RUN

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Run

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Run

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Run

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You better run, Diletto.

I heard the sound of his voice.

I just couldn't quite remember whose.

Before I realized it, my feet had already running. Somewhere in my consciousness, I felt like there was something followed closely behind me. Watching me. Keeping up with me. I had a feeling something was closing up on me. The feeling like those of hands. Like those of claws– which minutes by just growing closer waiting to grasp me. So I did as what a voice constantly told me to do, -I ran. Desperately. Through a tunnel. Into a hole. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Now, which doors was it again? But, even if I knew the door, I could not open it. So a key magically faded to existence in my hand and somehow I knew it was the correct one as I guided the key into the keyhole. A world stood in front of me. Which world was this again? I did not know. Must. Keep. On. Running.

Run me.

Run.

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I vaguely remembered chasing after something in the beginning, and then suddenly I was going down. The world that stood before me was unlike any others, it went beyond logical - with its sky seeming to went down and yet up again, over and over. It was a dream-like world, a feeling like I was there but not really there.

With a sudden sensation that I was in a building, the sky seemed to melt away and in its place was a ceiling. The walls stood around my sides, forming a long corridor with the end of it, stood a small door. The feeling when I went through the corridor was unreal, the walls seeming to come alive with warping sensation - closing in, drawing back, closing in, drawing back. Along with the walls, I too warped. Sometimes my body was thinning and growing taller - sometimes it expanding and I became shorter, till I swore my nose could touch my toes.

I wondered if it was my hallucination when I saw something in between the walls, - sometimes I heard them. The faces. The voices. I thought maybe I knew them. And then it clicked in, they were people of my past.

Somehow their forms turned into those of animals. And they spoke insensible philosophies which clashed to my logic. The sentences were incoherence though somehow they made sense, and thus I tried to argue back. They laughed on my face. Words that they spoke then became much clearer after much screaming that I done to stop their laughs, - then I started to remember why I chose to erase their existences from my mind. Their appearances of animals were apparently was too great for them. They were still laughing as I walked through.

I reached the door with the key magically appeared in my hand, and beyond the door was a garden. And a voice still pulling me to run. Faster. Faster. Faster. It said. I'm running out of time. So I heard.

I just couldn't remember why I ran. I didn't even remembered when I started. The voices from the walls kept trying to hold me back. I heard them shouting of discouragements, but the powerful ones were whispers low enough talking behind me in piercing words. Even the kind words they sprout became profanities – when they were spoken together with cold eyes and cruel snide smiles.Who were they again? Why did I remember them again? Should I run again? Should I shut them down? Something was telling me something, my brain interpreted them all as the same noise.

Noise. Noise! – inside of my head, coming near and going far!

Was this a reality? Was this a dream? If this was a dream, why did it feel so real? I felt wetness traveled down my face, as I cried of uncertainties of all. My hands shook as my shoulders trembled and my feet still kept on running. There were miles and miles of road that I already traveled. Still, that had not felt enough. Must keep on running. Must run.

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THE RACE HAD ALREADY STARTED.

Come.

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Tik-tok tik-tok away.

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Let's go.

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It was a fine day when I saw a little girl staring straight at me. A hint of desperation evidence in her eyes. I felt them instantly connected to my souls – and her eyes automatically locked on my figure.

That day – I witnessed a sight of a little girl carelessly running up to me. I did not discourage her. As I continued on my journey, somehow I understood her motive, but it still did not shaken my belief that this little girl was insane.

Insanely following me into something that she did not know, should not had known. Should had never known.

My curiosity sealed the deed. As I silently encouraged her with my smiles, and my eyes, she seemed to find hope in my figure – wherever that was. Soon, the race started. Come, little girl. Run up to me.

So she did.

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I hide my delight when she had taken my bait. Oh little girl with insane amount of curiosity.

Curious, yes. Then there was a hint of confusion too.

Oh, indeed. What a curious thing indeed. Through many layers of clothes she wore, somehow she looked strangely fragile. Layers upon layers, I wondered if she taught she could hide all her fragility inside that shell of hers. Goodness! A delicate being trying to fake toughness – just making a shell cracked much sooner. I wondered why she hide, I wondered why she shown up– and I wondered at her act of forcing more wills into her own small body, and making herself cut loose little by little.

A doll without strings. Strangely running ahead.

Though I sympathized her with all my being, I could not stop a small part of me that wanting to see more of what she could show.

So I did not stop. She could not too. I would not stop.

Why little girl? There were wrinkles on your face? There were dark rings around your eyes? Why little girl? Aren't you still so little?

Escape me little girl. Why did you come? She said i want to stop. Stop, if you would. But her actions betrayed her in the path that she was running. No turning back.

Into the rabbit's hole.

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Into the rabbit's hole.

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Into the rabbit's hole.

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Into the rabbit's hole.

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Run, girl.

Run.

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IN THE WARPED WORLD I WAS IN,

I could see my heart materialized in front of my eyes. Which then, solemnly she started to govern over something that she could not control. The land was so vast in front of her, her voice could not be heard. A lonely farce, joined by a desperate task – a need to be recognized. Shouting orders. Showing power. She did what she need to do to gain control. Then with the force, she started to crumble – traits of tiredness wearing on her face. Her power was enormous, but she could only cried.

