Title: SOURCE PRUE (Someone at Safe Searching said she was coming back as
the Source, so it must be true…WINKS!!!!!!)
Author: I don't know if I should tell…
Genre: Well, let me spell it out for ya. P. A. R. O. D. Y.
Content Warning: Ok just in case you didn't get it in genre. P. A. R. O. D. Y.
Oh and there might be some coarse language and implicit sexual situations…some violence… The whole package, you know?
Ratings: hum…between G and R, your pick.
Summary: Heck there ain't no real story in there; just a bunch of jokes. But let's say Prue takes over the Underworld and tries to kill her sisters, alright?
Disclaimer: I sincerely doubt that the Charmed Productions and Spelling will want any part of this.
***********************
Source Prue
"I told you not to come back here until you got them!" Prue exclaims angrily, while pacing the room
"Sorry my liege," says the demon, staring at his feet.
"How hard can it be to kill three stupid witches? They don't have me anymore; they're weak!"
"My liege, I don't wanna be impolite…but you should know better how to get them… They're your sisters after all."
"Those bitches, they left me to die and went to get that slut to replace me. I was more than enough of one myself."
"Sure enough, Source," the demon Karsh adds with a knowing smile, which he hides from the Source.
Unfortunately for him, Prue has a sixth sense for men who want to assert themselves.
"I always hated smartasses and besides, males try to take over the show," Prue says, as she lifts her hand leisurely and blows the demon up.
Prue watches the demon burn with satisfaction, thinking:
"If I could only have gotten rid of all the men who don't know their place, maybe I wouldn't have to be the Source now."
"Maybe that's the answer…" Prue muses aloud. Let's get those show invaders on my side…That'll weaken the twits and I'll be able to kill them…"How would I get that dolt Leo to change sides," Prue continues with a smirk…"I already know how to get that half demon…he won't be able to resist my…sex appeal. Besides if that doesn't work, I might get him another role on one of my movies…wait… I don't have a movie coming up! Crap!"
Prue stomps the rocky floor.
"Crap! Crap! Crap! What's the point of being the Source of all Evil if I'm stuck in this place? It's not even good enough for an antiquity gallery. Who'd want that junk," she says while picking up an odd shaped candlestick and throwing it against the wall where it breaks with a loud thud.
"I want them dead, I want them dead, I want them dead!" Prue screams at the top of her lungs.
The Seer, who has miraculously survived the holocaust, comes in then.
"There, there, my liege, you shouldn't get so upset. You'll give yourself wrinkles."
Prue panics and runs to the mirror, checking her face attentively.
"Hey I don't have any wrinkles! How dare you," she utters while turning toward the Seer and lifting her hand to vanquish her as well.
"My liege," The Seer says a little nervously, "I didn't mean any offence by this…" Then she smiles, "besides, if I could come back from being vaporised…"
"You never told me how you did that?"
"You never told me how you got back to life either."
"Oh easy…I got the fans to scream for my return all year long. Of course though, I was thinking of throwing that bitch Paige out and take back my place…or better yet, get Phoebe out of the way for good and take care of her half demon for her…Unfortunately, Spelling was still a little upset with me, so I ended up here …"
The Seer strolls up to her with a wicked smile.
"If I may say so, my liege, this was the perfect recast. I always thought that a woman would make a much better Source…"
"Sucker!"
"One does what one can…It worked with the last Source."
*****************
Piper opens the oven door and finds nothing in it.
"Hey what were the prop guys thinking?" She closes it dejectedly and looks up.
"Ok Leo, I'm bored; now is the time for your line."
Phoebe comes in at this.
"Cool your jets, Piper. I'm in no hurry to fight demons."
"What's got into you? Usually you'd be the one trying to get some action."
Phoebe's eyes brighten with repressed tears.
"Oh please, don't talk about action…I haven't had any in a while."
"What? Your ghost of a husband didn't muster enough powers to come satisfy you?"
"Well…I meant in the last three days…"
"Oh Phoebe, you're such a slut… Leo," Piper calls louder.
Phoebe replies, a little miffed.
"At least, I don't have a headache every time my husband is in the mood…"
"At least I don't have sex with a ghost."
"Oh," Phoebe utters with a little smile, "let's not forget you're husband's dead too."
Piper pulls her tongue at her and calls again:
"Leo!!!!! For god's sake, he gets paid a fortune to say that darn line."
Leo orbs (huh enters the room) behind her and Piper jumps.
"Will you stop sneaking up on me like this?"
"Well sweetie, I see that you're not in a good mood today…" (For a change…not)
Leo leans in for a kiss, but Piper jerks away.
"Can we skip it today? I don't get paid enough for this."
"Oh well," Leo answers, not really all that disappointed, "with or without I get the same pay check…"
"Hello Leo," Phoebe purrs…
"On the other hand," Leo thinks, "I could do that one for free. Oh wait, I did… forget it."
"Ok enough with the disgusting thoughts," Piper utters with contempt.
"Hey, what are you talking about," Leo questions, trying his best to act innocent…
"Dang," he thinks again, "I knew I should've gotten into those acting classes. Damn Cole has all the luck…He doesn't have to pretend not to see those boobs." Leo slaps himself mentally just before Piper does for real on his arm.
"I really wish I could repay her for those," he adds for himself, while turning his sweetest smile toward her.
"Ok Leo, I'm sure you've got something for us…and what was with the delay?"
"Oh sorry about that…the director thought it would be a nice dramatic effect."
"I guess he just likes to hear us scream… and if you don't wanna hear more…"
"Alright, alright, here goes… Wait, what's my line already?" Leo questions, while looking directly at the camera.
"Oh yeah, I think I remember now…"
(The director to his assistant: "I told you they're paying him too much…"
"Not so loud…I heard Spelling likes him…"
"Now that explains it," the director chuckles. Then he turns toward Leo, who still seems to hesitate.
"The Elders…")
"Right… The Elders think you're in danger…"
"What now?" Piper exclaims loudly and very dramatically while throwing her arms up.
"Hey don't jump down my throat. You wanted action! And believe me, I'm the first one to find that unbelievable…"
"Stop adding to the script and give!" Piper snaps.
