Reyna's Panic Attack

All of the following descriptions of panic attacks comes from my own experience. All people experience panic differently! Also, even people who seem "in control" like Reyna may suffer from chronic anxiety. If you think you are suffering from it, shoot me a message and I can link you to some helpful websites in battling panic attacks. Stay alive, frens.

Reyna gripped the hilt of her knife harder, her knuckles flushing white. Her head began to spin, the insides of her brain doing a surprisingly adept impression of scrambled eggs. The shirt she had decided to wear that day suddenly felt tight around her chest.

In front of her, the rest of her friends moved down the street in downtown New York. Bustling people move around them. Buildings rose along the sidewalk, windows glinting in the harsh afternoon sun. To Reyna's right, cars beeped and honked their way down the crowded New York roads, swerving to avoid yellow taxis. All of the sights and sounds were pressing in on her, wrapping her mind close.

Through the mist of panic that was slowly falling down upon her, one phrase repeated in her head: "today was supposed to be a good day."

It was supposed to be, and it had been so far! Early that morning, she had arrived in New York to meet the other demigods at Percy's place. She had been grateful for the invitation, and eagerly accepted it. For once, her camp seemed to be running smoothly. She had hired a substitute praetor, and she finally felt confident to leave them. After all, she desperately needed some time off. Duties had been pressing down on her. Outwardly, she knew she still seemed in charge. She kept her head high, and her eyes hard. But Reyna knew that no one else had seen her at night, deep under the covers of her bed, hot tears streaming down her cheeks. The stress was too much, and sometimes she wondered if sleeping forever would be better than waking up.

She had arrived in New York the night before, immediately booking a hotel with the other demigods, who had come to visit Percy as well. Because of Percy's new job, and his piles of schoolwork, he hadn't been able to visit Camp Half Blood as much as he would like. The next best thing was inviting his friends over.

Now, the group of demigods were strolling downtown New York, looking for a place to eat. They had all allowed themselves to relax, as much as you COULD relax when every step could reveal a monster hiding around the corner. Pizza sounded great, and Reyna had been looking forward to it.

Another wave of dizziness hit her, and she glanced up and around. In front of her, Hazel was pointing excitedly at a flashing billboard. Frank wasn't beside her- he had to tend to business at Camp Jupiter, and couldn't afford to leave. Percy was strolling along, one arm stuffed into his pocket, the other slung loosely around Annabeth's shoulders. Leo walked briskly next to them, talking excitedly with his hands. Nico strolled behind, hands deep in his pockets, hood pulled up, and eyes wide as he gazed at the numerous italian restaurants lining the streets. Piper and Jason walked a short distance behind. Reyna was sandwiched between the two groups, almost tripping over her own feet.

The traffic lights flashed brightly, and a car zoomed past the curb, close to Reyna. She shook, lowering her gaze to the gum encrusted sidewalk. She didn't notice she had slowed until she felt Jason's hand on her shoulder. "Excuse me, Reyna. Didn't mean to run into you."

She could tell by his voice that he was worried about why she had so suddenly stopped walking, but she only shook her head and sped to move away from him. The sidewalk sped under her feet, and the uncomfortable sensation of sweat trickled down the nape of her neck and down her back.

At last, the group turned into a small pizza joint. Reyna took a shaky breath, moving to push open the door. She was assaulted by the smell of garlic and fresh dough. It should have been delicious, but for some reason, the scent overwhelmed her. She staggered backward, right into Annabeth, who laid a hand on her shoulder.

"Table for eight, please," she said kindly. Once the waiter turned away, she leaned over to Reyna's ear and whispered, "all you alright? You look pale."

Reyna, determined not to show weakness, swallowed and nodded. Inside of her, she longed to say no, but she could not let her reputation fall. She slipped her hand inside her pocket, nervously fiddling with a golden drachma. Her eyes searched the small pizza place, falling on a gurgling fountain in the corner. She could use Percy's powers to make a rainbow out of the water, and send a message back to camp if she continued to feel this… weird. Perhaps it was an enchantment of some sort.

The room felt too bright around her, but a few sharp breaths brought it back into focus for the time being. She glanced up, at the backs of Leo, Percy, and Nico who were gathered around the tray of crayons, meant for the children who liked to color their menus. They were finding entertainment in flicking crayons at one another. Reyna opened her mouth to tell them to cut it out, but she was cut off by a bubble that seemed to trap her words inside of her.

She was about to tell Annabeth something was seriously wrong, but the waiter came up to the counter. The boys hastily tossed the crayons back into the tray and grinned sheepishly at one another as they shuffled off behind the waiter to their table. Reyna followed Annabeth, her stomach feeling weak. Waves of panic continued to wash over her. She did not understand it: not at all. She was so used to feeling powerful, and so accustomed to never showing emotion. The griping fear in her stomach was a shocking proof of her weakness.

