Summary: River has a memory attack and where Simon fails to console her, Kaylee oddly succeeds. Oneshot. Clean.

Rated: K

Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Simon's, River's, and Kaylee's home is aboard Serenity, not my computer. But I'll be happy for them and get over the fact that I don't own anything about the show... sigh

Feedback: makes Bambie eyes at you Oh, for me? Well, you don't have to... unless you really want to... ;)

Note: Simon and River moments are played strictly for sibling love, not sibling romance.

Window

"NO!! Can't - can't! Third level… unreachable, you don't understand, I can't!"

"River - River!" Simon caught her arms but she pushed at him, trembling harder.

"The value's tainted, too heavy. Finalizing process unavailable, impossible, I can't," her tears mixed with her words, slurring them. "Third level, unreachable. No access, no light, no breaking, walled up, closed, locked, can't - I can't! NO! Don't! I can't, please!"

"River! River, it's me, it's Simon!"

She screamed and ducked out of his grip, lurching around him and nearly falling. Whirling so she was backed against the wall, she gazed terror struck into his eyes. There was no recognition or comprehension in her face. It was as though she were looking at a stranger.

For a moment they both stood still. Suddenly her head snapped to the side like she'd been struck and she threw her arm up defensively, shielding her face as she slid down the wall, shaking.

"River?" Simon stepped cautiously forward. He crouched down next to her and touched her clammy, pale arm gently. She jerked away and let out a scared sob.

"I can't…" she whispered.

Something caught in Simon's throat. She'd had so many attacks but sometimes it seemed worse than ever. He hated when she seemed to be looking through him, like he wasn't even there. But what really made his stomach tighten, his insides squirm was when she did look at him, looked straight into his eyes, and didn't recognize him.

He felt the unwanted tremor in his voice as he spoke. "River, it's me… it's…" He was so tired. How long had it been since actually slept? He couldn't keep his voice steady…

He touched her arm again and this time, she moved it slowly away from her face looked sideways at him. "Simon?"

He smiled a little. "Yeah."

"I can't - they want…Simon…" She shook suddenly and fell sideways against him. She clutched her fingers into his shirt and darkened a spot on his black vest with a new fit of tears. Wrapping his arms around her shoulders, he shifted so he was sitting next to her and squeezed as tight as he could. "It's okay, I've got you. I'm here."

He'd lately been so afraid to hug her so hard or physically force her at all. She was so thin and frail looking, he was afraid of breaking her.

A little voice stung his mind, repeating the reason he unworriedly held her so tight now. She's already broken.

The tears had stopped but she still shook and her heart beat a thousand miles a minute against his arm. "It's okay"

The familiar whispered assurance, familiar moment, this horrifically familiar nightmare of a day he couldn't seem to change. It simply repeated over and over like a skipping CD, and although he wouldn't say so, sometimes he wasn't sure he could stand it.

"Simon?"

Simon jumped and River tensed in his arms at the movement. "Kaylee!"

She took a step back uncertainly and looked down at her feet. "I - I'm sorry. I thought I heard…"

"I was just, uh…" he shifted uncomfortably and sensed River looking around his arm at the newcomer. "It's fine. Everything's - everything's fine." What was he supposed to do? He wished she'd just leave already but she lingered awkwardly in the doorway, opening and shutting her mouth like she wanted to say something more.

The silence was driving him insane. But…

…had she stopped shaking?

"Window." Simon looked down at River who sat up a little more, gazing fixedly at Kaylee. "The window. High, to the Northern Hemisphere."

"What?" Simon watched her closely as she rose unsteadily from the floor.

"They want to shut it, don't want me to see. Can't, it's bars. No door. No curtain. And morning and light. There's no door." She moved slowly forward until Simon couldn't see her face. He stood up and stepped carefully to the side until he was kitty-cornered from Kaylee who was watching River and looking confused.

Simon finally got to where he could see his sister's face. She was smiling. "Can't close it. There's sun. So they're going to make me leave but…" she stood right in front of Kaylee and reached out a hand slowly. "Gold…warmth…"She touched Kaylee's golden brown hair. Her eyes closed and she breathed in and exhaled softly. She opened her eyes again and looked suddenly more focused. "You have beautiful hair."

"Th-thank you…"

River turned to her brother, the smile still there, foreign and near forgotten. "The window," she said simply as though he should know what that meant. She glanced at Kaylee, then back to Simon and weaved past him into their cabin.

Kaylee looked at him. "What -?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. River -she…. She never…." he tousled his hair and blinked, trying to focus. "Ah… there's a thing - called, uh…She doesn't…"

"Are you alright, Simon?"

He looked at her a moment, then dropped his gaze suddenly and started picking up the bits and pieces of things River's fit had tumbled to the floor. "Yes, I'm… I'm very well, thank you."

"When was the last time you slept?"

His head snapped up and he squinted blearily. "What?"

"Slept." She smiled perceptively.

"I'm fine."

"Yeah-huh." Her smile widened. "Go get some rest, Simon."

"What? Uh, no. Thank you but I need to… River, she -"

"I can keep an ear out for her, you need to sleep." She stepped forward and pushed him gently in the shoulder to move him towards his room. "Go on now, git'."

"Really, I'm fine. I don't need to take a nap; the adrenaline of motivation for work and accomplishment is more than enough…" He turned his head as far as he could while she continued pushing him, shaking her head at his protests.

They reached the far side of the cabin and Kaylee spun him around and pressed him down onto the bed across from where River sat on hers, following their movements with her eyes.

"There's no need for this, Kaylee, I've been getting plenty of sleep." Kaylee knelt down and wrapped her fingers around his expensive (and now filthy) shoe and pulled it off, chucking it under the bed and going for the other one. "I'd rather be getting work done and making myself useful instead of lying around all day like a lazy -"

She straightened up and placed her forefinger over his mouth. "Sleep."

Pressing a hand against his chest, she pushed him lightly over and he sighed, gathering his feet up onto the bed. Kaylee smiled and strode cheerfully out of the room, hitting the light-switch next to the door.

Simon turned his eyes on River who stared at the doorway through which Kaylee had just exited. She looked back at him, another smile growing on her face. "I like her."

"Hnn." he laughed through his nose and River turned and watched the doorway again.

Now horizontal, Simon started to unwittingly notice easy it would be to allow his eyed to fall shut. To just drift off, let his mind wander until it wandered out of sight…let his senses calm down and just … no! His mind snapped at him.

His eyes widened and he focused on River. She hadn't moved. He could see Kaylee's shadow in the light coming from the hallway. She was sitting just outside the door.

Without his consent, his eyes glazed over again and the lids fluttered closed. By the time he realized it, the damage was already done. He knew this sleep would be the first he'd had in nearly forty-eight hours.

And his last thought before sleep claimed him, was that there was no way he was telling Kaylee that.

fin