Done Pretending
The screen went black and both Danny and Baez began to stretch. Danny picked up the remote and pushed the eject button. He picked up an empty case from the table behind them and walked over to the TV. He picked up a DVD from the tray sticking out of the player and clicked it into place in the case. He walked back over and tossed the DVD into a box full of surveillance videos. He looked down at the small pile beside the box.
"Four more to go." He commented on small pile.
"It's getting late. If you want to go I can stay and keep going." She offered.
"It's okay, I'll stay." He told her. She stared at him only slightly surprised by his decision to stay.
"Are you sure?" She asked.
"Yeah, four eyes are better than two right?" He confirmed. She smiled enjoying his recent increased reluctance to go home.
"I'll order us takeout." She told him as she picked up her phone from the table.
"Good idea. I'll get us more coffee." He agreed as he grabbed their mugs from the table and walked over to the door.
"Wait, where do you want to order from?" She asked and he stopped and turned back.
"Wherever, I don't mind. You know what I like." She looked up from her phone at his unintentional double entendre, as she raised her eyebrows and grinned at him he realised what had said.
"You know what I mean." He grinned back then headed out the door.
Three hours later Danny watched as the last surveillance tape finished and the screen again went black. He stayed still and looked down at Baez who had fallen asleep on his shoulder. He brushed away hair that had fallen in her face. She began to stir as he tucked the strands behind her ear.
"Hey, we're finished." He spoke softly as he gently wriggled the shoulder she was resting on. She opened her eyes and remembered where she was. When she realised what she was leaning on she immediately sat up.
"Sorry." She said through a yawn.
"It's ok." He smiled.
"Why didn't you wake me?" She asked slightly embarrassed. She stood up and began collecting their takeout containers.
"You looked peaceful." He replied watching her.
"Find anything?" She asked as she placed them all in a plastic bag.
"Just the victim's ex-boyfriend going in to her building three days before she was murdered." He informed her and watched her eyes widen slightly.
"He told us he hadn't seen her since they broke up four months ago." She recalled their interview from earlier.
"He lied to us. We'll reinterview him tomorrow." He told her standing and carrying an empty case to the TV. As before he removed the DVD from the player and placed it in the case. He placed it in the box with the others and picked up his empty mug. She grabbed hers and they walked out of the room. They walked over to their desks, on the way she dumped the bag of containers in the bin. She placed her mug on her desk and lifted her coat from the back of her chair.
"I'm beat. See you in the morning." She said as she put on her coat.
"See ya." He said as he took a seat. She saw him picking up a file and stopped buttoning up her coat.
"You're not going?" She asked surprised.
"Just got a couple of things to finish up." He told her opening the file. She stared at him for a moment trying to remember the last time he didn't stay late.
"Ok. Night." She gave him a small smile and headed out of the bullpen.
"Night."
Everything was dark as Danny walked up the steps of his father's house, he unlocked the door and quietly let himself in. He crept through the foyer trying not wake anybody, he went over to the staircase, he reached for the handrail but then he stopped.
Frank had just walked out of the bathroom when he heard a noise downstairs. He walked a short way down the hall and looked down to see Danny paused at the bottom of stairs. He watched as Danny considered going up to bed but sighed, changed his mind and turned around. A minute later Frank saw the kitchen light go on. He followed Danny to the kitchen and stood in the doorway watching Danny putting heaped teaspoons of powdered chocolate drink mix into a glass of milk.
"You always did like it sweet." Frank spoke as he saw Danny put a fourth teaspoon of powder in his drink. Danny turned around, drink in hand, to see Frank entering the kitchen, wearing a look of concern.
"Hey Dad. I'm fine." Danny preempted him.
"I didn't say anything."
"You didn't have to." Danny looked down and stirred his drink.
"Had to work late again?" Frank asked changing tack. Danny nodded as he walked over and placed his drink in the microwave.
"Making any headway?" He continued as the whirring of the microwave filled the kitchen.
"Yeah, slowly." Danny replied and Frank nodded understanding. Seconds later the microwave beeped and Frank watched as Danny removed the glass, took it to the table and sat down.
"And everything else?" He pressed, trying one last time to get Danny to talk.
"Everything's else is fine." Danny reiterated though both of them knew he was lying. Frank stared at him and Danny could see his father knew he was lying. Frank sighed knowing all too well that all of his children possessed his stubborn streak.
"Ok, well, goodnight." Frank gave up.
"Night Dad."
