Disclaimer: I do not own House M.D., or any of the characters there in. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment purposes only.

House calls

Chapter one: "A cheerful House"

House stood in Cuddy's office acting like the immature five year old he is. "Please mommy!! Don't make me!" House was lying on the floor hanging onto Cuddy's ankles.

"For God's sake house!" Cuddy angrily replied.

"But Cuddle bear, it will be so borrriiinnggg!" he cried again.

"Well at least you'll have Wilson. It won't be so bad." She managed to shake House's grip off of her legs and then quickly walked over to her desk. She put a file down on her desk and sat down in her office chair and started to type on her computer.

House slowly got back up to his feet with the help of the furniture by him. "Yes it will!" he moaned again. He thumped his cane on the ground and let out a huge sigh with a mix of a scream and a moan.

"Yeah House. Cry all you want but you still will have to do it… or you're fired."

House just had to smirk at this comment. Did she not realize how many times she threatened to fire him?

Wilson walked into the office where House was having a temper tantrum. "Did I come at a bad time?" he asked and stared into Cuddy's eyes. He turned around and started to leave.

Cuddy stopped him quickly. "No! Stay. I need to talk to you."

Wilson walked closer to her desk and looked at House.

House looked at Wilson. "Wait until you find out what she has in store for us!" He said and thumped his cane on the ground again.

Wilson stood confused and hoped it wasn't bad news. Well House always makes a big deal about everything. I'm sure it's not that bad, he reassured himself. "So… What? What is it?" he asked with a quiver in his voice. Wilson has a bad habit of thinking of the worst of situations. This just scared him most of the time and added unnecessary stress to his day.

Cuddy put her hands neatly folded on her desk. "You and House are going to be making house calls."

Wilson just laughed slightly. "House making a house call? Kind of ironic right?" Then, he couldn't contain himself and burst out laughing. "Man. I think we might have found one thing that House hates more than clinic duty."

House turned and faced Wilson. "Ha ha. Very funny. You know she mentioned that you're also coming."

Wilson chucked again thinking about House making a house call. He shook his head.

House was annoyed from Wilson's laughter and jabbed him in the side with his cane. Wilson stumbled slightly.

"Sorry!" exclaimed House. "I'm a cripple remember."

Wilson sighed and then looked at Cuddy who was approaching them with something in her hand. She held it out.

"This is a cell phone-"

Before she could finish what she was saying House made a weird face and said, "Duh!"

Cuddy squinted her eyes at House who smiled and waved to her. "As I was saying… This is a cell phone that will be used for house calls. You will answer every call," She turned to House. "Even if it is ridiculously late. So, saying that. Wilson will be in charge of the phone because I don't really trust you, House."

"I'm cool with that," he shrugged and took out a pair of sunglasses from his coat pocket. "See? I'm real cool."

Cuddy wanted to laugh but she knew she couldn't or House would think she thought his sarcastic out bursts would be acceptable.

Wilson messed with his hair a bit. The three stood in awkward silence. House put the sunglasses back into his pocket.

House was still upset though and he would not go through with this without a fight.

"But mommy do I HAVE to?" he asked.

Cuddy gave him a look that said, "Yes you have to!"

"How 'bout this. If I do this… Then no more clinic duty. For… FOREVER."

Cuddy instantly said, "No!"

"Fine, fine. Maybe that was a little too extreme….A year." He reasoned.

"A week." Cuddy argued.

"A week! No! Six months!"

"Three months!"

House knew she would never give him even one whole month off of clinic duty… But since she offered… "Deal!" he exclaimed.

Cuddy looked really stressed. "No! You weren't supposed to say deal! You were supposed stand your ground and say 'Six months' and so forth until we settled on a week!"

"Sorry." He said. "You were stupid enough to offer! I would never even have considered the possibility that you would let me off of clinic duty for three months! But, what ever."

Wilson folded his arms. "Three months… That's a little too much time off. I mean what will you do House?"

House looked at him. "What do you mean 'what will I do'? What won't I do! A whole three months off from clinic duty." He sighed and started to think about the fun things that he had already started planning.

"But remember that you still have to do the house call thing," Cuddy said, ruining the moment.

"Yeah, But!" He paused dramatically and pointed his index finger in the air. "Not that many people do the whole 'house call' thing. More people would rather come to a free clinic than pay their money to have a diagnosis delivered to their door … So if about three people call per week and there are… Let's say… About two hundred people in the clinic per week… Then I just saved myself… about one thousand five hundred and seventy-six boring cases. I'd much rather do thirty-six boring cases. So… Why am I complaining? This could possibly be the best thing I have ever manipulated you into!" He paused. "Well, besides sex."

Cuddy gawked at Wilson and Wilson shrugged and raised his eyebrows.

"House… Is good at manipulating people." He said in that oh-so-adorable Wilson way.

Cuddy sighed as she realized that she had yet lost another battle to the great Gregory House.

"Well," started House in a cheerful voice. "I have to go visit the kids now. They are probably worried about where Daddy is. I mean," He looked at his watch and jumped a bit. "Jesus, it's already half past one!"

House limped away and then turned back around. "I'd skip… But I can't because of the whole cripple thing, remember?" He continued to limp again and pushed the doors open with his cane.