"One of these days," Leo thinks…
"They think there's a new Source," Leo utters with a deeply concerned expression.
"And they say I can't act…to hell with the acting classes." He adds for himself.
Phoebe watches them and appears just as concerned while Piper paces the room and gesticulates nervously.
"What the hell was I thinking cheating on Cole with that wimp?" Phoebe reflects while she stares incredulously at Leo. "I hope I'm credible enough this time. I'm getting tired of those kids saying I can't act."
"When are we gonna be rid of all those Sources?"
Paige enters and glances at Phoebe with a smirk.
"Look who's talking. The Former Queen of all Evil herself!"
Phoebe snickers:
"If Prue was alive, I'd sic her on you!"
"Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah!"
"I was you, I wouldn't say that too loud," Leo says as he turns toward them.
"That would be the next bad news…"
Piper rushes to face him.
"What do you mean? Don't talk about Prue; you know how I get when I think about her…"
"Sorry, Piper… (My ass) The news is not good."
"Hey how worse can it get than being dead," Phoebe interjects.
"How about she's the new Source?"
"What?" The girls scream very loud together.
(The director to the A/D: "Do we really need to have them scream like that? I'm getting a headache."
"Sorry boss, but word is that if they don't scream and gesticulate a couple times per act, the kids don't think they're acting…"
"Crap," complains the director.")
"Who the hell wrote this episode? I thought Prue was coming back to us…" Piper whines.
"Hey," Paige exclaims, "I thought you said you loved me?"
"Of course I love you…" (In your dreams, sister), "I just believe that we could be the four Charmed ones. Hell, it worked with Cole…"
"Now, for all the good it did us…" Phoebe utters dejectedly.
"Stop complaining," Piper calls to her, "You're still getting some."
"Oh right," Phoebe smiles. "Moving on…"
A green demon shimmers in their midst.
"Hello girls," he utters smugly. Then, he throws a fireball toward Paige, who calmly goes off the stage. Everyone freezes for a moment, and then she comes back.
"Good enough?" She asks directly at the camera.
("Perfect, as usual," The director encourages. "Why did I take this baby sitting job I'll never understand," he thinks.)
Everybody moves again.
"Demon," Phoebe exclaims.
"Hey that was my line," Piper grumbles.
"You'll get the next one!"
"Hey you demon," Piper calls angrily, "don't you know who you're dealing with…"
Then she throws her arms up and blows up the demon.
(Director: CUT!)
"What?" Piper asks innocently.
("You didn't give him time to say his line.")
"We don't need him to say his line, we already know," Paige cuts.
(Girls, girls, girls… even if the kids saw her as the source before, and then Leo said so; we still need to make sure they understood that Prue is the Source.")
"What? Prue is the Source?" Phoebe questions.
(The director shakes his head before screaming: "Action")
The demon stares at the three girls and Leo as evilly as he can, while they look really angry.
"You're done for, Charmed Ones…You're sister took over the Underworld!"
"Now can I?" Piper questions eagerly.
("Alright, do your thing")
Piper lifts her arms and blows up the demon.
"So you're saying that Prue is the Source," Phoebe questions again, this time with a barely disguised smirk.
"Oh shut up," Piper snaps, "we all know what you think."
"Me?" Phoebe replies innocently.
"So what can we do about that?" Paige questions.
"We can't kill our own sister!" Piper utters with just the right balance of sadness and dejection.
"You weren't saying that when it was about killing my husband!" Phoebe intervenes again.
"Phoebe!" Piper, Paige and Leo exclaim.
"Oh right," she smiles sheepishly. "I keep forgetting the show is about sisters…"
"Where is Cole, I need a fix," Phoebe muses.
"We should ask Cole," Phoebe adds then.
"Of course," Piper replies dejectedly. "This way, you'll get to smooch again…"
"Hey I was just trying to help!" (Myself)
"Leo," Piper says, turning to him but keeping her distance, "you should go ask the Elders…again."
Leo leans toward her but Piper jerks back.
"Hey what did I say about that?"
Leo orbs (huh, walks out), with a serious expression.
Phoebe thinks:
"How she got pregnant, I'll never understand…"
"What else can we do," Paige asks all business like.
"Huh…" Piper wonders.
("The Book…")
"Oh right, let's try the Book of Shadows. You coming, Phoebe?"
"Nah," Phoebe stands back. "We don't all need to be there to pretend looking in the Book…"
"Okie, dokie," Piper utters. "Now, I should've read her part of the script…we're all gonna be in trouble soon, I'm sure…" Piper thinks before heading out with Paige following like a puppy, huh, good little sister.
"Oh I thought they'd never leave… Cole where are you," Phoebe calls, while looking up and down. "To hell with the sister crap, my man will know what to do…and if not, well…" she pursues with a sly smile.
"Cole, come on, your baby's waiting for you," She continues while undoing the top button of her blouse and bending to show her cleavage as much as possible to the camera.
("Now that's the part of the job I like the best," the director whispers to the A/D while staring at the cleavage, huh, at Phoebe.)
"Oh I know what'll work," Phoebe smiles anew while prancing out of the room and climbing the stairs eagerly.
("Darn PG-13!" The director exclaims dejectedly.
"You said it," the A/D replies.)
************************
Cole watches the worm cut in two with a satisfied smile.
"Try to grow back sucker! Now I'm the one who vacuums powers!"
Behind him, Phoebe materializes with a black leather outfit that looks like it's gonna fall apart (Think Long Live the Queen).
"Hello sweetie," she purrs.
Cole turns around with apparent shock, and then he smiles slyly.
"Oh come on Prue, I'm not that stupid…"
"How did you know," Prue questions angrily, still looking like Phoebe.
"Well for one, those are faked," Cole says, as he indicates Phoebe/Prue's breasts. "Phoebe's are real!" He affirms confidently.
Prue mutters:
"If you believe that, I've got a….."
"And also, she doesn't have teary eyes…you really should rethink those… But most of all, that's not our game anymore. Phoebe came here to dump me. Now I'm supposed to be going after her and she's supposed to pretend running away from me…not too fast…We're having a lot of fun with this game."
