TOMMORROW WE'LL LOSE…?
The lift boy gulps as the dark couple enters the lift. He had hoped they would stay longer at the after party downstairs. He is not interested in horror movies and he gathered that with some luck those particularly scary stars would stay down until after his shift. Actually, it was a very unpleasant surprise when the doors opened and he saw them again. His his shift ends an hour before the party is scheduled to end, so how early did they leave? Wasn't the party because his film is finished?
Maybe the girl… No, he shouldn't look at her, even though her dress is beatiful and very short with an open back. The guy will be even more angry. Something seems to be bothering the large and scary guy, making him even scarier than earlier in the evening.
As the doors close he sees them walking into their room before they completely disappear from his sight. He lets out his breath, happy that they will be gone when his next shift starts tomorrow.
CAIN:
As we walk into the room I hold my breath. The party was… fun. There was lots of alcohol but that's not the reason that I'm on the edge. I am drunk on my sister. Setsu is too beautiful tonight, Kuon is stirring behind my carefully created façade. Ren is gone, he's a lightweight. He was too drunk on her presence even before the party really started.
Just like now Setsu keeps really close. I sit down at the sofa and before I am really sitting she has drinks on the table and she is settling herself in my lab.
I gulp and try not to concentrate on her breathing on my chest. Kuon is getting too close to the controls and Ren trusted me to keep Kuon hidden. But I fear that I will soon fail, I am too much like him to keep him down.
Ren woke some lost feelings of Kuon to 'make me' and with my ongoing act they got more and more out of his control. The fears and emotions he hid are running loose now. I live on part of those but Kuon is also getting stronger.
Kuon hopes those emotions will catch up on us. If they do Ren won't be able to hide him anymore. I don't care, but Ren is scared out of his wits when he 'hears' them coming.
Then I see Setsu looking up at me with concern in her eyes. I take a sip of the drink and thank her. I give her a lame excuse, that the party was too loud and she buys it. Probably because she sees that I calmed down.
Actually she calmed me, she is my peace of mind. Even though I didn't want to admit it, I need her to keep me sane.
"Nii-san?" She asks. I grunt as a reply. She doesn't say anything else, she only snuggles closer fully comfortable on my chest. And I am happy. Her face almost touches mine. The only time that she was closer was when Ren and Kuon kissed her.
When Kuon met her in Guam, she was peace to him too. It gave him the courage to go on, to hope. She helped him find the answers to his hurt. But now he wants her completely for himself. I know he is not giving up, but I will neither. Setsu is mine, my sister, and I will never let anyone else close.
With this Ren stirs to make himself known, he also made up his mind, thinking he would be the one that is best with Kyoko.
I don't mention she seems to expect more Kuon than Ren whenever I am in the background.
"Are you alright, Nii-san?" She asks as I shift thinking of my 'rivals'.
"Yeah, I'm just debating whether I want to sleep." I tell her. But even as I say it I know I fear losing control. Kuon will be able to keep me down, and then I won't see my sister again.
"You don't want to sleep? Why?" She asks.
"I don't know..." I lie. She doesn't buy it and glares at me.
"I'll shower first." I say and escape from the room before I do something that I shouldn't. Not to my sister...
As the water from the shower hits me I know I won't sleep tonight. Tomorrow Setsu will leave, and I fear Ren won't make it in time to keep Kuon down. He is already too late. I am too late too, if tomorrow comes I'll lose my mind. Setsu will leave and without Setsu there is nothing to stop me from going insane. Kuon will grab controll and he won't let me out again.
But now I still have her, tonight she is still with me. Close enough to touch if I reach out, like every other night we shared this room. I won't give up my rights on her, she is my sister and I love her. She might not see this love but, I know I will fight for that love, her heart. Every heart deserves a fight, and hers especially.
I listen for any sound indicating what she is doing, but I only hear the droplets from the shower. They sound like small drums when they fall.
KUON:
I beat on the drum, to warn them. I beat on their minds to shake them from their positions, to make both of them loosen the chains that hold me down. And when I am free I will rise. And they will rise above with me, although they fear me now.
