Shame
Shame: a painfull feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous etc, done by oneself or another.
Thick gray clouds were covering the sky, blocking out any source of light. The softly pounding rain wasn't of any help either. I'd been running for about an hour now and Taichou was still unconcious. I dragged him all the way here. Almost all feeling in my legs was gone, but I had no choice. 'Keep running,' I repeated in my head, just to keep on running. I didn't know if I could run any further, but every step away from there, was a step closer to safety. Taking a break wasn't optional for we were still being followed. How we ever reached this messed up situation, I'm not completely sure...
Our whole operation had failed and a huge price had been paid. A well-trained and experienced Anbu squad had been ambushed and murdered without mercy. Only two people had been captured alive for 'further investigation and interrogation'. That was in short what had happened to us the past twenty-four hours. But what did that creep want with us, or what had he planned for us? I honestly don't know. We were able to escape, but to me it all seemed to go too easy. There had only been one guard which I took down easily. It was almost like he'd planned it this way, that he'd wanted us to escape...
The second mistery was how they had ever been able to ambush our squad. Like I said before, we were a well-trained and experienced squad. The squad that caught us only consisted of four members which, obviously, were used to working together. It was like they'd been expecting us. Every detail of our plan was perfectly countered, every stategy, every formation. In the end I tried something off-plan, which gave our opponents a minor problem. Not that it was any good to us, for we were already defeated. But it was clear, for me at least, that they must have had inside information. The whole time they'd been one step ahead of us. If I had only noticed in time, there wouldn't have been so many deaths and-
"Nugh...," a soft and iritated sound came from behind me. A voice I knew all too well. It belongs to my supervisor and Taichou. I'd been carrying him on my back since the escape. Back then he was unconscious and I hadn't expected him to wake up within the next hour. He started struggling, probably under the intention that he was still being held hostage by the enemy. "Let me go...!" he whispered breathlessly. But that only resulted in me holding on tighter. As much as I wanted to let go, I knew it would be best not to. It could mean serious trouble if Taichou was only half-conscious or somehow unable to separate friend from foe. He'd been wouned pretty badly, but it wasn't like I hadn't seen him wounded before. Then why did it almost hurt to see Taichou in such a broken state,... almost.
'What am I thinking?' I sighed to myself. Never, never is a true shinobi allowed to show any sign of emotion. Emotions, as the shinobi law states, are useless bagage and only a fool would depend on them. Stealth and strategy are the usefull abilities in battle. The day you choose to become a shinobi, you choose to be a tool of war. Such a tool doesn't think for itself, neither does it show any sign of emotion. A killing machine, nothing more, nothing less. Kill because you're ordered to. Kill without emotion. Kill without hesitation. A tool, just a tool, that's all I am.
And I hate it this way.
I'd always been different from the others. It already started the first day I walked the earth. To start with, my father was a very proud and important member of the Kizuato clan and ofcourse you, being a father, would like your child to be a son with at least equal capabilities. Too bad, I am a girl with, the way my parents saw it, no special talent at all. Since I ought to be special, I was given some special 'treatment'. Treatment provided by no other than the man whom we just escaped from. Afterwards, I was raised to meet their high standards. Instead of playing with wooden toys and dolls or along with the other kids, I was given kunai to throw at the dummies that would represent my enemy. Special trips for me didn't include a visit to the hotsprings but coming along on assassination missions where I could 'have some fun'. No, my life hasn't been easy.
"Naiou-san... are you OK?" Taichou asked. It took me a while to figure out the tone of this question. It wasn't harsh, nor did it sound disappointed or could I find a hint of irony, which left me with one possible conclusion: he had really meant it to be a sweet and caring question. It was the kind of tone no one ever used towards me. Usually 'are you ok' meant if you accomplished the mission you were given, because that is the only important matter. Shinobi rule four: A shinobi must always put the mission first. In extention that means that you as shinobi should be proud, not about who you are, but about the missions you were given. But am I OK? I never really thought about it. Physical status: obviously not OK. Mental status: not OK either.
"I'm fine," I answered, hesitating a little. I had chosen my words carefully. The definition of 'fine' differs slightly form that of 'being OK'. Obviously I was not OK, but anyways. I wasn't sure if it'd been too obvious, but for now Taichou didn't seem to notice. Making it back to the village alive was first priority now. A long and somehow painfull silence followed. "We're the only survivors," I managed finally. Saying that wasn't easy, it felt like I'd committed some kind of sinfull crime. Which was true of course, I was responsible for the deaths of the rest of our squad. I hadn't noticed the ambush in time. And because of that, the mission had to be abandoned. Which was about the worst that could happen in a shinobi's carreer. I was the one to blame and as much as I wanted to admit it, I couldn't say it out loud. "I'm sorry, Taichou," was all I could manage.