"Hey I was coming to offer you a chance to get your revenge…"
"I don't need revenge…I get to play god and on top of that, I get laid as often as I want. Why should I be upset?"
"You're an ass. Don't you see they pushed you aside to get more air time?"
"I make the best of what I got and besides, I've got a lot more fun than you…Go back to your demon dolls and leave me alone."
"That'll teach me to get you a role in my movie…"
Prue changes back to her own self, while still in the black leather outfit, but now it hangs loosely on her chest and she gives it a dejected look. "I really got to get these done"
She prances up to Cole.
"Hey baby, drop the stupid witch. How can you pass the opportunity to do the Source?"
"Been there, done that!"
Cole suddenly looks up with a lurid smile.
"Well, it's been fun…sorta… But I'm on call and I'm about to get some real fun…So long…"
"Wait a minute," Prue protests. "I'm the Source of all Evil and you can't treat me like that. I'll destroy you."
"If the Elders can't get to me, you really think your puny powers can destroy me," Cole smiles indulgently. "Told you, go back and burn yourself some demon dolls."
Then he looks up:
"Don't start without me," he exclaims gleefully before flashing out, huh walking away.
Prue stomps angrily.
"No fair! Why does Phoebe get to have all the fun while my dates go after only one episode? Well, we'll see about that!" Prue flames out, huh walks away in the opposite direction.
In the attic, Piper sighs, and sighs and sighs…
"Alright, already," Paige exclaims.
"Hey," Piper says, "we can't find anything to save Prue; I have a right to be upset."
"Funny…when Phoebe was the Queen of all Evil, you couldn't wait to kill her…"
Piper sighs and mumbles.
"The good old days…"
Louder.
"Look I'm sure that Prue didn't choose to become evil. She'd never do that! It's only the writers and…" Piper looks around and lowers her voice to a whisper, "Spelling." Louder:
"Who did that to her. She's such a sweet and loving and loyal and reliable and…"
"Ok I get it," Paige utters irritably. "You know…I thought you and I had something when you touched my boobs…like we bonded or something."
"You're so easy," Piper utters offhandedly. "Now where is Leo?" She says then, looking up.
Leo orbs (walks) in.
"You called?"
"Of course I called. You knew we wouldn't find anything in the book. It's in the script."
Leo looks at her with a stupid grin. (I knew I should've read more than my lines…)
"The Elders are clueless too Piper," he says then, becoming very serious and concerned again. (I'm getting good at it. I'll show Cole later…) "I'm sorry, but I guess we're gonna have to kill Prue…" (I waited so long to say that)
(The director: "Hey, he's getting better with those lines…"
The A/D: "If I had that line to say, I wouldn't forget it either…"
The Director: "Right!")
"Leo how can you be so cold? You're talking about my best sister."
"Hum," Paige clears her throat very loudly.
"One of my best sisters," Piper adds grudgingly. "Oh the horror, Oh the pain!" Piper exclaims with her hand to her forehead like in a Greek tragedy. "I need some time alone!" (So that I get the camera all to myself)
"Sure honey!" Leo says while leaning in for a comforting kiss.
"Hey, I'm getting tired of repeating myself," Piper exclaims while stepping away quickly. "Will someone put up a cue card saying: "No kissing Piper today"?
"Sure honey," Leo repeats while giving an inviting look toward Paige. This one stares at Piper for a second, and then she smiles brightly toward Leo.
"Sure honey, whatever you say. Call if you need us!" She says as she prances toward the attic door.
Leo sweetly asks:
"You're sure, honey? I don't mind staying with you…" (Yeah right!)
"Really, Go!" (Why don't they understand that I'm the star and my public is waiting for these moments?)
"You're sure," Leo insists for good measure.
"Yeah I'm sure!" Piper almost screams.
"S'ok honey, don't get upset…"
"I have a right to be upset; my sister is in grave danger…"
Leo nods understandingly while thinking: "Like it never happened before. Hell, even I can remember a few…"
Then he turns his heels and goes after Paige eagerly.
"I'm coming, little one…" Leo utters joyously, as soon as he closed the door.
He goes down the hallway and looks around but he can find no trace of Paige.
Dejectedly, he says:
"Oh no, and there I thought I was in for some fun!"
As soon as he said that, Piper comes from behind and twists him around before kissing him with her tongue deeply inside his mouth. Leo is agreeably surprised until he remembers who's kissing him.
"Hey! You're not Piper!" he says while stepping away.
"How the hell do you know that?"
"Piper never gives me tongue. Hell, I barely get to touch her lips at all…"
(Prue/Piper wonders. "How did she ever get pregnant?")
"Who are you," Leo questions now.
"Guess," Prue/Piper asks teasingly.
"Paige?" Prue nods in the negative.
"Phoebe?" Prue almost chokes and screams: "No!"
"Cole?" Prue slaps him.
"PRUE!"
"Give the man a prize! And what's with the Cole business."
Leo rubs his cheek somewhat forlornly. (Should I tell her about her flat breasts? Nah….Ok here we go. Don't forget, you're the sweet guy…)
"You shouldn't be here you evil B… huh, Source." Leo answers instead because he really doesn't wanna talk about this Cole business… ("Eewww! Too close…")
"Fine with me, I wasn't gonna stay anyway," Prue utters while grabbing Leo by the belt and flaming him out, huh, pulling him away. (Oh, why him…?" Prue thinks as she does…)
Meanwhile Cole finally flashes (walks) in Phoebe's bedroom. Took him a while because the towel they gave him was too small and kept falling off.
As soon as he's in, he turns toward the director.
"Hey where's the towel from "Fifth Halliwheel" That one stayed on at least."
(The director: "Sorry man, we had to auction that one to pay for the season. On the other hand, you'll be glad to know that we'll have a lot more special effects this year…")
Phoebe moans from the bed. She's wearing the same outfit from Fifth Halliwheel, with a shoulder strap down. No make that the two of them. ("Man she's in a hurry," Cole thinks.)
"Hey I don't mind the small size at all." She utters languorously.
"How come you're not running?"
"Oh it's been three days."
Cole pouts.
"I'd love to see you running in that outfit…"
(The director: "You and me both!")
