Warning: Rated M for safety, and because the conversation they're having is incredibly inappropriate and at some schools could definitely get them all fired. I don't even know what I'm doing. My brain woke me up at 3:30 a.m. with this plotbunny. Forgive me.
It had seemed like a good idea at the time, taking all the teachers out and inviting Shelby and Holly along. Shelby was still looking for a new job, somewhere a little removed from Quinn and Puck that would make things easier for all of them. Will knew she was having a hard time, being all alone with Beth. She needed a break. Holly was only in town for a few days to sub for the calculus class, but she always liked to have a little fun. For his part, Will couldn't remember the last time he'd done something just for fun with a group of adults. No really, he literally couldn't: he'd drank so much on that occasion that he ended up drunk dialing Sue Sylvester and giving Figgins yet another reason to put him on the prayer list at the local church. The entire night was a blur, although he was sure somewhere there was a YouTube video of him attempting to two-step just waiting to bite him in the ass one day.
Anyway, Will was about three sheets to the wind and in the middle of whispering to Emma that her polka-dotted sweater kind of turned him on an absurd amount—although to be fair, after nearly nine months of a celibate relationship watching her breathe was starting to turn him on—when Holly posed a question that had set Will's eyes bugging.
"Okay, okay," she laughed. "Most bangable senior. Go."
"Puckerman," said Sue and Beiste in unison, without missing a beat.
"I have to agree," Emma said quietly. "Puck does seem like the obvious choice for any sort of foray into the…forbidden…" she had just noticed Will's face. She stopped, blushing furiously but unable to keep a tiny grin completely at bay.
"I…" Shelby started to say something, then stopped. She looked almost as uncomfortable with the situation as Will felt.
"You're all wrong," said David Martinez unexpectedly. Holly turned to him with a raised eyebrow in challenge, and Will could only stare at David, trying to convey some kind of warning. Are Shelby and I the only people who realize how much we shouldn't be talking about this?
David downed the last of his drink and licked his lips, flashing Holly one of those brilliant smiles.
"Well, off-hand I'd have to say…Kurt Hummel."
Beiste choked. Emma's eyes were now bugging out as hard as Will's, and his were seriously threatening to actually take over his face. Sue, however, looked contemplative.
"Woowwwww," said Holly, tipping her drink towards David in acknowledgement. "I think we have a winner! Care to share about your innocence fetish, Señor Martinez?"
That's when she finally noticed Will's expression. He was staring open-mouthed across the table at her, unable to comprehend that even she could be so wildly inappropriate.
"Oh come on, Will," she said with a wide grin, "it's all in the name of fun. You don't think the kids sit around and talk about which one of us they'd rather sleep with? Besides, we're adults here, we all know better than to actually go there."
Shelby shifted uncomfortably in her seat and actually blushed, and what was that about?
Will had no time to dwell on it, because David was talking again.
"For the record, Holly, innocence has nothing to do with it," he said casually, as if they were talking about anything completely normal that couldn't get them all fired…and then arrested. "Have you ever really looked at that kid? I don't care if you're gay, straight or otherwise, he is the prettiest thing I've ever seen. If the kid's Broadway career doesn't pan out he could easily be a model. His flexibility puts every one of your Cheerios to shame, Sue, no offense. And the things his hips do during glee rehearsals ought to be illegal."
Holly nodded appreciatively at this explanation, and Will made a note to never, ever let David sit in on glee rehearsals again.
As could have been foreseen, however, Will didn't remember a thing about the conversation the next morning.