The night fell silently. Rain still pounding inexhaustible. The yellowish reflection of the moon was only barely visible through the darkening clouds but provided a very welcome source of light. I could only vaguely feel the chakra of another group of shinobi, whom, according to my senses should only be about a hundred meters ahead of us. 'Why didn't I notice them earlier?' I briefly noted to myself. I'd been on my guard from the very beginning. My senses, use of chakra, everything seemed to be messed up somehow since our encounter with the Snake. 'What do I do now?' I analysed the situation, to the best of my ability. There were four of them. I only vaguely recognised one's chakra. I wasn't in the condition to fight, neither was Taicho. Our only opportunity was to run straight back to Konohagakure. If those shinobi were hostile, we'd just have to wait and see.
"No need to worry. It's my former Senpai and his genin squad," Taichou informed me. The curiosity in his voice didn't stay unnoticed. He too knew something was wrong with me. I only nodded in response. I tried to concentrate on the Jounins chakra but couldn't place it. Though Taichou told me not to worry, I still had my doubts. If the other shinobi truly were friendly, like he said, then grouping up with them would be the safest way to get back to the village in one piece. On the other hand it could also be a disadvantage, Genin were usually subborn, slow and had almost no battle experience. Leaving them as bait for the trackers wasn't a very fair option either. They were now in eyesight. Taichou was right, there was one Jounin and three youngsters.
I jumped from the tree and landed on my hands and knees, unable to keep my balance. Taichou got off my back and kneeled down beside me. Suddenly everything was cold, freezing cold. My arms started shaking and cold sweat dripped from my forehead. My vision was blurry and voices seemed to come from very far. 'Dammit, what is happening to me?' Everything was white before my eyes, or where my eyes just closed? I tried focusing on my eyes, 'open!' nothing happened. Something was moving in the brightness. A figure? Probably. A hand was placed on my forehead. I shivered at the touch of that gloved hand against my warm, or was it freezing cold, skin. Was I asleep? Awake? Unconscious?
"This is bad," someone said, but who? Who was out there? Taichou. It could have been him, however, the voice didn't match his. "We have to get her to the hospital and fast," that voice again, who was he? A strong headache was coming up and it was hard for me to stay focused. The fog finally started to clear. The hard earthly ground established underneath me again, I could feel it. My vision was still failing me, but at least I was awake and conscious. I tried to find out what had happened on touch. In front of me my hands found something that would probably represent a sandal. Most of the shaking was over now and I started to calm down a bit. I swept the sweat off my forehead with the palm of my hand. I could feel the dirt scrub against my skin, bad idea.
I shook my head, trying to clear my mind of any unnessicary thoughts. Unfortunatly, the headache only became worse, but at least I could think 'clearly' now. Next step: trying to stand upright again. This masterplan didn't involve the following dizziness and the nearly- falling-again part. I found a nearby shoulder to lean on and steadied myself. The fog before my eyes had slowly disappeared. I had a clear vision of my surroundings now. Tenzou was standing in front of me, his face covered with a look of mere fear. I'd never seen him like that, not once during all of my years in the Anbu. But that was of later concern. If he was over there, who am I clamping onto?
I looked to find a sole eye looking back at me. Most of the mans face was covered by a dark-coloured mask and over his left eye he wore his headband. His white hair hanging slightly down due to the heavy rainfall. The man I was holding onto, this almost sinister looking Jounin, whom Taichou reffered to as Senpai; I remembered him to be the infamous Copy-Ninja of the Hidden Leaf Village, Hatake Kakashi. I did not know this guy. All my knowledge of this noteworthly Shinobi comes from Anbu files. I'd seen him drop by every once in a while during important meetings though, but never actually met him. But there was something about him, something that made me want to get to know him...
'Fool!' my mind yelled.
I realised I was still holding tightly to the older man. Reluctantly I let go of the Jounin. I'm pretty confident I saw a glint of regret in his single eye. But did I really see it? Or was it just something I wished to have seen? It was so hard to read this man. The very few hints of his emotions were profesionally hidden behind his mask. For some reason I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. Without waring I studied his features closely. His half-long, white hair, most of its stands bending down under their wetness. He right eye, shaded in one of the darkest shades of black. So deep even an ocean would drown in- 'Damn.' I cursed to myself. This wasn't right. 'Why does this guy have such an effect on me?'