"How about later…?" Phoebe asks sensuously.
The director and Cole perk up.
"So what have you been doing the last three days? I was getting upset…"
"Oh I was playing with my worm…"
Phoebe extends her hand toward his crot… oops, thigh.
"I could've done that for you." She growls softly.
Cole thinks of telling her she's mistaken, but then he changes his mind and jumps on the bed instead.
(The Director: "Hey, move the camera, it's still PG-13," He says while staring at the bed.
When the camera doesn't move, he calls to the cameraman, without peeling his eyes from the bed. "Hey I said to move the camera."
The cameraman mumbles distractedly while keeping his eye firmly on the eyepiece. "Right!"
The Director to the A/D: "Didn't I tell you that we should get a straight guy at the camera…"
"Right!" the A/D answers just as distractedly.
"Oh hell, we'll cut that in the editing room.")
Phoebe laughs as Cole tickles her.
"Oh I think I had something to tell you…"
"What?" He says, stopping the tickles.
"Never mind," she says while pulling him to her, "I'll remember later…"
(The A/D: "Hey shouldn't we be taping Piper's big monologue?"
The Director: "Nah, I'm sure she won't be done yet when we get there. We'll have more than enough anyway.")
In the Attic, Piper is pacing the room.
"Oh my god, what am I gonna do. I can't let my best friend…sister die." Oh scrap that, she says toward the inexistent camera.
"Wait a minute! Where is everybody?"
Piper stomps out of the room angrily and spots the crowd around Phoebe's bedroom set. One look tells her all she needs to know.
"Perverts," she exclaims.
(The A/D: "I told you we should've gone…"
The Director: "Oh crap." He turns toward Phoebe and Cole: "Cut")
"What so soon?" Phoebe questions, obviously disappointed…
(The Director to Piper: "We'll be right with you!")
Piper growls and goes back to the attic set with a contemptuous expression.
(The A/D: "Oh man we're in trouble!"
(Then to Phoebe and Cole: "Let's wrap this up," he says, "time to remember your lines, honey.")
"Oh right…Oh I remember now. Prue is the Source," she tells Cole.
"Oh! It's old news. She even tried to seduce me."
"That fucking Bitch!" Phoebe exclaims angrily.
(The A/D: "Watch the language honey! Skin's ok, but the language's out!")
"Sorry," Phoebe utters in her most charming baby voice.
("It's ok honey…With the little you've got on, we can forgive anything…really…")
In the underworld, Leo is tied up to the rocky wall, stripped to his underwear, which are long boxers with little red hearts all over.
Prue paces the room and occasionally glances at him with violent shudders.
"No I can't do that. I wouldn't have any more self-respect…wait…did I ever have any? Nah I can't do that," she repeats while glancing again and being shaken by even more violent shudders.
"Seer," Prue screeches very loud. "Where is that no good Seer? SEER!" Prue called again.
"You screamed my liege?" The Seer questions calmly after glimmering in.
"Don't be a smartass. I'm not Cole!"
The Seer thinks: "Don't I know it."
"I need this turning potion now!" Prue shouts almost directly in the Seer's face.
"I thought you said you could charm your way into his…heart filled underwear?" The Seer utters with a discreet chuckle.
"Hey you two," Leo complains, "I'm not just a painting on the wall you know…"
Prue and the Seer think at the same time: "Could've fooled me!"
"Shut up," Prue shouts angrily while moving toward him before another shudder stops her.
"Come, come my liege… here is your potion. And what about Cole," The Seer asks then.
"I'll have him when he gets tired of my slut of a sister."
The Seer turns away, afraid to laugh in her face. She mumbles:
"Good bloody luck. I thought that too last season and I ended up vaporized by their baby!"
"What was that," Prue asks pointedly.
"Nothing, my liege… Of course, you're right."
Prue watches her suspiciously.
"Much better!"
The Seer bows deeply to hide yet another mocking smile.
"Soon that idiot is gonna be killed and I'll finally get the power…" She thinks.
"Want me to give it to him?" The Seer says aloud.
"Oh please would you?"
The Seer goes toward Leo with the mocking smile plastered on her lips, while thinking:
("Gosh, she must really be freaked out to be that polite!")
"Nice underwear…"
"Hey, that's the standard Whitelighter undergarment."
"And you wonder why your wife gets headaches?" ("I'll never understand how she got pregnant!")
"What would you know about that?" Leo asks a little embarrassed.
"I'm a Seer remember? Sometimes it's a curse…"
She pinches Leo's nose quickly and pours the potion down his throat.
"Hey," Leo manages before his eyes glass over.
"Are you ready to obey your master," The Seer questions then.
"Yes Master…" The Seer casts a side glance toward Prue, tempted to let him think that.
Prue builds a fireball, guessing what the Seer is thinking.
"Don't go get ideas, Seer. I may not look like it, but I killed many demons in my time…"
"I'm your humble servant, my liege," The Seer answers obsequiously. (I'm gonna have to help those idiot Charmed Ones kill the Source again.) Aloud she pursues:
"No puny one. I'm not your master, Prue is…"
"Oh Master, I worship you," Leo utters while trying to get off the wall to go to Prue.
"Keep him away from me," Prue screams, while stepping away. "Put something on him. I can't stand those little hearts anymore. Anything but the flannel though. It's even worse than the little hearts.
The Seer gives Leo a good look and then she materializes a leather suit on him.
"Wow," Leo utters after the Seer magically removes his bounds. He starts prancing around enjoying the feel of the leather on him…"Why in the hell didn't I ever think of that? Oh Master, thank you! Thank you!" he calls to Prue while running to her.
Prue examines the new Leo with some interest…
"Hum not bad."
"You gotta admit that evil truly dresses better." (Everyone but you…) The Seers says with a grin.
"What can I do for you, Master?" Leo utters with an evil grin.
"Why don't you help me get rid of your wife?"
"Oh can I, please? I'm tired of being the dolt…" Leo pleads.
Prue smiles cruelly.
"Here I come, you bunch of twits. I'll rule the world!"
The Seer shudders: ("I gotta get rid of her. She'd be more of a power sucker than the Hollow.")