But I know better than them. I spent those years watching and learning. I know Kyoko sees me. I know my acting is better than ever and I firmly hope I will be able to stand on my place. I know it will be better for all of us when I am free.
Ren taught me to keep my temper, and if Kyoko is there I know I can.
I will work hard, Cain showed me I need to work to make her accept me. And I will work to make sure I am worthy for her. I will work till I'm numb. Numb from switching roles. Numb from working so fast. Nobody will ever complain about my work ethic again.
And I will let her rise above everyone else with me, although she will probably be waiting for me at the top. She is better than anyone I know and I know the best actors from around the world.
No I won't sleep tonight either, I will watch her. My love, my strength, my beacon that will lead me away from my demons. They whine and roar, like starving wolves. They hungrer for more, to make me miserable like all those years ago, but they won't get me.
Kyoko is there, I remember her golden glowing eyes. They hypnotise me, give me strength and make me feel brave.
I leave the shower and dress as quickly as I can. When I leave the bathroom I look into her eyes. Cain is only a veil now, and she probably sees it. She opened her mouth to greet me but no sound came out. She walks towards me and I take her in my arms.
When Ren struggles for control I have to admit to him I'm also scared, but I'll stay prepared. I am stronger now. The insults won't get to me like before, I know I am a good actor. I know I am where I am because I did it by myself. If they want to be jealous they can, I won't pay attention to them. I am proud of the Japanese blood in my veins, proud of my parents who love me so much they let me go. I should thank them, and go back to being their son. I should, but I don't know if I really can now, with Ren and Cain panicking in the back of my head.
"Nii-san, it's allright." She says making me relax. Smiling down at her I pet her hair. How she knows what I need to hear I don't know. But I needed this, and the others too. I feel Cain calm down and Ren… Ren seems to be slipping away.
REN:
Oh, have my soul, it's destined. I was never meant to live long. I can't let myself be blinded by the hurt that dominated my life for so many years. Kyoko is moving on, and I should follow her example.
Her eyes on me convince me that I am making the right step.
I will set Kuon loose, I'm ready to leave. Maybe I should have left earlier, but I didn't know I could. Now the stars that are Kyoko's eyes will guide me. I will follow her open eyes and open up too. Kuon doesn't need my gentlemanly mask anymore. So I will let myself slip away to where I came from, I will still be with her as I am also a part of him.
"I also won't sleep if you won't sleep Nii-san. I won't leave you alone." She says, and I know she is worried about me. I have been far to silent and moody tonight. Cain shouldn't have allowed her to go down like that! Maybe after I leave Kuon will tell him off... But I can't leave now, I want to be with her myself too. One last time. She might get scared of Kuon and Cain…
No I won't sleep tonight, I have to be there for her as long as I can. As her sempai I should look out for her, and I have this night left. If tomorrow comes I'll lose my mind. I'll lose it to myself, so it doesn't matter. I try to convince myself, but it is scary that Iwon't be there tomorrow.
CAIN:
"Setsu, you should sleep. You need it." I remind her, pulling her down till her head is on my lap.
She doesn't need to be bothered by our problems. It's going to be busy in this head with everyone awake. I don't like the crowdedness, but I definitely won't sleep tonight.
I will watch my sister sleep on my lap and I won't give up my right on this girl. Setsu is and will always be my precious sister, and I will fight for her. I will be the one to let her know every heart deserves a fight.
KUON:
"Nii-san!" She says angrily and sits up again.
"If you stay up so will I. I won't let you trick me into sleeping."
I shake my head.
"Don't ignore me! I am your sister!" She huffs and I smile, which she takes as an okay. She sits down and I put my arm around her.
Cain and Ren won't be able to ignore me. Like her I won't lay down easily. I will beat on the drum in our head. I will go till I'm numb, numb because my love for her softens everything exept my feelings for her. She is my love and I don't care for anything as long as she is happy. She wants to act, to be a beatiful actress so I will make sure she will rise above with me.
