Complicated
By: Stephanie sane
Complicated
Life for us all is no easy ride
We have to fight for what we want
We must
Try
To make the right choices
To choose our own path
To make sure our voices
Are always heard
Life is complicated
It's made of knots and obstacles
We're expected to unwind the knots
Otherwise we're sold out short
If ever we would like to be
Anything other than nothing
We must fight
We must strife
We must be bound tight
To the world
To ourselves
To heaven
To hell
To commit
To summit
To make our lives our own
We have to realize that life is complicated
Not just for one
But for us all
Chapter 1: Henry
Denise was trudging through the deep snow; she was aiming toward a large hill in the distance. It was freezing out but she had summer clothes on. She wore a small aqua colored top and dark brown capries that stood out against her sun burnt legs. She came to the bottom of the ice-covered hill that was bumpy and uneven from the rocks coming up through the ice. Snow seemed to come from nowhere, as there were no clouds.
Denise looked up to the top of the hill and saw the most handsome boy she had ever laid her eyes on, it was ….
"Denise, Denise!" Denise opened her eyes, she had been dreaming again. Her mother was next to her bed looking over her.
"I've been trying to wake you up for almost an hour, get yourself up and ready." Denise looked at the clock, 7: 45 she had ten minutes before she would miss the bus.
Denise's mother was a lovely creature. She had long curly locks of hair that were purely golden, a soft face with kind, rare violet colored eyes. Her mother was not too tall and not to short, and the rest of her body fit her face, soft and lean. Her figure matched her name, Isabella. In Denise's eyes, she was practically perfect. The only thing that Denise got from her mothers genes was her soft face, her eyes were a mixture of brown and violet, which had an outcome of a dark, sharp brown. Her body was not curvy but came straight down like a stick, or a pencil.
Denise's mother left the room. She brought herself to the side of the bed to collect her thoughts, as she sat there for a minute, staring down at her fuzzy white carpet. She quickly remembered the time and hurried herself over to the closet where she had hung what she was going to wear. The weatherman on ABC had said it was going to be sunny. She had decided on wearing her pink T-shirt labeled Pink Panther, the panther on the side holding paintbrush. She picked out flare Gap jeans to match her T-shirt.
Denise slipped her clothes on quickly and ran through the halls to the kitchen. Her dad was sitting on the opposite side of the table from where she stood. He had a book held up in the front of his face titled, 'Mechanics for Dummies.' He lowered the book to greet Denise.
"Hey D.J" (Denise's dad thought that Denise was too sophisticated of a name for a fourteen year old girl and would call her by her first and last initials D.J which stood for Denise Johnson. Her middle initial was 'I' for Isabella.)
"Hey" She sat down where her mother had set her bowl. She looked up and saw the cereal that her mother had set on the table for her to pour, 'Co Co puffs.' "Mom" she said.
"Yes Hun?"
"Don't you think I'm a little old for 'Co Co puffs'?" Denise's mom gave her a look of understanding.
"Oh, Hon…"
"Never mind, I'm going to be late for the bus" She ran up to her mom and gave her a kiss goodbye.
"Bye mom, by dad."
Today was Denise's first day of high school; her bus was already waiting for her and beeping the horn. Denise ran up to the bus, the door jerked open. Denise took the first step to get a better look at her new bus driver. She studied him, an African American, male. He was not exactly pleasant to the eye; his jaw hung down low enough for a clear view of his entire mouth, he had a huge overbite and she had a feeling his crooked teeth were helpless. His face was blank with ash black eyes, which had to uniqueness in them. He had a fat body that matched his face, hideous and helpless. Nevertheless, Denise had never been one who judged people on their looks and offered her hand to greet herself.
"Hi, my name is Denise Isabella Johnson, what's your name?" The bus driver looked at the girl expressionlessly; Denise looked at his nametag, Forrest Starr, she lowered her hand. "Forrest, that's a nice name. Well, I'll go sit down now."
She took the next step onto the bus; she walked all the way to the back, but then she stopped. In the back seat there was a boy and a girl, they were mouth to mouth with their arms coiled around one another. Denise found a seat and sat down immediately. Why would they be kissing on a public school bus? Why was she the only one who cared? She pondered over her thoughts the rest of the way.
When the bus stopped, Denise looked out the window at her new school; there was nothing al that special about it. It looked trashy compared to her old school, which had been kept clean from having a full crew of loyal janitors. This school, however, had no trashcan in the front and graffiti all over the walls. The sidewalk was completely littered with wrappers and scrunched up papers, (which would most likely be that way with or without a trash can).
Denise got off the bus last; she walked the direction she thought the office might be. Luckily, her good instincts brought her to the office. She read the sign in the front, please no lounging in the office the office is for business work only. She walked into the office; they had the air conditioning on down low and it was freezing, she walked straight through the hall and saw a desk, the nameplate on the top labeled Ms. Felina. Denise walked a little closer to the desk to get a better look at the woman behind. When the woman took notice of DJ's presence, she stood up to face her. "Yes, do you need something; I am very busy as you can see." When she spoke Denise's ears rang from her annoying voice, which was scratchy and high pitched, and her chin wobbled all over the place in a disgusting fashion. She was a fat woman with brown eyes, and brown curly hair that was fixed in a bun on the top of her head.
"Yes, I need my schedule."
"What's your name?" she asked bluntly.
"Denise Johnson"
"Just a moment" The woman disappeared into a backroom and opened a file to search for Denise's schedule. She returned holding a piece of paper that she handed to Denise. "This is your only copy, don't lose it"
"Thank you, missus."
Denise stared down at her schedule;
Monday:
Algebra Mr. Alnicos- 8:30
Biology 1 Mr. Goodrich- 10:00
Lunch- 11:30
French Ms. Annabella-12:00
School day ends- 1:30
Tuesday:
Art Ms.lovely-8:30
Literary Arts Mr.Jhon-10:00
Lunch-11:30
Social Studies Ms.Sear-12:00
School day ends-1:30
Wednesday:
Algebra Mr. Alnicos- 8:30
Biology 1 Mr. Goodrich- 10:00
Lunch- 11:30
French Ms. Annabella-12:00
School day ends- 1:30
Thursday:
Art Ms.lovely-8:30
Literary Arts Mr.Jhon-10:00
Lunch-11:30
Social Studies Ms.Sear-12:00
School day ends-1:30
Friday:
Sculpting Mr.Fred-8:30
French Ms.Annabella
Lunch-11:30
Study hall-12:00
School day ends-1:30
The woman at the desk had already sat back down to her work when Denise looked back up at her. "Excuse me, miss, but I don't know where these classes are at, could you please help me?" Ms. Felina did not even have to speak; she simply looked up to shoot a razor sharp look at Denise. "Never mind, I can see you're busy." Denise left the office to find someone with directions.
