Stayed Up All Night /mix/vwHHmpZ
The hazy bright neon of the city lit the way before her. The empty streets at this hour made it feel vast. A huge horizon stretching out before her. And still, she had nowhere to go.
She didn't know why she would stay out this late. It wasn't safe for a 14 year old by herself, she certainly couldn't really defend herself if a dedicated drunkard came for her. It was the only time she could find peace, though. Breathing in the cold air gave her clarity that was missing during the day.
Life was… just so fuzzy. The world whipped by around her and she couldn't keep up. She felt like she was living somewhere else entirely. An observer sent to observe humanity and Earth and the complicated, trivial lives people live, but never to interact with them.
She gripped her Walkman tighter, paying special attention to the quiet clicking as she pressed play and the motors resumed. It was a tape she had created especially for these moments of loneliness. She liked tapes, they provided a tactile sensation that digital music and discs couldn't provide. The small perfections of analog made the music feel real.
Small things brought her back down to Earth. Orange hair teasing the edges of her vision, the slight jingling of zippers with each step she took, the crisp clacking of boots on cement.
She saw around the corner, flashing multicolored lights and the thumping of bass. A late night arcade was one of the few businesses still open. She stood and watched for a few minutes. Young men and women trickled in and out. Most were in small groups laughing and shouting, enjoying the after work hours. A few were alone.
She was alone.
She kept walking, past the arcade, past an all night manga cafe. They were alone in there, just like her. Alone together, packed into a grid of tiny cubicles only centimeters apart. They were surrounded by opportunities to know each other but lacked the courage to do so.
She could understand. She'd barely talked to anyone since joining the company (well not that she had really tried). She couldn't shake the feeling that she didn't really belong there. Everyone, god this was corny even for her, everyone was happy except her. Even if she couldn't be "cute" or "passionate" she felt out of place with the "cool idols".
She felt… she felt like they couldn't understand each other. Or that she couldn't understand them. How they saw a world full of so much color and joy. Genuine enjoyment from singing and dancing and the endless touring, fan events and she just.
didn't.
understand.
She heard the tell-tale click of her cassette beginning to auto-rewind. She popped open the recorder and loaded it with another mix she kept with her. It was for a girl she met a few months ago. The only person she'd really "known" after moving to Tokyo.
Scrawled in red marker, it read "for Any Girl".