*************************
To be continued… unless I get so flamed that I don't have any skin left…
Author: I don't know if I should tell…
Genre: Well, let me spell it out for ya. P. A. R. O. D. Y.
Content Warning: Ok just in case you didn't get it in genre. P. A. R. O. D. Y.
Oh and there might be some coarse language and implicit sexual situations…some violence… The whole package, you know?
Ratings: hum…between G and R, your pick.
Summary: Heck there ain't no real story in there; just a bunch of jokes. But let's say Prue takes over the Underworld and tries to kill her sisters, alright?
Disclaimer: I sincerely doubt that the Charmed Productions and Spelling will want any part of this.
***********************
Source Prue
"I told you not to come back here until you got them!" Prue exclaims angrily, while pacing the room
"Sorry my liege," says the demon, staring at his feet.
"How hard can it be to kill three stupid witches? They don't have me anymore; they're weak!"
"My liege, I don't wanna be impolite…but you should know better how to get them… They're your sisters after all."
"Those bitches, they left me to die and went to get that slut to replace me. I was more than enough of one myself."
"Sure enough, Source," the demon Karsh adds with a knowing smile, which he hides from the Source.
Unfortunately for him, Prue has a sixth sense for men who want to assert themselves.
"I always hated smartasses and besides, males try to take over the show," Prue says, as she lifts her hand leisurely and blows the demon up.
Prue watches the demon burn with satisfaction, thinking:
"If I could only have gotten rid of all the men who don't know their place, maybe I wouldn't have to be the Source now."
"Maybe that's the answer…" Prue muses aloud. Let's get those show invaders on my side…That'll weaken the twits and I'll be able to kill them…"How would I get that dolt Leo to change sides," Prue continues with a smirk…"I already know how to get that half demon…he won't be able to resist my…sex appeal. Besides if that doesn't work, I might get him another role on one of my movies…wait… I don't have a movie coming up! Crap!"
Prue stomps the rocky floor.
"Crap! Crap! Crap! What's the point of being the Source of all Evil if I'm stuck in this place? It's not even good enough for an antiquity gallery. Who'd want that junk," she says while picking up an odd shaped candlestick and throwing it against the wall where it breaks with a loud thud.
"I want them dead, I want them dead, I want them dead!" Prue screams at the top of her lungs.
The Seer, who has miraculously survived the holocaust, comes in then.
"There, there, my liege, you shouldn't get so upset. You'll give yourself wrinkles."
Prue panics and runs to the mirror, checking her face attentively.
"Hey I don't have any wrinkles! How dare you," she utters while turning toward the Seer and lifting her hand to vanquish her as well.
"My liege," The Seer says a little nervously, "I didn't mean any offence by this…" Then she smiles, "besides, if I could come back from being vaporised…"
"You never told me how you did that?"
"You never told me how you got back to life either."
"Oh easy…I got the fans to scream for my return all year long. Of course though, I was thinking of throwing that bitch Paige out and take back my place…or better yet, get Phoebe out of the way for good and take care of her half demon for her…Unfortunately, Spelling was still a little upset with me, so I ended up here …"
The Seer strolls up to her with a wicked smile.
"If I may say so, my liege, this was the perfect recast. I always thought that a woman would make a much better Source…"
"Sucker!"
"One does what one can…It worked with the last Source."
*****************
Piper opens the oven door and finds nothing in it.
"Hey what were the prop guys thinking?" She closes it dejectedly and looks up.
"Ok Leo, I'm bored; now is the time for your line."
Phoebe comes in at this.
"Cool your jets, Piper. I'm in no hurry to fight demons."
"What's got into you? Usually you'd be the one trying to get some action."
Phoebe's eyes brighten with repressed tears.
"Oh please, don't talk about action…I haven't had any in a while."
"What? Your ghost of a husband didn't muster enough powers to come satisfy you?"
"Well…I meant in the last three days…"
"Oh Phoebe, you're such a slut… Leo," Piper calls louder.
Phoebe replies, a little miffed.
"At least, I don't have a headache every time my husband is in the mood…"
"At least I don't have sex with a ghost."
"Oh," Phoebe utters with a little smile, "let's not forget you're husband's dead too."
Piper pulls her tongue at her and calls again:
"Leo!!!!! For god's sake, he gets paid a fortune to say that darn line."
Leo orbs (huh enters the room) behind her and Piper jumps.
"Will you stop sneaking up on me like this?"
"Well sweetie, I see that you're not in a good mood today…" (For a change…not)
Leo leans in for a kiss, but Piper jerks away.
"Can we skip it today? I don't get paid enough for this."
"Oh well," Leo answers, not really all that disappointed, "with or without I get the same pay check…"
"Hello Leo," Phoebe purrs…
"On the other hand," Leo thinks, "I could do that one for free. Oh wait, I did… forget it."
"Ok enough with the disgusting thoughts," Piper utters with contempt.
"Hey, what are you talking about," Leo questions, trying his best to act innocent…
"Dang," he thinks again, "I knew I should've gotten into those acting classes. Damn Cole has all the luck…He doesn't have to pretend not to see those boobs." Leo slaps himself mentally just before Piper does for real on his arm.
"I really wish I could repay her for those," he adds for himself, while turning his sweetest smile toward her.
"Ok Leo, I'm sure you've got something for us…and what was with the delay?"
"Oh sorry about that…the director thought it would be a nice dramatic effect."
"I guess he just likes to hear us scream… and if you don't wanna hear more…"
"Alright, alright, here goes… Wait, what's my line already?" Leo questions, while looking directly at the camera.
"Oh yeah, I think I remember now…"
(The director to his assistant: "I told you they're paying him too much…"
"Not so loud…I heard Spelling likes him…"
"Now that explains it," the director chuckles. Then he turns toward Leo, who still seems to hesitate.
"The Elders…")
"Right… The Elders think you're in danger…"
"What now?" Piper exclaims loudly and very dramatically while throwing her arms up.
"Hey don't jump down my throat. You wanted action! And believe me, I'm the first one to find that unbelievable…"
"Stop adding to the script and give!" Piper snaps.
"One of these days," Leo thinks…
"They think there's a new Source," Leo utters with a deeply concerned expression.