The halls were completely empty, and the bell rang already. Denise could not find anyone until she walked outside and saw a boy leaning against the wall. She approached him. He was wearing a black hooded sweat shirt, the hood up covering his face. Baggy jeans covered his feet almost entirely. Denise didn't notice that he was smoking until she got closer, nor did she notice who he was till after she spoke.
"Excuse me I was wondering if you could tell me where Mr. Alnico's room was?" When she had finished speaking, the boy took his hood off to reveal his face and his hair. He had his short brown hair ruffled up in a mess, his eyes were enchanting, a deep sea blue that entranced any who looked him straight in the eye, he had a long round baby chin, and his lips slightly opened so he could put his cigarette back into his mouth to inhale the smoke.
"Henry!" Denise blushed not only at not realizing who he was but because… well it is an indescribable feeling for him that overwhelmed her.
Denise had gone to junior high with Henry and had always had a crush on him; she first met Henry In kindergarten where they enjoyed playing with colored paints together all those beautiful colors. Denise had enjoyed putting painting pictures on others, particularly Henry.
"Hey Deeje; I have that class first too, I could walk you" when he spoke she felt as if she were listening to the words of an angel, each word spoken with such rhythm and fluency. Before she could answer, his offer Henry put his cigarette on the wall and walk toward her he got very close to the side of her and took her hand. He kneeled on one knee as if he were going to propose, still holding her hand. "May I escort the Ms. Denise to her first class?" he took her hand and kissed it gently then returned it to her.
"You may"
Denise was happy that someone she knew went to the same school as her. All the rest of her friends had chosen other schools to go too. She was glad that the one person that went to the same school as her was someone that she had known for almost her whole life and was a better friend to her than to any of his guy friends. Although they made good friend and both seemed to appreciate each other and Denise liked Henry very much, even more than just a friend, Denise was to shy to ask him out.
Side by side, Denise and Henry walked to there first class. Coincidently, Denise and Henry had all the same classes. This made her very happy. Suddenly Denise remembered seeing Henry smoking and a worry grew over her that made her very uncomfortable. She had never gave in to peer pressure, which she had gotten last year and lost many friends from refusing to skip class and smoke marijuana in the bathroom or in the back of the school; sometimes she would get too close to giving in to it but never had an was proud of herself for it. Henry apparently was a different story.
"Why were you smoking?" she spoke in a hushed tone with a serious expression on her face. When she heard herself, she realized what a stupid question that was.
"A couple of guys last year at Jefferson middle school had offered me a cigarette; they said it would relieve my stress. I know there bad for you but I...I... I just could not turn him down. Sorry if your disappointed mommy" Denise elbowed him lightly, then they laughed together.
Henry and Denise arrived to there first class together still side by side. Henry turn the knob, "Ladies first. " He opened the door for her and motioned his hand for her to step in. Denise walked through the door and looked around the classroom. She first saw her teacher. He was a lean, muscular man, he looked nice enough and pretty young and hansom. He had one leg up on his desk and was in the middle of teaching the class, when the door had opened. He turned his attention to the young girl and boy who were arriving late.
"You're late"
"Yeah sorry I didn't know where to go and found him… I saw him on his way to class and asked for directions." Denise gave a look of innocents. Mr.Alincos smiled at her and tried to control himself from laughing.
"Alright but don't expect me to let you off again" Henry entered the classroom once he heard that they were not in any trouble. Denise looked into the other direction of the classroom toward the other students and saw two more open seats that were placed next to one another in the back of the room; Henry and Denise walked into the back and took their seat.
Denise had not heard or learnt a thing from her teachers; she was to busy passing notes and laughing with Henry. All the rest of the days in the week followed in the same note passing laughter that they had gone through on Monday, and they only got caught once or twice in the day.
At the end of the week on Friday, Henry approached her before she got on her bus. "Denise, I was wondering if you would like to go do something this weekend?" A wick in Denise's heart suddenly lit up. Did he mean…like a date? Either way she was exited.
"No "she said.
"Oh, well I'm..."
"I was kidding of course I'll go!" She burst.
He made himself laugh a fake laugh.
"Oh, well I knew that"
"Of Course"
Chapter 2: The Date
Denise's cousin Danielle had came over often without an explanation, but she was always welcome for she was fun to be around. Denise particularly liked her; she had always thought of her as her idol. She liked not only because but beautiful, with long blonde hair and a confident face with stormy purple eyes, and she had a trim curvy figure; but what she love the most was how nice she is and had a wonderful personality and the fact that she was 19 and was successful.
Denise and Danielle were in the bathroom doing Denise's hair and make up for her date. Danielle was sitting behind her placing curlers in her hair.
"Are these going to take more than thirty minutes?"
"Because in thirty minutes Henry is supposed to be here," Henry told her over the phone that he would come to pick her up with his mother.
"Don't worry about it; now turn around so I can do your makeup."
"Okay" Denise turned around in the stool she was sitting in and looked up at Danielle obediently. Danielle reached into her beige purse and took out some mascara and eye shadow, blush, lipstick, and lip-gloss.
It took her a while to do her make up because every now and then Denise would flinch or ask,
"Are you sure about that?" but, eventually she finished and turned her around to see herself in the mirror.
"So, what do you think?" Denise stared intently at herself in the mirror.
"I look like a piece of art"
"Good art or bad art?"
"Good art, of course"
"Thank you" A click went on in Denise's head and she remembered Henry. "What time is it?"
"It's around nine thirty," said Danielle.
"I got 'a go."
"Thanks for helping me with my make up see you later."
"Wait Denise you forgot to…" but she could not finish, Denise had already ran out of the door of the bathroom and on her way to the door.
Denise walked out side and saw Henry with his mother and her car waiting for her. When Henry saw her come, he came out of his mother's blue Honda sports car. When he could see Denise clearly, he started laughing quietly to himself. "What?" He could not hold it in any longer he burst out laughing.
"What!?" asked Denise annoyed.
"You…your…hair" he stumbled clumsily over the words. Denise felt the top of her head. She had forgotten the rollers! She frantically hurried back inside. She ran back through the halls back to the bathroom. She quickly withdrew the rulers from her hair. Denise hurried back outside to the driveway where Henry had collected himself enough to stop laughing. When Denise came running up to him his jaw dropped, her short brown hair was now curled and as she ran, the curly locks bounced wildly along beside her.
"What?"
"Nothing"
They were driving to the mall. They were going to watch a movie together, and maybe get ice cream from Cold Stone. Henry sat in the back with Denise; she was staring out the window watching the lights from buildings and fast food places flash by. Henry was watching her waiting for her to see him looking at her. She twisted her head to see him and she started laughing.
"What are you doing?"
"I was waiting to see how long it would take you to notice me."
"You're such a dork!" she punched him teasingly on the shoulder.
"Ow!"
It did not take much more than around two minutes before they arrived to the mall. They planned to see a movie and if they had time do something else as well. Henry's mom stopped her car in the front of the Fort Walton Beach mall. Henrys mom turned around to speak to them
"Have fun see you later darling."
"By mom" said Henry.
