing, but could not ask either, because he pinned me to the wall and kissed me.

His kisses always blow my mind away. His kisses are like him, intense and passionate. But this time, it was different from usual. It was sweet, tender. I can still feel his hands caressing my sides, holding me like he never wanted to let go. I felt like I was something precious to him.

When he drew apart, his eyes were fixed to mine. I did not know what to say. I have always hated the feeling of being speechless. But he was the one to speak first, his forehead against mine, his warm ragged breath touching my skin.

"I love you"

And then he left.

I do not know what to think now. Sometimes he leaves the door open, sometimes, he locks it. Sometimes I force myself to think he is forgetful, because he is, and his basic instinct makes him lock that door. Sometimes I want to believe in the way my heart flutters when he says he loves me, but I know it will lead to greater pain.

Fake love never becomes true love, and I have to remember that.

And I want to run away, now more than ever, but I know I can't. Because I could never give up the feeling that those fake words give me.

My name is Ulquiorra Cifer. I am in love with my best friend.

And I am trapped in his fake love.

End

I forgot I was trying to publish one story per month, lol, sorry. Once the semester starts, I always forget about well… everything.

Anyway, I wrote this, yes, for the GrimmUlqui fanbook (I wrote a shitload of stuff for that). I originally wanted it to be a three-shot, then got talked out of it, then felt like I wanted to write the other two chapters but lacked the time to do so. Maybe I will… some day (is killed by the semester).

I hope you like it, and I hope it wasn't too weird. Please leave reviews!