A Love Like War
-"We go together or we don't go down at all."
Their breaths mingled. The room, albeit was limited, somehow still had them facing each other, nose to nose. It was stale, yet he still had a whiff of that unidentifiable mixture of vanilla, and cinnamon, and spice and something that was just indescribably hers.
He didn't know why he had done it. It was a spur of the moment decision, like if he didn't do it and if he did and stopped, he would spontaneously combust. In fact… his right hand reached to his neck. He felt like he could combust right now. Highly improbable, of course, the temperature of the closet wasn't enough for the atoms his body consisted of to vibrate, and certainly not enough for said temperature to overcome the exothermic activation barrier-
"Sheldon, shut up," she hissed.
Blue eyes met green orbs inside the dimly-lit room, the eyebrows above the shade of blue raised. "I wasn't aware I had said anything, Penny," he said in that astonished tone of his. Softly, of course. Just a few decibels short of a homo sapiens' ability to hear within a five foot range. But Penny wasn't five feet away from him.
She gave him an incredulous look, almost the same as the confused expression she had after… that, and then it shifted to that look when she would use the endearing term 'sweetie', simultaneously giving him a thinly-veiled insult. He knew that look well enough that she didn't need to say anything, and all he said was, "Interesting."
They were silent for a few minutes, her straining her ears to hear the movement outside, him hearing perfectly fine and knowing that they would likely leave soon. He had done the calculations, though he didn't have the probability of his roommate going out with Howard and Raj to a bar when in a relationship, simply because he hadn't had the need to. Therefore, at best, he really did just hope it would be soon.
"Penny," again, he said softly, "Why did you feel the impulse to grab me with your Nebraskan man hands and drag me in here, out of sight of my roommate, your boyfriend?"
She narrowed her eyes at the insult, and then her face took on an expression he had never seen on her before. Doubt. But it wasn't that menial doubt that Leonard had when she had another man at her apartment, or the doubt when Howard had when he realised a little too late that bringing Raj to 'pick up' women was a horrible and inherently flawed plan. He wasn't inept in these things, so all he simply did was stare.
"That depends," she replied, equally as soft, "Why did you feel the impulse to grab my face with your slender piano fingers and kiss me?"
"If you were trying to mock me by imitating my form of speech, slender piano fingers do not seem like an insult."
"That's because it wasn't."
Her eyes, he noticed, were roaming all over his face, searching for something. He had no slightest clue for what. His face held no answers to the mysteries of the universe, his brain did. Curiously, he wondered if she secretly had telepathic powers and was trying to gauge the answers from his mind. At this, his eyes widened, and he suddenly covered her eyes with his right hand.
She tried to pull away, but the closet only had so much room, and she was backed against the wall. "What are you doing?" her hissy tone was back.
"I am preventing you from using your telepathic powers! Lord knows that my current research may lead to the valid evidence for string theory, and here you are, trying to steal them!"
He imagined her face held the same shock so as to when he suggested her to play panty piñata, and smugly smiled. Ha! How's that for using telepathy?
"Sheldon," she said exasperatedly, "I don't give a crap of your research- wait, I do, but not enough to steal it! And what does telepathy have to do with covering my eyes?"
"Obviously, Penny, one who possesses telepathic power may only use them when one sees a person," he said matter-of-factly.
"Edward Cullen has telepathic powers, and he doesn't need to see people directly," she argued.
"Vampires are myths."
"Oh, and I suppose zombies aren't?"
"Penny," he said that all-too-familiar condescending tone, "Zombies are a form of biochemical weaponry. Vampires supposedly exist from the beginning of homo erectus, and yet there is no solid proof. Tell me which is more likely?"
"What's more likely is me punching your throat," she threatened, then shoved his hand from her face.
"I considered that possibility before being dragged into this closet, and have calculated that the limited space would not allow adequate force required for you to harm me should you resort to domestic violence to negatively reinforce me to do anything at your bidding."
"Negatively reinforce-" her eyes widened. "So that's how this started!"
"Why, Penny. I assumed that was the purpose of your insistence to hit me, or go 'junior rodeo'. Have you not learned of operant conditioning and B. F. Skinner in high school? Never mind, let me tell you about Thorndike's cats instead, considering how taken you seem by that Japanese animated feline-"
"Hello Kitty?"
"Yes. Now, in the 1950s-"
"Wait, that is not the point!"
He quirked his left brow. "You notice this now?"
This time, her glare did not waver. "You've been positively reinforcing me!"
He tilted his head, giving her a warm smile, with that twinkle in his eyes when he's managed to educate someone. "Well done, Penny!" he appraised, "I'm afraid I have left the chocolates in the living room in your haste of dragging me here, do you like being pet?"
"NO! Why were you reinforcing me?!"
"As I have told Leonard, I was merely sanding out your rough edges-"
"Leonard knew about this?"
"Knows," he corrected her, "He confronted me last night."
"Why were you fixing me?"
"Everybody has flaws, Penny, and so do elements. Imagine this being like removing you from other elements and impurities -as Carbon is quite promiscuous, see how fitting that is?- to form a diamond."
She blinked. How the hell does he do that? Manage to insult her- he basically called her a slut like carbon!- and compliment her like a diamond at the same time. Wait a minute. He was still in the process of 'sanding' her. So basically she wasn't a diamond yet, she was still slutty carbon. Great.
"Friends aren't supposed to reinforce one another just because you don't like it, Sheldon!" she retaliated.
It was his turn to blink. "We're friends?"