"By Mrs. Swanson, thanks for the ride." I said.
"Of course, any time Ms.Jonson"
Henry walked around the car and helped Denise out. When their hands touched, Denise felt a burning hot sensation in her chest and her stomach went in knots.
"Thank you"
"Any time"
They approached the door walking together; it was a large door and a very large building. When she walked through the door the bright lights and the mixture of scents, containing perfumes and the smell of foods from various cultures suddenly overwhelmed her. There were small shops side by side aligned in the wide hallway, which was completely infested with all kind of people. Teenagers coming with their boyfriend or a few friends; there were mothers assisting their baby or toddler, all sorts of people. No matter whom they were or why they came to the mall they were making a-lot of noise.
"You've
been to the mall before right?" Denise had not noticed the
expression she had been giving while she was being sucked into the
commotion of the mall.
"Yeah of course, sometimes I just
get a little overwhelmed."
"The mall can do that to you." They smiled at one another and continued into the mall, walking side by side.
They had passed ten different shops and turned at least three corners before they came to a long line that winded down through the wide hall, almost feeling them entirely. "Is this the line for the movies?" I asked
"Yeah" Denise and Henry turned their attention to the direction the voice had come from; the tall man that had answered was a little ahead of them in the line. He turned around to face Henry and Denise.
"It ends a little ways around that corner" He pointed at the Old Navy sign right hanging on a pole that was sticking out from the side of the wall right near a corner.
"I should have known there would be a long line" Henry said in frustration. He crossed his arms and pulled them tight on his chest, the way a child might when he gets yelled for a mistake she or he made and being disappointed in their self. The man turned back around; more people were behind Denise and Henry, extending the line ten feet longer behind them.
Denise turned around to see who was behind her and Henry. Henry dittoed her motion. He froze.
"Hey Henry" behind them was a group of boys that looked a year or older than them. They were giving Henry a juvenile look, mocking him maybe.
"You know them?" asked Denise. Henry looked incredibly uncomfortable, struggling to make a decision on what to do next. He could not handle it any more. He grabbed Denise's hand and tugged her out of line; he had a tight grip on her hand. He ran back through the halls toward the front door from which they entered. He ran quickly dodging mall participants every second, running into them constantly.
Denise's head was spinning in confusion. She felt light headed, sweat dripping from her spine acting as glue sticking her purple blouse to her skin. It dripped down her arms and legs like bugs crawling down her skin. Lights and perfumes flashed by whipping Denise in the face.
Denise looked ahead and saw the large doors from which they had entered. She suddenly found herself out side; she was caught into the intense sounds and smells of traffic.
She looked at Henry and stared him straight in the eye but turned away; the eyes that had not to long ago as enchanting as a playful sea were now gray and tiresome. Denise felt tears collecting in her eyes the salty tears stung as she fought back at them. She could not stand seeing him so traumatized; she could imagine a dark cloud hanging above his head raining down on every bit of his happiness and destroying it. Denise quickly collected her strength back and studied Henry, looking over his expression. He was staring at the ground, searching through past history perhaps, totally somewhere else. Denise walked over closer to him facing him. He lifted his head to face her, only to drop it and stare, once again at the ground. She attempted to comfort him, and lifted her hand to let it lie on his shoulder.
"What's going on?" she asked.
Henry looked back to Denise, staring her straight in the eye.
"I'll tell you the whole story from the very beginning, just…"
"Not right now" he muttered.
Denise became stern and removed her hand.
"Henry you grabbed my hand and raced us out here, I deserve to know what's going on" said Denise.
"Your right, you do," he admitted.
"Let's go on walk"
The water was only a few blocks away, but it seemed to Denise like and endless walk. What does Henry have to do with those guys? Is he a murderer? No he would not kill anyone…would he? Denise's head was full of imaginative excuses there could be for why Henry knew those guys. Unlike usual, they walked with a space between them, Denise was not entirely sure he was really, what she thought he had been for all these years.
They reached a bridge that connected to the other half of Fort Walton Beach, (the side with the beaches.) Once they reached the top Henry stopped. He walked to the railing and looked down into the water silent water; the water in his eyes was silent as well.
"Do you promise to keep every thing I tell you a secret?" asked Henry.
"Yes" Denise wondered what it could be that she needed to keep a secret.
"Remember all those times back in Jefferson when I was too busy to do anything with you?"
"Yeah"
"All those times I was hanging out with those guys."
"So?"
"They aren't just any group of boys they're bad boys"
"Are you kidding?!" "Do you know how stupid you sound?" Denise burst out laughing.
"Just listen."
"Okay." "But this isn't making any sin…"
"They're the ones who offered me a cigarette, they're the one's I drank alcohol and did drugs with!" said Henry now tired of keeping it secret. Denise stumbled backward. Confused with what she just heard.
"What?" She whispered.
"I'm sorry…" Denise was trying to make since of what he had just told her. They stood silently for a while both stunned with what was said.
"Will you tell me something?" asked Denise.
"Yeah"
"Do you still do that stuff; you know the alcohol and the drugs?"
"No."
"You promise?"
"Promise," "You have to keep it all secret, okay?"
"Of course" Denise got closer to Henry and wrapped her arms around him, catching him in a hug. He hugged her back.
"What are friends for?"
"Were more than friends" Denise pulled back slightly, and felt the need to let him pull her back toward him, let him rub his cheek against hers. Let him kiss her.
He had really done it this time. He was grounded for a month. Henry could not believe he had actually walked all the way back home. But Denise didn't want to have to lie to his mother, "That would just be rude." She had said. Maybe Henry's love had not been real enough. Why did he have to go and bet off his savings? Henry tossed and turned all over the place struggling to get to sleep. Henry could not get Denise's stunned voice out of his head.
"Do you do it anymore?" asked Denise
"No." He lied. In fact, Denise was all part of one big lie. And, for some crazy reason, he cared. He wished he had never lied to her. He actually felt guilty. An emotion that had never got in his way before was now a blockade straight in front of him. He no longer wanted to be part of the bet. Denise was all he could think about, and for some reason when he had kissed her, he meant it, he wanted her.
"This is crazy." He said. "Love is crazy," Said Denise's voice. She was like a poison in his head. He felt absolutely insane!
Chapter 3: Grounded
Denise had finally awaken when the clock read 12:03, she lie awake in bed thinking back to the best night in her life, the night that had been lasts. She remembered it all clearly except when she arrived home where she had gotten a long lecture and had been yelled at. Thinking back to it she could imagine how stupid she must have looked just standing there while her parents were yelling at the top of their lungs. But what she remembered most clearly was Henry. She no longer cared about any of the stupid stuff he had done, because he had done it, he was not doing it anymore. She remembered the way he ran his soft fingers through her curly locks, and how his lips felt pressed against her own, it felt terrifically magnificent.