"And they say I can't act…to hell with the acting classes." He adds for himself.
Phoebe watches them and appears just as concerned while Piper paces the room and gesticulates nervously.
"What the hell was I thinking cheating on Cole with that wimp?" Phoebe reflects while she stares incredulously at Leo. "I hope I'm credible enough this time. I'm getting tired of those kids saying I can't act."
"When are we gonna be rid of all those Sources?"
Paige enters and glances at Phoebe with a smirk.
"Look who's talking. The Former Queen of all Evil herself!"
Phoebe snickers:
"If Prue was alive, I'd sic her on you!"
"Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah!"
"I was you, I wouldn't say that too loud," Leo says as he turns toward them.
"That would be the next bad news…"
Piper rushes to face him.
"What do you mean? Don't talk about Prue; you know how I get when I think about her…"
"Sorry, Piper… (My ass) The news is not good."
"Hey how worse can it get than being dead," Phoebe interjects.
"How about she's the new Source?"
"What?" The girls scream very loud together.
(The director to the A/D: "Do we really need to have them scream like that? I'm getting a headache."
"Sorry boss, but word is that if they don't scream and gesticulate a couple times per act, the kids don't think they're acting…"
"Crap," complains the director.")
"Who the hell wrote this episode? I thought Prue was coming back to us…" Piper whines.
"Hey," Paige exclaims, "I thought you said you loved me?"
"Of course I love you…" (In your dreams, sister), "I just believe that we could be the four Charmed ones. Hell, it worked with Cole…"
"Now, for all the good it did us…" Phoebe utters dejectedly.
"Stop complaining," Piper calls to her, "You're still getting some."
"Oh right," Phoebe smiles. "Moving on…"
A green demon shimmers in their midst.
"Hello girls," he utters smugly. Then, he throws a fireball toward Paige, who calmly goes off the stage. Everyone freezes for a moment, and then she comes back.
"Good enough?" She asks directly at the camera.
("Perfect, as usual," The director encourages. "Why did I take this baby sitting job I'll never understand," he thinks.)
Everybody moves again.
"Demon," Phoebe exclaims.
"Hey that was my line," Piper grumbles.
"You'll get the next one!"
"Hey you demon," Piper calls angrily, "don't you know who you're dealing with…"
Then she throws her arms up and blows up the demon.
(Director: CUT!)
"What?" Piper asks innocently.
("You didn't give him time to say his line.")
"We don't need him to say his line, we already know," Paige cuts.
(Girls, girls, girls… even if the kids saw her as the source before, and then Leo said so; we still need to make sure they understood that Prue is the Source.")
"What? Prue is the Source?" Phoebe questions.
(The director shakes his head before screaming: "Action")
The demon stares at the three girls and Leo as evilly as he can, while they look really angry.
"You're done for, Charmed Ones…You're sister took over the Underworld!"
"Now can I?" Piper questions eagerly.
("Alright, do your thing")
Piper lifts her arms and blows up the demon.
"So you're saying that Prue is the Source," Phoebe questions again, this time with a barely disguised smirk.
"Oh shut up," Piper snaps, "we all know what you think."
"Me?" Phoebe replies innocently.
"So what can we do about that?" Paige questions.
"We can't kill our own sister!" Piper utters with just the right balance of sadness and dejection.
"You weren't saying that when it was about killing my husband!" Phoebe intervenes again.
"Phoebe!" Piper, Paige and Leo exclaim.
"Oh right," she smiles sheepishly. "I keep forgetting the show is about sisters…"
"Where is Cole, I need a fix," Phoebe muses.
"We should ask Cole," Phoebe adds then.
"Of course," Piper replies dejectedly. "This way, you'll get to smooch again…"
"Hey I was just trying to help!" (Myself)
"Leo," Piper says, turning to him but keeping her distance, "you should go ask the Elders…again."
Leo leans toward her but Piper jerks back.
"Hey what did I say about that?"
Leo orbs (huh, walks out), with a serious expression.
Phoebe thinks:
"How she got pregnant, I'll never understand…"
"What else can we do," Paige asks all business like.
"Huh…" Piper wonders.
("The Book…")
"Oh right, let's try the Book of Shadows. You coming, Phoebe?"
"Nah," Phoebe stands back. "We don't all need to be there to pretend looking in the Book…"
"Okie, dokie," Piper utters. "Now, I should've read her part of the script…we're all gonna be in trouble soon, I'm sure…" Piper thinks before heading out with Paige following like a puppy, huh, good little sister.
"Oh I thought they'd never leave… Cole where are you," Phoebe calls, while looking up and down. "To hell with the sister crap, my man will know what to do…and if not, well…" she pursues with a sly smile.
"Cole, come on, your baby's waiting for you," She continues while undoing the top button of her blouse and bending to show her cleavage as much as possible to the camera.
("Now that's the part of the job I like the best," the director whispers to the A/D while staring at the cleavage, huh, at Phoebe.)
"Oh I know what'll work," Phoebe smiles anew while prancing out of the room and climbing the stairs eagerly.
("Darn PG-13!" The director exclaims dejectedly.
"You said it," the A/D replies.)
************************
Cole watches the worm cut in two with a satisfied smile.
"Try to grow back sucker! Now I'm the one who vacuums powers!"
Behind him, Phoebe materializes with a black leather outfit that looks like it's gonna fall apart (Think Long Live the Queen).
"Hello sweetie," she purrs.
Cole turns around with apparent shock, and then he smiles slyly.
"Oh come on Prue, I'm not that stupid…"
"How did you know," Prue questions angrily, still looking like Phoebe.
"Well for one, those are faked," Cole says, as he indicates Phoebe/Prue's breasts. "Phoebe's are real!" He affirms confidently.
Prue mutters:
"If you believe that, I've got a….."
"And also, she doesn't have teary eyes…you really should rethink those… But most of all, that's not our game anymore. Phoebe came here to dump me. Now I'm supposed to be going after her and she's supposed to pretend running away from me…not too fast…We're having a lot of fun with this game."
"Hey I was coming to offer you a chance to get your revenge…"
"I don't need revenge…I get to play god and on top of that, I get laid as often as I want. Why should I be upset?"