Finally they go to a table. She sat down on the hard chairs before promptly burying her face deep into her arms, staring hard at the grains of the table as she rested her head. There was a brief moment when no one realized what had happened. Then Percy moved forward, laying a hand on her shoulder and mumbling something.

She should have heard what he had said, but the entire room was spinning out of control. The sounds were pressing in on her, until she could not distinguish between Percy's worried voice, and the clank of silverware by the kitchen. She gripped her arms tight, clenching her muscles and forcing back fat tears that ached her eyes. Everything was too loud, and too scary. Leo laughed nervously, and the sound grated on her senses.

Nico retreated to the other side of the table, looking on with wide eyes as if he was afraid Reyna would explode. He had never seen her like this: folded in on herself in fear and panic, anxiety touching every piece of her mind. He subconciously laid a heavy hand on his sword, looking at her carefully.

Hazel must have noticed people starting to stare, because she cleared her throat and slid in next to Reyna on the chair. Hazel was usually intimidated by the stern praetor, but now she could see the need to calm her down. Hazel had had a few panic attacks of her own, and she was fairly certain this was what was happening now, right before you. Anxiety is a horrible thing: it takes those who seem so proud and in charge, and throws them down as if they were nothing.

Hazel put her head by Reyna's, whispering softly. "It's okay, you're fine. I know what's wrong."

The words came as a distance, garbled murmur to Reyna, but she recognized the voice. She lifted her spinning head carefully from her arms, still gripping the table as if she would fly away if she let go. Hazel was sitting close to her, a comforting arm around her shoulder. For some reason, Reyna didn't throw it off. Hazel's softly curled hair suddenly seemed familiar to Reyna, as if in this world of crazy she could remember the thing she knew. Reyna continued to look around the table, catching eye contact with Jason. The former praetor nodded at her, his eyes filled with understanding. Hazel must have told them what was going on.

The sight of her faithful friend beside her gave her some more courage, and she wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans. "Sorry, guys."

"Don't say sorry!" insisted Annabeth, helping Reyna get unsteadily to her feet. "It's a panic attack. Hazel gets them too. Why don't we go finish our food on the outside part of the pizzeria. It's quieter out there."

Reyna nodded, gratefully accepting Percy's arm protectively around her shoulders. He was like a brother to her, and he could not stand to see her afraid.

They made their way outside, pulling up chairs to a metal table that was covered by a maroon umbrella. Hazel sat on one side of Reyna, and Annabeth on the other. Reyna took a deep breath, looking around as her dizziness began to slowly fade from her mind. Panic released its grip on her heart, and she slumped in her seat, eyes burning with embarrassment.

There was a few minutes of silence as the boys dug into their pizza. Reyna took the moment to calm down, looking around the scenery. A fence seperated the eating area from the sidewalk. Golden-grey afternoon light filtered through the oak trees decorating the plaza. The air was still and cool, ringing with the sounds of gently chirping birds and the distant honking of car horns. There was some other people eating at the other tables, but they were immersed in their books or phones, paying no attention to the large group of teenagers who had gathered around the table. Reyna sighed again.

"You feeling better?" asked Leo, through a mouthful of pizza. "We thought you were going to pass out!"

"Leo!" reprimanded Hazel, tossing a pepperoni at him. "Be nice!" Then, to Reyna, "we were very worried about you. But I knew it was a panic attack: a lot of people get them."

Reyna didn't say anything: she couldn't. She was flooded with shame. She had shown weakness. She had crumpled down. What if it happened in a fight! The thought almost made her want to bury her head again.

"Yeah, even I've had one," mumbled Percy. "They are no fun."

The rest of the group nodded. There was another moment of silence before Nico spoke up. "I've never had one, but I assume that they are… scary." He shut his mouth quickly after that, as if he couldn't believe he had spoken.

Piper nodded, sticking her fork into her salad. "And trust me, it is not a sign of weakness."

"But…" began Reyna, voice quivering with stress. "It is! I couldn't do anything. I was stuck, and I would have passed out if I had moved. What if it happens in a battle!"

"Then we'll cover for you," replied Piper, smiling. "That's what friends are for."

Reyna nodded slowly, as if mulling it over. "I've just… I've faced so many monsters, and evil people, and to think…"

"This is the one thing that broke you?" mumbled Leo. "Yeah. Weird. But like, a lot of the times, our own minds do more damage than whatever dragon-monster thing we are facing."

The group nodded, and thought about this. After a bit though, they continued their joking and laughing. Reyna looked around the table of friends, and actually began to realize…

She had friends… Not those who were afraid of her, or forced to obey her. No, she had real, living friends.

Ones who loved her.