'Enough of this,' I said to myself and tried to focus on the current situation. I quickly analysed the situation. The trackers were closing in on us at rapid speed. There were three of them, so close that even I in my current state, could sense their chackras clearly. It would take them less then five minutes to catch up with it us. We had no time to loose. Our team consisted of three simple Genin, who were a mere burden when it came to both fighting and fleeing. Two well trained Anbu Shinobi, who were obviously in no condition to fight. And one capable Jounin, whose skills and abilities were unknown to me. I decided it was time for some action. "Take Taichou and your squad and head for Konoha as fast as you can," I told the white-haired Jounin. "We're being followed."
"Then what about you?" a female voice asked. I looked at the three youngsters, which formed quite a colourfull, though utterly silly, sight. First in line was a small brat with spikey blonde hair, wisker-like marking at his cheeks and a not so bright glance. Those odd stripes made him look almost ridiculous, as if he had slipped his hand while painting. But then again he was kind of weird, even for (of was it because?) a Jinchuuriki. Next to him was a rather emo-looking kid with darkblue hair and a strangely familiar aura. He was not 'next to' the blone actually, but made sure there was a firm meter or two between them. From the looks on their face I could tell they didn't like each other that much. The last in the line was a girl with exotic pink hair. She'd been the one asking. The startled look on her face told me she already knew the answer.
"I'll stay behind to buy you some time," I said and looked away, not wanting to see her pleading eyes any longer. She was not the only one giving me shocked looks, her teammates as well. Though I doubted they had the same intentions as their female companion. "I can fight too ya' know!" the Jinchuuriki yelled, apparently feeling misjudged. It sounded really thoughtless and it presumably was, but I had to admit, this kid was really high-spirited. Maybe I had misjudged him, a bit. The raven-haired boy too wasn't easily convinced. "Naruto is right, for once," the kid started, adding a hint of jeering to the last two words. He shot the blonde a filthy look before continuing. They didn't like each other, at all. "Let us fight, so far-"
"No, it's too dangerous," their Sensei interrupted. A hand was carefully placed on my shoulder. How could a simple gesture like that give me such double feelings? I wanted that hand to belong to that certain Jounin, who just so happened to be standing next to me. On the other hand, it shouldn't be like this. Fiercely my mind beats against him, against this all. I did not dare to look. I did not want to find him there and accept my growing weakness. Neither did I want to find another man who could make me feel this way. This sweet intoxication was already something only he could and would earn. 'Damn it! You're at it again,' I spoke to myself, 'stop this wickedness.'
"And you, I won't let you," he said to me. I could hear the determination in his voice. I opened my mouth in protest but was lost for words. Normally I'd have a comment or two ready against a straight forward answer like this one, but now, nothing. With a swift move I shove his hand off my shoulder. Our fingers touched for only a split second, but I didn't give it any attention. I turned around so I could face the whole group of shinobi. I caught my eyes searching for the man who was now standing beside me. Hatake. Check. Check. Double check. 'And now what?' I said to myself, 'Do I have to be happy or sad? Delighted or worried?' For the time being it would be best not to show any sign of emotion or affection, to no one and especially not towards him. The sooner this mission is over, the better.
"We have to move on," I started, looking from the Jounin to Taichou for some support of approval. But none came. "The youngsters can't defend themselves." The Jinchuuriki muttered in protest. I gave him a stern look and continued, "Any fight we'll lose. Agreed?" The two men nodded in response. "Ok, now here's the plan...," I told them the few strategies I just made up, along with a decent way to keep the Genins out of battle. We'll hold on tight to our formation: Hatake at the left, Tenzou at the right and I'll cover the back. "One last thing. If someone dies or is fatally wounded, don't bother to safe him. It'll only worsen the sitiation. Got it?" I shot the two men a sincere look. Hatake seemed to have noticed just why I placed myself in the back position, judging form his not so eager agreement with the last condition. It wouldn't matter anyway.
"Kuchiyose no Jutsu."
Somehow I couldn't get my chakraflow right, and was surprised to see my loyal follower appear. He must have heard my call and came here on his own accord for my summon attempt had definetly failed. 'What's this strange feeling?' Up to now I hadn't noticed. My chakra was running vigorously trough my veins. Completely out of control. My whole chakra-system was failing me. Something was definetly wrong with me. An extraordinary tingling arose within my hand. The same hand I'd try to summon with. The chakra was slowly draining from my fingertips. I tried leading some chakra there, that too failed. As if my chakra vessels were slowly being destroyed. But that was impossible, right? We had to act fast or els I would cause trouble for my team for the second time today.