Denise soon realized how miserable she felt, every muscle in her body was aching. She forced her self out of bed and through the halls to the bathroom. Her curls had lost their beauty. They were now sticky, frizzy, and tangled in a mess. She started the shower and slipped her clothes off. The water temperature was perfect. Denise had always loved the way the water felt against her skin. She loved the way it cleansed her all the way through, and gave her a clean start for a new day. Denise stood under the water with her eyes shut and a grin on her face. How wonderfully fantastic the water feels when it runs down my body, my face, through my hair.
Denise had finally finished her shower an hour later. "What is that?" Denise could here a faint beeping sound coming from the living room. She grabbed a towel off the rack and wrapped it around her naked body. She entered the living room and the beeping sound got louder and louder.
"Oh yeah" The sound was coming from the answering machine. "Someone must have left a message while I was in the shower." Denise clicked on the red blinking button and the message played.
"Hey this is Henry I was calling for Denise please have her to call me back. Thanks, uh… bye," his voice said through the receiver.
Denise picked up the phone to call Henry. 563-4675 brrring…brrrring… "Hello?"
"Hey it's Denise. Is this Henry?"
"Yeah," "Hey DJ," said Henry.
"You called here earlier. Did you need something?" Denise asked as she fiddled with a wet lock of hair.
"I was just wondering how it went with your parents," Henry said sincerely.
"Not to bad, that I know that is"
"I know what you mean, I was day dreaming" "I was just standing there like an idiot with a smile on my face"
"What were you dreaming about?" Denise smiled as if she knew and just wanted to here it from him.
"You," Denise blushed.
"To tell you the truth," hinted Denise, "The same thing happened to me"
"Really?" asked Henry. Henry was slightly surprised and delighted to here that Denise had felt the same way about him as he felt for her.
"Yeah, and even when I was trying to go to sleep I couldn't get you out of my head" Denise had chosen the wrong words to say that. "Not that having you in my head is a bad thing, because you know, I like you in my head you know and..." Henry interrupted her.
"Don't worry I know what you mean"
"Thank god" Denise heard the front door open. Her parents must have gotten back from church. Denise remembered something from last night that her parents had said. "Oh shoot "My parents are here I just remembered I was grounded I'm not supposed to be on the phone," Denise whispered flustered.
"Denise we're home" They were in the kitchen.
"Bye." Denise hung up the phone. Her parents walked in to the room. Just in time.
"Who were you talking to?"
"No one" "I wouldn't be on the phone because you grounded me" "remember?" Denise's parents narrowed their eyebrows confused.
"Yes, yes we did, but I could swear I heard something coming from this room…"
"Oh that's right I was talking to myself, bad habit" Denise smiled an unusually large smile.
"Okay…" Denise's mother and father left the room, Denise sighed out of relief.
Chapter 4: In the window
Denise could not stand being grounded it was so boring. It would be fine if it were a simple no privilege to phone access or weekends, but her parents wanted to be original. She had to stay locked away in the darkness of her room all day by herself on weekends, and on week days she had to wake up at six in the morning get ready and be driven by her dad to school. When she was at school she was watched at all times by her teachers to make sure she was paying attention and not fooling around with Henry.
Denise was relieved that at least she did not have to go through the boring routine every week after three more days. Denise had just arrived home from school. Her dad picked her up. She ran up to her room to study for a science exam they were having in biology class. Her backpack was heavier than ever as she heaved it to her room with her. She felt alone, as she had felt the past two weeks of what seemed like house arrest, sitting at her desk with an open textbook.
Denise had been scrolling through the main organs of micro biotic life forms when she heard a tapping noise. She got up from her desk to see if maybe her parents were at the door. The door was open. The noise came again. She turned in the direction of the window. She could feel a sensation that felt like bugs crawling up and down her spine. She went to her window and pulled the string to open the blinds.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" there was a face at the window. Denise fell backward.
"Denise don't worry, it's Henry."
"Henry?" She got up and opened the window. Henry was standing outside in front of her window. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"Sorry I scared you." "I missed you, I needed to see you."
"Couldn't you wait just three more days?" "You have to go before you get us in to any more trouble!"
"Can I just come in for a second?"
"You shouldn't even be here. All get caught if I let you in," hissed Denise.
"Please I just need to see you under the light." Henry looked her straight in the eye. There was no longer a choice, she just could not say no.
"Just for a second," Henry smiled with a grin Denise had never seen before; a beautiful matured smile. Denise smiled back and took a step to the side. Henry crawled in through the window, clumsily falling on his back at Denise's feet. Denise giggled.
"Good move."
"Can I at least get a hand here?" he mumbled. Henry reached out his hand for assistance. Denise took it in her grasp and helped lift Henry to his feet. "Thanks."
Henry looked up and down Denise as if trying to memorize every tiny detail.
"How did you get here?" Denise asked curiously.
"My bike" It was then that Denise noticed how pale and washed out Henry was.
"Henry," Denise put on a worried expression although inside she felt loved. "You rode six miles just to see me?"
"I missed you. I never really get to talk to you at school, sometimes it feels like your ignoring me,"
"And so I really needed to know, are we still together?"
Denise took Henry in her arms and met his lips with her own. They pressed their bodies hard against one another's. Henry let go. "Is that a yes?" Denise nodded happily.
Chapter 5: Spring break
Denise was finally off 'house arrest' and just in time. The following week she planned to have an actual date with Henry. The first one went sort of, well you know. This time they were going to the beach together for spring break. Denise's cousin Danielle agreed to chaperone her and Henry at her parent's beach house. She was so exited! It may only me about two or three miles away but it would her, Danielle, and Henry alone.
When she first told her parents about their plan to stay in a beach house that week, they flipped. Somehow, though, she was able to assure them they would behave under Danielle's supervision. Maybe all those years of her being a star pupil in elementary paid off. Well maybe that was not the only reason they agreed, she still had to have a 'Family weekend'. Bleh. There was nothing she hated more than a family weekend. There was not anything wrong with them, they just were not for her. They were for anyone that loved playing ten straight rounds of monopoly and exploding pizzas.
It was the end of the day and the end of the week, but it also the beginning of spring break. Denise concentrated on the clock as the minute's arrow hit the six and the bell rang. Papers flew through the air as the high school students raced out of the class. Denise ran to Henry and grabbed took his hands in hers.
"Finally spring break, can you believe it!?" Denise could barely stay still she was so exited. She danced around Henry and laughed with happiness.
"I still can't see you till Monday don't you remember?" Henry reminded her.
"Yeah I know" "so, we're still out of school and that's good enough for me," Denise said upset Henry tried to ruin her happy streak.
"Okay" Henry said with a sigh.
The bus ride home seemed longer than usual as her anticipation rapidly Par amounted. If her parents didn't suffocate her with plans for their family weekend, she would sneak to her room to call Danielle and talk about their week at the beach.
Denise opened the door and walked in.
"How was your day sweetie?" asked her mom as she stared at her with her big eyes.
"It was fine," replied Denise nervously. She could until something was up. Her mom had something fishy going on.
