Always alone.
After so many years of looking after only himself one would think that he would be used to it being nearly one thousand years old. In a way, he had been used to it until her. He had been alone for so long by then that it had become ordinary to him, routine.
Rose had taken his hand the very first time he'd offered it, willingly and without question. Her curiosity had made him smile – how she wouldn't let up and just accept that there were things that couldn't be explained – how she followed him for answers even after he'd tried to shake her off – how she had saved his life in the end for the very first time and not the last.
The time Rose traveled with him, when they were the Doctor and Rose, or Rose and the Doctor – it mattered very little to him – meant more to him than he'd realized. Only after it had ended so abruptly did he begin to feel the gaping chasm that his loneliness had created over the course of his long life. For a human, it would instantly drive them mad but the Doctor sealed it up inside of him with the rest of his pain, the past memories that he truly believed would drive him into madness one day. But he was still the Doctor. There were still things to see and see them he did whether he'd been on his own or with another who had also taken his hand and promised to stay with him.
But they were gone as well and it only irritated the hole that had first erupted with the loss of Rose. It had always been there in his mind but when Rose was taken – no, that's too kind – when Rose was ripped away from him so long ago the hollowness deepened until the hole tore itself open, like a wound that had broken free of its stitches.
He could still sense her around him at times, like an imprint of a ghost. He would catch her scent or something that sounded like her laugh and it would bring those hated images back to mind – the horror in her eyes when she looked at him, knowing that she was about to die – her scream as she was pulled towards the opening he'd created to the Void.
Perhaps it would have been easier if she had died. Then the maddening thought that she could be, in one precise moment, standing on the same exact street, on the same exact spot where he was only they couldn't see each other had surfaced in his mind more than once…more than twice or a hundred times.
The TARDIS felt colder with her gone but it was his home, as empty as it felt sometimes. The Doctor sat thinking his deep thoughts with his feet propped up on the main console when an idea occurred to him. An insane, a freakishly mad and brilliant idea.
The Doctor sat bolt upright, ignoring the clanging noise his feet made when they hit the metal floor.
Everything he had ever taught Rose would fly right out of the airlock if he even attempted the maddening idea. But…It. Was. Possible. All of the counter arguments that he came up with were shot down one by one by the same three words. It had to be perfect, the timing, the planning, everything.
Without another rational thought, the Doctor got to his feet and started switching on controls and pulling levers on the TARDIS console. The engine awoke and consented to his instructions.
After a few short moments the engine died down and the movement of the ship stopped.
The Doctor closed his eyes and before he could want to stop himself, marched towards the door and opened it.
It was bedlam.
He opened his eyes and immediately crouched down, locking up the TARDIS before moving away from it.
Shots were being fired from every direction, projectile and energy weapons. The cries of people falling in the battle were muffled by the metallic shrieks of the Dalek and Cybermen soldiers.
There was no sign of any winner on either side nor any hint that there would be a ceasefire at all.
Memories of the day rushed back to him like a flash flood. He pushed them back and concentrated on his one goal. He had to get to the top floor of Torchwood tower.
He ran through the battle, keeping to the perimeter of the room until he reached the entrance to one of the corridors and slipped through it.
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It amazed him at how quickly he managed to get through to the lift with no interference from human, Cyberman, or Dalek.
The lift dinged gently and the doors opened and he broke into a run to the main room, the room that started and ended everything - the room that held the open hole in the universe.
He approached the door and started at hearing his own voice.
"Press the red button." The Doctor said.
He peeked inside and saw the both of them, his past self and his Rose. He watched her smile at him as they began to raise both levers, opening the rift that led to the Void. The Doctor watched as a slightly younger him and Rose worked as the irony of the Void came to mind. He'd never been pulled in yet he remembered feeling as though he'd been inside it already. Complete nothingness.
Then he felt it. He had to grip the door as the rift was opened realizing how difficult this would be. But he watched Rose pushing with all of her strength until the machine was online and she rushed to the clamp that held onto the wall and looped her arm through it.
The Doctor crouched to the floor finding it was easier to stay where he was when he didn't present such a resistant mass.
The pull was overpowering and it took all of his strength to move into the room, clinging to a desk that was bolted to the floor.
Another few feet and he'd be close enough to her.
His hair and clothes were being tossed about him as though he were sitting in the middle of a hurricane. Pushing with his legs he reached out and clung to the next desk on the other side of the room as his legs whipped to the side, his body being pulled towards the rift but he fought the force and curled his body up, his hands aching from their grip on the metal desk leg.
"Offline." A smooth female voice spoke.
He knew what that meant. Rose would soon be releasing her only hope of safety in order to keep the rift open. It always had surprised him at how she never failed in knowing what was at stake no matter where they were and yet, with that knowledge, she never faltered in standing at his side to help him.
He peeked around the desk he held fast to.
Rose reached out to the lever but wasn't able to touch it while still holding on to the clamp that kept her safe.
The Doctor crawled around to the other side of the desk, he was almost able to touch her foot as she reached for the lever and released her safety to get to it.