Frank turned and walked out of the kitchen, he had barely made it around the corner when he stopped. He stood in the hallway and thought about everything he had noticed since Danny, Linda and the boys had moved in after the fire. How Danny and Linda could sit on the same couch but be miles apart. The increasing frequency of Danny's late nights at work. The middle of the night phone calls to his partner to talk about things he could not talk about with Linda and his recent renewed taste for hot chocolates. Frank knew he could not make Danny talk to him and he somehow knew there was nothing he could do to help. As he stood in the hallway he knew he couldn't walk away without at least trying to impart some advice. He sighed and turned back around, his heart broke when he saw his son sitting with his elbows on the table and his head in his hands. Danny looked up when he realised his father had reentered the kitchen, seeing Danny's sad, tired eyes staring up at him Frank mentally discarded what he had originally planned to say. He took a deep breath and instead of giving Danny advice decided to give him permission.
"It may hurt to let go, but sometimes it hurts more to hold on."
"Dad said that?" Jamie asked surprised as he and Danny sat in his living room the following evening.
"Yup." Danny confirmed and took a sip of beer.
"Did it help?" He asked, curious as to where his brother's head was at.
"Yeah, I think it did. I feel better knowing it won't come as a complete suprise." Danny paused and Jamie, sensing he wasn't done, took a sip of beer and waited.
"You know, if Dad could see it so can Pop. Even you weren't surprised when I told you I was considering it. I guess the only one who didn't see this coming was me." Danny sighed and took another sip.
"Sounds like you've made up your mind." Jamie commented.
"I guess I have. You can add me to the statistic. One more cop who couldn't make his marriage work." Danny confirmed and took a large sip as he struggled with the realisation.
"I'm sorry." Jamie empathised.
"Thanks kid." He replied giving him a small sad smile.
"Do you want another one?" Jamie asked looking at Danny's empty beer.
"Thanks but I gotta go home and face the music." He told him as he placed the empty bottle on the coffee table.
"Good luck?" Jamie offered not sure what to say to someone about to do what Danny was about to do. Danny just gave him another small smile and stood to leave.
"Oh, the couch is yours if you need it." Jamie offered as he walked him to the door.
"Thanks but I think I got that covered." Danny told him raising his eyebrows.
"Oh…right."
When Danny got home Linda reheated the the dinner she had made for him, he ate it in the living room trying to concentrate on the TV. Soon enough Jack and Sean headed up to bed followed a little while later by Henry. About an hour after Henry went to bed Frank said goodnight and headed up too, leaving Danny and Linda alone in the living room. Danny waited for the credits to roll on the show Linda had been watching before he reached over, picked up the remote and turned off the TV. As he did so Linda, eyes still on the now off TV, exhaled heavily and he realised she knew what was coming.
"We need to talk." He started.
"I know." She replied her voice flat.
"This…us…it's not working." He watched her blink slowly and keep staring straight ahead. He could see her trying to keep on top of her rising emotions and he sighed heavily.
"We both deserve better." He told her.
"Better?" She queried.
"Yeah, better than okay. I know we're not fighting or making each other miserable but I think we both deserve to be in a relationship that's more than just fine. I want us to be happy." He explained and saw her nod in agreement.
"Just not with each other?" She asked.
"I don't think it's possible anymore, even when we went to therapy the best we ever managed was okay. Do you really want us to live the rest of our lives just being okay?" He asked.
"No." She sadly admitted.
"You need someone you don't spend your whole life worrying about, someone with more normal hours who'll be around when you want them to be." He continued.
"And you? What do you need?" She asked wanting to hear what needs she wasn't fulfilling. He sighed knowing whatever he said was going to hurt, knowing that he decided on the truth.
"I need someone who understands the job, the hours, someone I can talk to about the stuff I deal with everyday. Someone who doesn't wish I wasn't a cop." He told her.
"I don't…' She started defensively. He gave her a look and she stopped mid sentence knowing her denial was pointless, they both knew the truth.
"Someone like Baez?" She suggested and he looked at her surprised.
"What?" He asked caught off guard.
"When I met you for lunch the other week, I saw it."
"Saw what?" He asked racking his brain trying to think of what she might have seen.
"The way you looked at her, the way she smiled at you. You two have something…chemistry…a connection." She elaborated.
"I guess." He replied hoping not to go down that road.
"She understands you, that part of your life, the biggest part of your life, in a way I never will." Her voice wobbled as she admitted a long held truth, one she had always feared would come between them. The silence was deafening as the reality of what they were doing sunk in.
"So how do we do this?" She asked first surprising him.