"Mom, what's up?" asked Denise suspiciously.
"Whatever do you mean dear?" asked her mother. Denise gave her a look that read oh-please.
"Fine I'll tell you"
"I was going to wait till your dad was home to tell you too but…"
"Okay, your dad and I are going to Hawaii this weekend!" slipped her mom excitedly.
"B…b…but mom…" stuttered Denise confused.
"I know you must have been looking forward to our family weekend so we're going to make it up when we get back next weekend, okay?" her mom interrupted.
"You can stay here this weekend" "we decided let you stay without a babysitter, just don't cause any trouble" her said worriedly.
"Okay mom" she blurted happily. Things were looking up again. She had the whole house to her self! Her parents had finally trusted her. (Of course, it could also be that they made the decision so last minute that they had no other choice.)
Her parents left for their plane at seven 'o 'clock. The first thing she did was call Henry.
"Hello" said a voice.
"Hello, may I speak to Henry please?" she asked
"Yes just a moment," said the voice.
"Hello?" said Henry's voice.
"Henry I have wonderful news, I have the whole house to myself this whole weekend!"
"No way!" he said.
"You have to get your mom to let you stay over this weekend," Denise told him.
"Okay I will, and can I invite some of my friends?"
"Which friends?" asked Denise suspiciously.
"The good ones" he assured her.
"Okay good" she said relieved.
"I'm coming over now," he said.
"See you soon, bye"
"Bye" Denise hung up the phone and skipped down the stairs to plop down in front of the TV.
Half an hour later Denise's house was crowded to the brim with people. She only knew about an eighth of the people that were there. Henry said he honestly had only called people he knew but they must have called more people and so on. The point was that Henry had promised a small group of people and now there was a whole fleet obnoxious teenagers throwing things, and breaking things, and causing complete and utter chaos.
Denise pushed through the crowds to find Henry.
"Henry!" she yelled. Loud music covered her voice.
"Dang it all," she mumbled.
Denise had decided to give up on searching for Henry and focus on keeping control of the house. A group of football players decided it would be 'fun' to play hot potato with her mothers antique glass she had gotten for a wedding gift. Denise ran to grab it from them quickly.
"Hey," whined a boy.
"Don't touch this," ordered Denise.
"Party pooper," said the boy. Denise ignored him as she ran over to straighten out another group of boys flushing their beer bottles down the toilet… wait beer bottles? Denise raced quickly to the bathroom. And there was Henry, standing over the toilet bowl with a bottle of beer in his hand. The same boys she had seen at the mall were crowded around him in the small bathroom, watching as he attempted flushing an empty bottle. Denise was furious and hurt at the same time. Inside her head voices were screaming, 'Liar! He is a liar! You never should have trusted him, look what he's done!'
Denise was full of words yet speechless. Her face had turned ripe tomato red. Henry walked over to her and set his hand on her shoulder.
"Hey babe what's up?" he giggled. Denise was blowing steam.
"What's up babe?" she repeated.
"You want a beer? We got a whole other pack," he said loosely.
"Do I want a beer?" she said between clinched teeth. Denise was so mad. She could barely even notice the redness under Henry's eyes. But she did and then a single tear ran down her soft pale face.
"We are going to talk about this later Henry," she muttered short of breath. Denise walked calmly through her house to get outside. She went into the back until the trees and bushes enveloped her. She fell to the ground gasping for air as she clutched her knees and rolled in a ball. He lied to her. He said he did not do any of that stuff anymore. How could she trust him now? How could she ever trust him? What else was he lying about? Did he actually love her?
Denise had been sitting on the ground for sometime when she heard someone coming. Maybe Henry was looking for her. Not likely. She sat motionless as the foot steps got closer. She heard the flicker of a lighter, than she could smell the smoke.
"Who's there?" she asked weakly.
"Alex Rockefeller, who are you?" asked Alex.
"Denise Johnson" she replied. Alex continued walking closer to her and then stopped before Denise. Alex looked about two years older than she was. She wore black baggy pant with chains and a skintight sheer black shirt. Her hair was dyed black with dark violet streaks underneath.
"Nice to meet you," she said. "You don't look to good, ya get dumped or something?" Denise shook her head.
"Henry lied to me," she said.
"Who's Henry?" she asked. Denise decided to tell Alex the whole story behind her and Henry. How they have been friends since kindergarten and how she has always secretly crushed on him. She told her all about growing up with Henry. About how she never gave into peer pressure but he did and how she met him at the back of the school. Than she told her last about how Henry had asked her out and that's when she found out about Henry. Denise told her about the window and there plans for spring break.
When Denise finished a strange silence came, as if all the words in the world had been used for her to share her story with this stranger. But Alex broke it.
"Well that stinks, want a cigarette?" she asked.
"Forget it you aren't taking any of this seriously," said Denise irritated.
"Well what am I supposed to say? I don't know you," she held out a cigarette to Denise. Denise remembered her anger at Henry and decided to take it. When she took her first puff of smoke, she let out a short cough. Alex laughed. Eventually Denise got used to the smoke.
"Come on let's go back to the party," said Alex.
The house was worse than before. Beer bottles littered the floor and tables. There were spots all over the wall and stains in the floor. Denise's face went pale.
"I feel sorry for whoever's the host of this party," said Alex.
"That would be me," breathed Denise.
"Shoot girl, a house and a man in one night," said Alex. "Your life must really suck right now"
"Actually, I don't care" "I guess once someone's life gets this suckish, they just let go and don't care anymore"
"That happened to me a long time ago," said Alex. Alex and Denise then went to find Alex's friends. They found them in her parents' bathroom sitting on the floor and smoking weed.
Denise decided for once in her life that she would play it cool. She would go against whatever morals she had left and let these strangers decide what she did. Who cared anymore? Henry was a liar, the house was trashed, and her parents left her alone so they could be in Hawaii by themselves. From then on she was a carefree Denise, she would do whatever it took for these people to like her, to accept her, even if she had to dress like them, talk like them, date the guys they dated, or sit on the bathroom floor and smoke weed with them. That is exactly what she did.
Chapter 6: A Hang Over and a Broken Heart
When Denise woke up her head was pulsing. The previous night was a complete blur. Nothing was a dream as she wished it had been when she saw the mess. Nothing had changed, except her. Everything was clear in her memory up until the point she had made the decision to join Alex and her friends. She still remembered Henry. He'd lied to her.
Denise stood up and slapped her hands over her ears when she heard the phone ringing louder than ever before. Her head spun as she tried making her way to answer it.
"Hello," she said irritably.
"Hey it's Danielle I heard about you parents going to Hawaii and wanted to ask you if you and Henry wanted to come to the beach house a day early?" she asked loudly, a buzzing sound in her voice, or was that Denise's head?
"Not Henry, I never want to see him again," said Denise angrily.
"Oh god what happened?" she seemed to shriek.
"I don't really want to talk about it…"
"I see,"
"Listen I got a major headache so bye," hurried Denise.