The three kids looked amazed at the sight of the big gray wolf that had appeared out of nowhere. Especially the noise one, who was barking nonsense again. I greeted my follower by caressing the black manes on the back of his head. I mumbled some instructions and gave the Copy-ninja a quick nod. He lifted the three youngsters with ease on the back of the big hairy animal. Ofcourse all three of them started complaining but the experienced Jounin left no room for discussion. "All you have to do is be on your guard and dodge incomming projectiles," I told them. So far, everything was going according to plan.
"Hatake, shouldn't you use that Sharingan of yours for which you are so awefully famous. Or was it infamous?" I told him. It came out a bit more sarcastic than I'd wanted it to sound, but at least it created some distance between us. A very welcome distance I might add. "Why are you at the backposition? You're-" he started, uncovering his left eye. "Perfectly capable of defending myself. Thank you." I almost snarled back at him, lighting my own Sharingan. I took another look towards the Genins, to check if everyone was ready to go. To my surprise, I saw the ravenhaired boy at the back looking back at me in disbelieve. Everything fell into it's place, he was the 'last' Uchiha of Konohagakure. The reason why his presence felt so familiar was because of his brother, Uchiha Itachi.
No, I was not an Uchiha. I was given the power of those cursed eyes by some 'great' scientist, who happened to be a close friend of the Kizuato clan and of my parents in particular. How proud they must have been to have their only child become part of such a exclusive experiment. "There you have that kid!" "The Sharingan kid?" "Ya!" Far too often I'd heard those words. The other clan-members were proud too, but also nourished a great fear for me. No one could see me for who I really was. Or maybe I just was nobody. But still, I hated those eyes. Hated the whole Uchiha clan. And most of all, hated that intriguing, filthy old snake. Everything happens the way it happens because of him and his twisted ideals.
"They're here! Let's go!" Taichou informed us and the fellowship moved out. One monstorious gray-haired wolf in front and the three of us defending the flanks. And so we ran. From the corner of my eyes I caught a glimp of of a long flapping black cloak. There was still a considarable distance between us and the trackers, which gave us the edge. From that far most Jutsus were useless. The only thing that could reach us now was scrap metal, which made our defending job a lot easier. The first kunai pierced the air. The dance for life and death had finally begun.
It didn't take long before the air was filled with the sound of scraping metal. All of us managed to deflect the incomming kunai and shuriken without much effort. I looked over my shoulder to check for incomming projectiles. The man behind me used some hand signs to give the other two instructions. Before I could attempt to decode their silent conversation, the situation explained itself. The men behind me trew three kunai strait at me, while the other two send their pieces of metal flying past me. If I jumped, the kunai aimed at me, would hit my summon. Dodging was impossible and there was no time left for me to turn around and deflect the metal. 'Quite an impressive setup,' I thought to myself before taking the hit.
One. Two. Three.
Next, everything happened accelerated, like someone wanted to skip this scene as much as I did. I fell to the ground, hitting it face first. A intense shot of pain shot through my back. A split second later a pair of sandals landed beside me. One of the kunai was stripped from my back, followed by the sound of metal striking metal. I looked up as far as my back allowed to see nothing the back of the white-haired shinobi. Another enemy was approaching. He was stopped by some roots popping from the ground, only an arm's length away from piercing Hatake with his kunai.
All I could do was lay down in shock. The attacker's arms streched and he freed himself from the wooden grip Taichou had on him. 'I have to do something.' I thought to myself, desperetly trying to think of something I could do to ease the situation. I had nor the time, nor the strenght to perform seals. The metals in my back pouch wouldn't be of any help either. There was only one thing left I could try: a Jutsu, which required no seals, only good focus and chakra concentration. I sent all of my chackra to my hands, for as far as it would go. The cloaked figure was only one step away. 'It is now or never,' I told myself.
"Kaze no Yaiba."
A yell of pain echoed trough the air as my Blade of Wind pierced a hole in the enemy's chest. He was done for. "Withdraw!" ordered an unfamiliar voice from behind. The enemy was retreating, the battle was over.
"Fool, you could've been killed," I muttered breathlessly at my rescuer. I'd wanted to thank him for his actions, but a dominanter part just remembered the promise 'leave any who dies or is fatally wounded behind'. No response. A pair of strong arms picked me up from the ground. Somehow it felt safe being carried by those arms. Less then an hour ago I would've complained and tried to resist this pleasant feeling with all of my might. But now I had neither the strenght nor the will to struggle against it. 'This way he makes me feel, I'll just have to learn how to live with it,' I said to myself. 'I think I'll manage.'
"I won't let any of my comrads die," the white-haired Jounin finally answered. I just smiled at his unusual view of life before giving in to a much needed sleep.