"I don't know, I guess I'll get my stuff and move into a hotel." He said thinking about everything leaving was actually going to entail.
"What are we going to tell the boys?" She asked as she wondered what this would do to them.
"The truth. They're not little kids anymore." He gently reminded her.
"I'll come over after school sometime this week and we'll tell them together." He added. They sat for a few moments before Danny stood not knowing what else to say. He headed over to the door to go and pack his things, when he reached it he put his hand on the doorframe and stopped. He turned his head back to look at her, she heard him stop and looked up.
"I'm sorry." He told her feeling his heart break seeing her sad eyes staring up at him.
"Me too."
His duffel bag swung beside his leg as walked down the corridor and he felt a pang of guilt for going straight there. When he reached his destination his heart began to beat a little faster as he knocked on the door, a couple of minutes later he heard the sound of a lock being opened and a chain being removed. The door opened and Baez stood inside clearly surprised to see him. He stared at her standing there in pyjama shorts, a t shirt, bare feet and with her hair slightly messy, he thought she'd never looked more beautiful. She stood aside and as he crossed the threshold she looked him over and saw his face was a mix of emotions. She scanned down and saw the duffel bag in his right hand and then noticed no ring on his left. She lifted her eyes to meet his and stared at him with a questioning look.
"I did it. I left." He told her sadness evident in his voice. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his neck enveloping him in a tight hug. He dropped his bag, slipped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder.
"Are you ok?" She asked as they held each other.
"I don't know." He replied truthfully. She pulled back to look at him her eyes full of care and concern, as he stared into her eyes the rest of the world began to fade away. He felt that familiar, intense pull and leaned in and placed a kiss on her lips. She responded immediately kissing him back and gripping his neck, the kissing intensified and he kicked the door closed with his foot. As they made their way across the room she pushed his jacket off his shoulders and once he'd freed his arms it fell to the floor. He broke their kiss to ascertain the direction of the bedroom, she smiled and tilted her head to the right. He recaptured her lips and as they made their way down the short hallway he kicked off his shoes. Once he had his hands went back to her sides slipping underneath her top. She, having already removed his tie got to work on the buttons of his shirt. As they entered the bedroom she pulled the bottom of his shirt from his pants and slid it down his arms. He let go of her only long enough to get his arms out of his shirt, as they reached the end of the bed he grabbed the hem of her top and pulled it up over her head and happily learned she was not wearing a bra. He threw aside her top, pulled her to him and lowered them both on to the bed. He paused for a moment to enjoy the sight of her half naked underneath him then started kissing a trail down her neck. She scraped her fingers through his hair as his mouth kept moving down, across her décolletage and then to her breast. She gasped as his mouth reached her nipple, he stayed there for a moment before continuing his trail down her abdomen.
"Danny." She whined not wanting to wait any longer. He moved back up and her hands went to his pants which she quickly undid. She slid them down over his hips and he took them off the rest of the way and removed his socks. His hands went back to her hips and as he pulled on the hem of her shorts he felt her pushing down his briefs, he sat up to get her shorts off then lowered himself back down. He began to slide her underwear down but paused and exhaled sharply when he felt her hand around him. He quickly removed her underwear, placed his left forearm beside her head, his other hand gripped her hip and he positioned himself above her. Her breath hitched when she felt him inside her, he stayed still for a moment before he started to move. She wrapped her legs around him pulling him in deeper, he felt her fingers digging into his back and picked up his pace. They soon settled into a rhythm and it wasn't long before she began to moan. Then he felt her muscles start to tighten around him and her moans got louder. Feeling and hearing her orgasm underneath him was enough to send him over the edge with her.
They lay sided by side catching their breaths both completely sated. He glanced over and their eyes met, they shared a satisfied grin and he lifted his arm up. She scooted over and placed her head on his chest and draped her arm over his chest. He lowered his arm, wrapped it around her and rested his other arm next to hers on his chest. They lay this way in companionable silence, he smiled when he felt her running her fingers gently over his chest.
"Wow!" She exclaimed still catching her breath. She glanced up to see him smiling.
"Danny that was…" She trailed off trying to think of just the right word.
"I know." He told her grinning.
"You know what?" She asked smiling. He looked down at her and chuckled.
"What?" He smiled as ran his hand over the soft skin of her back. She reached and placed her hand on his cheek. She stretched up and placed a sweet, gentle kiss on his lips. He kissed her back cupping the back of her head with his hand. When they finally broke apart she smiled at him.
"It was worth waiting for."