Her hair was blown back and her eyes watered as she threw herself onto the machine and pushed with all the strength she possessed when something caught her eye.
Rose nearly let go of the lever in shock as she saw the Doctor's head pop up above the machine and look at her. Her eyes snapped to her doctor who was holding on to his own clamp across the room looking as baffled and shocked as she felt and then back to this Doctor, the exact same person so close to her and holding on to the front of the machine for dear life.
"Online." The calm voice said as Rose reopened the rift to its full capacity again.
His chance was slipping away. He climbed as far as he could over the machine and stretched out his arm towards her.
"Come on! Take my hand!" he yelled but he couldn't help but smile when he looked at her.
Rose felt the pull of the rift strengthen around her but she wouldn't take her eyes off of him, he smiled at her, the same exact smile she knew so well. His hand was inches from the lever she clung onto but she felt the force so strongly that she was afraid to let go.
"Rose!" he bellowed over the rushing wind. "You can do it, Rose. You can trust me."
She took another glance at her Doctor who was mouthing words she couldn't hear, his eyes wide with fear at being so helpless yet also watching himself try and save her.
Then, as she felt her body become lighter, she met his dark eyes. They were the same eyes, warm but never without that haunt that he carried with him.
Rose pried her hand off of the lever and reached for him. She closed her eyes and groped the air until she felt his long fingers wrap around her hand and pull.
She let out a scream from both forces, feeling as though she were going to be ripped in two. Her feet were off of the floor, the only thing holding her in place was the Doctor and her hold on the lever.
She opened her eyes and saw that his had never left her face. His brow was clenched in an expression of sheer determination as he gave another fierce yank on her hand and she released the lever completely.
Both of them worked against the impossible pulling force. Rose gripped his arm with both hands and pulled, using all of her might.
The noise in the room seemed to fade into the background when she felt his arms around her and his voice in her ear.
"I've got you, Rose."
With all of his power he forced her to crouch down in front of the machine and hold onto it as he had done to get to her.
Their faces were only an inch apart. The Doctor put his hand to her face and smiled, feeling the emptiness within him fade a little as he looked into her large and surprised eyes.
"Stay down and you'll be fine." He said.
He looked over at his other self and realized how everything must have looked from his point of view. But he looked back at Rose.
"He loves you, you know. Don't you ever forget that."
He watched a smile slowly creep across her face and reached for the lever as he stood up.
"No!" Rose said moving to stand with him.
"Stay down, Rose! It's going to be alright. I promise." He winked at her as he felt his feet leave the floor.
He allowed his eyes to linger on her for another moment and let go.
The light, joyous freedom he felt was exhilarating. If it had to end at all he would have preferred it this way. He watched the top of Rose's head and his younger self fall away from him until he hit something hard.
The familiar yellow pendant in his rescuer's hand was right in front of his eyes and before anyone could react he hit the button they both disappeared from the room.
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The wind died down and Rose still held on to the smooth metal of the machine even after the room became still and silent once again. Her eyes were squeezed shut until she heard his voice.
"Any theories?"
Rose opened her eyes and glanced up at him, brushing her hair from her face, "It was most definitely you."
The Doctor held his hand to her. She grabbed hold of it and he lifted her to her feet. "You're shaking." he sounded surprised.
"I'm alright." She said.
But he put his arms around her and held her to him. She smiled to herself and returned his embrace.
They held each other for an interminable moment out of relief that it was over and the celebration of success that they had actually defeated such enemies.
But there was no whooping, no shouts of triumph from the Doctor as there usually would have been.
The Doctor and Rose stood in place, holding each other in silent celebration that all was right again.
"I thought I had lost you for a minute there." He said into her hair.
"You can't get rid of me that easily." She said with a laugh.
"Did he say anything to you?" the Doctor's tone turned businesslike.
"Yeah."
He pulled away from her and looked at her face, "And..?"
Her eyes drifted away from him as she remembered and a small smile came to her lips.
He felt his curiosity begin to burn at her expression and bent down slightly to make his eyes even with hers.
"So where are we going next?" she said, her mind back on the present.
"Oh no. No, no, no! You cannot do that to me, Rose Tyler." He snapped at her looking furious.
But Rose only laughed, "Come on," she said, offering him her hand. "There's probably some cleaning up here we should help with first."
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The Doctor saw Jackie's face first and backed away from her.
"What good are you?" she accused Pete as he took off his yellow pendant. "You went and brought back the wrong person!" she yelled at him.
Pete rubbed a hand over his face, thoroughly confused, "Jacks, I couldn't do anything. It was…weird."
"Try me!"
"There were two of him." He said, staring at the Doctor.
Jackie's eyes snapped to the Doctor, "Where's Rose?" she demanded.
"She's safe, Jackie," he smiled and breathed deeply despite himself. "The rift will be closing in a minute."
She looked furiously at him, "Then you go back right now and – " she stopped and goggled at the Doctor, his expression completely peaceful.
"It was good to see you again." He said just before he vanished from Time.