The Queen of Heart.

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Maybe all she needed was actually a little smile – so a smile materialized out of the blue. She stared at it and it began to laugh. A familiar laugh with a message to run. Then, came a smirk – a mischievous sign that seemed to plan something. I beginning to remember, a figure with that kind of appearance – the knowing eyes with the message to

Run, a voice said which diverged my attention from that smirk. When I turned back, a snide was in place. But whose snide was this again? It was not like that smirk. Whose snide was this again? It was not like that smirk. Whose snide was this again? I felt hurt at the center of my chest. The queen was crumbling over. Whose snide was this again?

My legs moved and I came across a road diverged in two. By right, which road should I traveled?

The road that I decided.

But I had not decided.

Then there would be no road to travel by.

By wrong, I continued to run. Oh Duchess, your house was on fire. Was that a cat smiling in your kitchen? Your child was turning into a pig. Was the scoldings a new design for lullabies?


Somebody called me to the tea party.

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I SAW

strings starting to get loose around your seams – and you started to come apart.

Do you still remembered why you started to run? I thought my smiles could guide you to go forth– you seemed more distracted by a snide last not a minute by. I guessed it showed how weak your mind really was.

A little girl in a world she had not known, lost her way and had lost her mind. She fought for remedies, but the world did not bend for her. Was it my fault she came into this world?

Nay – I decided.

But I still hold interest of what she could present. What a little puppet with a lost mind could show me?

She presented a show of losing control.

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The Deckers were out marching on the yard. They were painting red on pasty roses – playing croquet with hedgehogs and flamingos. They were showing normalities in all abnormalities. You came storming and flew them apart.

Mad, you are. Mad, you are.

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Mad, you are.

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Little girl whom entered the world of the unknown. She asked for help. She was abandoned. Might be only roses and daisies could give comfort to her.

And only caterpillar could give her pillars.

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Little girl, had you grown up? Or shrank again? Had you only continue to eat and drink?

I thought you were running up to me. I thought wrong then.

Tik-tok tik-tok away.

Little girl had lose her way.

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I FELT TIME WAS RUNNING OUT,

- and I laughed at the figurative of that thought. Running, like what I was doing. It was fun while it lasted. It gave me the sense of freedom, of delusion, of delirious – something that I believed would not happened if I had not starting to run.

The heart was warring with my thought though, - why I wondered?

There was something nagging at the back of my mind, when I tried to peer into it, shadows of hands went out and surrounded me. Suffocating, I thought. Trying to escape from the clasp of shadows around my mind, I tried to think about something distracting.

Why is a raven like a writing desk?

A worthy question, worthy of my mind and thought. A sentence so illogical by all means, but then who would deny?

Several times the logic in my head clashed. What logic would it be when there was no one around to prove it was correct? – or wrong instead?

So I confronted the thoughts on my own – The Deed and the Dumb. The twins that accompanied me on my run.

.

Then sometimes,

there was a small voice which whispered, What had become of me?

I do not know, I said.

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I do not know.

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I simply do not know.

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The wetness traveling down my face became more profound for each steps that I took. I let it rain down freely without a thought of what it will be. Until each drops became heavier, until the taste was much saltier, and until the spots of water around me became a sea - did I stop. For the cause of it was the emergent of Jabbawockeez from the depth of sea that I created.

The ugly sight stood in front of me.

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Should I cower? Should I run? Should I stand and let the fear be confront?

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OFF THE HEAD OF THE BEAST BY YOUR BLADE,

Was your own head still intake, I wondered? I thought your heart had declared

"Off with her head!"

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I thought it yelled

"Off with her head!"

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I thought you decided to be off with your own head a long time ago.

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For a while you were aimless.

Tik-tok tik-tok it sounded.

The sound stayed there, did not rebounded.

I thought there would be an echo.

I thought there would be a sound.

I looked back, and you were nowhere around.

Little girl with mad mad skills.

You ran to me, with aimless feet.

Your aim grew anew, and your run less shaky.

And slowly you were away from me.

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Run, girl.

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Run.

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I LOOKED BACK AT THE QUEEN,

and I saw her smiled.

I slew the Jabbawockeez with my own hands, I sealed the deed and it was the greatest thing I ever did. Stowing back the blade into its scabbard, I let my bloody hands took the tall hat off from my head.

Enough of these madness.

I bowed to the Queen, I bowed to the carcass off the beast, I bowed to the animals – and everything within.

I made my own sweet escape.

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White rabbit came across my sight.

I let it ran by.

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YOU MIGHT THINK THAT YOU ARE A PSYCHO,

You might think that you are not alright.

You think that you are off your bonkers,

You think that you have lost your sight,

and that's why you go.

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You run.

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Run.

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Run.

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Run.

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Run.

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Diletto, you had run.

And then you stopped. And you started looking behind. And you smiled. And you made peace with yourself.

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Slowly I dimmed from your existence, starting from my tail to my head.

But you remembered not the powerful persuasion that I provided at the start. I just hope my smile still lingered in your mind, diletto (beloved).