"Love you," she chirped.
"Yeah, you too," Denise hung up the phone. What was there to do when you had nothing to live for? Denise decided on taking some aspirin.
She had honestly only planned on taking two, the average amount for a hang over. But somehow, three others slipped out of the bottle as well. As result, Denise felt numb when she took a nap. She woke up two hours later, more or less feeling better. That's when she remembered she had something important to do. Something she must have tried to bury and hide inside.
Denise picked up the phone and dialed Henry's number for what she said to herself was the last time. The phone rang. His mother picked up.
"Hello?" she asked.
"Hi this is Denise, may I speak with Henry?"
"Just a moment," Denise heard her mother shout out his name and hand the phone to him.
"Hey," he said unknowingly.
"Henry, it's really hard for me to do this…" she began.
"To do what?" he asked ignorantly.
"I can't be with you anymore," she said under her breath.
"Why?"
"Is it your parents?"
"Because we can find our way around them," Denise felt near tears. He really didn't know. He should have seen it coming last night when he drank beer and smoked weed. Sounds awfully familiar, She thought.
"No Henry, this my decision,"
"I don't want to see you anymore," she insisted, tears running down her face.
"Why Denise?"
"Can't we work around it?" he asked hopeful.
"No not this time,"
"But Denise, please!"
"At least tell me why!" he pleaded.
"Because Henry your a god-darn liar!" she screamed. Henry was silent.
"Did you hear me, you're a liar!" she yelled.
"You want to know what I did last night Henry, hm?" she asked tauntingly.
"I got high and drunk then made with some guy I met!" she lied.
"Never call me again!" He wept. She could here him hang up and she did the same.
Denise thought her heart would shatter if she ever had to break up with Henry, but she didn't care. She didn't care she hurt him, that he hurt her, that the house was a mess, it was amazing how much she didn't care.
Chapter 7: Running Away
When you have permanently destroyed your home, broken up with your boyfriend, and given in to drugs, what else is there for you to do? Denise had no idea, but she figured she'd find out if she ran away.
Running away was never easy. Why would it be? She didn't even know where to go. Where would she be accepted? She wouldn't think about it too much until she had left and run out of the house.
As Denise was sitting by the beach, watching the waves come in then roll out, she thought of the place she could go. She would go to Alex and ask to stay with her. What other choice did she have? Alex and her group were the only friends Denise had. Who cares if they did things Denise had disapproved of? She was different now remember? She was 'Care Free Denise'. If a problem came her way, she'd sit on the ground and smoke or meditate or whatever.
Alex lived south of town. In her neighborhood, there was a-lot of drug dealers, drug addicts, homeless, gangs, and crime. Denise rapped on Alex's window. The window opened to reveal a distorted giggling Alex.
"What are you doing here?" asked Alex in fake, gay astonishment.
"I ran away from home and wondered if I could stay her for a while," whispered Denise. There wasn't much point in whispering, she just didn't want to wake up Alex's parents.
"Sure come on up umm…what's your name?" she put a finger to her chin and narrowed her eyebrows as if to be concentrating hard.
"Denise! That was it!" she squeaked in delight. Denise crawled up through the window and set her stuff down in the corner.
"Here," Alex presented her a cigarette as she lit one up for herself.
"Aren't we going to get in trouble?" asked the old Denise.
"Nah, my moms aint here," she comforted. 'What about her dad?' she thought. Denise took the cigarette and let Alex light it for her. She was used to smoking by now, maybe even addicted. Alex and Denise were going to a party that night. It was at her boyfriend's house. Alex told Denise she knew a boy that would be perfect for her and that he was coming to the party too.
Chapter 8: Moving on to Bryant
Denise borrowed some of Alex's clothes to wear to the party. She wore a black mini skirt with nettings underneath, and a black tube top that showed her belly button and cleavage. Alex did Denise's make up, which was mostly black. She told Denise that if she cut her hair shorter it would match everything else better. So she did. Alex cut Denise's hair so she couldn't even feel it on her neck. Then sprayed black hair spray on her hair. When Denise saw herself in the mirror, she was scared at first, but then she knew that that was the point. To look fierce, to let everyone know that they don't want to mess with her.
At the party, Denise had had three beers before she was dancing and laughing, drunk on the tables. A crowd of teenagers surrounded her like a mob as the laughed and cheered her on. As the night went on Denise had sobered down somewhat as she sat on a torn up, dirty brown couch. Denise was staring at nothing and thinking of nothing with a blank mind when a tall, pale, skinny boy came and sat next to her.
"How's it going?" he had a low noted voice. Denise looked over to him and stared into his unnatural coral red eyes. His dark black hair was styled with sweep bangs, in the back his ends rested at the top of his neck.
"I'm good," "I could use another beer though," She reached out and set her warm tan hand on his cold pale cheek. The boy smiled and ran his hand along Denise's thigh. She giggled then stood up. As she walked to get another beer, her hips swayed side to side and cued the boy to follow her. Denise tilted the beer bottle and let the cold rich liquid run soothingly down her throat.
"Hey," said the boy.
"Hey," she said. He leaned in at an attempt to kiss her but she pushed him away.
"What's your name?" she asked. The boy smiled confidently.
"Bryant, and you?"
"Denise," He leaned in again and kissed her on the lips. Bryant held Denise in his arms as he let his hands fall over her butt and squeezed it. Denise held the back of his neck as he pressed her against the wall.
If Alex hadn't dragged Denise into the bathroom to smoke weed, it would not have been unlikely that Bryant would still be feeling her. There was nothing else in the world Denise could do to make her feel the same way weed did. It made her feel like she was sinking and floating at the same time. As if she were bobbing up and down in the middle of the ocean. She felt a release when she was stoned, as if she had finally conquered her life's problems. The problem was, life's not simple. In reality, life is complicated and when she was stoned, all she accomplished was numbing her brain and forgetting her troubles. The other problem, once the weed wore off and her mind was clear, the troubles came back, along with a tormental feeling of disgust for herself. In these times she would smoke away the stress of it all.
Henry lies awake in his bed as he wanders what had happened with Denise. He really loves her, but somehow he must have messed things up at the party. He began to stare out his window into the dark night. No light touch his room but the red glow of his clock. Henry found himself not knowing what to do. Should he try to tell Denise that he made a bet with his 'friends', that he loves her? Or should he let it pass and hook up with someone else? There was no way he would ever sleep again if he chose not to win her back. Henry simply decides to wait to call her the next day and apologize.
Henry shut his eyes as he searches for sleep. Within an hour, he came to find it. He was running. Sweat dripping down his body, he runs fast and hard. Darkness was trailing him as he runs toward a faint bright light, far off into the distance. A vortex suddenly turns all in sight, bending all in swirls of black and white. All reality vanishes as ever more suddenly Henry is slipping on a giant glass plate. He goes faster and ever faster as the plate tilts at almost a direct ninety-degree angle. Henry puts all his strength and will power into winning his battle against the forces pushing him down. But the law of gravity proves itself even in a twisted nightmare as he falls downward, spiraling into a pit of darkness.