"No, it's Kyoko-chan, she will rise to the very top before me." I mumble, proud of her, my love.
"Are you already sleeping Nii-san?" She asks while snuggling deeper in my t-shirt. "No, I told you, I won't sleep tonight." I tell her.
REN: No, I definitely won't sleep tonight. I will make it worth it since, it is my last night with her! If tomorrow comes I'll lose my mind. And whatever Kuon tries, even though I know she's his love, I won't give up my right.
Kyoko will be my kohai, at the very least. Even if Kuon will keep her heart, even if she is Cain's sister, she was my kohai first. I will never give up, for I also know every heart deserves a fight.
And there is a fight raging for her heart. Even though we will all win in one way or another, tonight we will fight for her.
SETSU:
I hold my breath, Nii-san seems much too tense even after his bath. I wanted to greet him but I don't know who came from the bathroom. His tension puts me on edge too. He takes me in his arms and it seems like he is preparing for a fight. I don't see why so I just tell him, "Nii-san it's allright."
It seems the right thing to say because he relaxes. I also feel myself relax as he pets my head.
I want to ask again what he meant with not going to sleep, but I never ask something Nii-san doesn't want to answer. He must have a reason, maybe this is another storm going round us Heels.
"I also won't sleep if you won't sleep Nii-san. I won't leave you alone." I tell him. He needs to know I will be there for him. I won't be shaken by something like this, it is perfectly normal to skip a night sleep. Even the 'boring' girl did it, and she agrees that we have to help Nii-san. The feelings that she has lost are found are back in full force with me and most of her other characters. I can't wait till they catch up with her too. I am sure they will, and she will recover her 'lost' emotions. I can hear them running, they are getting close.
"Setsu, you should sleep. You need it." As he pulls me down I feel my body relax even more when I breathe in his sent. But my mind is all awake, I wish I had an answer to his pain. But I don't even know yet how to handle my other self's hurt. When I feel Nii-san's hand on my head I tense again. I make up my mind, now. I will fight for him. So I can't sleep.
"Nii-san!" I am a bit angry as I sit up again. He will not trick me into sleeping. He needs help and I will hunt his demons down.
"If you stay up so will I. I won't let you trick me into sleeping."
Please understand, Nii-san I'll be your strength if your own strength fails you. "Don't ignore me! I am your sister!" I tell him, since he doesn't seem to listen. He needs me so I also won't sleep tonight.
Tonight could be the last night I can help him like this, see his smile like this. He puts his hand around me and we are both sitting on the couch. So maybe he will let me stay up tonight, this last night.
If the boring girl has her way then I won't be here tomorrow. I'll lose my mind, since she will keep me from reaching out to my brother ever again.
But she won't be able to do that without me putting up a fight. I have the whole night and I won't give up. I know Nii-san deserves to have us fight over him.
I will beat on the drum, to gather the love angels. Natsu also answers my call just like little Kuon. They rise with me and I see the girl go numb when she finds out she has nowhere to hide anymore.
No, I won't sleep tonight both Nii-san and this girl need me.
As she stands there she summons her demons inside our mind. They whine and roar, trying to convince us they are hungry for our souls. With their yellow glowing eyes they stare at me. I'm hypnotised by their movements.
Looking at the girl, I feel brave yet scared, am I really going up against my creator.
"No, it's Kyoko-chan, she will rise to the very top before me." Nii-san mumbles, interrupting our battle stances.
"Are you already sleeping Nii-san?" I ask my brother, his calming smell distracting me from the fact that he used her name.
"No, I told you, I won't sleep tonight."
With those words he reminds me that I'll have to stay prepared and ready to react the moment she will try to take over.
But his earlier words held pride and love that the girl couldn't deny. Somehow she recognized him. I see little Kuon running around her, but he can't reach her.
The girl in the middle is now on her own, all the demons are scattered, keeping everyone away from her. I admire them that they still can while they are dying from the overdose of love that speaks from his entire being as he hugs us close.