"You're an ass. Don't you see they pushed you aside to get more air time?"
"I make the best of what I got and besides, I've got a lot more fun than you…Go back to your demon dolls and leave me alone."
"That'll teach me to get you a role in my movie…"
Prue changes back to her own self, while still in the black leather outfit, but now it hangs loosely on her chest and she gives it a dejected look. "I really got to get these done"
She prances up to Cole.
"Hey baby, drop the stupid witch. How can you pass the opportunity to do the Source?"
"Been there, done that!"
Cole suddenly looks up with a lurid smile.
"Well, it's been fun…sorta… But I'm on call and I'm about to get some real fun…So long…"
"Wait a minute," Prue protests. "I'm the Source of all Evil and you can't treat me like that. I'll destroy you."
"If the Elders can't get to me, you really think your puny powers can destroy me," Cole smiles indulgently. "Told you, go back and burn yourself some demon dolls."
Then he looks up:
"Don't start without me," he exclaims gleefully before flashing out, huh walking away.
Prue stomps angrily.
"No fair! Why does Phoebe get to have all the fun while my dates go after only one episode? Well, we'll see about that!" Prue flames out, huh walks away in the opposite direction.
In the attic, Piper sighs, and sighs and sighs…
"Alright, already," Paige exclaims.
"Hey," Piper says, "we can't find anything to save Prue; I have a right to be upset."
"Funny…when Phoebe was the Queen of all Evil, you couldn't wait to kill her…"
Piper sighs and mumbles.
"The good old days…"
Louder.
"Look I'm sure that Prue didn't choose to become evil. She'd never do that! It's only the writers and…" Piper looks around and lowers her voice to a whisper, "Spelling." Louder:
"Who did that to her. She's such a sweet and loving and loyal and reliable and…"
"Ok I get it," Paige utters irritably. "You know…I thought you and I had something when you touched my boobs…like we bonded or something."
"You're so easy," Piper utters offhandedly. "Now where is Leo?" She says then, looking up.
Leo orbs (walks) in.
"You called?"
"Of course I called. You knew we wouldn't find anything in the book. It's in the script."
Leo looks at her with a stupid grin. (I knew I should've read more than my lines…)
"The Elders are clueless too Piper," he says then, becoming very serious and concerned again. (I'm getting good at it. I'll show Cole later…) "I'm sorry, but I guess we're gonna have to kill Prue…" (I waited so long to say that)
(The director: "Hey, he's getting better with those lines…"
The A/D: "If I had that line to say, I wouldn't forget it either…"
The Director: "Right!")
"Leo how can you be so cold? You're talking about my best sister."
"Hum," Paige clears her throat very loudly.
"One of my best sisters," Piper adds grudgingly. "Oh the horror, Oh the pain!" Piper exclaims with her hand to her forehead like in a Greek tragedy. "I need some time alone!" (So that I get the camera all to myself)
"Sure honey!" Leo says while leaning in for a comforting kiss.
"Hey, I'm getting tired of repeating myself," Piper exclaims while stepping away quickly. "Will someone put up a cue card saying: "No kissing Piper today"?
"Sure honey," Leo repeats while giving an inviting look toward Paige. This one stares at Piper for a second, and then she smiles brightly toward Leo.
"Sure honey, whatever you say. Call if you need us!" She says as she prances toward the attic door.
Leo sweetly asks:
"You're sure, honey? I don't mind staying with you…" (Yeah right!)
"Really, Go!" (Why don't they understand that I'm the star and my public is waiting for these moments?)
"You're sure," Leo insists for good measure.
"Yeah I'm sure!" Piper almost screams.
"S'ok honey, don't get upset…"
"I have a right to be upset; my sister is in grave danger…"
Leo nods understandingly while thinking: "Like it never happened before. Hell, even I can remember a few…"
Then he turns his heels and goes after Paige eagerly.
"I'm coming, little one…" Leo utters joyously, as soon as he closed the door.
He goes down the hallway and looks around but he can find no trace of Paige.
Dejectedly, he says:
"Oh no, and there I thought I was in for some fun!"
As soon as he said that, Piper comes from behind and twists him around before kissing him with her tongue deeply inside his mouth. Leo is agreeably surprised until he remembers who's kissing him.
"Hey! You're not Piper!" he says while stepping away.
"How the hell do you know that?"
"Piper never gives me tongue. Hell, I barely get to touch her lips at all…"
(Prue/Piper wonders. "How did she ever get pregnant?")
"Who are you," Leo questions now.
"Guess," Prue/Piper asks teasingly.
"Paige?" Prue nods in the negative.
"Phoebe?" Prue almost chokes and screams: "No!"
"Cole?" Prue slaps him.
"PRUE!"
"Give the man a prize! And what's with the Cole business."
Leo rubs his cheek somewhat forlornly. (Should I tell her about her flat breasts? Nah….Ok here we go. Don't forget, you're the sweet guy…)
"You shouldn't be here you evil B… huh, Source." Leo answers instead because he really doesn't wanna talk about this Cole business… ("Eewww! Too close…")
"Fine with me, I wasn't gonna stay anyway," Prue utters while grabbing Leo by the belt and flaming him out, huh, pulling him away. (Oh, why him…?" Prue thinks as she does…)
Meanwhile Cole finally flashes (walks) in Phoebe's bedroom. Took him a while because the towel they gave him was too small and kept falling off.
As soon as he's in, he turns toward the director.
"Hey where's the towel from "Fifth Halliwheel" That one stayed on at least."
(The director: "Sorry man, we had to auction that one to pay for the season. On the other hand, you'll be glad to know that we'll have a lot more special effects this year…")
Phoebe moans from the bed. She's wearing the same outfit from Fifth Halliwheel, with a shoulder strap down. No make that the two of them. ("Man she's in a hurry," Cole thinks.)
"Hey I don't mind the small size at all." She utters languorously.
"How come you're not running?"
"Oh it's been three days."
Cole pouts.
"I'd love to see you running in that outfit…"
(The director: "You and me both!")
"How about later…?" Phoebe asks sensuously.