Cuddy went and sat back down at her desk. Wilson followed her and sat down in the chair facing her desk.

"I can't believe I just gave him three months off of clinic duty." Cuddy said and smothered her hands into her face.

Wilson looked at her with sympathy. "Yeah. Well. House is good at making everyone's life miserable. I think it's because he's so miserable he fells like he has to take his misery out on other people."

Cuddy looked up. "Yeah well he seems pretty happy now," she said with an annoyed tone in her voice. "And now I have to find a new doctor to make up House's clinic hours," She looked at Wilson with longing eyes.

Wilson quickly realized that she wanted him to do the hours and he shot up out of his seat so fast, you could have sworn he could have hit the ceiling. "Oh no. I'm not doing it!" He exclaimed.

Cuddy sighed. "Well then. I guess I'll have to take time out of my busy, busy schedule to do all of those clinic hours."

"Oh no you don't!" said Wilson. "Don't do the guilt trip thing on me. I'm not falling for it this time."

Cuddy put her hands in a prayer position. "Please James?" She stared at him with puppy-dog eyes.

Wilson sighed deeply. "I can't believe I'm saying this… but fine. I'll do House's clinic hours."

House limped into his office and pushed the door open cheerfully. "Good morning children!" he exclaimed happily as he entered the room.

Cameron, Chase, and Foreman were all busy. Chase was doing the crossword puzzle in People magazine. Cameron was on her laptop writing her new article. (which she secretly hoped that Foreman wouldn't steal again.) And Foreman was busy reading the newspaper.

With the presence of House, they all looked up at him.

Is House actually in a good mood today? Cameron thought.

Chase glanced down at his watch. "It's one thirty. Not morning," he pointed out.

House smiled. "Well. I must have lost track of time. Today has been such a good day." He limped over to the coffee machine and poured himself a cup of coffee.

This got Foreman interested. "What happened?"

"I manipulated Cuddy to give me three months off of clinic duty," he said with a smile.

"Seriously? You've got to be kidding me." Foreman said with a chuckle.

House over dramatized his sigh. "Fine. You got me. I'm in such a good mood because Wilson and I are getting married!"

Chase had a horrified look on his face. "Seriously?" he asked, now engaged in the conversation.

"No you stupid Brit!" he scowled. "I got three months off of clinic duty."

Chase exclaimed, " I'M NOT BRITISH!" He was angry about being called British so many times.

Cameron looked back down at her laptop and continued typing. "I don't believe it." She stated.

"What? About Chase not being British? Because I don't believe it too." House said.

Cameron was annoyed. "No. About the clinic duty thing. She really let you have three months off?"

House nodded stupidly. "Gee! It's like talking to five year olds. You people question everything I say. I'd be better off having an irrational religious person for my team," He took a sip of the coffee he has poured himself. "Oh my god!" he exclaimed and spit out the coffee all over the floor. "What the hell is this?"

Cameron looked at her boss. "Umm… Coffee?"

House was really annoyed with Cameron's remark. He was the one who should be wisecracking. He wasn't feeling at his peak today though. "Who made this?" He looked at Foreman. "Was it you, Blackie?"

Foreman continued to look at his newspaper. "Nope. It was Chase."

House glared at Chase. "So Wombat… You made it?"

Chase was deeply frightened. House had always scared the shit out of him. He nodded.

House smiled at Chase. "It's really good today. Thanks," He looked the rest of his team. "The angry Brit will always make coffee from now on."

Chase felt as if a ton of bricks was loaded off of him. His heart was still pounding but was slowing down. He wasn't worried about House yelling at him anymore… He was worried about House saying thanks. House never thanks anyone. Something was definitely up.

Cameron also could tell something was not right. "So… about the no clinic duty for three months… What's the catch?"

House took a sip of the steaming coffee again and then set down the mug. "Wilson and I have to make house calls."

Foreman started to laugh hysterically. "You… And…. Wilson!… Making… house calls!" He stopped between words to laugh. "This is too good to be true!"

House started laughing too. "You're right! It is! Cuddy's such a looser! I defenetly got the better end of the deal here. I go and make like three house calls a week and Cuddy is stuck at PPTH doing my clinic hours!" He sighed and said, "Life is good when Cuddy is stuck doing clinic hours."

Cameron was not amused. "Well, what are you going to do for three months? We only have around one case a week. And you still have to come to work in order to get paid," she pointed out.

House rolled his eyes. "Gee, Cameron. Why be so pessimistic? Of course I'm coming to work. I'll just catch up on all my shows while I'm here. And get paid for it. Hey! I'm going to get paid to watch TV! I believe that that's Cuddy's dream… To pay me for watching TV."

Foreman was not amused. "And making house calls." He pointed out.

House wanted to say some rude racial remark but he was in too much of a good mood.

House's pager went off. He took it out of his pocket and read what it said. Then, he put it back on his belt. "Well my little kiddies. Daddy has to go and do some important daddy-like things. You guys be good and don't get into any trouble while I'm gone."

The three younger doctors watched as their boss limped away.

As soon as he closed the door, Chase, Foreman, and Cameron started up an interesting conversation. House would have been dying to be apart of this interesting conversation… Too bad he was already heading down to Wilson's office, unable to hear what his team was discussing.