Her face that only expressed confusion now changes to pure love. And at that moment I am prepared to sacrifice my soul.
KYOKO:
It's destined, I am never going to escape being a lovesick girl. It's written in the sky, if I could reach Corn I would ask him to erase it.
But then he wouldn't want to do it, as it seems he…
He hid from me! Why, didn't he want me?
I feel Corn's arms as Cain hugs Setsu. I didn't think two people could be so close, but Cain and Setsu want to be even closer! How? Why? Love is only…
No, I shake myself to wake up.
I must not let myself be blinded by the hurt that that bastard caused me. If that was love it was nothing compared to what I feel now. As I look around I see all my demons dying.
Young Kuon runs to me to embrace me like Cain embraces Setsu right now, and I am ready.
I look around and shove all the demons out. They are all practically dead anyway. Setsu and young Kuon help me. I won't let Shotaro bother me anymore. I will live my own life to a fairy tale where the stars will guide me.
I look through Setsu's eyes to her brother.
"Can we go stargazing?" I ask, afraid to add a name. It could betray me by letting him know Setsu is leaving, or I could betray him by not calling the right name. So no name is better.
He just nods and lifts me princess style. Only when he has trouble with the doors to the balcony he sets me down. As soon as the doors are open I slip outside to look for the stars. Then I feel him standing behind me, sighing with the beauty of the night sky.
"It's beatiful." He says, and I allow myself to hope that he isn't talking about stars.
No I won't sleep tonight, this will be the last night I can see Tsuruga-san so close. Tonight I can forget being his kohai. If tomorrow comes I'll probably lose my mind. I won't be able to conceal my feelings anymore.
And if he really is Corn… No that doesn't matter, the box is wide open and no matter what I try it won't close. When I can't push Setsu between us I won't even be able to act normal.
I won't sleep tonight, I need my thoughts cleared. Otherwise I'll lose my mind for sure and lose my job with it.
"Setsu..." Cain's voice is uncertain and unlike his normal voice.
"Nii-san." I respond, more because it became a habit than to indicate that I heard him. Setsu tries to take full control back but I won't give up my right. It is my body and I want to be with this man tonight too. I know it is probably a dream, but for now I want to believe that every heart deserves a fight. That I am worthy of his heart and that he isn't only acting to Setsu when he says he loves his sister.
"You know I love you, right?" I want to answer yes, but his voice isn't Cain's. It is too soft, too unsure.
His heartbeat sounds like the drum. And with every beat I realise he is even more unsure than I am tonight. I turn and look in his eyes, if I am strong tonight he'll rise above with me. His eyes are like that time, but not angry, just soft.
Maybe I can make the step. I close my eyes and pretent he is really Corn. I stand on my toes and kiss him. He responds so I relax and we continue till I'm numb.
If we survive tonight we will both rise above who we were. But that doesn't matter, it feels nice here outside.
'Sleeping will be a waste of time' Setsu's thoughts whisper to me, and I agree. I won't sleep tonight.
No, we won't sleep tonight. As Ren carries me back into the room I see the emperor shining through, but he doesn't scare me anymore. That scares me a little but I decide I don't care. If tomorrow comes I'll lose my mind, anyway. So tonight I will stop worrying. So I lean in for another kiss.
"Setsu, did you drink..." He asks with worry in his eyes.
"Shh, I don't drink." I tell him and his eyes widen.
"Kyoko?" He asks and I decide that I really like my name if he says it like that.
"Yes, Corn?" I decide to take the gamble. I won't give up, on love. I know it as I see his eyes widen that I guessed right. Then he lets go of me and it feels cold.
"Corn, stay please."
He pauses and I call out young Kuon to help me fight. He was mostly based on Corn anyway. But the boy is scared for some reason. Nevermind, I will do it with everyone inside my head. We'll all fight for Corn's heart!
A/N: This chapter is heavily inspired on the song: Hour of the wolf from Elnur Hüseynov. I don't own the song and I don't own skip beat.
Thank you for reading!