Here I am. Outside the door once again. The only thing in my head was telling me, just one more step and you'd have to tell him, just one more move and the words would flow out. But every time I went to take that step, my courage failed. And each time when I would go to walk away, he would open the door to see me. Again and again, I would pretend.
He is never going to know. As much as I want to tell him, something is not letting me. It's my heart that is the matter. I'm afraid of getting hurt. I love him to death. He means so much to me. I love the relationship...um, the friendship we have. I don't want to ruin that. I'm scared that if I let him know I would be rejected, that things would get weird and that nothing would ever be the same.
Luck. I had it on my side this time. I was able to get away before he saw me. I ran, seemed like I flew. My feet took me to the one place I could relax. A nearby stream, with plenty of trees surrounding it; it was my small sanctuary. And there was only one person who knew I would go there when I was stressed; Emmett.
Water was flowing, a small breeze played through the trees. The quiet was calming. I found my spot. It was a place at the top of one of the trees. It was my own little nook. No one would know I was there, unless they knew about it, which only one person did. And just as I expected, he was there shortly after I was.
Climbing up to where I sat myself was easy for him. He sat across from me, waiting patiently. "I know Emmett, I know," I finally spoke, "I need to tell him. But you know me and you know why. I'm afraid of getting hurt because I thought I loved the guy who beat me to death which was the reason Carlisle decided to save me. He beat me and then left me."
"He wouldn't do that. He wouldn't hurt you."
"I know he would never touch me like that but that doesn't mean he can't still hurt me."
"You love him. Tell him. Seeing you hurt and knowing that you can't tell him is starting to get to him. You are lucky you can block him out of you head otherwise he would know how you feel. God knows Jasper knows. Even Alice."
"I'm too scared. It's been years but the fear isn't going away."
He resigned himself that I wasn't going to give in right then.
A smile played on his lips. He had an idea and I was pretty sure what it might be. "How about a hunt? A challenge."
He knew this would get me up. "What's the wager this time?"
"We'll think about it. When I win, I will tell you." He said smirking.
"Wrong again there, buddy boy. When I win, I will tell you."
In the same instant, we were out on the tree and on the ground. "On three."
He nodded. "One…two…three!"
And we were off.
The next two hours were filled with competition. Who would get the most, who would be faster, who got the most difficult meals; that's what it was about. But at the end of the two hours, I had fun but I was pissed. I just had to lose. We had the same amount, I was faster, but he got the most difficult. It was his last kill that put it over the edge.
I glared at him as we were walking back to the house. All the while, he was smirking. He was thinking of what I would have to do. But then I realized something. I had a vague idea. "Tell him."
I knew it. "No."
"Abigail Jensen Wroughtwood. That Is what I want."
"No."
"Abby."
He used my nickname. He just had to use it. "No, no, no, no, and a million times no. Did you not comprehend what we just went over? What we have gone over a million times before? I cannot tell him. I will not…"
"You have to."
"Why this? Why now? I just can't. I will not lose the friendship I have with him. I will not risk getting my heart ripped out and burned. I love him Em, but I can't do it."
"Tell him, that way you would have to block him, try to hide it. You'll feel so much better if you do. Abby, you need to…"
"I will not tell Edward that I love him. I can't handle…"
That was when I heard it, when I heard him. I was so engrossed with yelling at Emmett that I never noticed him coming up. I turned to see him standing there. I didn't need my ability to know he heard what I said.
Another conclusion. Emmett saw Edward when he got me to talk like this. He knew and yet he didn't stop me. He urged me to continue. "Emmett…WHY? Huh? You knew what this would do to me. You knew…"
Before I could stop myself, I was going towards him. I would never kill him but I really wanted to rip him to shreds. Before I could reach my destination, I felt a pair of arms around me, holding me back. As much as I normally would love having his arms around me, I didn't want them now. I wanted to get to Emmett. I was pissed and they both knew it. "Let go of me!"
Edward gave me that look. "I don't care if he's my brother. Right now he doesn't deserve…"
"Tell me, talk to me."
"No."
"Why can't you tell me how you feel?"
"No you too. URGH!"
With the madness running through my head, I pulled myself from his arms and ran. I didn't go after Emmett and I didn't attack Edward. I just ran.
.
.
.
Hours later, I was still gone. I never went too far but I still wasn't going home. I needed to get away, to have time to myself. The entire time, to release this anger, I tore apart trees, ripped apart anything that I felt like. It helped. But after a while, I knew I had to go home. I had to face this, no matter how hard this was going to be.
When I got close enough to see the house, I walked slowly. As much as I knew I needed to talk to him, I couldn't bring myself to walk faster. Before I even got in the house, I was jumped on by Alice. She playfully pushed me but she was still smiling. "As much as we were worried, I'm excited for you."
"You saw something, didn't you?"
She nodded and pushed me into the house.
As soon as I entered, all eyes were on me. Scanning the faces, I didn't see him. When I saw Emmett, I glared. He just smiled and shrugged his shoulders. Breathing was no necessary for me but I did it out of habit. It also had a calming effect, though it was very slight. I knew where he was, the only place he could be. So I stood there. I stood in front of his door like I had many times before. But this time, I knew I had to go in. There was no avoiding him this time.
I wasn't sure how long I was standing there. Before I could do anything, I heard a yell from downstairs. "Just get over it and go inside!" It was Alice.
I glared down the hallway, even though I knew she couldn't see me. Just as I turned back to the door. Edward was standing in the doorway. With a knowing look in his eyes, he nudged me into his room. I sat down on his sofa and stared at the wall.
All he did was sit down and wait. He wanted me to start this. He wanted me to tell him. So he asked me something. "What happened out there?"
"I…I was feeling bad. I didn't know how to act so I went to my normal spot. Emmett knows my spot. He found me once before. To get me to forget about it for a bit, he challenged me. We didn't say what we got if we won. So after, he told me to tell you. And you saw from then."
"Abby."
I looked at him. I couldn't speak, I just looked.
Beautiful eyes. Our may have been the same but there was something else to his. His jawline, his lips, everything. How he treated me, his mind, how he spoke, his personality. Every single thing. He means everything to me. He's all I ever wanted and yet thought I wasn't good enough. He was out of my league. That was what I always thought, an added reason why I never told him before this.
I realized one thing right then. In that moment, since I came into the room, I never blocked him. I never stopped him from reading my mind. Seeing the look in his eyes, I knew he just read my thoughts. Before I could stop myself, I basically flung myself at him. He wasn't expecting it so I basically tackled him to the ground. My lips touched his just before we touched the ground. I thought he was going to push me off but he didn't. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer.
Warmth. Sparks. I felt both as our lips touched. I was finally letting go of so much repressed emotion. I let everything go. He had taken control but I wasn't going to let him keep it. I bit on his bottom lip. He looked at me. I smirked as much as I could. Leaving his lips, I trailed kisses across his jaw to his ear. Just as he thought I was going to say something, I instantly put my lips back on his. This time, I let him be in control.
But we stopped before it got too far. We were both old-fashioned. I wanted Edward, like nothing else in the world. But we both wanted to wait until we were married; as odd as that sounds with us being vampires. By the time we stopped, a few of his things were broken. When we finally pulled away, I grabbed his hand. He was everything to me and more. "You can stop listening now!" I yelled, knowing everyone would hear. I could hear cheers and laughter from downstairs.
Turning to my love, I hugged him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and smiled. He spoke before I could. "You are worth it. You are my everything, what I always wanted. You aren't good enough. You are too good."
"So you did hear."
"And now there is no holding back."
"Not now, not ever."