Did anyone ask for this? No. Does anyone deserve this? Probably not. But here it is anyways, a completely crack series of Ouran Highschool Host Club drabbles. This series is somewhat based on the hilarious crack fiction Steven Universe blog badficniverse on tumblr (seriously go check this shit out it'll make your day) I'm posting a few separate drabbles each chapter for easier reading rather than have each chapter be only a few sentences long, I hate those. Anyways enjoy the ride, this story aint drugs but it sure is one hell of a trip.
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Ding-Dong the Witch is Dead
"Tamaki what are you doing?" asked Kyoya, not taking his eyes off his laptop screen.
"Um…nothing-I MEAN I DRopped my…pencil! Yeah I uh, it rolled under your chair!" said the blond from in between his spectacled-friend's legs.
Kyoya peered under the table and raised his eyebrow. "Uh-huh. Well find it quickly so we can resume club activities," he said, oblivious of twins who were carefully stringing a noose around his neck.
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Tamaki has Vision Problems
"Honey, I'm hooome!" blurted Tamaki as he slammed open the doors to the club room.
"Tamaki-senpai, what are you doing with that wild coyote?" asked Haruhi nervously.
"Why my sweet daughter I have no idea what you are talking about! I just got back from picking up my dear Antoinette from the groomers! By the way, has anyone seen my shoes-"
The coyote leapt at Tamaki and ate his face.
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Enough is Enough
"Mori-senpai help!" cried Haruhi as Tamaki spun her around for the eightieth time that day. Mori placed her on his broad shoulders and jumped out the window. Together they flew off into the distance.
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Bratty Seme
"No no NO! This doesn't add up! By every logical calculation there is no way this makes any sense!" exclaimed Kyoya, throwing papers into the air.
"Uh…Kyoya…you okay there buddy?" asked Tamaki hesitantly as he stared at his friend who was waist-deep in a pile of fanfictions.
"Kaoru's literally being fucked by his own brother and people still think I would be uke! DO I LOOK LIKE IM OKAY?!"
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Dirty Coffee
"I'm sorry Kyoya-senpai, but all of the shops were out of instant coffee. I picked this up instead, I figured it would be a nice treat for the customers. Do you think Tamaki-senpai will be upset?" Haruhi asked, holding up a container of instant chocolate milk mix.
"Oh please. It's brown powder, I doubt he'll be able to tell the difference. You could hand him actual dirt and he probably wouldn't notice." Suddenly Kyoya's hands stopped typing. He rose from his seat in front of his computer and quickly walked off. "Excuse me for a moment I have to do something."
Tamaki's not allowed on the internet anymore
"HA! GAAAAAAAAAAY!" shouted Tamaki as he stepped between the twins during their brotherly love act.
"Tama-chan, why are you talking funny?" asked Honey.
"U MAD BRO?" he grinned.
"It seems Tamaki has, much to my horror, discovered outdated memes," sighed Kyoya. "Now I can't get him to stop talking like this."
"You don't say?!" said Tamaki sarcastically as his face became Nicholas Cage.
"Well I wish he would cut it out," said an annoyed Hikaru. "He sounds like an idiot and it's giving me a headache."
"THIS IS SPARTA!" screamed Tamaki as he kicked Hikaru through a window.
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The Closest Bros
"Hey guys, have you seen Tamaki-senpai or Kyoya-senpai around? I haven't been able to find them all day," said Haruhi.
"Well wherever they are they're probably together," began Hikaru,
"Yeah, I wouldn't bother them Haruhi, they're probably off having some bro time," finished Kaoru.
"Bro time?"
"Why yes young naïve Haruhi. You see, the special relationship between bros requires a careful balance of-"
Haruhi had a feeling she would be stuck here for a while.
Meanwhile in the supply closet…
Kyoya, overhearing the conversation, leaned over Tamaki, his sweat dripping down onto his face as he lay motionless and balls-deep in the blond.
"…..So, bro-"
"Tamaki I swear to god not now!"