Henry screams as he awakes to find himself still in his room. He looks to his clock and reads 7:25am. A pale white light shows through his half open blinds. If Henry didn't call Denise soon, he was surely to be swept by insanity. Henry ran his finger through his amber brown hair frustrated. He gets the phone and calls Denise. All he got was five rings and then the answering machine so he left a message.
"Hey, it's Henry," he says. "I…I know what I did is bad and I deserve what you did to me Denise, I…well I…" Henry's voice cracked as a tear stain his perfect pastel, tan cheek. "I think I may love you Denise," he whisper. "Please Denise, forgive me" he beggs the empty house. "I love you," he repeats sweetly and softly.
Denise loved being at Alex's. They could smoke, drink, or go out whenever they felt like it. It was so easy for her to forget Henry it was almost painful, but nothing had been painful lately not even when her and Alex would play fight. Smoking weed and experiencing the heavenly touch of other numbing drugs became an addiction of hers so she was numb most of the time. If Denise thought she had a blurry mind after one joint, adding everything else she was doing now caused a fog as thick as stone in her head, (hence the term 'stoned').
Alex, Denise, Bobby (Alex's boyfriend), and Bryant were going to explore under the Dover St. Bridge. Denise lit a cigarette and followed Alex and Bobby down the street. Bryant scarfed his arm around Denise's shoulders as he puffed on his own cancer stick. Denise felt a warm spring breeze brush against her, enriched with the salty tangy aroma of the ocean. They could only be about five yards away from the bridge. She must have been right because they came before the three yarded, 75-foot high bridge within a couple minutes.
"So whatcha guys wanna do?" asked Denise.
"I think I have a good idea," said Bryant as he moved in to trade spit with her. To compare kissing Bryant to kissing Henry is like comparing the difference between leather and fur. Henry was much softer and comforting, while Bryant was rough, rugged, he had a since of edge and his kiss was thick. Denise had lost interest in feeling comforted. She would rather be with someone truly tough then with a shallow lying softy. Noticing her thoughts clearing, Denise knew she was on the verge of actual 'thinking', which she was completely adverse to be doing. If she thought too deeply, she feared her emotions. The emotions she had shared with Henry of what might have become love, but it was far too late now.
Denise withdrew from Bryant's firm, hungry grip to dig through her purse. She shuffled around until she had found what she was looking for. Denise took her hand from her purse as the others turned to gaze, almost longingly, but completely uncontrollably at the thick bag of weed she held. Denise felt her conscious coming far too close to returning when she had second thoughts. She had to numb the pain soon or all would be lost. All she had managed, the bonds she had created. New friends, new boyfriend, new family…If she were to remain completely conscious for too long, it would all be lost.
"Dang girl!" exclaimed Alex. "When you say you'll get the stuff, you get the stuff!" Denise smiled smugly as she sat on the low ramp below the bridge. The echoing of the passing cars above ricocheted against the small group of bodies, but they barely noticed feeling, for they were all too deeply submerged in their own escape.
Sleeping was the hardest. She could do all she wanted to avoid the pain that followed her sleep, but when she was under there was no escape. She had fallen asleep, and the pain swelled inside her like a balloon. She saw his face, Henry's. He looked at her as if they'd never met, as if the years upon years they knew each other were only true to her. She was screaming at him, trying to tell him that he had hurt her. But she was losing him; his face was disappearing into clouds of solid black. Then, she was falling. Heart wrenching memories passed her bye as she fell in her narrow tunnel of black. When she thought the dark would never seize, she landed abundantly on something cold, something metallic. She tried to stand, leveling herself cautiously, and looked down at the surface she was standing on. She thought she saw a glimpse of movement within what she had realized what iron, inexplicably clear iron, below her feet. Denise jumped anxiously back. Her heart beat against her rib cage brutally, her breath quickened, a silver figure flashed across the translucent iron screen.
Denise screamed, scared to death, when she found herself sitting up in alarm back in consciousness. Sweat had collected itself through the pores of her sweat glands and saturated her body. Her panic-struck face slowly relaxed, as her breath paced itself, and it was to eventually back to normal. Leave it to suppressed emotions to wither themselves to your core, nothing could put an end to her memories, her anger, her loss… How would she live? Would the pain ever truly end? How long would it be until she finally realized the truth behind the lies she has made?
She still hadn't called him back. It had been a week and still, no call. He should have known it would be a bad idea to call her. He should have known not to act the way he did at Denise's party, that he shouldn't have made the stupid bet in the first place. Why hadn't she called him back? It made sense that she was mad, but they had had fights before, never had she ignored him this long though. Maybe it was really the end as she said it was. If she wanted to move on to someone better, someone more suited for her than he was that was fine. Henry was tired of hurting her, tired of lying to her. She deserved to know the truth, and so that was what he'd tell her. Monday morning, Henry had decided he would tell Denise the full truth at the end of the day.
The day dragged by gradually, he hated the pace it was going. He wanted to get it over with. Denise had changed a-lot. Her hair was cut short and dyed black. She had on all new clothes. He noticed black as being her new favorite color as he locked his eyes on her black baggy pants, black skin-tight, long sleeved shirt, and her face, morbid looking with the amount of black makeup she had on. His eyes met with hers, and he then realized he was looking into an empty being. An empty shell left after the departure of a soul. Her face showed no expression, she was lifeless. Henry had barely noticed that he was gawking at Denise until she glared down at him coldly. Henry quickly turned his eyes toward the front of the room.
He watched after Denise more carefully for the rest of the day. Having the same schedule as Denise was good, until now. He walked a good distance away from her, being cautious as he followed her in their last class. He was the final one to come; the only seat left was in the back, next to Denise. He took a deep breath and hoped to god it wouldn't be too awkward. As he sat down, he could smell something he realized was tobacco. The scent was coming from Denise. That didn't make any sense. Why would Denise smoke? Why would she even hang out with people who smoke? Was Henry the one who caused this change?
Denise gave Henry an icy stare down then smiled grimly at him. She had something in her hand, under her sleeve. Light illuminated off what he recognized as a knife. She turned the blade back and forth as the light followed it's movement. She then raised her sleeve to expose a long scar tracing down her underarm. It took a second for him to notice it, but he could then see that there were many scars just like the bolder one. Henry felt a sick churning feeling in his stomach. What was going on? How could this be happening? Denise would never do this. How could she react like this just because of him? Henry looked away quickly, holding his hand securely on his stomach as if that would stop him from throwing up.
Henry spent the last thirty minutes in class with his head in his folded arms. When the bell rang, he reluctantly stood up and walked to Denise. She turned around and started to walk away, he was going to let her go, but thought better of it. His tongue felt heavy and thick, but he managed speak.
