He had wished he wasn't a werewolf.
He had wished his friends didn't sacrifice everything for him.
He had wished his friends would save themselves.
Most of all, Remus Lupin had wished for sanity.
"Sanity's boring," James would tell him.
He had wished his friends and family weren't in danger.
He had wished the war would end.
He had wished the wizarding world didn't have to fear for their lives everyday.
Most of all, Remus Lupin wished for sanity.
"Who wants to be sane?" Sirius would ask him.
Remus did.
You can spend your whole life wishing for something.
Wishing for something that could break you.
Wishing for something that could tear you apart, never to be yourself again.
The worst feeling in the world, is your wish coming true.
As strange as it sounds, it is a horrible feeling. You expect so much happiness and joy to come from your wish that when it doesn't deliver, you are more depressed than ever.
You want everything back to how it was before.
You need everything back to how it was before.
But you can't change the past. You can only change the future.
So as Remus Lupin picked up the Daily Prophet, on the 1st of November, that fateful year, he dropped it in shock.
Or was it anger? Sadness? Distress? Emptiness? Did he feel betrayed?
Of course he did.
For the title on the front page of the prophet read,
James and Lily Potter Found Dead.
Harry Potter Lived Through Killing Curse.
He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named Gone.
Remus refused to believe the headlines.
It wasn't true.
It couldn't be.
Sirius was secret-keeper. He couldn't have betrayed James. He wouldn't have.
Remus read.
Voldemort had killed them. He had killed James and Lily.
Sirius had betrayed them - he had betrayed James. His brother in all but blood.
Sirius had killed Peter. He had destroyed him, blown him up.
And now Sirius was in Azkaban.
So as Remus read, he cried.
He cried for James and Lily. For Harry. For Peter. He cried for Sirius, the one who had torn them all apart.
His wishes had come true.
His friends could no longer sacrifice everything for him for they had nothing left to sacrifice.
They could no longer save themselves, for they were already gone.
His friends and family weren't in danger, for the danger had perished.
The wizarding world no longer had to fear for their lives, for the person who they feared, was gone.
The war had ended but at a terrible price.
Now he wished for everything to be how it was yesterday.
He wanted his friends to sacrifice everything for him.
He wanted them to save him.
He wanted his friends and family to be in danger.
He wanted the wizarding world to fear for their lives.
He wanted the war to keep going.
He wanted everything back to how it was yesterday, when everything was perfect.
But most of all, Remus Lupin wanted insanity.