And in that second, she has had it. "No. No, we're not. I thought we were. But friends don't try and fix their friend's whole behaviour. Friends don't treat their friends like some kind of lab rat." Her eyes felt scratchy, and her skin was burning, and she knew the signs all too well from endless heartbreaks that she was on the verge of crying. But not in front of him. She's going to use every shred of dignity she has to look strong.
Her hand was on the door now, her back turned to him. "And friends certainly do not kiss their friend, especially when said friend is in a relationship with their roommate."
She had planned a dramatic exit. That the door would burst open, and she'd walk out of their door, slamming it with him watching her leave. Maybe even him knocking her door in that repetitive knock-knock-knock-Penny pattern of his, and she wouldn't answer because she'd be too busy crying her eyes out on the kitchen floor with Jack & Daniel's. What she hadn't planned on was the door being stuck. Fuck. Oh, fuck.
This shouldn't have happened. She's never had the universe turn against her when she was about to cry, the universe usually understood her sadness and allowed her to wallow in peace. Solidary peace. And now she's stuck in a closet, about to have a meltdown, with Sheldon.
Maybe she could just do the silent treatment. Yeah, she'll do that. This was easy. She could totally do it- "Penny?"
She didn't answer, just stubbornly stared at the door, half wishing she could blow it up with her mind and realised ohgodwhy she's learning all these thoughts from him, and so decided not to.
"I noticed last night that sex seemed like a better incentive for correct behaviour, and wondered if anyone had picked up on that. I decided to investigate it, but my immense dislike of exchanging bodily fluids and loyalty upon my roommate prevented me from doing so."
"You kissed me to positively reinforce me?" she didn't hide her shock and disappointment and anger, mostly anger, it shouldn't be disappointment, she shouldn't be disappointed that he didn't kiss her of his own free will.
"I hadn't meant to kiss you."
"So you meant to have sex."
"No, Penny, we went over this, my immense dislike-"
"Then what were you trying to do, Sheldon?"
"I considered hugging you, as I remembered your elation when I did so during our last Saturnalia, but to do so each time you did correct behaviour would transfer an unnecessary amount of germs over a large area. So I planned to maybe kiss your cheek, or forehead, as that would be just a small area which could easily be disinfected with a sanitary tissue wipe."
"And then?"
"And then it did not turn out that way."
"I gathered that, Sheldon. Question is, why?" Her heart was thumping. Her heart was thumping, and she didn't know why. Maybe it's thumpthumpthumping because her blood is pumping, getting ready to hit him for whatever Sheldon-like idiocy (She would've said idioticness, but no, Penny, I realise that your highest level of education is a high school certificate, but please- you are in the presence of a doctor, and the least you could do is to maintain a high degree of communication. Translation: Penny, you already are stupid, don't try to sound stupid, too.) he had come up with. But even her level of denial isn't that high for her to not acknowledge that that is not the only possible reason.
"You were laughing too loud during the movie."
"I know. Last night you simply reprimanded me and gave me a chocolate."
"I realised at the last minute that doing so would make my plan transparent."
"That still doesn't explain why you kissed me."
"For some reason, I like your laugh, Penny. It still irritates me when you laugh at Spock, and I'm still not amused by your snorts. But I like watching your eyes crinkle. I like watching the edges of your mouth curved up, and that vibrant sound you make when you laugh. I couldn't bring myself to stop that in such a way, and take away your joy."
"So you kissed me."
"It worked, didn't it?"
She rubbed her face in her hands, feeling a plethora of emotions that she couldn't decide on, because the variables in whatever was happening were too fucking many. The main one being her and Leonard, her boyfriend. Her oh-so-loyal boyfriend who actually came home early because 'it didn't feel right being in a bar, having fun' without her. Always thinking about her. Yet she kissed his roommate back.
"Sheldon, we- we can't do this. I'm comfortable with Leonard, and-"
"Comfortable," he scoffed, his challenging blue eyes bore into hers, "Is that how you would live for the rest of your life, Penny? Comfortable with Leonard in a typical white house with picket fences, comfortable with short, lactose-intolerant children, comfortable just being a lowly-paid waitress-"
"I never said that!" she fumed, "I didn't say anything about having kids, and I sure as hell will not work at the Cheesecake Factory forever-"
"Why wouldn't you? You seem to be fond of being comfortable with other aspects of your life-" he mocked.
"Oh, like you're so different! You, with your comfortable routines!"
"At least I have routines to fall back on!"
"And I don't?"
"That should be more than obvious even for you, considering how I had deemed this relationship of yours to fail from the beginning!"
"That's what you say about my other relationships!"
"Not about your relationship with me," he murmured.
Both of their breaths were laboured, and while staring at his eyes, she realised how well she knows them. How well she could read whether he was excited, irritated, angry, arrogant- and every time, they would be intensely staring into hers.
"We've never been in a relationship," she murmured back.
"That's because we've never had the chance to." They were openly staring at each other, him marvelling the fact that he could never get tired of seeing the fire lit in her green eyes whenever they argued.
"Why not?" They were closing in to each other, bit by bit, both not acknowledging it yet aware of it at the same time. He could taste her peppermint breath.
"Leonard called dibs," he murmured, before surrendering to her inviting lips.
And then the door opened. They jumped away from each other, both looking guilty with blushes on their cheeks.
"I knew it," Leonard muttered, and walked away.
A/N: so... yeah ._. this has been sitting in my folder for something like over half a year, and I realized it's sort of finished (because I'm a lazy ass person and lack in creativity at the moment.) I don't give a crap about the grammar and all that as well, so deal with it. Either you like this or you don't. And if you do, leave a review, or fav, or anything. If you don't, well. I've got bigger things to deal with. Ain't it fun living in the real world?