"Denise, I have to tell you the truth or I'll never be at peace," she continued walking as if he didn't even exist. He walked beside her, something he hadn't done for a long time. "Please, listen to me Denise this is important!" She stopped, and then a cruel mocking laugh bellowed through her throat.
"Okay Henry, amuse me" she turned around and lashed the power of her cold, hard eyes on him. He jumped slightly back but then began.
"First of all, I lied about not doing drugs or drinking alcohol anymore, I still had at the time." Denise snorted and rolled her eyes.
"As if I didn't figure that out at my house," her eyes grew impossibly chilly, and Henry felt a shiver travel down his spine.
"I'm sincerely sorry about that, I guess I had been using it as an escape…" Denise's face froze.
"An escape," she repeated under her breath.
"Yah, I was until recently when I discovered that it was pointless to waste my life being stoned," "I was tired of escaping, and I have you to thank for that" Henry unwillingly smiled at Denise.
"That's funny, because you're the one to thank for the fact that I do get stoned all the time," "you're the reason I'm constantly needing an escape" she threw at him in an icy tone. Henry gulped. So it was his fault. It was his fault not only for the fact she cut herself, but now because she got high, stoned, and by no doubt drunk all the time.
"Listen Denise, you can't do this because of me please stop," he begged.
"Henry, this started because of you, but I don't give a shit about anything anymore, now I'm just addicted and that's fine with me," she snapped bleakly. Henry shook his head back and forth, fighting against her stinging words. He needed to finish telling her what she needed to know before he broke.
"There's one other thing I have to tell you," he said softly under his breath.
"What is it now?" she asked sourly.
"Those guys and I had made this bet," "They bet me that I couldn't get you to go out with me and stay with me for a month," he said curtly. "Denise I had been using you, until I discovered…" he paused, a pain lashed out in his chest. "But it's too late now, you've moved on," he said regretfully. Denise stood frozen, her eyes searching for understanding, but finding none. For hours on end it seemed, they simply stood bodies facing one another, eyes on the ground. Then Denise was first to speak.
"You were using me," she smiled scornfully. Then she her laugh pierced the following silence. "And now you tell me…" she paused, her voice tainted with distaste. "You tell me that you loved me?" she looked in his eyes challengingly.
"No," he said plainly. She looked to him, unsurprised. "I love you Denise, Loved you then and still love you now," she stared at him in unhidden astonishment. Henry decided there was nothing else to be said. He turned around and started to walk away, then stopped to allow one more look at Denise, she still stood frozen, her expression unreadable. "Goodbye Denise," he said. He started to leave again.
"I'm with Bryant now," said Denise, all coolness had vanished. "Just in case you wanted to know" Henry stopped. Bryant? Bryant was one of Henry's old friends that he'd left because of Denise. She was with him? She really was over Henry. She had moved on, moved on to Bryant. He wanted to try and win her back right then, wanted to beg her for forgiveness. But he knew he didn't deserve it. And so, he continued walking. He would never interfere in her life again; never would he hurt her again. This time he was walking away for good.
Chapter 9: Isolated
Denise was alone. She had no true friends. The bonds she once thought were true were fake. Everyone had been using her. She discovered this after talking to Henry. He had come to her and told her the truth, the truth was he'd used her too. At least he'd told her the truth, at least he loved her. She knew he did because she loved him too. His words would not be taken for granted. He'd said that he'd discovered he was tired of escaping, and now she came to find that she was too.
Denise sat isolated under a bridge. She had run again, this time away from the addiction. She ran away from Alex's. She had run until there was nowhere else to run. There was no other place where she'd be accepted. She had thought about living with Danielle but knew that she would never keep a secret. Her parents must have been worried sick, she hadn't been home for a week and a half now. The lie that she was just spending the night at her friend's house had only lasted 'till the weekend. Her parents knew she had run away by now.
The darkness of the night enveloped her entirely, it was cold and it was late. She couldn't fall asleep and wanted so badly to go home. But she would never allow her parents to see her like this. She was suffering, suffering from the loss of Henry, the loss of her family, the loss of the drugs. Detoxing was not easy, it took everything she had to keep herself from walking into familiar downtown stores and buying weed off the black market. She had to stay strong, had to be drug free so her mind could clear, so she could find a solution. Isolation was the only way to do it.
Her thoughts turned to Henry, she wanted to hold him again, wanted to feel his radiating warmth on her skin. It disgusted her to think of Bryant, all she had been to him was a hot virgin girl. Thanks to him, neither was any longer true. She'd given her body to him after being high that last night, the night before she'd seen Henry for the last time. She wanted so badly to see him again, but knew it was impossible. She fantasized being with him again, as if nothing had ever come between them. She was back in his arms, he was back in her life. They were laughing, and then she fell asleep, a wide grin spread across her face.
The following morning it all returned. She was under the bridge again, alone, in need drugs. Her hands balled up into fists as she resisted the need, her teeth clenched, a thick sweat broke over her body. She screamed through her teeth as she clawed at the ground beneath her and tucked in a ball. She knew this process would continue for days, she just had to fight her needs. She had to convince herself that she didn't truly necessitate drugs.
After two hours had passed, Denise felt her stomach grumble. She needed food but had no money. Another few hours went by before she had reached starvation. She required food, and she would get it one way or the other. She was going to go to the store and steal what food she could get.
The closest store was an Albertsons two blocks away. She walked in the shadows, her black baggy pants dragged behind her. Denise had to stay calm or she wouldn't be able to sneak any food. But still her pulse quickened as she realized she was walking through the automated doors, she was already in the store. Her eyes flittered anxiously around the store to keep status of who was watching her. A little boy ran into her and made her jump, his innocent face curled up, then he cried and ran to his mom. His mother placed him in her cart then she instinctively looked up at Denise to scrutinize her. The mother's powerful gaze grew protective and fierce. But she dropped her suspicions and walked away.
Denise's heart was still pounding wildly and masochistically in her chest as she reached to swipe a family sized bag of Cheetos. The thrill of psychotically fumbling about a store, swiping food, and peering in all angles every three seconds was exhilarating for Denise. She began to fall in love with stealing. Her blood, racing under her skin, her ears thrumming, and the rush of adrenaline seemed to amount to the equivalent of what drugs had done for her. No longer did she feel the tugging sensation within her that told her she needed drugs. It had been replaced by another powerful urge.
On her shoplifting spree, Denise had snagged a bag of Cheetos, a box of Little Debbie snacks, a can of Dr. Pepper, and a container of cheddar cheese Pringles. She began with eating the Pringles, she devoured them hungrily. She took a thirst driven gulp of Dr. Pepper. She saved the Cheetos for later but stuffed Debbie's Zebra cake down her throat fervently.
That night she went on a walk to distract herself. It helped little, for nothing but drugs and family were what swarmed her thoughts. She had never missed her mothers warm hugs as much as this, or her fathers warm brown eyes. She longed to sit on his lap again like when she was little, and he would read to her right before she went to sleep. She remembered how one story was never enough, she always had urged him to read to her after he'd already reread the first story.
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