The director and Cole perk up.
"So what have you been doing the last three days? I was getting upset…"
"Oh I was playing with my worm…"
Phoebe extends her hand toward his crot… oops, thigh.
"I could've done that for you." She growls softly.
Cole thinks of telling her she's mistaken, but then he changes his mind and jumps on the bed instead.
(The Director: "Hey, move the camera, it's still PG-13," He says while staring at the bed.
When the camera doesn't move, he calls to the cameraman, without peeling his eyes from the bed. "Hey I said to move the camera."
The cameraman mumbles distractedly while keeping his eye firmly on the eyepiece. "Right!"
The Director to the A/D: "Didn't I tell you that we should get a straight guy at the camera…"
"Right!" the A/D answers just as distractedly.
"Oh hell, we'll cut that in the editing room.")
Phoebe laughs as Cole tickles her.
"Oh I think I had something to tell you…"
"What?" He says, stopping the tickles.
"Never mind," she says while pulling him to her, "I'll remember later…"
(The A/D: "Hey shouldn't we be taping Piper's big monologue?"
The Director: "Nah, I'm sure she won't be done yet when we get there. We'll have more than enough anyway.")
In the Attic, Piper is pacing the room.
"Oh my god, what am I gonna do. I can't let my best friend…sister die." Oh scrap that, she says toward the inexistent camera.
"Wait a minute! Where is everybody?"
Piper stomps out of the room angrily and spots the crowd around Phoebe's bedroom set. One look tells her all she needs to know.
"Perverts," she exclaims.
(The A/D: "I told you we should've gone…"
The Director: "Oh crap." He turns toward Phoebe and Cole: "Cut")
"What so soon?" Phoebe questions, obviously disappointed…
(The Director to Piper: "We'll be right with you!")
Piper growls and goes back to the attic set with a contemptuous expression.
(The A/D: "Oh man we're in trouble!"
(Then to Phoebe and Cole: "Let's wrap this up," he says, "time to remember your lines, honey.")
"Oh right…Oh I remember now. Prue is the Source," she tells Cole.
"Oh! It's old news. She even tried to seduce me."
"That fucking Bitch!" Phoebe exclaims angrily.
(The A/D: "Watch the language honey! Skin's ok, but the language's out!")
"Sorry," Phoebe utters in her most charming baby voice.
("It's ok honey…With the little you've got on, we can forgive anything…really…")
In the underworld, Leo is tied up to the rocky wall, stripped to his underwear, which are long boxers with little red hearts all over.
Prue paces the room and occasionally glances at him with violent shudders.
"No I can't do that. I wouldn't have any more self-respect…wait…did I ever have any? Nah I can't do that," she repeats while glancing again and being shaken by even more violent shudders.
"Seer," Prue screeches very loud. "Where is that no good Seer? SEER!" Prue called again.
"You screamed my liege?" The Seer questions calmly after glimmering in.
"Don't be a smartass. I'm not Cole!"
The Seer thinks: "Don't I know it."
"I need this turning potion now!" Prue shouts almost directly in the Seer's face.
"I thought you said you could charm your way into his…heart filled underwear?" The Seer utters with a discreet chuckle.
"Hey you two," Leo complains, "I'm not just a painting on the wall you know…"
Prue and the Seer think at the same time: "Could've fooled me!"
"Shut up," Prue shouts angrily while moving toward him before another shudder stops her.
"Come, come my liege… here is your potion. And what about Cole," The Seer asks then.
"I'll have him when he gets tired of my slut of a sister."
The Seer turns away, afraid to laugh in her face. She mumbles:
"Good bloody luck. I thought that too last season and I ended up vaporized by their baby!"
"What was that," Prue asks pointedly.
"Nothing, my liege… Of course, you're right."
Prue watches her suspiciously.
"Much better!"
The Seer bows deeply to hide yet another mocking smile.
"Soon that idiot is gonna be killed and I'll finally get the power…" She thinks.
"Want me to give it to him?" The Seer says aloud.
"Oh please would you?"
The Seer goes toward Leo with the mocking smile plastered on her lips, while thinking:
("Gosh, she must really be freaked out to be that polite!")
"Nice underwear…"
"Hey, that's the standard Whitelighter undergarment."
"And you wonder why your wife gets headaches?" ("I'll never understand how she got pregnant!")
"What would you know about that?" Leo asks a little embarrassed.
"I'm a Seer remember? Sometimes it's a curse…"
She pinches Leo's nose quickly and pours the potion down his throat.
"Hey," Leo manages before his eyes glass over.
"Are you ready to obey your master," The Seer questions then.
"Yes Master…" The Seer casts a side glance toward Prue, tempted to let him think that.
Prue builds a fireball, guessing what the Seer is thinking.
"Don't go get ideas, Seer. I may not look like it, but I killed many demons in my time…"
"I'm your humble servant, my liege," The Seer answers obsequiously. (I'm gonna have to help those idiot Charmed Ones kill the Source again.) Aloud she pursues:
"No puny one. I'm not your master, Prue is…"
"Oh Master, I worship you," Leo utters while trying to get off the wall to go to Prue.
"Keep him away from me," Prue screams, while stepping away. "Put something on him. I can't stand those little hearts anymore. Anything but the flannel though. It's even worse than the little hearts.
The Seer gives Leo a good look and then she materializes a leather suit on him.
"Wow," Leo utters after the Seer magically removes his bounds. He starts prancing around enjoying the feel of the leather on him…"Why in the hell didn't I ever think of that? Oh Master, thank you! Thank you!" he calls to Prue while running to her.
Prue examines the new Leo with some interest…
"Hum not bad."
"You gotta admit that evil truly dresses better." (Everyone but you…) The Seers says with a grin.
"What can I do for you, Master?" Leo utters with an evil grin.
"Why don't you help me get rid of your wife?"
"Oh can I, please? I'm tired of being the dolt…" Leo pleads.
Prue smiles cruelly.
"Here I come, you bunch of twits. I'll rule the world!"
The Seer shudders: ("I gotta get rid of her. She'd be more of a power sucker than the Hollow.")
*************************
To be continued… unless I get so flamed that I don't have any skin left…